tukorob9 Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 Background: I (26 M) have been seeing a girl (26 F) for almost 10 months. We are not officially together but we are both mutually exclusive. We had a talk about us being together about 4 months in and we both agreed that we wanted it but at this time it was too soon. Problem: I have no idea how to talk about us moving to the next step in our relationship without freaking her out and potentially ruining the good thing we have going right now. BUT I do really want to keep this relationship going and moving forward. Action: How can I bring up "the talk" without freaking her out?
Twizzlestick Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 What is the next step you mention? You mention exclusive but you’re not together. I find that a bit confusing. Sounds like something she has defined. Something you’re (understandbly) not entirely sure what that means and have gone along with this confusing definition rather than rock the boat. 10 months in is a long time to not have that ironed out if it’s something you want. Also 4 months of dating wouldn’t be too early to say you’re an item in most people’s eyes. At ten months in if you want to know if you’re BF/GF just say straight to her. You can’t be tip toeing about at ten months. Better find out now than keep being strung along. Just get her over to your place, nice meal, movie and a drink then start chatting. Tell her how you feel and are you both a proper item now. Have some positive cheery confidence with what you say. That’s all there is to it. If she “freaks” doesn’t matter what way you could’ve said it or if you’d taken her for a ride in a ballon with champagne. If she feels the same as you, asking her whilst going shopping would illicit a positive response. Essentially you’re not trying to talk her into it, rather offering a chance for her to display genuine feelings and any commitment towards you after more than a reasonable amount of time not being sure.
h0000 Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 So 10 months you are exclusive FWB? And you worry if it will scare her off if you want to make her GF? Dont you see the problem? 1
SumGuy Posted August 21, 2019 Posted August 21, 2019 I'm also wondering what the problem is? Having to put a label on it can kill a good thing. Actions not labels. If you have been exclusive for 10 months you are "officially dating" you are boyfriend-girlfriend no matter what you want to call it. It walks like a duck, it quacks like a duck, it is a duck. Do you mean having sex, as the next step? If you are keeping it secret, address that about being more in each others lives, don't make it about a label. Make it about whatever togetherness thing you'd like more of. You can't use a timeline or how long you have been together to get someone to accelerate, believe me, oh believe me.
Blanco Posted August 21, 2019 Posted August 21, 2019 I'm in my thirties, but feel woefully out of touch with modern dating. I was under the impression for a long time that agreeing to be exclusively dating was more or less the same thing as being an official couple. I didn't realize that so many people considered the two separate. And honestly, I'm not sure how they're different enough to really consider them separate stations. Is the only real differences that you don't refer to them as your boyfriend/girlfriend and if one of you sleeps with someone else, you're not really cheating?
Versacehottie Posted August 21, 2019 Posted August 21, 2019 Too hung up on titles IMO. You basically ARE what you are worried about asking her. If she runs now, you just wasted 10 months by being too timid.
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