Ruby Slippers Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 He's obviously not remotely over her. One of them could have taken an actual friend (not an ex) on the trip. I also get the impression you're a little too into him and you might do something stupid because of it. No offense, just what I'm picking up. Be careful and smart. Personally, I don't see much point in going out of your way to leave a door open. If he's really interested in you, he'll be back once he's really to truly step up. But don't wait around for him or bend over backwards. Get on with your life. 1
Watercolors Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 He's obviously not remotely over her. One of them could have taken an actual friend (not an ex) on the trip. I also get the impression you're a little too into him and you might do something stupid because of it. No offense, just what I'm picking up. Be careful and smart. Personally, I don't see much point in going out of your way to leave a door open. If he's really interested in you, he'll be back once he's really to truly step up. But don't wait around for him or bend over backwards. Get on with your life. I agree with Ruby's entire post, especially the bolded part. In no way should you put your dating life on hold for this guy who is still hung up on his ex, just because you felt chemistry with him. I know it's been 5-6 years since you had these feelings for a guy camillalev, but this guy should be put into the box labeled "emotionally unavailable." Because that's what he is for the time being. He is not emotionally available to you right now, and he may never be. There are emotionally available guys out there for you yet to meet. If this guy was really into you, he'd pursue you without you having to ask him to. And by that I mean, remind him that you like him, that you're available for "platonic" dates, etc.,. The more cues you have to give a guy, the less likely he's truly interested in pursuing anything romantic with you. I'd close the door on this guy. He's not available to you in the way you deserve. Save your energy for a guy who is emotionally available. 1
Asayi Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 That’s a tricky situation.. I wouldn’t suggest you to block him: you only saw the guy 2 times and it’s not as if he owes you something... But leave him on the back-burner and keep on going on dates with other guys. You don’t have to resent him or hate him (actually, you don’t really have any reason to). Plus he seems like a great guy by the way he responded after you voiced your concern. He’s also asking you on real dates (no ‘netflix and chill’). Does he pay for the dates? I do agree that the ex situation isn’t something I’d do (even though I do really get along with my ex and that we sometimes go grab coffee to catch up. But we’re both single tho and I wouldn’t do that if I were to enter in a relationship since I know it can make the partner uncomfortable). So exes CAN get along and have a friendship, but of course it can be an unusual situation The idea of maybe sleeping with him is VERY bad. Don’t sleep with a man you want a commitment from. I’d say let him chase you and prove you that he wants something more than a rebound. Don’t initiate contact. Go on dates with other dudes and enjoy your single life! I do believe that those who are meant to be always find their way back to each other. So if he’s your person, you’ll know with time.
Author camillalev Posted September 8, 2019 Author Posted September 8, 2019 She isn't likely to be going away any time soon and he doesn't seem to get how that makes him look (ie. not over her) I personally don't date men who are that close to an ex, regardless of the circumstances. It's a boundary I set for myself, and a lot of grief saved. Yeah I've thought of that. I dated a guy who was extremely close best friends with his ex and she definitely was not going anywhere. I ended things with him when he invited me to her apt, where he was staying while he dog sat their dog :/ He's obviously not remotely over her. One of them could have taken an actual friend (not an ex) on the trip. I also get the impression you're a little too into him and you might do something stupid because of it. No offense, just what I'm picking up. Be careful and smart. Personally, I don't see much point in going out of your way to leave a door open. If he's really interested in you, he'll be back once he's really to truly step up. But don't wait around for him or bend over backwards. Get on with your life. Yes, that's what I thought when I found out and when he told that they "booked the tickets while they were still together". He could have taken someone else, since the trip was def one he planned since he's into traveling kind of frequently. Maybe he's still not over her? Maybe they're still too emotionally intimate despite not being physically intimate? I don't know. But I'm aware that part of him might be too emotionally preoccupied with their relationship for anyone else to make a difference to him I'm not going out of my way to leave the door open. He reached out to me, made most of the effort to keep the conversation going, then asked me to a show, when I voiced my concerns. Then he said he'd be open to going as friends, I never suggested that. I also turned down going even though I could have made it. After that he said he'd let me know if any other shows pop up, I wasnt the one to suggest meeting up again. I DO like him, but I dont see that I'm "bending over backwards" for him. I've also been on three dates since the last time I saw him. I agree with Ruby's entire post, especially the bolded part. In no way should you put your dating life on hold for this guy who is still hung up on his ex, just because you felt chemistry with him. I know it's been 5-6 years since you had these feelings for a guy camillalev, but this guy should be put into the box labeled "emotionally unavailable." Because that's what he is for the time being. He is not emotionally available to you right now, and he may never be. There are emotionally available guys out there for you yet to meet. If this guy was really into you, he'd pursue you without you having to ask him to. And by that I mean, remind him that you like him, that you're available for "platonic" dates, etc.,. The more cues you have to give a guy, the less likely he's truly interested in pursuing anything romantic with you. I'd close the door on this guy. He's not available to you in the way you deserve. Save your energy for a guy who is emotionally available. Him being emotionally unavailable is one of the main reasons why I put the brakes on seeing him again. Only 6 months out of a 3 year relationship, and since then they've been on two trip together, one of them just being the two of them. He might as well have a giant red flat sitting on top of his head. I haven't reminded him of anything, it's pretty much been all him suggesting these things. Unless he read me saying that I thought he was cool and enjoyed hanging out as an invite. I was trying to be nice after I voiced my concerns. Even if he did continue to reach out to me and pursue me and show interest, would it even be a good idea to eventually reciprocate? I don't know. I feel like guy needs way more time after his breakup, particularly since they are still friends. We are attracted to each other, it could just be that he wants to have sex. Which is another thing.. I took a two year haitus from dating so it's been a LONG time for me. He’s also asking you on real dates (no ‘netflix and chill’). Does he pay for the dates? I do agree that the ex situation isn’t something I’d do (even though I do really get along with my ex and that we sometimes go grab coffee to catch up. But we’re both single tho and I wouldn’t do that if I were to enter in a relationship since I know it can make the partner uncomfortable). So exes CAN get along and have a friendship, but of course it can be an unusual situation I’d say let him chase you and prove you that he wants something more than a rebound. Don’t initiate contact. Go on dates with other dudes and enjoy your single life! I do believe that those who are meant to be always find their way back to each other. So if he’s your person, you’ll know with time. He's paid for all of our dates, and I've been on three dates since I last saw him and am active on the apps. I'll also be gone for most of October on a trip that I'm very excited for so that will be good.
Watercolors Posted September 8, 2019 Posted September 8, 2019 Do I think it would be smart to accept his date invites? Nope. I agree with you that men need to slow down after a breakup and take steps to heal emotionally first before they date another woman. But, a lot of men seek rebounds with women and then claim those rebounds were their emotional recovery steps...but always at the expense of the poor woman involved with these men. It's smart that you have only 2 dates with this man, and have gone on dates with other men. He may be a decent man, but he's still emotionally enmeshed with his ex if he went on vacation with her. I wouldn't even bother if he reaches out to you again to ask you out. You need to stick with men who are free and clear of any emotional ties to their exes. Of course he could have arranged to have his ex-g/f take a girlfriend in his place, or vice versa for himself and a male friend on that trip they planned before their breakup. I don't know any couple who went on vacation together after a breakup where it was "platonic."
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