9089 Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 (edited) What’s happening to dating these days.. Met 2 girls this week. All from the online game. The first one expressed a high level of interest, had made plans about how well we would fit together yada yada, we met up, she expressed a high level of interest still, we made out, good conversations.. next day ghosted...? Met another one 5 days after, same thing, she gave me her number, had good conversations, she told me how glad she was to finally have met a decent guy after all those other jerks, we met up had a nice chat, bidy language all positive (actually bumped into her at the gym).. she texted me later that night and the next day.. she told me “I’m not interested” What happened to getting to know eachother first? Why do so many people these days judge already beforehand they know someone? Rejection is part of the game but it really boggs me how girls don’t want to put in effort, everything needs to be a 100% or else its game over.. or is it just me? Edited August 24, 2019 by 9089
boymommy Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 (edited) Thats normal for online dating, yes. I had a heck of time when after my divorce. I went on so many great dates only to be ghosted or told they werent interested. I didnt get it either! The longer I online dated however the more I realized its not AT ALL like meeting someone in real life. People have a harder time committing to one person because of so many options and choices. If they find one tiny thing wrong with you then its no big deal they can chose one of the other 10 people they are chatting with or just go online and find a totally new different partner. Its like shopping for a new car...lots of inventory so makes it harder to chose just one. Even after you get into a relationship its like that. I met my boyfriend of 2 years online and we both are very loyal but still we know that we could go stop trying to make our relationship work and go online and find other partners. Are we going to? No. But its the reality that we COULD that sometimes is tough. You almost just have to feel like the person you are dating IS your only option and there is no “online inventory” available. My advice is look for something about being loyal in their profile! Edited August 24, 2019 by boymommy 1
spiritedaway2003 Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 What happened to getting to know eachother first? Why do so many people these days judge already beforehand they know someone? Rejection is part of the game but it really boggs me how girls don’t want to put in effort, everything needs to be a 100% or else its game over.. or is it just me? I've not been on OLD, but generally speaking: I think this is usually because once you meet someone, you have a sense of whether there is physical attraction and perceived compatibility from the conversation. It's usually enough to figure out if you want the next date. There are only so many options: 1) Not interested. 2) Need more time to decide to see if there's something more there. 3) Interested. At least 2nd person was decent enough to let you know that she's not interested. If a girl you have zero interest pursues you, you wouldn't continue if there isn't anything there. It's the same thing. Keep at it; nobody says that finding the right person is easy. Good luck. 2
scooby-philly Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 I totally with both posters. I especially agree with the sentiment of the idea that people can go and find alternatives so easy. Relationships of any kind, of any length need to be "worked on" and have energy given to them. I fear for so many people these days because they're either waiting for mr./ms. perfect, they don't know how to compromise, and/or they don't know that a relationship is partly about going through the struggle of life together. I'm constantly amazed at how many 30/40 even 50 somethings who have no soul, no sense of real deep bonding, nothing in their lives but their social calendar to occupy their hidden sense of isolation. But back to the OP - dude - yeah - it's totally real and it's totally the norm now. Of course, don't let their behavior influence yours - don't ghost others, and don't change your ways. But keep in mind that it will happen because we don't have any mechanisms in place to nullify such behavior trends.
DaddyDom Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 Be honest man. If you had a girl texting you and wanting to escalate things you didn't feel an attraction to/chemistry with, would you want to keep "getting to know her"? You either feel an initial attraction/chemistry or you don't. These girls obviously didn't. 2
basil67 Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 What happened to getting to know eachother first? Why do so many people these days judge already beforehand they know someone? Getting to know each other first was never a thing. At least, it wasn't a thing back in the '80's when I was dating, and in reading my gran's diary, it wasn't a thing in the '30's either. You met someone and if you really clicked you kept dating. If you didn't click, then you moved on. 3
alphamale Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 .. or is it just me? it's not you...it's society and OLD (and the internet in general) 1
spiderowl Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 The thing about first dates is that you can get on well with someone, have a laugh, enjoy their company, but not feel great chemistry or attraction. Later on, when you have had time to reflect, you realise they are not for you. There is nothing malicious or misleading in the above. At the time, you did enjoy meeting them, seemed to get on well, etc., it's just that you do not feel they are going to be 'the one'. It is hard for the person who felt there could be a match because they feel blindsided by the date having gone 'well'. It is best to assume that the first meeting is a meeting between two people who have got on well but that it may not turn out to be more than that. That way, you will not feel so shocked when they do not feel the same. Just enjoy the date and keep in touch afterwards. If their contact fizzles out, you know where you stand. Sorry the dates didn't work out. 2
Mrin Posted August 25, 2019 Posted August 25, 2019 Question for the OP: with either of these women did you pressure them for sex? Or end the date by not escorting them to their cars/mode of transport? Or escalate sex chatter afterwards? I'm just throwing out the possibility that you did something at the end that turned them off
Wanderlust2018 Posted August 25, 2019 Posted August 25, 2019 We live in a “fast food” and “disposable” consumer society. Car isn’t new...replace it...cell phone is a few years or generations old, can’t have that! TV isn’t the lates, clearest or biggest...get a new one. There’s some really good studies and actual researched and published scholarly articles on this. Just Google something like “dating in a disposable society” or something similar and you’ll find tons of good reading. For a light hearted take, but still some good and interesting info, read the book Modern Romance. Most of what you’ll find and read talks about this very thing; people are generally looking for the next best or better thing, and OLD makes that very easy to (try) to do. 1
Ami1uwant Posted August 25, 2019 Posted August 25, 2019 Coming from someone who has almost 25 yrs of experience meeting people from online.... Don’t try to judge by the first date. This is a first meet. Keep the first date simp,e anddhort and talk. If everything seems good. Have a second date then go from there. I think women are the drivers in this because they have guys coming to thrm. So tend to look for green grass. I think part of the problem are many even are maximizes who want fantasy land dream guy that doesn’t exist. Many of these failures likely would have been successful if these folks met in real life and dated without the isdue of other options out there.
Gretchen12 Posted August 25, 2019 Posted August 25, 2019 You feel you weren't given a chance. But on the other hand, she didn't string you along for several weeks and waste your time. It's not the easiest decision. We read posts from women saying yes the guy is nice and all, but "meh" and she wonders if she should let it drag out longer. You can only trust that she made the right choice letting you go sooner rather than later. You also don't want to invest and then feel like she played you.
Author 9089 Posted August 25, 2019 Author Posted August 25, 2019 Question for the OP: with either of these women did you pressure them for sex? Or end the date by not escorting them to their cars/mode of transport? Or escalate sex chatter afterwards? I'm just throwing out the possibility that you did something at the end that turned them off No I didn’t, never talk about that on a first date, unless they bring it up but stay away from that. First one we kissed because she really wanted so, the second one after meeting up in the gym completely vanished..
Wanderlust2018 Posted August 25, 2019 Posted August 25, 2019 No I didn’t, never talk about that on a first date, unless they bring it up but stay away from that. First one we kissed because she really wanted so, the second one after meeting up in the gym completely vanished.. Just a thought, seeing you at the same gym may have hit a bit too close to home for her. I know this seems a bit ridiculous, but it’s plausible. Had you seen her at the same gym or recognized her from being there in the past once you met her? How did it not come up in conversation on the date that you both (seemingly) like working out and go to the same gym? Unless she flat out thought you were stalking her. By the way, would have been a great line from you to her when you saw her at the gym...”hey, are you stalking me or what...?!? As you smile of course so she’d know you weren’t being serious. One other explanation, she’s either loosely involved with someone who goes to that same gym or is involved with someone there. If so, seeing you there could mean putting that in jeopardy.
Author 9089 Posted August 25, 2019 Author Posted August 25, 2019 Just a thought, seeing you at the same gym may have hit a bit too close to home for her. I know this seems a bit ridiculous, but it’s plausible. Had you seen her at the same gym or recognized her from being there in the past once you met her? How did it not come up in conversation on the date that you both (seemingly) like working out and go to the same gym? Unless she flat out thought you were stalking her. By the way, would have been a great line from you to her when you saw her at the gym...”hey, are you stalking me or what...?!? As you smile of course so she’d know you weren’t being serious. One other explanation, she’s either loosely involved with someone who goes to that same gym or is involved with someone there. If so, seeing you there could mean putting that in jeopardy. No she knew we both worked out at the same gym because we spoke about that on the video call, after actually meeting up there.. it was kinda awkward. She almost walked right beside me when I was working out. I was kinda shocked to see her, she could use a few workouts, but after our chat she vanished. Guess I made a bad first impression..
Lotsgoingon Posted August 25, 2019 Posted August 25, 2019 No she knew we both worked out at the same gym because we spoke about that on the video call, after actually meeting up there.. it was kinda awkward. She almost walked right beside me when I was working out. I was kinda shocked to see her, she could use a few workouts, but after our chat she vanished. Guess I made a bad first impression.. Don't assume you made a bad impression. You don't know ... She could have found a guy she is hoping to commit to ... she could have social anxiety ... she could want a guy with X quality or Y quality that you don't have ... Most likely she is "correcting" for a previous experience ... where her gut said "not really interested" but the guy was a good guy and she talked herself into going further and ended up dating him unhappily for two years. So relax ... you don't have to take this personally. Ask out the next person ... And ... here's a nice little exercise: ... can you go back in your time with the woman who is not interested ... during your talks ... or texts ... anything there that looking back ... you could see was a sign of disinterest? In a world where people, as you say, are judging people quickly. You want to get good at noticing those people who judge people quickly. You with me?
Watercolors Posted August 25, 2019 Posted August 25, 2019 The poster Wanderlust brings up a great point, about how online dating has shifted the way people interact with each other now that we use online technology for everything. We live in a “fast food” and “disposable” consumer society. Car isn’t new...replace it...cell phone is a few years or generations old, can’t have that! TV isn’t the lates, clearest or biggest...get a new one. Online Dating has turned people into disposable moving parts with swiping left or right as the end-all-be-all of meeting "the one." No social cues to go from, when you leave your dating life up to an online dating platform; just profile photos and the narratives people spin to make themselves shine brighter than the other profiles they're competing with for attention.
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