Steinman Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 This O.L.D thing is seriously the pitts. Are there any decent people out there without hangups or commitment issues and the like? I'm tired. So, here goes. About a year ago I matched with a woman. She is truly beautiful and at first sight my heart skipped a load of beats. Stunning beyond words. Regardless, our exchange was short and lasted about a day before it fizzled. We never physically met. Then, a month ago we match again, and things progress further. We hang out, find out we've got loads in common, she invites me to her house, and spends a weekend at mine where we essentially stayed in having sex (she initiated) and just enjoying each others company. Great memories were made. A couple of days after our weekend together I asked her where she saw things going, as things, in my opinion, had really taken a step in a very positive direction. She informs me that she is in a difficult position emotionally and that she has to be careful who she introduces her two preteen children to and that she can't make mistakes. She also told me that she was still meeting/talking to other people. Thinking it was still early days I played it cool, and requested to see her a couple of days later to collect some stuff of mine I left at her place. Honestly, it did bother me a little. On the day of me having to go to hers to fetch my stuff, she asks me if we couldn't maybe meet earlier as she had a lunch appointment with one of the people she was still talking to. I was quite annoyed by this. I went to pick up my stuff (this past Friday) and had a calm chat, told her that we were on different pages, and that I could not be investing in something such as the situation being created where things are kindof hanging. It really was unpleasant and all I could think of was when I first matched with her a year ago and how great it was to finally meet her, spend time with her, and now, having to tell her that I was out... What a contradiction. But I also had to stand for what I felt comfortable with, which this wasn't. I left her place and the whole day passed. Late Friday afternoon she texts me asking if I'd like to join her and her kids for dinner at a local restaurant. I already had plans with friends so I had to pass. But, I started thinking that maybe my chat planted a seed. Sunday morning, I get a similar invitation to join her and the kids for lunch. I decided to go. We had a great time and she even offered to settle the bill. Later Sunday evening I texted her saying that I was glad we got to spend some time, and that I understand what a big step it was introducing me to her kids, and that I enjoyed seeing her. No response. Monday morning, a quick text her way to say hi....no response. Same thing this morning. I asked her later today what was up. "I'm just very busy the last two days". I tried to make conversation once or twice further... Short responses. I just pressed "delete" on her number. Did I do the right thing here?
SumGuy Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 Sounds like you did the right thing. There is all sort of flaky or self-centered stuff going on here on her side.
Pepsi38 Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 Why is she introducing you to her kids at this stage? And after having basically said she's not sure if she wants anything serious and is dating around. that is something that should happen way down the line when a serious relationship has been established. She sounds irresponsible to me.
mark clemson Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 She informs me that she is in a difficult position emotionally and that she has to be careful who she introduces her two preteen children to and that she can't make mistakes. She also told me that she was still meeting/talking to other people. I think she was telling you how it is right here. I think you wanted a bit too much too soon for her. You've indicated she is very attractive so she probably has lots of options (even with kids) and is playing the field a bit. You could have stayed in the running (IF you wanted to) by pressing less IMO. For example, if she says she's busy, she's busy. Give her more space. You had it right when you were waiting a few days, rather than pinging for attention multiple times in a day I think. You may have come across as needy. It's easier said than done. You feel how you feel, but sometimes it's important to NOT act but wait if the situation calls for it. You did it for a while, but couldn't maintain it. Consider going for a less "stunning" woman who may have fewer options and so values you a bit more and will presumably devote more of her time to you to ensure she doesn't lose you. Full disclosure: I'm not dating. 1
Author Steinman Posted August 20, 2019 Author Posted August 20, 2019 I think she was telling you how it is right here. I think you wanted a bit too much too soon for her. You've indicated she is very attractive so she probably has lots of options (even with kids) and is playing the field a bit. You could have stayed in the running (IF you wanted to) by pressing less IMO. For example, if she says she's busy, she's busy. Give her more space. You had it right when you were waiting a few days, rather than pinging for attention multiple times in a day I think. You may have come across as needy. It's easier said than done. You feel how you feel, but sometimes it's important to NOT act but wait if the situation calls for it. You did it for a while, but couldn't maintain it. Consider going for a less "stunning" woman who may have fewer options and so values you a bit more and will presumably devote more of her time to you to ensure she doesn't lose you. Full disclosure: I'm not dating. Yeah I get your point. I failed to mention that she alluded to the fact during our weekend together that she felt she can finally shut the mass-dating off, and that she was going to have to have some difficult conversations with some people. All good signs... But, blowing hot and cold also isnt a good sign, and in my opinion quite disrespectful if on the one hand you're sleeping with someone, but still want to play the field and blatantly tell someone that...maybe i'm old-school that way. In essence i'm looking for a partner where games and juvenile competition are not parts of the equation. 1
kendahke Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 Yes you did the right thing. Let her go off and do her. She's got too much going on to focus on anyone. It's too bad people just can't be honest with themselves instead of being selfish in their wants. She's not in the mindset to be in a relationship. 1
Sunlight72 Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 Sounds like you did the right thing for you. She's all over the place. That's really got very little to do with you, her life is just un-directed at this point.
kendahke Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 to add: I dont' see how people live with themselves after leading the other person on--she knew she wasn't emotionally ready for anything when she agreed to restart your involvement, so why did she wait until you mentioned taking the next step to let you in on this decision she's made? That couldn't have been said when you said "hi" again to each other on the dating app.
Author Steinman Posted August 20, 2019 Author Posted August 20, 2019 Sounds like you did the right thing. There is all sort of flaky or self-centered stuff going on here on her side. Oh my! Well, I can confirm the self-centered... I got a text from her 5 mins ago. She's been quiet cos...hear this...the lunch she invited me to with her two kids, that she paid for...apparently it was my duty to pay for it...According to her, if someone invites you for lunch, and you accept, you as the guest are liable for the bill. W...T.....F....?! High horse...anyway, yeah, I did the right thing. 1
mark clemson Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 You're right, but also consider: Probably a woman like this is used to the man at least offering to pay for lunches, etc. Why settle for a "cheap" guy when there are probably plenty willing to spend quite a bit on her. Not saying you're not doing the right thing for you in walking away. I personally consider frugality a virtue. However, she may not feel that way about men not offering to pay on (what she probably perceived as) a date.
kendahke Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 According to her, if someone invites you for lunch, and you accept, you as the guest are liable for the bill. Since when? I'd send her a bill for all the dinners/dates/activities you invited her to and she accepted. She's effing crazy.. .I feel sorry for her kids.
Author Steinman Posted August 20, 2019 Author Posted August 20, 2019 You're right, but also consider: Probably a woman like this is used to the man at least offering to pay for lunches, etc. Why settle for a "cheap" guy when there are probably plenty willing to spend quite a bit on her. Not saying you're not doing the right thing for you in walking away. I personally consider frugality a virtue. However, she may not feel that way about men not offering to pay on (what she probably perceived as) a date. I offered to settle the bill. She declined my offer. Said in her last text I should have insisted to pay the bill. Hahahahaha. Plus, where in the world do you and your two kids go for lunch, and you invite a guest and then expect the guest to foot the bill for you and your kids unless there's some form of commitment? Nah, the crazy is strong here.
mark clemson Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 Fair enough. Agree that saying you should have insisted when she actually declined is manipulative. Perhaps there are reasons why she's single despite being so attractive. Oh well. 1
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 She's not this or that, it's just that you two want different things. IMO she would have been perfectly happy with something casual. In fact she thought it was because the majority (not all) of men that use OLD are just looking for hookups.
Gretchen12 Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 A stunningly beautiful woman doing OLD for over a year? Something isn't well. The reason can range from the more innocent "too picky" to the distastful -- That Sunday night if she had her way she'd have fed the whole family.
BJP1991 Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 Why is nobody acknowledging the fact he actually screwed up initially by pushing for a relationship after one date and hookup??? Lucky for you, it didn’t kill her interest, like it should have. Never pursue for a relationship so early on with a woman - that’s like dating 101. Try dating other women and you won’t be so obsessed over only one of them. 1
Author Steinman Posted August 21, 2019 Author Posted August 21, 2019 Why is nobody acknowledging the fact he actually screwed up initially by pushing for a relationship after one date and hookup??? Lucky for you, it didn’t kill her interest, like it should have. Never pursue for a relationship so early on with a woman - that’s like dating 101. Try dating other women and you won’t be so obsessed over only one of them. I am in fact dating a bunch and was starting to narrow down. She also expressed interest in moving towards a more-than-casual interaction more than once. I think I'm entitled to also know where things were headed as I was picking up she was blowing hot and cold. Like I said, I may be old school that way. Modern dating isn't easy as well, as people play games. Anyway, regardless, the "I invited you for lunch with my kids, meaning you have to pay the bill" mindset killed it off completely. There's a serious case of entitlement here that I'm not willing to deal with.
rightondude Posted August 21, 2019 Posted August 21, 2019 Anyway, regardless, the "I invited you for lunch with my kids, meaning you have to pay the bill" mindset killed it off completely. There's a serious case of entitlement here that I'm not willing to deal with. I think this was a BS excuse to cover for some other reason, sorry brother. You're better off, keep at it.
chillii Posted August 21, 2019 Posted August 21, 2019 God almighty the parents out there just never stop amazing me. One minute she's tellin you she has to be very careful about who she intro's her kids too, screws you for a wkend next she's inviting you out with them, even while she's still seein other people, wth is wrong with her. Man , that alone would have me spinning the wheels .
Rayce Posted August 21, 2019 Posted August 21, 2019 God almighty the parents out there just never stop amazing me. One minute she's tellin you she has to be very careful about who she intro's her kids too, screws you for a wkend next she's inviting you out with them, even while she's still seein other people, wth is wrong with her. Man , that alone would have me spinning the wheels . I agree here... what is up is down and all mixed to this person. Better luck next time. 1
kendahke Posted August 21, 2019 Posted August 21, 2019 Perhaps there are reasons why she's single despite being so attractive. Exactly--that's why you have to give new involvements at least 3 months before you start talking commitments because by the 3 month mark, the "on their best behavior" representatives have been dismissed and the "real you/real them" come to the fore--and that's the person you're going to be dealing with from now on, not that sweet, cool person you thought was so hot. Might be interesting to talk to her ex about why they're divorced. 1
Rayce Posted August 21, 2019 Posted August 21, 2019 Might be interesting to talk to her ex about why they're divorced. I am sure most ex's would not have anything nice to say... Would you want someone checking in with your ex's?
kendahke Posted August 21, 2019 Posted August 21, 2019 I am sure most ex's would not have anything nice to say... Would you want someone checking in with your ex's? they'd find out nothing but what a great person I was and how he ruined everything by cheating on me...
smackie9 Posted August 21, 2019 Posted August 21, 2019 I don't know why people think just because some girl who is attractive who makes the choice of playing the field, or who is still single, say there must be something wrong with her. Sorry guys but this has been picked to death. BJP1991 got it right.....the OP blew it, by jumping at her for a relationship way too soon. that's it.He could have gotten nicely laid for awhile, with some companionship with the opportunity to date other women at the same time.
Rayce Posted August 21, 2019 Posted August 21, 2019 they'd find out nothing but what a great person I was and how he ruined everything by cheating on me... My ex cheated on me too... I am sure he would say the same things about me... how wonderful I was and how he messed it all up.
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