mark1210 Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 Hi There! Well this weekend marks 3 weeks that I have been dating this person. She has decided to make plans this weekend to goto the Zoo and bring her child. This will be the first time I have met her child so I am a bit concerned. The child is a girl, 2 years old. I have dated single mothers before, but their children were usually a bit older. The mom herself is 21 and I am 25. My friends suggest I just let her come to me and don't approach her. Another friend suggested I buy her a small toy and give it to her and play a bit. I have no idea what to do, but I can imagine my every move will be watched very carefully by her mom. The mom has mentioned several times that people she has dated before don't seem to show her daughter the same respect they show her and that it's a package deal. Does 3 weeks even seem too fast to be introduced to the child? Thanks!
Teag Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 As a mother of a 2 year old myself........If I was a single mom I would introduce the child the first day or not long after. The person will have to accept my child in the very beginning or I wouldn't look back. At 2 years old she will probably be very shy towards you. Bring her a small toy to let her know your a good guy. Get down on her level when you introduce yourself and give her the toy(if you get her one) that way you don't seem so intmidating. Play with her, don't bombard her but as the day goes on she'll most likely start warming up to you, just try not to make it akward and you'll do fine.
portableversion Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 YOur aren't a pedophile are you? You'd be amazed how much i see this in my line of work. If a child is molested, usually the police and prosecutors need not look much further than the father, stepfather, boyfriend, or some other male mom is f***kkkking. But back to your query: if you haven't been around kids much in your life, you may feel awkward being around the 2 year old. IMO, Mom really should't be dating with such a young child to look after.
housebaby Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 I have an 8 year old daughter, and am a single mother. 1) It's almost better that she's only 2, because she may not make the "your trying to take mommy away" connection that an older child might make 2) Personally, I think 3 weeks bit early (I would wait, but to each his own) 3) Bringing the toy is a great idea! She's young, so ask the mother what the girl plays with - make sure you do get what she likes otherwise it'll be pointless 4) DO NOT hug or kiss the mother in front of the child (at this point) 5) Be a friend, and spend equal time with each person (mom, girl) It sounds like you really care to do the right thing - and it should be fine. Try to keep the sincerity when you go to the zoo...but not over-the-top either...you care about this woman, and show her that you respect her/her daughter/her life. You sound like you are on the right track! Good luck!
NTB Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 3 weeks is early i think but i don't have kids so who knows just be yourself and it will be ok
lost_in_chgo Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 She's not taking the kid's best interest into account and probably doesn't understand why it's a bad idea to be rotating men thru her child's life. She shouldn't be bringing you around the kid until she's sure she's interested in a long term arrangement. The kid doesn't need to be involved in her casual dates. But she is definitely evaluating you and it's important to her that the kid likes you and more importantly that you act properly around the kid. Just act normal and dont try to manipulate everything. She shouldn't be trying to integrate you into her family life until 6 months or so. By which I mean, living together, staying over, etc. If she's rushing things like that you need to talk it over, because it's her neediness taking over her better sense (if she has any). Women with children can be fiercely independent or incredibly desperate, both of which tend to overrule their sense of what is right for their children.
Tankgirl Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 Two year olds are great! You should have fun. Personally as a single mom I do not introduce dates to my daughter untill I know it is serious. But as you already have this date set it is a moot point. But if you dont intend to make this a relationship I would say back out of the date with child situation. Two year olds are (as someone mentioned) in many ways easier than older children. There will be much less stress. Leave your self open. Dont feel rejected if she is too shy. Just remain happy, if you bring her a small toy. Which is a good idea. Offer it with no strings. Just a peace offering. Chances are you wont have any trouble A few months back I met a dates three year old daughter. Brought her a My Little Pony, by the end of the day she was in holding my hand wherever we went. Best of luck
housebaby Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 She's not taking the kid's best interest into account and probably doesn't understand why it's a bad idea to be rotating men thru her child's life. She shouldn't be bringing you around the kid until she's sure she's interested in a long term arrangement. The kid doesn't need to be involved in her casual dates. Women with children can be fiercely independent or incredibly desperate, both of which tend to overrule their sense of what is right for their children. These statements are very true. One thing to be avoided is to try to find a "replacement" lover/father. The child will resent it! And if you are constantly bringing in different men into the picture...imagine what the child is going to think about relationships!! What kind of person will this make her? She should at least introduce the man as a "friend" until things get very serious - no need to create complexes in a young mind. As for myself - My daughter and I are fiercely independant. She has only met one person who was introduced as a "boyfriend"...it didn't sit well since she was 6, and thought his presence meant that she got less 'mommy'...it took a long time for her to warm up to him...and it seemed like when things were good for her/him - they got worse for us! He just wasn't the kind of person I should have been with (no drive/goals/motivation...lived off of me for a year!) So, it ended. It was a whole new adjustment for her. LESSON LEARNED! There is no real need to introduce the men in your life to a child as your "lover/boyfriend" unless there is an engagement and marriage plans. Personally, I will keep my dating life seperate from my domestic life.
Merin Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 Well I'm a single Mom of 2 Little People.. mine are 8 and 5.. I never introduced my Kid's to Guys I was dating casually for many of the reasons LIC mentioned. Kid's do get attached to people and have thier likes/dislikes of people.. I NEVER wanted my Wee Peeps to get attached to someone I wasn't sure was going to be a serious, long term relationship. My BF also has 2 Kid's.. his are 10 and 3.. and again.. not only do Children get attached to Single Mom's/Dad's SO's but the BF/GF can also get attached to your Kids.. I'm crazy about my BF's Kids and would be very upset if I couldn't see them anymore... With that said... I won't say that 3 weeks is too soon for her to introduce you to her daughter.. I would hope that the 2 of you have made this an exclusive relationship? AND I would hope as well that your GF isn't pushing the idea to her Daughter that you're somehow going to be her new Dad or anything of the sort, but rather will keep things light in telling her lil girl that you are her Friend.. (The kiddo is 2... so IMO no need for big long drawn out explanations) Be friendly to her Daughter, the way you would if this was one of your friends kiddo's.. ask her what her favourite animals are.. things of that nature.. obviously don't be mackin on her Mom when you're all hangin out.. let her Mom lead a lot of whats going for the day.. and if you'd like to get her a gift (her daughter) I would suggest getting her something at the zoo, after you've discovered what she likes or has an interest in. Good Luck
dcsmom97 Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 IMO 3 weeks is a little early to be meeting someone's child. It seems to me that you guys should still be working on getting to know one another and whether or not it's going to work out for the two of you before you make it the three of you. It doesn't matter that the date is already set. You can express your concerns to the mom, assuring her that you DO understand that she and her little one are a package. Personally, I would think highly of a man who was honest with me and wanted to get to know ME first before involving my children. Again, this is just my opinion.
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