I met up with this guy on tinder, didn’t respond, but didn’t I unmatch me?

[Cindylee]

Okay, like 3 weeks ago I met up with this guy on tinder, it was primarily for a hook-up, it was what I was looking for at the time. I was telling him about a breakup with this guy and that he wanted me to come over to forget about him. Which I know it meant hooking up. So, we hooked up, however our session ended quickly, b/c I got sore and we couldn’t continue. I asked him if it was going to be a onetime thing and then he asked me if that was what I wanted I told me no, we could do it occasionally. When I left his place he said maybe another time.

 

A week later he messaged me on tinder saying that he hoped that I didn’t hate us hooking up that day. I told him no, then he asked if I was disease free-which I told him that I am. I sent him like a message a week later asking if he wants to meet up and no response then I messaged him again a few days later, and I gave him my number instead b/c I don’t often like to go on tinder, still no response. Not sure if he is just ignoring me now or he just hasn’t went on tinder, if he didn’t wasn’t anything to do with me why hasn’t he unmatched me?

Edited August 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

The sex didn't sound great and you didn't sound enthusiastic about seeing him again, so I guess he's keeping you as a backup option if he can't find a better match.

[Cindylee]

Could it be possible he hasn’t been on tinder for the last 2 weeks? I sent him like 2 messages and he never responded. I assume that he still is interested, if he still hasn’t unmatched me yet, but the no response seems like he disappeared

[Cindylee]

The sex didn't sound great and you didn't sound enthusiastic about seeing him again, so I guess he's keeping you as a backup option if he can't find a better match.

 

Well, I became sore so we had to stop. I was hesitant to keep going even if I was sore, but he told me that it’s okay to say no. I mean I reached out to him saying that I want to get together again.

[Cindylee]

Also, In total I sent messages 3 none of those to which he responded. Does he think I’m chasing/obsessed with him now? I hope not, because that wasn’t what I want to be displayed as, I just wanted to reach out and let him know that I want to meet up again that’s all.

[frus69]

If you aren't chasing/obsessed with him why do you even care if he replies..

 

And yes 3 messages make you look totally desperate.

 

Why don't you just find another guy to hook up with

[Cindylee]

I do care if he replies honestly, I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t reply... why can’t he just say something?

[basil67]

You told him that it would be OK if you hooked up "occasionally". Why would he go out of his way for such a lacklustre response?

[The Outlaw]

Like basil said, he's probably keeping you as a backup option. It's tinder, and it's very rarely if ever serious.

[Cindylee]

Just to be clear, his idea of having me as a backup option is not to respond to my messages/ignore me?

[basil67]

Well, none of us have a crystal ball, so we can't be 100% positive. But that's what it looks like.

[frus69]

He doesnt reply because he cant be bothered and Doesnt give a damn what you think. He doesnt care if you are a back up or not cuz hes moved on to other women already.

 

When his other options dry out he may contact you again but still doesnt care if you reply because he will just find someone else if you dont

[ExpatInItaly]

Just to be clear, his idea of having me as a backup option is not to respond to my messages/ignore me?

 

Yes, that's right.

 

He can't be bothered replying, but he knows you're interested should the mood ever strike or he is having a dry spell. His interest in seeing you or sleeping with you again right now is nil, so he ignores you, but he knows not to unmatch you should he ever want to knock on your door.

[shydad]

Just to be clear, his idea of having me as a backup option is not to respond to my messages/ignore me?

Hi Cindylee, only he knows what he is thinking and wants. Everyone else can only speculate. You make a good point, though. If he wanted to keep this as a backup option, he would probably communicate with you.

[Cindylee]

Okay...it didn’t cross my mind that he was still keeping me as an option. I figured since he is ignoring me, he probably doesn’t want to see me again and has no idea how to unmatch someone.

[h0000]

Lots of people dont unmatch cuz they don't have time. My guy friends all have hundereds of matches. If they took time to unmatch them they'd not be able to do anything else in life.

 

It doesn't mean he's still thinking about you. Just means he can't be bothered.

[Maggiemay1]

...it didn’t cross my mind that he was still keeping me as an option. I figured since he is ignoring me, he probably doesn’t want to see me again and has no idea how to unmatch someone.

 

Because of how awkward the sex was perhaps he sent you that follow up message with you to get confirmation in writing that the sex was consensual.

 

And keeping the match open so he can gauge if you are going to go a bit nuts on him?

 

Or perhaps what others have said , that you are a back up option?

Hook ups are people available on request. There is no obligation to keep contact in the meantime (that would be more fwb).

And rarely do people just have one hook up partner.

 

If it suits him , he might contact you.

If so, are you happy to be his hook up ?

[dramallama]

The bit where he asked you if you were disease-free stuck out to me. Perhaps he's caught something and tracking down where it came from and getting treated....

 

 

 

I hope you're using condoms!!

[ExpatInItaly]

The bit where he asked you if you were disease-free stuck out to me. Perhaps he's caught something and tracking down where it came from and getting treated....

 

Yes, I meant to mention that too.

 

It seems odd that he would ask you this after you had slept with him. I wonder if he either has caught something or is worried about why you were sore during the act itself.

 

Either way, stay safe, OP. He isn't interested in hooking up again at this point, so I wouldn't give a second thought as to why he hasn't unmatched you,

[Cindylee]

Guys in general seem to ask if a girl is disease free after the act. The previous guy I was with also asked me if there was “anything that I should know about” the next day we slept, but was because we didn’t use any protection.

 

I’ve been sore before with other guys which I don’t think it’s a big deal. It would make sense if it was rough and the girl becomes sore.

 

I figured he would have hated it since we stopped short then he asked he hoped I didn’t hate it. Does this mean he probably won’t reach out again since I got sore?

 

Also, we used protection, so asking if I had a disease was odd and if I did any drugs?

Edited August 24, 2019 by Cindylee

[YourCupOfTea]

Please stop yourself from over analyzing. There could be a 1000 reasons for him not replying. Wou will never find out. Just leave it.

[Cindylee]

Because of how awkward the sex was perhaps he sent you that follow up message with you to get confirmation in writing that the sex was consensual.

 

And keeping the match open so he can gauge if you are going to go a bit nuts on him?

 

Or perhaps what others have said , that you are a back up option?

Hook ups are people available on request. There is no obligation to keep contact in the meantime (that would be more fwb).

And rarely do people just have one hook up partner.

 

If it suits him , he might contact you.

If so, are you happy to be his hook up ?

 

So, he thought that because of how awkward the sex was that I would accuse him of assault since he thought that I hated it and that I probably changed my mind and I’m reality didn’t want it? Weird. I didn’t know guys thought that way.

[beentheredonethat77]

My take is that he for him the sex wasn't good.. you being sore and wanting to stop isn't fun for him (its not your fault of course, and you did the right thing) -- but why would he want to risk that happening again in a hook up situation?

 

When you say 'its not a big deal' to be sore and wanting to stop.. i think its more that its not that common for sexually healthy, aroused woman ... so hes probably got other 'hook up' women who are lubricated and having orgasms and feeding his ego --- Seeing you probably hurt his male ego as it was clear by your body's reaction that you weren't digging the sex (for whatever reason). Maybe the questions about disease / drugs was to determine if something was wrong with you so his ego can be restored.

 

Not unmatching is laziness and not caring. I unmatch because i find it too awkward but im sure many guys just dgaf.

[HiCrunchy]

I mean it was a hook up.

 

He really doesnt need to get in contact until he is horny again. And ur strangers, so it's not like he has any emotional connection or relationship or friendship, so he is more likely to ghost.

 

Why he isnt reaching out doesnt really matter. I think u should just move on and unmatched him urself.

[Cindylee]

My take is that he for him the sex wasn't good.. you being sore and wanting to stop isn't fun for him (its not your fault of course, and you did the right thing) -- but why would he want to risk that happening again in a hook up situation?

 

When you say 'its not a big deal' to be sore and wanting to stop.. i think its more that its not that common for sexually healthy, aroused woman ... so hes probably got other 'hook up' women who are lubricated and having orgasms and feeding his ego --- Seeing you probably hurt his male ego as it was clear by your body's reaction that you weren't digging the sex (for whatever reason). Maybe the questions about disease / drugs was to determine if something was wrong with you so his ego can be restored.

 

Not unmatching is laziness and not caring. I unmatch because i find it too awkward but im sure many guys just dgaf.

 

If he thought it wasn’t good, then why would he message me saying the he “hoped” I didn’t completely hate it the other day? Why would he assume that I hated it?