Eliza Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 I've had a couple of bad relationships - learned from them - particulary more effective ways of communicating and handling myself better in conflict. My current boyfriend hates conflict (as most of us do). In fact he doesn't like to discuss anything even if its calmly. He runs constantly on a happy level, which is great, but life isn't always that way and we must still learn how to work out things together as a good couple. Last night he made a comment that hurt my feelings. I said "what you said hurt me, but I know you didn't mean it, please give me some space just to let it go and all should be ok. I can't 'rush' this feeling out of my system." I thought this was a mature and responsible way of responding and he said a few minutes later "so when's the silent treatment up and when are you going to stop cracking it?" I was dumbfounded. He totally disrespected by handling of things and made it into a bigger argument. Ok, your ex used to go silent and not communicate, but please don't pigeon hole me! His 'get over it attitude' is a bit over the top and I keep saying that I can't have brain surgery to remove all emotions except happiness! That's life!! But there are ways to handle conflict properly. Please tell me I was on the right track and that I have a right to my feelings and he must learn to respect them.
Outcast Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 I think one of the worst possible people to be with is a conflict-avoider. As you see, they get hostile if you try to discuss things but, worse, they never say a word when they're upset. They just keep it all inside and then one day take off after giving you a lengthy list of everything you did wrong. I wouldn't go any further in this relationship unless he's willing to learn how to discuss issues - either with the help of a therapist or by reading books with you or something.
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