OLD is getting old

[Sam2020]

So I signed up on Match a couple of months ago. I've gotten a lot of responses but quite honestly, there are barely any guys who I am remotely interested in even responding to.

 

So guy #1 was awful. He was 15 minutes late but at least he message me that he'd be late. I waited in a private area outside the restaurant thinking that he would come and get me, but nope! He went straight inside and message me that he was inside at the bar. Not a gentleman at all. I was so uncomfortable and the convo was strained at best.

 

Guy #2 was a bit OTT with all the compliments very early on, even before we met. Went out twice and although he was such a gentleman and super nice, no spark for me.

 

Guy #3, we tried to set a date but there was conflicting schedules and he said lets try next week. Since I didn't hear from him for a week, I thought I misunderstood his message so I asked if he was still interested and if not, good luck in finding what he was looking for. He messaged me back that he was indeed still interested so I gave him a couple of options and he proceeded to ghost me. I don't understand that mentality. Why say that you're interested if you changed your mind? That's why I gave him an easy out where he could have simply stated that he was no longer interested. I find that rather immature and rude.

 

Guy #4, totally not my type physically, in fact he was someone I actually "skipped". We messaged for a few days...I was about to say I didn't want a penpal then he messages to ask for my phone number. I never give out my phone number to strangers as I got burned once for doing so. So I said I was not comfortable in giving out my number. He ghosted me, lol!

 

And why do guys "like" you but don't send a message?

 

In any case, I have to admit, the guys this time around has really been fairly pathetic. I was online over a year ago and had MUCH better prospects.

 

 

Any a friend of mine said he has tried pretty much all of them (Our Time, e-Harmony, PoF, etc.) and he's noticed that most of the members have been on the other sites.

 

I'm disappointed and perplexed. Is it like that everywhere?

[DaddyDom]

This thread is a perfect example of what I've been saying. Most guys that use OLD suck with women. Either they latch on too tight before even meeting, they're socially awkward in person, or they act sex starved.

 

This is honestly why I feel fully confident having great initial contact, an awesome phone call making plans, and then not talking to her again until the actual date. Most of the guys online only make me look better.

 

As a man I had to resort to OLD because I have a very specific type. Unfortunately when you approach IRL it is not like women wear signs with cliff notes. LOL I'm old school, a gentleman, and am very attracted to feminine/submissive women. Living in CA, I meet many overly liberal extremely independent women. Multiple women have actually gotten offended when I opened their door, pulled out their chair, walked by the curb, etc..

 

**Also in my mind if a woman wants to either pay or split the bill, she is communicating she isn't interested right? Yet so many have texted me asking when we'd have another date. I say "You insisted on paying/sharing so why would I think you were interested?" "I'm just used to always paying." Makes me sick as a man for my gender.

[Sam2020]

This thread is a perfect example of what I've been saying. Most guys that use OLD suck with women. Either they latch on too tight before even meeting, they're socially awkward in person, or they act sex starved.

 

This is honestly why I feel fully confident having great initial contact, an awesome phone call making plans, and then not talking to her again until the actual date. Most of the guys online only make me look better.

 

As a man I had to resort to OLD because I have a very specific type. Unfortunately when you approach IRL it is not like women wear signs with cliff notes. LOL I'm old school, a gentleman, and am very attracted to feminine/submissive women. Living in CA, I meet many overly liberal extremely independent women. Multiple women have actually gotten offended when I opened their door, pulled out their chair, walked by the curb, etc..

 

**Also in my mind if a woman wants to either pay or split the bill, she is communicating she isn't interested right? Yet so many have texted me asking when we'd have another date. I say "You insisted on paying/sharing so why would I think you were interested?" "I'm just used to always paying." Makes me sick as a man for my gender.

 

Yes I'm old school as well. Unfortunately meeting my specific type irl is pretty limited at my age, lol.

[DaddyDom]

Yes I'm old school as well. Unfortunately meeting my specific type irl is pretty limited at my age, lol.

 

Meaning you're younger with an old soul and guys your age are too "milenial" or you feel like you're getting too old to date? :

 

I'm a personal trainer that is very fit/vital, high sex drive, etc.. So on one hand I fit better with younger women. But I'm also established in my life and want stability/consistency. The problem with 20 something's is many are still finding themselves and don't know what they want.

Edited August 24, 2019 by DaddyDom

[Wanderlust2018]

I think it’s definitely the same for men in the OLD world. I’m fit, attractive, very successful, have my $h!t together and don’t have an issue setting dates. I’ve and met plenty of nice ladies, but finding the “spark” as you mentioned, is another matter.

 

For what its worth, I’ve also met women organically, and have had some

terrible experiences. One I’d known personally for nearly 12 years, no indication of any issues, until we started dating and that’s when they reared their head. Another, was a set up through friends, until I realized she was an alcoholic and in my opinion, bipolar among other things. Those same friends don’t even speak with her anymore, and had no idea she was that way. Last one, I met while having lunch alone, as she was alone as well. Introduced myself, started dating, and she turned out to be one of the most manipulative people I’ve ever met in my life! My point is, based on experience, I personally don’t think meeting someone in the traditional sense, or organically, will necessarily be any better or guarantee success.

 

I know in my case, my career is pretty demanding and my plate is also full with hobbies, so I see OLD as a more efficient way to meet people and it’s really just a numbers game. I’ve gotten frustrated with it at times, but I tend to be an eternal optimist, and just keep working at it.

[Sam2020]

I suppose I limit my options because I prefer another race over my own, yet there's huge supply of my own race on OLD so I half the messages are from them. My gf's have no problems getting dates because they are okay dating within our race. I actually went on a date with a guy who is my own race, but it was only because he look great on paper and my intention was to possibly fix him up with one of my gf's.

[basil67]

Did you tell guy #1 that you were waiting in the quiet area?

 

Guy #2 - gentleman and really nice. It's not OLD fault that you didn't connect with him

 

Guy #3 - don't give someone an easy out because it gives away your power. Stick with someone while it suits or move on if it doesn suit you.

 

Guy #4 - you don't want to be a penpal but you don't give your phone number to strangers. So you'd be cool with meeting him in person... but won't give him your number. WTH? He's done absolutely nothing wrong.

[Ami1uwant]

So I signed up on Match a couple of months ago. I've gotten a lot of responses but quite honestly, there are barely any guys who I am remotely interested in even responding to.

 

So guy #1 was awful. He was 15 minutes late but at least he message me that he'd be late. I waited in a private area outside the restaurant thinking that he would come and get me, but nope! He went straight inside and message me that he was inside at the bar. Not a gentleman at all. I was so uncomfortable and the convo was strained at best.

 

Guy #2 was a bit OTT with all the compliments very early on, even before we met. Went out twice and although he was such a gentleman and super nice, no spark for me.

 

Guy #3, we tried to set a date but there was conflicting schedules and he said lets try next week. Since I didn't hear from him for a week, I thought I misunderstood his message so I asked if he was still interested and if not, good luck in finding what he was looking for. He messaged me back that he was indeed still interested so I gave him a couple of options and he proceeded to ghost me. I don't understand that mentality. Why say that you're interested if you changed your mind? That's why I gave him an easy out where he could have simply stated that he was no longer interested. I find that rather immature and rude.

 

Guy #4, totally not my type physically, in fact he was someone I actually "skipped". We messaged for a few days...I was about to say I didn't want a penpal then he messages to ask for my phone number. I never give out my phone number to strangers as I got burned once for doing so. So I said I was not comfortable in giving out my number. He ghosted me, lol!

 

And why do guys "like" you but don't send a message?

 

In any case, I have to admit, the guys this time around has really been fairly pathetic. I was online over a year ago and had MUCH better prospects.

 

 

Any a friend of mine said he has tried pretty much all of them (Our Time, e-Harmony, PoF, etc.) and he's noticed that most of the members have been on the other sites.

 

I'm disappointed and perplexed. Is it like that everywhere?

 

Someone with nearly 25 years of meeting people from online......

 

Yes ...the same people looking are on all the different dating sites. Some route where they do 3 months on one thrn 3 on the other and so on. Many of the sites have dead profile of meow,e who had been on the site previously.

 

What one poster on here is incorrect on stereotyping men on dating sites....unsure how old he is but it’s far easier to meet peop,e to date in your early to mid 20s. After thrn it’s really hard. Peop,e are busy with their careers and family if the had kids. Dating is secondary. There are some guys who can approach women in a store and get a woman’s real number. Those aren’t common. A friend of mine had that. But he was the only one out of a dozen friends.

 

For me in college I had an easier time meeting people. My relationships came out of slow builds where you meet someone and talk. Thrn meet thrm again 1-2 weeks later..and after a few of these a date happens. I never had luck with random meetings at bars. The only time I had luck was if something started a conversation.

 

I like OLD because it helps in not having to try and guess her age or if she was single.

 

In traditional meeting people you knew about this person prior to meeting them like in high school. Or if you met randomly then set up a date. I’ve seen folks have overly high expectations on a 1st date then ditch them. Had they met old school they may have lasted a few dates or longer.

 

 

Unlike 10 yrs ago OLD has brought in more hookup servers or people only looking for some unrealistic fantasy date.

[Normm]

So guy #1 was awful. He was 15 minutes late but at least he message me that he'd be late. I waited in a private area outside the restaurant..He went straight inside and message me that he was inside at the bar. Not a gentleman at all. I was so uncomfortable and the convo was strained at best.

 

 

He was running a few minutes late and let you know. So what? How was he supposed to know you were outside the restaurant? You think he knew and simply blew right by you to go inside to the bar? Doubt it. So you get an attitude going for questionable reason and the date is dead before it even begins.

 

 

Guy #2 was a bit OTT with all the compliments very early on, even before we met. Went out twice and although he was such a gentleman and super nice, no spark for me.

 

 

Supernice complimentary guy, a gentleman but you decide you don't like him.

 

 

 

he proceeded to ghost me. I don't understand that mentality. Why say that you're interested if you changed your mind?

 

 

Most likely scenario is he was dating other women at the time and found one to settle down with. Remember you're not the only woman out there. You might find it "immature and rude" but to him you're nothing more than a username on a dating site that he exchanged a few messages with. He owes you nothing. You sound rather oversensitive and not just because of this example but the first 2 as well.

 

 

he messages to ask for my phone number. I never give out my phone number to strangers as I got burned once for doing so. So I said I was not comfortable in giving out my number. He ghosted me, lol!

 

 

I would have ghosted you to. Online dating is not about sending messages back and forth for all eternity. Ideally it's a couple of messages and then if there's potential you take it to the phone and have a chat and then arrange a first date so there's no wasting each other's time if there's no click. Instead, you inexplicably deny his request for your phone number- why? You think he's going to stalk you and hunt you down from your phone number? How do you ever expect to meet a guy if you won't give him your number and if you're that scared, then use a proxy phone number such as "Google Voice" which is a totally anonymous way to disguise your real phone number.

 

 

In any case, I have to admit, the guys this time around has really been fairly pathetic.

 

 

From what I read about your approach to online dating, it's not the guys.

[frus69]

I dont particularly find anything wrong with any of these men. I think you are the one who has a problem

[Normm]

The post above mine is the TLDR version of my longwinded post above it.

[Sam2020]

Did you tell guy #1 that you were waiting in the quiet area?

 

Guy #2 - gentleman and really nice. It's not OLD fault that you didn't connect with him

 

Guy #3 - don't give someone an easy out because it gives away your power. Stick with someone while it suits or move on if it doesn suit you.

 

Guy #4 - you don't want to be a penpal but you don't give your phone number to strangers. So you'd be cool with meeting him in person... but won't give him your number. WTH? He's done absolutely nothing wrong.

 

#1 Yes I told him exactly where I'd be waiting.

 

#2 - I never said it was OLD's fault, lol. I'm just stating because it was unfortunate.

 

#3 - Meh, I feel pretty damned powerful.

 

#4 - Yep. A phone number is extremely personal to ME. People can get a lot of information from a phone number, address, birthdate, relatives, etc. Not to mention that I've already had a bad experience with giving it out to a stranger whom I had never met. Lesson learned. One on one is the way to go for ME.

 

I'm very smart about choosing meeting places and generally have a keen sense about people.

Edited August 26, 2019 by Sam2020

[Sam2020]

He was running a few minutes late and let you know. So what? How was he supposed to know you were outside the restaurant? You think he knew and simply blew right by you to go inside to the bar? Doubt it. So you get an attitude going for questionable reason and the date is dead before it even begins.

 

 

Uh...as I clearly stated, I messaged him so there would be no misunderstanding. No attitude from me. There were many other signed which I cannot possibly get into here.

 

Supernice complimentary guy, a gentleman but you decide you don't like him.

 

 

No, I decided that I really liked him...as a friend. Unfortunately neither of us were looking to find another friend.

 

 

Most likely scenario is he was dating other women at the time and found one to settle down with. Remember you're not the only woman out there. You might find it "immature and rude" but to him you're nothing more than a username on a dating site that he exchanged a few messages with. He owes you nothing. You sound rather oversensitive and not just because of this example but the first 2 as well.

 

 

Nope, I never forget that a person could have found someone. I did wish him well. I find it immature that he would say he's interested then simply ghost. No one said anything about owning anyone anything, but I do appreciate an honest upfront person if I happen to ask for it. But you do you.

 

I would have ghosted you to. Online dating is not about sending messages back and forth for all eternity. Ideally it's a couple of messages and then if there's potential you take it to the phone and have a chat and then arrange a first date so there's no wasting each other's time if there's no click. Instead, you inexplicably deny his request for your phone number- why? You think he's going to stalk you and hunt you down from your phone number? How do you ever expect to meet a guy if you won't give him your number and if you're that scared, then use a proxy phone number such as "Google Voice" which is a totally anonymous way to disguise your real phone number.

 

 

As stated earlier, I will NEVER give my phone number to some stranger whom I've never met. No need for another bad experience.

 

From what I read about your approach to online dating, it's not the guys.

 

I didn't say it was the guys. My exact words "I've gotten a lot of responses but quite honestly, there are barely any guys who I am remotely interested in even responding to. "

 

Also "In any case, I have to admit, the guys this time around has really been fairly pathetic. I was online over a year ago and had MUCH better prospects."

This is me comparing my experience from over a year ago. I know what I want and simply stating that the pickings are slim, thus pathetic.

Edited August 26, 2019 by Sam2020

[Sam2020]

I'm not here for the drama or to offend/upset.

 

I'm just wondering if anyone else has noticed OLD being different from over a year ago because I dated some wonderful guys back then. Unfortunately no spark with any of them. I'm wondering if perhaps less people are OLD right now because I'm overwhelmed with all the messages and yet almost no one who is of my preference OR at least half of those who "like" me have no photo and a minimal profile. This leads me to think that there are more non-paying lurkers or something like that.

 

 

I'm sure most can at least agree that we all have preferences. As mentioned, I'm not online to attain friends, I'm trying to find someone with whom I have a mutual spark in order to move forward. I'm feeling like over 50 crowd is getting more difficult online. It's a bit frustrating to be online for almost two months and having initial interest in just a handful of guys. Yes I am picky, but I see nothing wrong with wanting what I want. My list is very short but there HAS to be a spark.

 

Peace;)

[chillii]

What are you talking about , only two mths m and then your picky, so what you expect to just go on there for a few days and find the love of your life, l truly wouldn't believe that if l didn't read it ?

Ummm, try a year , 2 , 5, with a lot of praying.

Sit back bide your time, if your truly serious which l'd find very hard to believe expecting action in only a few mths with your age and wisdom you should know way better than that by now, or are you just looking for some fun. But anyway If serious be very very selective and very very patient, and you just never know.

Maybe, in 6mths or a yr or 5, if your really really lucky and have a good eye and senses, who knows.

 

 

ps, l'm 50s.

[GoldSparkz]

You're experiencing what every man and woman goes through when they date. It's called 'dating'.

You meet different people, some you like, most you don't like. Eventually if you stick it out, you'll find someone.

I found the key is to find someone who likes you as much (if not more) than you like them.

[smackie9]

Dating has always sucked and will always has it's challenges at any age. I suggest this to everyone....get involved in something or different things where you meet a good mix of people and it social. Going out with friends, doing fun and things outside your comfort zone/being active will increase your chances of meeting someone you really match with.

[Sam2020]

Dating has always sucked and will always has it's challenges at any age. I suggest this to everyone....get involved in something or different things where you meet a good mix of people and it social. Going out with friends, doing fun and things outside your comfort zone/being active will increase your chances of meeting someone you really match with.

 

I totally agree here. I've been doing tons of things outside my comfort zone for a couple of years and while I totally enjoy everything I've tried so far, no luck in meeting anyone. I'm becoming more involved with volunteering and other extracurricular activities. Unfortunately there are a lot of us over 50's here who have been looking...for years.

[chillii]

Tbh , after my marriage and seeing what was out there, l thought l was doomed for sure, late 40s then, what happened to women in 25yrs since the last time l was single, it was scary.

But in time l realized there were still a few special ones , l'm very fussy but in time one or two in someone l would actually go for started to appear just here and there, but you really had to hone in believe me.

Try to be patient , he'll be out there , and worth waiting for .

[Logo]

OP,

 

I'm a man, and what you described has been exactly my experience with OLD. It's not gender specific. The ghosting and other odd behaviors, including flakiness and just outright weird stuff has been my experience to a T.

 

 

I have, at the moment, some 26 matches. I started conversations with 20 of them. The conversation starts, we exchange a few sentences and then they stop messaging back. I haven't said anything outrageous or boring or unbecoming to them. I mean, how can you say anything remotely controversial when you're 2 or 3 sentences into a conversation? Sometimes I try wit or humor and then we're off to a good start, but a few sentence later it comes to a halt.

 

Then they disappear. Sometimes, if I'm really interested I might reach out again to one of the matches, but if I still don't get a response within a couple of days I delete them.

 

Out of the 20, I've had a constant and stable back and forth exchange with 4 or 5 at most. The rest are just sitting there, taking up space on the page. If I don't hear back in a few days, I'll delete them, and the cycle continues. Of the 5 I'm chatting with right now, only 2 have given me their numbers and wanted to text or talk.

 

I don't know if any date will come of it.

 

It also depends on the website. I found women on Bumble to be more reliable. But after I met them, it didn't go past date 1. They were just not interesting, no chemistry. I was selective and the most I got was one date a month. Plenty of Fish is a waste of time.

 

The best I've gotten out of these potential matches in the past was with two women with whom I've gone on 3 to 4 dates until the red flags started going up and that's two women over a period of one year.

 

So the odds of finding someone online for a long term relationship are pretty slim and you're left jaded and exhausted. I regret ever starting OLD. It was a lot more fun to try one person at a time in real life and if it didn't work out then I moved on to looking for someone else.

 

As a last resort I've tried the friends with benefits route on OLD, no one I was remotely interested in.

[Logo]

Dating has always sucked and will always has it's challenges at any age. I suggest this to everyone....get involved in something or different things where you meet a good mix of people and it social. Going out with friends, doing fun and things outside your comfort zone/being active will increase your chances of meeting someone you really match with.

 

 

I think it's a lot easier in your early 20s. The pool of potential mates is astronomical compared to later in life. The longer one waits, the smaller the dating pool.

 

 

 

I wish I got married when I was 25. But what guy, unless he's knee deep in love, is thinking about marriage at that age?

[Logo]

I have just counted my matches. The number is not 20, it's 30.