preraph Posted August 23, 2019 Posted August 23, 2019 If she isn't interested, why would you want to try to talk her out of it? She knows what she wants, where she's at and what she's attracted to and you're not it, so just move on. At least she didn't say anything rude like, I can already tell you're clingy and can't take no for an answer. 2
elaine567 Posted August 23, 2019 Posted August 23, 2019 I would guess the probability of meeting a person who is "not ready to date" or is "not in a good place to date" increases with age. People accumulate "baggage" as the years roll by, and that often means that the phrase "Its not you, its me" is true. 2
basil67 Posted August 23, 2019 Posted August 23, 2019 Yes, the needy boys will do this. Then men will not. Don't assume the OP is a needy boy, he's coming on here asking the right questions. Why are you using derogatory terms for guys who do things differently to what you would? 4
alphamale Posted August 23, 2019 Posted August 23, 2019 In my experience its the more feminine less good looking guys who dont do as well with the ladies who have to ask why the girl isnt feeling it (no offense to OP, this has been my experience with men!) I have been asked this question to and its like it turned me off even more. I have trouble being withba guy who doesnt have confidence in his ability to attract women. I agree boymommy
preraph Posted August 23, 2019 Posted August 23, 2019 ^ Well, there's that, and then there's also the element of just not understanding something basic, like not everyone is attracted to everyone or right for everyone, and being able to accept that. That's something to do with maturity and being well adjusted. 4
basil67 Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 more feminine less good looking guys Are you talking about guys who seek an androgynous look? I'd be surpised if they didn't know that their look isn't for everyone.
alphamale Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 Are you talking about guys who seek an androgynous look? I'd be surpised if they didn't know that their look isn't for everyone. he's talking about looks-challenged males who have some female behavior patterns
I'veseenbetterlol Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 I'n really just trying to talk through this. I know it is what it is. Do people (and/or women) think its gentler? It actually made it worse, because I didn't recognise it for what it was immediately, I took it at face value. Why do people talk about how honest they are, and how much they value honesty, but can't be honest about something fundamental? Even when asked. I was chatting to a lady (not mentioned elsewhere) to whom I was very attracted, and we had decided to move ahead to a date. Nothing too intense, just a movie at the local cinema. She cancelled, then talked about being friends. All very amicable and we continued to chat friendlily. I decided to ask her, to honestly tell me "why I wasn't what she was looking for at this time?" She responded with a series of what I now realise were the classic "its not you, its me". I'm so silly I honestly believe that they don't think or care about someone else's feeling. I've experienced this and it's worse then getting rejected. These lines leave everything open, if you like someone, there is a hope that one day they'll be available. Saying that to someone is cruel. My answer to that is BYE.
The Outlaw Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 That line is still better than being ghosted. At least you know where you stand. 1
basil67 Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 he's talking about looks-challenged males who have some female behavior patterns So if he's hot but with female behaviour patterns (not sure what female behaviour patterns are), it's OK? 1
alphamale Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 So if he's hot but with female behaviour patterns (not sure what female behaviour patterns are), it's OK? I would suppose so 1
mortensorchid Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 When you get a "it's not you, it's me" excuse, believe it. Don't spend a lot of time analyzing their reasons as to why it can't happen. Move on. I've gotten a lot of that over the years, and it really is not me it's the other person. They all marry the next one, and most of them have since gotten divorced from the next one. Life goes on. 1
Maggiemay1 Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 I suspect she IS guilty of being honest. I’ve told several guys it’s me not them and it was never a lie! Rejection is a personal thing but only to the person rejecting not the person rejected although you might feel that way. Suggesting friendship instead (which never actually eventuates) is telling you that it’s her not you. She can’t fault you on paper but knows she does not want to pursue anything . It’s based on a feeling rather than a fact. Her other options would be to lie or ghost you. In the past when you have rejected another , what did you say and was it her not you? 3
Maggiemay1 Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 Yes, the needy boys will do this. Then men will not.Don't assume the OP is a needy boy, he's coming on here asking the right questions. The OP created a thread about someone he never met. You have inadvertently called him needy while apparently not outright calling him so. But the inference is there. He didn’t display his neediness to this girl , instead he wrote about it here. Good move!!! But that still makes him needy? Don’t you think? Why does he even care about the opinion of someone he has never met? According to your response that makes him a needy boy and not a man? Is that right??
elaine567 Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 Most people on the dating scene are "needy", only some people have contrived ways not to show it. Sometimes the ones that put on a hardest fronts are the neediest of all... 1
fromheart Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 The OP created a thread about someone he never met. You have inadvertently called him needy while apparently not outright calling him so. But the inference is there. He didn’t display his neediness to this girl , instead he wrote about it here. Good move!!! But that still makes him needy? Don’t you think? Why does he even care about the opinion of someone he has never met? According to your response that makes him a needy boy and not a man? Is that right?? You haven't looked at my other comments. I said that instead of asking her, he should only ask himself if he's been a gentleman and then go NC. There is an element of neediness in asking a woman why she has refused him. It just reinforces her low interest, and might trigger a fear of him being a stalker. Or someone who will not take no for an answer. Most women will not like this question, and a man will not ever ask it out of self respect if nothing else. Im not saying the OP is a boy, but there are definitely some nice guy, needy tendencies there. In order to help him, Im politely pointing that out.
boymommy Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 So if he's hot but with female behaviour patterns (not sure what female behaviour patterns are), it's OK? Lol Well most guys (even manly guys) have some female behavior patterns. But yes, I feel like as long as there is chemistry and physical attraction then I dont care if there are female behavior patterns. I dont consider myself shallow nor do I need a male model, but a man has to fit my definition of “attractive” I guess.
newyorker11356 Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 That line is still better than being ghosted. At least you know where you stand. It can depend. It is very possible she was telling the truth, why are you assuming she's not? If someone is not emotionally ready to get into a relationship for whatever reason then yes they will say it's them not you because...its true. Regardless, to deal with it just move on to the next one. Eh, in a lot of cases at least, it's typically an excuse. When they say that, it either means there's someone else in the picture they like more than you, or they just lost interested in you for whatever reason.
preraph Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 Lol Well most guys (even manly guys) have some female behavior patterns. But yes, I feel like as long as there is chemistry and physical attraction then I dont care if there are female behavior patterns. I dont consider myself shallow nor do I need a male model, but a man has to fit my definition of “attractive” I guess. Yeah. Like if they're hot AND they clean house and cook, what's not to like?
alphamale Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 Yeah. Like if they're hot AND they clean house and cook, what's not to like? can you see George Clooney or brad pitt scrubbing toilets and doing the laundry??
The Outlaw Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 @newyorker11356It can depend. Depends more on the person. When you're fed that line of BS, to me at least, you know full well where you stand. It isn't as clear if you've been ghosted because the slow fade isn't always there before it's a done deal.
newyorker11356 Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 @newyorker11356It can depend. Depends more on the person. When you're fed that line of BS, to me at least, you know full well where you stand. It isn't as clear if you've been ghosted because the slow fade isn't always there before it's a done deal. In my experience, the slow fade has usually been there before ghosting. No true surprise when it happens.
fromheart Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 Yeah. Like if they're hot AND they clean house and cook, what's not to like? And if she's in her 20's on top of that.... Wow.
preraph Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 can you see George Clooney or brad pitt scrubbing toilets and doing the laundry?? I can see them hiring someone to, and that's even better.
boymommy Posted August 24, 2019 Posted August 24, 2019 Yeah. Like if they're hot AND they clean house and cook, what's not to like? You just described my boyfriend! I hit the jackpot. He’s Mr Mom 1
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