Women airing demands why can't men

[somelamedude]

I'm wanting to ask people on here why is it okay and tolerable for women to air demands from men but it is not okay for men to air demands for women? I'm on various dating sites and it looks like I'm almost reading the same person, just different faces with a huge laundry list of demands. I tend to notice if I make a small list myself, women get angry.

 

 

Recently I've been making it a requirement to hold off on sex until I make sure the girl I'm with is not crazy, is disease and drug free (I've had mix results and one of my previous posts I admitted I failed my standard by sleeping with a girl right away/plan on getting tested at the end of the year/beginning next year). I've had girls flat out tell me that my standards are way too high, and that's just after the talk of when we'll sleep together (usually started by them). For clarity, you know how it goes: "I'm tired of being used by jerks, so I hope you don't expect sex right away" in which I tell them that I agree and that I have my own reasons, then they press on it, and then get offended that I will not take their word for it once I bring up wanting to be in a committed relationship and getting tested for safety.

 

 

I'm worried about airing other demands, since I feel like I'm just gonna get a lot of hate messages because of it. A lot of the girls even demand a man must meet the 6 sixes or a portion of it: 6 pack abs, above 6ft tall, 6 figure income, 6+ inches in the pants, 6 months out of a relationship, 6 years of college.. you get the point.. Most of them have bios where if the gender was reversed, sexism would be screamed, a lot of people would be asking "who hurt you bro" it's ridiculous. God forbid that I ask that they're clean.. and I've even heard on various videos men getting slammed if they require that women know how to cook or at least apply heat to food.

 

 

So anyways, what I'm wanting to know, is how can I air my demands of women without coming off like a misogynist? Also why can women come off as such man haters and us as a society lets them get away with it?

[Mrin]

Any woman who balks at getting tested and getting to know one another better before having sex isn't LTR material. Consider this to be your s*** test.

[kendahke]

I'm wanting to ask people on here why is it okay and tolerable for women to air demands from men but it is not okay for men to air demands for women?

 

You can. What's stopping you from speaking up for what you want?

 

You have just as much freedom to express yourself as they do--you just don't want to deal with or be held to account to the consequences of your expression, which could be them setting you adrift.

 

The women saying this don't care if you pass them over... you're not who they're looking for. The right man for them will read it and be cool with what they're saying--the wrong ones will balk and complain.

 

Now, is this more about you don't believe women have a right to their own agency and self determination when it comes to you and your interest in them? No one is owed a relationship...

[SmartDude]

How to not let them get away with it? 1) Do not live together. Have your own place. 2) Do not become sexually and emotionally dependent on any one.

 

 

 

I never gave in to all the popular attitudes and hysteria developing in society recently. Women look at me and they know there is no taking advantage of me. There will be no making of demands. They know this within about 5 seconds. Am I still attractive to them? Very much so.

 

 

At the same time, I don't demand anything of them. I look at them and try to see what they want. If a lady is being unreasonable in my presence, it would be my duty as a gentleman to point it out to her. Or else we may develop a situation were a woman thinks she is right just because she says so.

[boymommy]

Ok well if you are talking about online dating then I can tell you they may be preferences vs demands. I mean you can put in whatever you want..does that mean you will get it back in a neat little package? No. I didnt make a laundry list, but I did put a height requirement (starting at 5’10) but it turns out my boyfriend is 5’8. Was I not going to give him a chance because he’s 5’8? No, I am 5’2 so as long as I can wear heels and he’s still taller then me, I am good. I think a lot of girls think along those lines, especially if they are a little taller. Its just to weed out shorter guys really. I mean really you can ask for anything you want online, thats the beauty of it! Men should feel free to do the same.

 

Now as far as your waiting for sex thing, I had a guy want to wait to have sex and it confused me because I couldnt figure out if he was being genuinly serious in his reasoning or he was trying to play me. Girls may wonder the same thing given that the majority of guys always want sex right away and never want to wait. So if they do you have to wonder why that is.

 

Dating is just hard in general..men and women don’t understand each other real well and it shows. Ask questions to better understand what you are looking for in a partner and what you want for yourself.

Edited August 22, 2019 by boymommy

[mark clemson]

You have a point. I'm not dating, but I would question how many of these women actually get a man who meets all their requirements. I suspect many of them either settle for what's actually reasonable or end up single for a very long time.

 

I also think Kendahke makes a good point. I doubt anyone would think it's misogynist to ask for an STD test. That said, a "nice girl" who hasn't slept with anyone in a while might feel offended (even though it's really a perfectly reasonable request). A serial dater type gal would probably be a bit more understanding and simply make it a mutual requirement.

[preraph]

Well, the only caveat about not having sex until being tested is there's no need for that when you should just wear a condom. And then once you think you might be with the girl a long time and once you agree on other means of birth control and one or the other isn't trigger happy to get pregnant right away, then you can ask this partner to get tested and not use condoms as much anymore as long as birth control is set and you can trust her or until you want to have kids. That's what most people do, use condoms.

 

You are right to be cautious and you are right to be tested once in awhile and it's always good to know the other person cares enough to test herself as well, but that is not something that is widely done when someone has been using condoms. I suppose just holding off on sex might be the best option for you, but at some point you're going to want to have it and you should bring a condom.

[mark clemson]

Preraph, my understanding is that some STDs can be transmitted by oral too...

[boymommy]

Preraph, my understanding is that some STDs can be transmitted by oral too...

 

Bingo. Not just oral, you can actually contract some STD’s even with a condom on (like HSV) if the outbreak is in a spot where the condom isnt touching.

[Twizzlestick]

Everyone has a right to put that on their profile. You can if you want. I wouldn’t

 

Along with half the women seemingly growing dog ears and noses since the ten years I’ve been away from dating (what is this affliction, is it a pandemic disease?), I see it’s become trendy for stacks of girls to list sometimes ridiculous and vacuous list of things they don’t want

 

“if you don’t like red cupcakes, it ain’t gonna work”.

“If you have a photo with a mirror anywhere near it, it ain’t gonna work” (I presume these ones are vampires)

 

Followed by a list of things that should a viewer dare to have, ordering you to immediately swipe left. Little profile acreage given to what they themselves offer that you might find attractive. That, it seems, is presumed.

 

It’s simple. When I see those lists I think “nah” and...swipe left. It’s the most unattractive thing out there to me, a hymn list of negatives. No way. To me they sound like right moany entitled wotsits. And that’s your first encounter of them. I find myself imagining the moaning once the limerance has worn off

 

So I swipe left, plenty of positive, cheery girls who don’t write that guff. Plenty of them. And plenty of them who haven’t grown spaniel ears.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the ones that do have whinging profiles find their mates perfectly fine (prob attract the Merry go round of the kind of dates who provide them material to whinge about in the first place ha)

 

It’s of no consequence to me. Some men might like those lists. But then some people like mushrooms.

[fromheart]

Your asking the right questions.

 

Your expected to look like a young Johnny Depp, by someone who has to go online to get a man. Complete joke.

 

Many men have had enough of it, and simply save themselves for women from different cultures.

 

As for stating your demands go for it. If its socially acceptable for women to demand men with 6 packs, money etc it's perfectly acceptable for you to demand a woman of about 25, as you might want to have kids and therefore need a woman in her childbirth years.

 

Of course, that would be regarded as sexist.

Edited August 22, 2019 by fromheart

[basil67]

I wouldn't say you'd come off as misogynistic. I think a better description would be 'entitiled'. And entitled is exactly how the women who post wanting all 6's come off. And I bet those women are also chronically single.

 

As far as the no sex thing, her waiting a few weeks to see if he's a jerk is a far cry from you wanting to wait till you're committted. Not that there's anything wrong with you wanting to wait, but it's not going to be attractive to most women who enjoy sex. And yes, I'd say the same to a woman who wants to wait till there's commitment.

[alphamale]

men need to stand up and be counted

[basil67]

I forgot to add: Yeah, I think it's rude to ask for a woman who can cook. Just as I wouldn't ask for a man who can fix the toilet.

 

However, saying "It would be great to have a woman who loves to cook up a great meal with me in the kitchen" would be perfectly fine.

[alphamale]

a lot of women just think that their sh*t doesn't smell

[Ami1uwant]

The issue with women is the same as women settling for a man.

 

Some women are maximiziers and some are satisfiers ..satisfiers are one who settle on good enough. Maximizes have a laundry list.

Edited August 22, 2019 by Ami1uwant

[fromheart]

It is pretty obvious in western society, that men are expected to have the 6 pack, be born with good looks, make lots of money, be a certain height and weight. As well as wash the dishes, be an emotional punching bag.

 

And sorry if this offends, but with obesity rising, high alcohol consumption and junk food, western women are not comparing too well with say South American women or Russian women.

 

This comment will probably get deleted by the mods, but Im sorry it's true.

[basil67]

Yes fromheart, some women expect this. Those women are also chronically single.

[kendahke]

Yes fromheart, some women expect this. Those women are also chronically single.

better to be chronically single than to to settle.

[basil67]

This isn't exclusive to women Alpha. Too many people with too many unrealistic expectations IMO.

[basil67]

better to be chronically single than to to settle.

 

If "settling" means not getting "6 pack, be born with good looks, make lots of money, be a certain height and weight. As well as wash the dishes, be an emotional punching bag" then yes those people are better are better off out of the dating arena.

[kendahke]

If "settling" means not getting "6 pack, be born with good looks, make lots of money, be a certain height and weight. As well as wash the dishes, be an emotional punching bag" then yes those people are better are better off out of the dating arena.

No, that's judgemental.

 

Settling means strangling what you know you prefer in a partner to make someone else happy--and you end up growing miserable and frustrated because you knew going in he/she wasn't your preference.

 

Everyone is entitled to their preferences in romantic partner... and everyone has to live with their choices, which ever way it takes them.

[basil67]

Kendahke, I think you've taken my original comment out of context. I was responding to fromheart who alleges women want men fitting this description. I said that those women will be single forever.

 

(This is a problem with not being able to quote the post above - leads to confusion)

[major_merrick]

For online dating, it is ALL ABOUT NUMBERS. Demands put people off, both male and female. But if the average male profile gets 10 views a day, that man can't really afford to irritate and put off 90% of the women who view his profile. However, the average female profile gets many, many times more views than the average male profile. The woman can afford to put off 90% of her views and will still have more messages in her inbox than she can deal with. If she is good looking, at least.

 

That's the modern online dating experience. In terms of contact quantity, it is great for women and terrible for men. In terms of contact QUALITY...I couldn't say.

[Woggle]

Anybody man or women is allowed to have standards.