I met up with this guy on tinder, didn’t respond, but didn’t I unmatch me?

[Maggiemay1]

 

When you say 'its not a big deal' to be sore and wanting to stop.. i think its more that its not that common for sexually healthy, aroused woman ... so hes probably got other 'hook up' women who are lubricated and having orgasms and feeding his ego --- Seeing you probably hurt his male ego as it was clear by your body's reaction that you weren't digging the sex (for whatever reason). Maybe the questions about disease / drugs was to determine if something was wrong with you so his ego can be restored.

 

Not unmatching is laziness and not caring. I unmatch because i find it too awkward but im sure many guys just dgaf.

 

Completely agree!!!

[beentheredonethat77]

If he thought it wasn’t good, then why would he message me saying the he “hoped” I didn’t completely hate it the other day? Why would he assume that I hated it?

 

 

He is asking you so that you can restore his ego, which would have been (albeit irrationally) affected by your request for him to stop having sex with you.

 

Its like if a man has Erectile Dysfunction -- this deems the sex objectively 'not good', simply because it has to stop before anybody's ready to stop. Yet, even though the ED issue is from the man's side, the woman can somehow feel a hurt ego that she wasn't 'hot enough' to make him get over it and keep him hard (irrational thinking of course as medical issues are not controllable).... Similarly, he may have irrationally thought he is such a good lover, that his moves should have been hot enough to lubricate you past any soreness. In his dreams, every woman begs him not to stop.... not the other way around.

 

Im almost certain he did not think it was good sex because you had to stop, which basically meant you were too dry, sore, not stimulated or bored..none of these things work well for sex, especially since he didn't finish (unless you two satisfied eachother other ways).

 

Its not something you should beat yourself up over, you just need to maybe find out the cause of the soreness and get it treated, for your own pleasure even moreso than future partners.

Edited August 25, 2019 by beentheredonethat77

[basil67]

If he thought it wasn’t good, then why would he message me saying the he “hoped” I didn’t completely hate it the other day? Why would he assume that I hated it?

 

If it had been amazing sex, he wouldn't have considered that you might have disliked it. This comment could only have come from someone who recognises that it wasn't good sex.

[Maggiemay1]

why would he message me saying the he “hoped” I didn’t completely hate it the other day? Why would he assume that I hated it?

 

A sexually aroused woman produces natural lubrication and does not get “sore”.

He was fully aware you were not aroused and his male ego took a dent.

 

Clearly you are not wired to have casual sex so you should not venture in it.

[basil67]

Maggie - to be fair, I got sore on the night I met my husband. We’d been at it for hours. Lost count of the number of orgasms I’d had, we’d trashed the bed, kept the flatmates awake, probably bothered the neighbours. Many positions later I Was sore and needed some sleep. But it was pretty obvious that I’d been having a terrific time.

[Cindylee]

A sexually aroused woman produces natural lubrication and does not get “sore”.

He was fully aware you were not aroused and his male ego took a dent.

 

Clearly you are not wired to have casual sex so you should not venture in it.

 

This isn’t fair, if a man is doing it rough, it is normal for a woman to get sore. I’ve gotten sore plenty of times with previous partners and they understood especially if we were going at it for 1 hour or if they got a bit rough.

[stillafool]

Were you guys having sex for more than an hour? If so, I understand why you got dry. At any rate it was just a hook up. He isn't really following up and it's clear he's moved on. Why do you still care?

[HiCrunchy]

1At any rate it was just a hook up. He isn't really following up and it's clear he's moved on. Why do you still care?

 

Exactly.

He is a hookup stranger. No reason to bother with wondering what went wrong. It doesn't matter.

Very possible u wont see him again or u might down the road if he wants to sleep with u again. We just cant know.

 

I think this isnt worth the mental energy or analysis.

I would say, unmatch him and make the choice for him. Moving on is the best thing to do.

[stillafool]

This isn’t fair, if a man is doing it rough, it is normal for a woman to get sore. I’ve gotten sore plenty of times with previous partners and they understood especially if we were going at it for 1 hour or if they got a bit rough.

 

I know but just because one man understands doesn't mean another one does. Especially if they like rough sex. Rough sex with a stranger has to be something a woman craves or you can end up feeling used. The fact that you were dry and he didn't do anything to lubricate you, like oral, says this guy was just into a roll in the hay. You two are incompatible sexually and that isn't likely to change so there no use offering him seconds. I imagine it's your ego that is pushing you to want seconds so you can feel validated by him. To hell with him.

[Maggiemay1]

if a man is doing it rough, it is normal for a woman to get sore. I’ve gotten sore plenty of times with previous partners and they understood especially if we were going at it for 1 hour or if they got a bit rough.

 

Ok. Was it rough? Was it over an hour?

[Cindylee]

It was rough, he went in too deep. Then, when I proceeded to get on top, I had to excuse myself to go to the restroom, I told him I was sore, he ask if I wanted to continue, I was heistate to say no, then he said, “it’s ok to say no.” Then I just said no we won’t continue. He didn’t finish. I didn’t give him oral nor did he suggest oral. When I left, I said, but we didn’t continue this. He then said, “not if you’re in pain, maybe another time.”

[stillafool]

Did he give you oral?

[Cindylee]

No, he didn’t give me oral

[Maggiemay1]

It was rough, he went in too deep. Then, when I proceeded to get on top, I had to excuse myself to go to the restroom, I told him I was sore, he ask if I wanted to continue, I was heistate to say no, then he said, “it’s ok to say no.” Then I just said no we won’t continue. He didn’t finish. I didn’t give him oral nor did he suggest oral. When I left, I said, but we didn’t continue this. He then said, “not if you’re in pain, maybe another time.”

 

Deep doesn’t equate to rough ?

And going on top allows you to control the depth. But you decided to go to the rest room. And end it. That’s ok!

He sounds like a respectful guy to me.

You left and he respected your choice to leave.

 

You inadvertently chose a great guy to have a hook up with , but you clearly were not ready to have a hook up.

Which equates to bad sex.

Neither of you enjoyed it.

 

Until you are ready to have non committal sex, don’t even try!

[LauraXX]

I just wanted to comment on the whole "Why didn't he unmatch me". I think it's normal and I personally never unmatch anybody. And why should I? They'd just show up in my feed again, I might accidentally swipe right on them again and that would be awkward.

[Maggiemay1]

"Why didn't he unmatch me". I think it's normal and I personally never unmatch anybody. And why should I? They'd just show up in my feed again, I might accidentally swipe right on them again and that would be awkward.

 

Once you unmatch they don’t show up again.

Unless either of you create a new profile.

 

The main reason why people don’t unmatch is simply because that person is forgettable to them. They don’t care if there is still a match and ability to message. If they get an unwanted message then and only then are they provoked to unmatch.

[Cindylee]

Well, I told him that I didn’t hate it and that I enjoyed it as much as I could when he told me that I he hoped that I didn’t hate it the other day. He must of thought b/c that because I was in pain that I hated it. Do you think he meant what he said when I left, “maybe another time?”

[stillafool]

Who knows? Maybe when his well starts running dry he will call; but he is only a Tinder hook up so it shouldn't mean that much to you if he doesn't.

[ExpatInItaly]

Do you think he meant what he said when I left, “maybe another time?”

 

Well, sure, but "maybe" is noncommittal so it's a very easy option to throw out there. He doesn't mean it's sure thing. He also isn't entirely closing the door, if he strikes out with other girls and wants a fall-back option.

 

I wouldn't hold you breath waiting for him, though. He is currently demonstrating no interest at all.

[Maggiemay1]

I told him that I didn’t hate it and that I enjoyed it as much as I could when he told me that I he hoped that I didn’t hate it the other day. He must of thought b/c that because I was in pain that I hated it. Do you think he meant what he said when I left, “maybe another time?”

 

It’s been a month now so his maybe clearly meant no.

 

Hook ups are meant to be fun and non committal. No analysing, no contact in between , just adult fun.

You clearly did not enjoy sex with him and he clearly didn’t enjoy it either.

 

Why on earth would YOU want to do that again???

 

What’s your actual question here? Because no response so far seems to have answered it for you?

[Cindylee]

I think he is attractive, the first time with him I was tense, mostly because my mindset was the fact that I was meeting him at his place, which we all know it’s not safe to meet at someones home on tinder, 1000 things ran through my mind, but after looking at his social media profiles , he’s an okay guy so I give him the green light. The second time if there is one will be phenomenal you can count on it.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're right that it's not smart to go a strange guy's house. What you see online in social media not at all a reliable indicator of someone's true character, so please stop using that as a guide for whether or not a man seems safe and trustworthy.

 

The thing about hook-ups like this is that there sometimes is no second chance. If a person is just looking for some fun casual sex, well, they can find that easily enough from several people. If one happens to not be that good, they likely aren't going to go back for more.

[jspice]

Seriously, you’re in your thirties. Why are you being so naive?

You need to have some dignity here. Are you really going to go running if he texts you? You’re doing things a teenager who doesn’t know any better would do.

 

He didn’t unmatch you because he doesn’t care enough to.

[stillafool]

I think he is attractive, the first time with him I was tense, mostly because my mindset was the fact that I was meeting him at his place, which we all know it’s not safe to meet at someones home on tinder, 1000 things ran through my mind, but after looking at his social media profiles , he’s an okay guy so I give him the green light. The second time if there is one will be phenomenal you can count on it.

 

If you really felt this way why did you go over to his house in the first place rather than taking the safe route?

[HiCrunchy]

If you really felt this way why did you go over to his house in the first place rather than taking the safe route?

 

I suspect this guy is really hot