Magi-Raistlin Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 All right, here's the story... I'm 22, and just broke up with my fiance about two months ago. We had been having problems for about 8 months. I finally just said enough was enough. We were really just grown apart. She was ready to settle down and devote herself to God, a family, and a career. I on the other hand wanted to be true to myself and could go on no longer trying to be the person that was suited for her. As much as I cared for her I couldn't continue. So after 5 years with her, I called it all off. Today I find myself, and for several months while I was still in my relationship, interested in a woman whom I am friends with. When I told her that I had broken up with my fiancé she was shocked and impressed, because she too has been contemplating whether or not she should remain with her boyfriend whom she has been dating for 6 years. We've known each other for over a year, and have been flirting for a good long while now. Even a little inappropriate touching from time to time. I would like to ask her out, but do not want to overstep my bounds. We were out having drinks the other night and she asked me, "Out of all the people that you're going to school right now with who do you see yourself dating the most." I then laid it out there, "You actually." I explained that I liked her personality. That she was friendly, outgoing, and just fun to be with. I then turned the table on her and asked her the same question. She replied, "You." We're scheduled to have drinks on Thursday...I don't know what I should do. Part of me wants to be bold, and ask her to take a chance and leave her boyfriend. Which is what she's already been thinking about doing. However, the other part does not want to take the chance of hurting a friendship. To be honest I don't think it would bother her because she knows that I'm interested in her. I just haven't asked her out because of that whole boyfriend thing I am sure that if she was not with her boyfriend I wouldn't be on this message board right now. However, I guess she just hasn't had that straw that's broken the camels back. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.
westernxer Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 You like her and are gonna have drinks together this week. Don't talk about your feelings for her, and don't talk about her boyfriend. Screw friendship...
Nur Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 Well, the way I see it, the ball is already in her court. She knows of your feelings, and has expressed to you that she returns them -- now it is up to her to decide whether to keep her current boyfriend, or if she wants to start something with you. Perhaps just bring it up casually, if you really want to take the initiative, and see how she reacts. If she is dismissive or laughs it away, you should drop it. If she perks up, as if she's been hoping you'd mention it again, then you know she might want to discuss the possibility...
Jayhawks Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 Back off until she decides which one of you she wants to be with. Don't force her to choose. You will come out the loser. You have made your intentions clear and it is now her decision. Don't put your life on hold waiting for her answer.
elijahBailey Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 s'long as she not married, it's fair game, although quite a few folks here in LS seem to disagree with going after someone who's already in a relationship. btw, don't act clingy, don't give her the impression that you'll crumble without her. Don't be there every time she needs you. Give her to the impression that things 'could go either ways', know what I mean?
Author Magi-Raistlin Posted September 28, 2005 Author Posted September 28, 2005 There's a lot to consider. I agree that the ball is in her court. There's no need to push her, and I suppose there's no reason to rush her into making this decision. Obviously I would be thrilled if she broke up with her boyfriend; however, I'm not going to sit here either and wait on it to happen. Thanks for the advice everyone.
Author Magi-Raistlin Posted September 30, 2005 Author Posted September 30, 2005 Well I figured I'd let you know how things went. We went out and had a good time. Had a few drinks and what not. She mentioned that her boyfriend sent her flowers to the job, sense they've been fighting over the past weekend. I didn't really comment on the subject. I pretty much decided **** it. I wasn't going to be like, "Uh...hey, how about you leave your boyfriend and go out with me." I also decided that I wasn't going to just sit there and let her think that I'd wait on her forever either. So I gave her something to think about. I told her that this girl, Christy, that we both know and I were suppose to go out last weekend and have some drinks. However, I didn't call her. I then told her that I thought I'd call her and go out with her this weekend. I could tell she didn't really particularly find that idea to her liking. She made some comment, jokingly, about her being an over achiever and she didn't know if she could hang out with me if I did that. I responded jokingly (of course), "Well you know, if I'm getting some...I think I can live with that." She laughed it off. Then when we left about an hour and a half later I forgot my to go box with my left overs in it. She handed it to me. I then said, "What would I do without you Sarah." Her response, "I don't know. I'm no Christy..." Her response made me laugh. I had done what I had wanted to accomplish. I had given her something to think about: he's not going to sit around forever and wait on me. While the ball was in her court before. It wasn't deep enough in there. Now it's all in. You know what though. Sarah's great, and I could see myself going out with her, but I'm not going to cry if it doesn't happen. Christy is a great girl, and single to boot. Less drama, and baggage to deal with. That’s a win situation. I talked to her tonight briefly, and she told me to call her this weekend and we'd get up. We shall see how that goes, but right now I’m 22, just broke up with a woman whom I had been dating for 5 years and was engaged to. Therefore, I’m in no rush to get back into a serious relationship right away anyway.
westernxer Posted September 30, 2005 Posted September 30, 2005 Way to fight fire with fire. It's good you let her know there are plenty of fish in the sea.
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