DaddyDom Posted August 23, 2019 Posted August 23, 2019 (edited) If I meet a woman initially w/OLD, I'll chat a bit the first day in the dating app. Then if I enjoy it, I'll get the number and have a 10-15 min phone call with her. If her voice/laugh are enjoyable and the convo is good, I plan a date. I feel like a good first impression has been made and plans are confirmed. Why proceed to act needy and chase after someone you should have absolutely no investment in at all at this point? You're basically going on a blind date. Until you actually meet and establish real chemistry, getting superficially attached to text messages in the meantime only builds false expectations. Aside from a "Looking forward to tonight. " text day of to prevent flaking, I've always just left it alone after plans are made. How do you proceed after an initial date is made? Edited August 23, 2019 by DaddyDom 1
Lotsgoingon Posted August 23, 2019 Posted August 23, 2019 Nothing to do but go out on the date, as far as I'm concerned. 1
basil67 Posted August 23, 2019 Posted August 23, 2019 Why proceed to act needy and chase after someone you should have absolutely no investment in at all at this point? Does "act needy and chase" refer to having a few conversations before the date? 1
PRW Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 Aside from a "Looking forward to tonight. " text day of to prevent flakingThat isn't going to prevent flaking, so don't even do that. It is still needy,...it says you are worried they will not show up if you don't do that. If the other person contacts you then respond,...and then say the "Looking forward to <the date>". But don't you initiate it. If a person is going to be unreliable and flaky you want to give them enough rope to hang themselves,...or to prove they are reliable. All you do is show up like you said you would without needy affirmations. 1
Author DaddyDom Posted August 24, 2019 Author Posted August 24, 2019 Does "act needy and chase" refer to having a few conversations before the date? Well as I mentioned, some initial chatting in the dating app. If I enjoy it, I ask for her number. Then I'll text a bit and if the energy is still good, I'll call her. Usually talk for 10-15 min just to hear a woman's voice, gauge her sense of humor, hear her laugh, and to see if I like actually speaking to her. If so, I'll set up a date. I think after the date is planned there is no reason to chat anymore until the actual date. To me, it seems like needy behavior to get suoerficially attached to text messages for a blind date with a stranger. Better to not build any sort of expectations and be in the moment more during the date. If the first date is awesome with great chemistry and kissing, then text/call more between future dates. I just think it is silly to text for "connection" up until the first date when you haven't even met yet. LOL
spiderowl Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 Well I would say keep in touch - not every five minutes but maybe once a day - just a kind message like 'how's your day going?'. That shows you want to keep in touch. I disagree with the others who say do not bother. I just dumped a guy who 'did not bother'. It says to me he is not that interested and, even if he is interested, he is hopeless at communicating. I would not say I was particularly needy but I do know the difference between a guy who is interested and one who is not a communicator.
Author DaddyDom Posted August 24, 2019 Author Posted August 24, 2019 That isn't going to prevent flaking, so don't even do that. It is still needy,...it says you are worried they will not show up if you don't do that.. You see this I don't agree with. I could care less how someone perceives a confirmation text. If they think that is "needy" not worth my time anyways. LOL For me my time.is valuable. So I am not going to drive somewhere if it isn't confirmed day of. Especially when you make the plans 3-5 days out. But I do think it is silly to waste time "connecting" before you even meet. Connecting in person is the way to go. Texting endlessly before.you even meet is needy, but confirming day of is just smart practice.
Author DaddyDom Posted August 24, 2019 Author Posted August 24, 2019 Well I would say keep in touch - not every five minutes but maybe once a day - just a kind message like 'how's your day going?'. That shows you want to keep in touch. I disagree with the others who say do not bother. I just dumped a guy who 'did not bother'. It says to me he is not that interested and, even if he is interested, he is hopeless at communicating. I would not say I was particularly needy but I do know the difference between a guy who is interested and one who is not a communicator. I agree 100% once a first date has happened and there is chemistry. If someone made no effort to communicate between dates after that then of course. But why try to "connect" with a stranger? By staying in touch and getting attached to text messages, you build expectations heading in. Better to be completely in the moment and rely solely on in person chemistry IMO. I don't want to feel a sense of excitement for a blind date and put pressure on myself. Just my .02
strawberryshortstack Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 I agree 100% once a first date has happened and there is chemistry. If someone made no effort to communicate between dates after that then of course. But why try to "connect" with a stranger? By staying in touch and getting attached to text messages, you build expectations heading in. Better to be completely in the moment and rely solely on in person chemistry IMO. I don't want to feel a sense of excitement for a blind date and put pressure on myself. Just my .02 Because you want to maintain her interest in you until the date happens! THIS is how you prevent flaking. 1
Author DaddyDom Posted August 24, 2019 Author Posted August 24, 2019 The other thing I'll add is this. The majority of guys online have absolutely no game at all. So you make a great first impression and then allow her space to deal with all the lame guys online. It only increases your value more and allows her to think about you. It's basic psychology and law of attraction. I've always thought that you invest more in someone only as their value increases. Treating a stranger you haven't even met yet like a GF communicates you have no standards.
Author DaddyDom Posted August 24, 2019 Author Posted August 24, 2019 Because you want to maintain her interest in you until the date happens! THIS is how you prevent flaking. Once again, explain to me why I should care about the interest level of a girl I've never met? If I have great dates, awesome sex, frequency increases, etc she becomes more of a priority. But if a blind date doesn't happen, I just chat with and make dates with any other number of women out there. LOL I think people put too much energy into the interest level of a girl you haven't even spent face to face time with.
alphamale Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 The other thing I'll add is this. The majority of guys online have absolutely no game at all. So you make a great first impression and then allow her space to deal with all the lame guys online. It only increases your value more and allows her to think about you. It's basic psychology and law of attraction. I've always thought that you invest more in someone only as their value increases. Treating a stranger you haven't even met yet like a GF communicates you have no standards. indeed DD... 1
Author DaddyDom Posted August 24, 2019 Author Posted August 24, 2019 indeed DD... I think it comes down to dating frequency. For guys like us that meet a lot.of women, you aren't attached to blind dates until they become something more. You know that you'll just line up other dates. But for people who have a hard time dating, they feel the need to "maintain interest" of someone they haven't even spent face to face time.yet. Like if they don't latch onto this rare opportunity it'll slip away.
basil67 Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 So you make a great first impression and then allow her space to deal with all the lame guys online. It also allows her the space to meet and connect with a great guy at a friend's party on Saturday night. 1
Author DaddyDom Posted August 24, 2019 Author Posted August 24, 2019 It also allows her the space to meet and connect with a great guy at a friend's party on Saturday night. That's awesome if she does! In either case the guy at the party still wins. She's met him in real life and the other is a random guy text messaging her she's never even seen. LOL
elaine567 Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 Everything you do or don't do can end up as a filter. This no contact regime prior to the date will definitely get rid of some women. Who is it you want to get rid of? 1
strawberryshortstack Posted August 25, 2019 Posted August 25, 2019 Once again, explain to me why I should care about the interest level of a girl I've never met? If I have great dates, awesome sex, frequency increases, etc she becomes more of a priority. But if a blind date doesn't happen, I just chat with and make dates with any other number of women out there. LOL I think people put too much energy into the interest level of a girl you haven't even spent face to face time with. So, to you, the point of OLD is just to make as many dates as possible, without necessarily meeting them? That seems silly. Meeting is really the only way to truly assess chemistry, so unless she's displayed behavior already that you can't see yourself tolerating, the whole point is to MEET. Speaking as a woman, if a guy sets a date with me and then stops texting completely, my interest level plummets and I'm less likely to want to actually go on the date. So if you want to avoid women flaking on you, you want to text her - not constantly, but check in every so often to make sure she knows you're still interested in meeting her (and if you're not, then just come out and say so. Cancel the date ahead of time and be honest with her.)
Ruby Slippers Posted August 26, 2019 Posted August 26, 2019 I've always been looking for something serious and lasting, and am only interested in guys on the same wavelength. So both of us are picky from the get-go. Once a connection was made on a dating site, he'd call me, then ask me to meet within a few days, and text a bit if not call briefly every day until we met. As long as the man made this minimal level of effort, I'd stop talking to other men until we met to see if the connection had potential. If not, I'd continue chatting with other men, and most likely I'd lose interest in the first guy and another one would capture my interest. 1
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