all my hope is dead

[lostinmymind]

I feel like all hope is gone. For the last three days I have been doing nothing but sitting around in a depressed state and once in awhile randomly breaking down. I have gotten the things I need to do done, but I don't even remember doing them. I really have no joy anymore. I'm so self-conscious now, I always wonder what is wrong with me, or if I'm acting or looking like an idiot.

 

I keep seeing my ex and it is unavoidable. I've been trying to stay away, but she just lives too close to me.

 

For some reason we have had various conversations in the last couple days. I learned that she no longer is in love with me, she only wants to be my friend, she used to love me a lot but just doesn't anymore, she thinks I am acting like a crazy person, she says I'm a perfect guy she just doesn't want me, and I have supposedly driven her to want to move away from here. She says she never meant to hurt me...did she think leaving me wouldn't hurt me? She told me noone is going to want to be with me if I act like this. She said "why would I want to be with someone who acts like this?" Right now that is the only motivation right now I have to move on, but I feel like even if i do, and then don't get her back, I will crash even harder.

 

She is mad at me, and thinks I should be fine now and I should be willing to be her friend. Like it's some consolation prize. I feel like such a worthless, insignificant person. All the things I used to do to make myself feel better are having NO effect. I just feel like I'm being tortured all day, everyday. I never thought I would get this bad. She broke up with her other guy, and started being friendly with me, she makes phsyical contact with me, she looks into my eyes like she sees something. I started to get hopeful. Then she just pulled away. She got back together with the other guy a week after she dumped him in an LDR.

 

I'm devastated with the person she has become. I miss her, the old her, so much. I'm always sick to my stomach with grief about this. The old her is still there, but for some reason she thinks it's not what she should be. She thinks people want to see some cardboard cutout of jessica simpson. How can a person be so misguided?

 

I am seriously heartbroken, and have been for the last 5 months or so. I feel like all the joy in my life is missing, I feel like half of me is missing. How do people move on from this? At this rate I feel like I'll just die eventually.

 

I can act fine, I can even be happy sometimes, but it doesn't last. I still cry every night, I still will be walking to class and want to start crying, when I see someone who looks like her I get so sad, when I actually see her I can't help but have a huge smile on my face.

 

I guess I just have to move on, I just don't know how. When she came along I didn't even like her at first, but I fell SOOOO hard in love with this girl. I don't want to give up hope but I feel like all hope is just gone now. I'm just pathetic, honestly.

 

Sorry all this was so EMO. Don't even bother to tell me I need help, I know I do. I know that when I'm like this, she will never want me, nobody will want me, and that makes me feel even worse.

 

I've always been such a resilient person, nothing really ever got me down before, and not for very long. Now I just feel like I lost the best thing in my life and my best friend all at the same time. Our relationship was SO good, and then she just dumps me. I asked her when her feelings changed, and she said AFTER she ended it with me. That's what really, really, really hurts me.

 

Sorry about all the whining. I just feel like it's almost the only thing I can do anymore.

 

I'll just continue to act like everything is fine like I have been, but this is what is going on inside me.

[lostinmymind]

Sorry, I just had to get all that out. Just a note to everyone who reads that: I'm really working on making myself better, maybe for the wrong reasons, but it's a start right? I can't seem to do it for the right reasons. I'm just definitely not happy or hopeful. That is my problem.

 

Everyone feels like I just talked about once in awhile, I just serioulsy have the WORST possible scenario I can imagine. Living in the same apartment building across the hall from my ex and we have some of the same friends.

 

I'm living in HELL!

[johan]

I've felt like you feel before. Nothing anyone ever told me helped me because it was my problem to fix all by myself. Talking to people about it seemed like a good idea, but no one had the magic words. In the end I decided it was me hating myself that was my problem.

 

You have to focus on other things. You have to remind yourself what's important in your life and then you need to go after it. The things you were passionate about before are still there so don't forget that they are just as important as ever.

 

You're feeling like this because you're doing it to yourself. She isn't standing over you minute after minute telling you to feel like crap. You're telling yourself to feel like crap. You're blaming and criticizing yourself for all of it. You're highly focused on problems you may not even have and you may be obsessing with what she's told you about yourself.

 

Well you know you better than she does. You know you're a good guy. So treat yourself right and live your life. If she doesn't want to be a part of it then you know some other girl will. And if that girl moves on there will be another. And each one will be better than the one before, until you meet the right one.

 

Be strong. Don't let yourself down.

 

What I said is the truth and you'll have to come to it yourself in time. It won't happen all at once.

[johan]

Living in the same apartment building across the hall from my ex and we have some of the same friends.

 

I'm living in HELL!

 

I agree. That really sucks.

[loveisallaround]

Your post definitely saddens me. I'm truly sorry this had to happen to you.

 

I was in the same boat circa five months ago. He was my bestfriend, my confidant, my inspiration - just as I imagine this girl was to you. And then wham! For no evident reason, it's done. With little or no justifcation.

 

I'll give you the advice that I eventually followed myself: Pull the plug on all hope. The relationship is over. Your only choice is to move on. It's kinda like ripping off a bandaid, the faster, the better. The more you flounder in false hope and delusion the longer you prolong your agony.

 

Following a strict NC policy isn't essential. And in this case it sounds totally out of the question. Keep things polite, easy and breezy. Don't be angry, vindictive or depressed as hard as it is. Show her some compassion but acknowledge it's done and you're off to a brighter future, hopefully in the arms of somebody who's right for you.

 

At times like this, I also like to focus on appreciating what I do have. What has been offered to you. It helps ground you and not let you get completly dragged away and overwhelmed in feelings of despair.

 

All the luck and love in the world! You can do it!

[georgiagirl76]

One of the reasons you are so afraid that this feeling isn't going to end is that you didn't start taking steps to get over her until now. Eventhough your break has been a while- you remained hopeful and delayed your grieving process until now. Try to move on and eliminate her from you life as much as possible or you will end up hurting longer than you have to. Read my threads on NC- it works- it really helps you heal.

I am sorry you are hurting.

[ButtonPusher]

I felt much the way you did for awhile after breaking up with my ex, but reading the things you wrote now, god, I realise you're feeling down, but you just sound so much like a weiner! And I bet I did too, a few months ago.

 

Listen dude, you dont need help from a counsellor or anything like that. All you need is for a few weeks, or a few months away from your ex. If you live in the same block then move. Its not that hard (Im a student too, if I can do it you can). Stay away from her and come and read this post in a few months and you will probably be ashamed of how pathetic you sounded, and you'll have a good laugh.

[Rocko]

I feel like all hope is gone.

 

First step to recovery is to admit it's over.

 

For some reason we have had various conversations in the last couple days. I learned that she no longer is in love with me, she only wants to be my friend, she used to love me a lot but just doesn't anymore, she thinks I am acting like a crazy person, she says I'm a perfect guy she just doesn't want me, and I have supposedly driven her to want to move away from here. She says she never meant to hurt me...did she think leaving me wouldn't hurt me? She told me noone is going to want to be with me if I act like this. She said "why would I want to be with someone who acts like this?" Right now that is the only motivation right now I have to move on, but I feel like even if i do, and then don't get her back, I will crash even harder.

 

There is no such thing as being "in love." Love is always built up over time through dedication and commitment. I have learned this the hard way; through the same pain that you are walking through right now. Forget about her, she's not worth your time. Give up control of that hope, and you will regain control of your situation. And tell her to move!

 

She is mad at me, and thinks I should be fine now and I should be willing to be her friend. Like it's some consolation prize. I feel like such a worthless, insignificant person. All the things I used to do to make myself feel better are having NO effect. I just feel like I'm being tortured all day, everyday. I never thought I would get this bad. She broke up with her other guy, and started being friendly with me, she makes phsyical contact with me, she looks into my eyes like she sees something. I started to get hopeful. Then she just pulled away. She got back together with the other guy a week after she dumped him in an LDR.

 

She's on a different page than you are. Simple as that. You have every right as a man to walk away with your head held high, and that doesn't take physical distance to do. Her feelings don't matter anymore. It's hard to realize that, but its also very, very true.

 

I'm devastated with the person she has become. I miss her, the old her, so much. I'm always sick to my stomach with grief about this. The old her is still there, but for some reason she thinks it's not what she should be. She thinks people want to see some cardboard cutout of jessica simpson. How can a person be so misguided?

 

The old her has died. That is why you grieve for the loss of a loved one.

 

I am seriously heartbroken, and have been for the last 5 months or so. I feel like all the joy in my life is missing, I feel like half of me is missing. How do people move on from this? At this rate I feel like I'll just die eventually.

 

You will die, in a sense. You will shed your outer shell and a new, revitalized, you will be displayed for all the world to see. Happened to me, it will happen to you.

 

I can act fine, I can even be happy sometimes, but it doesn't last. I still cry every night, I still will be walking to class and want to start crying, when I see someone who looks like her I get so sad, when I actually see her I can't help but have a huge smile on my face.

 

She is the one who should be smiling at you.

 

I guess I just have to move on, I just don't know how. When she came along I didn't even like her at first, but I fell SOOOO hard in love with this girl. I don't want to give up hope but I feel like all hope is just gone now. I'm just pathetic, honestly.

 

I've walked the same path you are walking.

 

Sorry all this was so EMO. Don't even bother to tell me I need help, I know I do. I know that when I'm like this, she will never want me, nobody will want me, and that makes me feel even worse.

 

Everyone here forgives you, and in time, you will forgive yourself.

 

I've always been such a resilient person, nothing really ever got me down before, and not for very long. Now I just feel like I lost the best thing in my life and my best friend all at the same time. Our relationship was SO good, and then she just dumps me. I asked her when her feelings changed, and she said AFTER she ended it with me. That's what really, really, really hurts me.

 

Stop talking about love with her, and find that non-love-related passion and focus on that. Trust your future with fate, and you'll be liberated. Listen to Hoobastank - Pieces.

 

Remember, it gets worse before it gets better. Good luck bro.

 

 

- Rocko