Girfriend is getting more agressive, I pushed her arm

[palermo]

Hi everyone,

 

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 2 years. I started to notice she is becomming more agressive and sometimes physical during an argument, for example pinching my arm hardly, pull me out of the bed when i'm resting, pushing me, etc. In an argument, i prefer to stay silent instead of fighting or yelling. I feel like she is doing these actions to get my attention, to get me to talk, or because she doesn't realize that she is doing this.

 

A couple days ago, we had an argument. We are from different countries and i'm doing my best to learn her language. We were ordering something online and i said the english term of what we had to order. She asked me to say it in her language, but the pronunciation is difficult for me. After she replied 'say it' a couple times, she hit the laptop with the bottom of her fist when looking at me, in an angry manner. I then lightly pushed the underarm with which she hit the laptop, to make it clear that it was wrong of her to hit the laptop and that she cannot react like this. Her arm was not red. After this, she became angry, claiming i hit her arm and that it is abuse.

 

I have never hurt her or became physical during an argument. I feel bad that i've pushed her arm, because i am a really calm person and would normally never do something like this.

 

I feel bad about what i did and i don't know what to do.

 

 

Thank you for reading.

[fromheart]

She's an abuser. You need to get out of there right now.

 

If a woman ever gives you a push, pinch anything like that, you dump her on the spot.

[smackie9]

Wow talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Dude she needs to be dumped. She has obvious angry issues, possible some underlying mental illness, which there is no fixing that on your own. She needs therapy/acknowledgement of her actions.

[Twizzlestick]

It’s easy to down play it but she is introducing physicality into the rele and now she’s normalised the behaviour. She is also controlling you. At year two it seems the leopard who’s spot’s don’t change is just showing it’s true colours. limerance and the best behaviour front will have just started to wear off.

 

It never goes well from this point. You end up making excuses for it “she’s smaller than me” “she didn’t mean xyz” etc. And the violence is only one half. The other half is the mental torture that goes with it when you get gaslighted. As you find yourself in now.

 

Gender does not matter of course and violence of any sort shouldn’t exist within the sanctuary of a rele. I’d give her the boot. If anyone was violent towards me they’d be out on their backside post haste. No rele post mortem and no waiting to see if they improve. People who are too keen on being handy are always that way.

 

(Of Course. Not talking mutual obvious play scraps with bed clothes or tickling contests here ha)

[OnlyHonesty]

Any woman or anyone else that laid a hand on me would be ditched immediately. My body is a temple, I nurture it, train it, and I look after myself, both mind and body.... No one has the right to mistreat it.

 

Your issue is that she's still your gf...

[Ruby Slippers]

Physical altercations during arguments are never OK. Only people with anger problems handle frustration with any degree of physical aggression or violence.

[kendahke]

You need to dump her. It's not going to get any better.

 

You don't have any children with her, do you? If you don't, don't create any because she will beat them. She has no control of herself and really, she needs a therapist for anger management more than she needs a boyfriend.

[The Outlaw]

That's just the beginning. You need to leave her for your own safety. Physical abuse shouldn't be tolerated whether it's by a man or woman.

[PRW]

She will have you in prison by claiming abuse all the while instigating it herself. The police will always believe her over you.

[Lotsgoingon]

Dump her ... her aggressiveness has already led you to get aggressive. She wins that way ... because she really WANTS to be aggressive.

 

Sure, regret touching her underarm ... but sounds like you were more telling her to stop ... don't let your guilt over that cloud the bigger picture that she is the bully.

 

Bullies are experts at making others feel bad.

 

Get out ... now. There is only danger ahead in this relationship.

 

And protect yourself ... prepare for some abusive behavior ... some sabotage as you exit the relationship.

[shydad]

Hi palermo, I agree with all of the other posters. You've seen an escalation of physical violence towards you. You've seen yourself be blamed. From what you've described, the direction this is going in is more frequent and more severe domestic violence, with you as the person to be blamed. If it does continue to go in this direction, you could end up in jail. You might be thinking if this is the life you desire.