youngconfusedme Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 I see lot's of posts from the OW here but I don't see any from the OM who is dating a married woman, and are or are not invovled themselves. I find it interesting that men don't seem to care what they are doing to others,and they have no cares towards why their MW doesn't want them, like the women do, how do they do that, not care, am I wrong in this observation, thoughts opinions...
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 I think men are more concerned about the stigma of it, of looking like an emotional victim/fool at the mercy of a some other man's woman who holds all the cards - and simply would rather not open themselves up to people seeing that. It sounds bad, but women are more likely to be seen as a victim in this situation than a man is. Stereotypically speaking - women get 'sucked in by the predatory MM' while men are the 'fox in the henhouse sniffing around someone else's wife'. No man wants to be seen as a sneaky 'wife-f*cker' and then in turn as the 'emotional bitch of some other man's wife' - he would look considerably "less of a man", while a woman in the same situation is "typical emotional victim/woman". Note here, that these are gross stereotypes - but enough, I think to keep a man from posting up emotional vulnerability. I've only seen a couple of OM post here (one , and a few on another board I lurk on.
whichwayisup Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 I see lot's of posts from the OW here but I don't see any from the OM who is dating a married woman, and are or are not invovled themselves. I find it interesting that men don't seem to care what they are doing to others,and they have no cares towards why their MW doesn't want them, like the women do, how do they do that, not care, am I wrong in this observation, thoughts opinions... That's quite an assumption you're making. To assume that men don't care. I'm sure each one does, in their own way. Some have posted and I'm sure some just come to read and never post. There have been OM here before, just not as many as OW. On a good day, men don't tend to open up and share, go into details about very personal things. Just my 2 cents.
reservoirdog1 Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 It's because the vast majority of OMs are cowards. At least, they were in my case.
Author youngconfusedme Posted September 28, 2005 Author Posted September 28, 2005 I think you all are right, I came here b/c I needed to tell someone about what was happening, it is funny when you are the most obscure that you can be the most honest. So if these men are obscure why can't they be honest about what they are feeling. To help us women who are invovled with them. I am not a victum, I willingly took that step, I know my part in it, I had no willpower against my own internal hormones and desires. I see how easy it would be to blame him, but I opened the door and let him walk through it. I wish I could just crawl into peoples heads sometimes and see what they really think. Considering, my situation, I hate when people aren't honest about their feelings and opinions.
whichwayisup Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 Comes down to (some) men can't open up. Their communication skills suck and it's easier to take the easy way out. Keep their mouths shut, ignore the problem and eventually it will go away. It's not right and it's unfair...But people are who they are, no matter how much you may want somebody to open up and tell you what you want to hear, it probably won't ever happen. Sounds like you need some closure. Take charge and give yourself closure. Don't rely on him for that.
Arch_123 Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 I find it interesting that men don't seem to care what they are doing to others,and they have no cares towards why their MW doesn't want them, like the women do, how do they do that, not care, am I wrong in this observation, thoughts opinions... It's because the vast majority of OMs are cowards. With these kinds of statements being made here and on many other sections of this board re:OM's, why are you the least bit surprised that few post here? The few who have opened up seem to get ripped apart, often (IMO) from MW who have been cheated on. You want to get OM to post? Create an enviroment where they can feel 'safe' doing so. Just my 2 cents...
newbby Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 young confused me, I think lb makes a very good point, although being an "emotionally retarded, home wrecking slu+", i dont agree that the ow is seen as the victim either. However I do think that for a man, they would find it quite shameful to talk about, even anonymously, I rarely talk about it in real life and I am a woman. As for why they dont open up with their feelings, do you mean also your om to you personally? If so, he cant can he? I dont particuarly open up to my xmm either, nor have ever done much. What can he say? You are married, whatever feelings he has are pretty much irrelevant.
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