Girlfriend going to Vegas with Girlfriend for 7 days..

[kendahke]

Thank you for getting back to me - I think it is the marketing that get's me. You read about Vegas changing your desires and the place dripping in drugs, sex and gambling.

 

 

That was back in the 30's - late 90's. Vegas now is so sanitized that people bring their kids to vacation there, too. Certainly there are seedy areas of town, but they are so far away from the strip and you'd have to know where you're going--tourists are encouraged to stay close to the strip.

 

She has been cheated on, but she has never cheated and she was dating guys on and off when I met her, but she stopped seeing them casually to start a relationship with me.

 

Could your anxiety be more about you need her there with you for support in this monumental court decision coming up and you're not speaking up for what you need from her? You've got to own your voice and speak up for what you need--that will allay a lot of your anxiety because you'll know exactly where you stand.

 

I have a couple of questions to try to get perspective:

 

1. How long have you two been dating?

2. Which did you find out first--the date of this trip or the court date?

3. Did she plan this trip knowing of this court date?

 

Breathe--it's just 7 days out of eternity. From what you've written, she doesn't sound like she's going to go there and forget she's in a relationship. None of the responses you've shared from her so far indicate that she's not invested in you. Quit the contrary--she sounded low-key offended by your presumption considering she knows exactly how it feels when a partner cheats.

[BA_23]

When was the trial date set, and when did she plan this vacation? Does it bother you that she is going to Vegas instead of being with you for the trial?

 

In fairness she had booked the holiday just as we met and the trial as delayed by a good 6-8 months. So no I don’t mind, it would bother me if she forgot to ask how it went though while she is over there..

[BA_23]

Unless she's given you reason before to worry, don't sweat it. You've got to trust her. And just because you have that gut feeling something will happen doesn't mean that it will.

 

She never goes out of her way to speak to guys or make me feel like I have to be worried. On nights out she always ends up sending me a message asking how my night is and that she is home safe. So no, never given me a reason.

[BA_23]

I have a couple of questions to try to get perspective:

 

1. How long have you two been dating?

2. Which did you find out first--the date of this trip or the court date?

3. Did she plan this trip knowing of this court date?

 

1. How long have you two been dating? 9 months

2. Which did you find out first--the date of this trip or the court date? She booked it before I knew dates, she booked it the month we met as she had planned it before she met me

3. Did she plan this trip knowing of this court date? Nope

 

 

I mean in regards to support as long as she remembers that I have court and asks how it went that’s fine with me. However, whether she remembers while she is in Vegas or not is another matter. I feel like she should though..

 

She was abit offended I think that I thought she was capable of such a thing. Like it angered her a little that is why she said “what type of girl do you think I am?”

 

So yeah it’s gonna be a tough 7 days dealing with the WHAT IFs but just gonna dig deep and see it out i guess. It’s sad as she has total 100% trust in me and if I was going Vegas she would be ok.

Edited August 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[schlumpy]

So yeah it’s gonna be a tough 7 days dealing with the WHAT IFs but just gonna dig deep and see it out i guess. It’s sad as she has total 100% trust in me and if I was going Vegas she would be ok.

 

If she was a bit miffed and gave you the old, "what kind of girl do you think I am?' then I think she's not realistic. Human beings are many times different people from what others would consider normal when on vacation, in a place far from home, where there are no social ties to embarrass. That's just human nature. It doesn't mean we can't control ourselves but the temptation is there.

 

Throw in a group of friends who are daring you, for their own amusement, to step outside your boundaries and it becomes quite a test as to whether you are that kind of girl or not.

 

So don't feel you are letting her down because you are cautious. You are not. To recognize what can happen will serve you well the rest of your life if you can keep others (not speaking of other forum members) from talking you into looking the other way.

 

While you are waiting, please consider this. I would not like it if she had 100% trust in me if the roles were reversed or that she would be ok with me going off on a drunken holiday. I think it indicates you care about her much more then she does for you.

 

That puts you at a significant disadvantage as you are finding out right now with what you are feeling.

 

Think of some ways you can even that up. Either bring her up to your level of passion or reduce your own feelings down to hers. Ideally, it's always better to never love someone so much that you can't walk away.

 

Trust her, until she proves that you can't.

[Allupinnit]

Me.

 

 

ten characters.

 

I'm tapping out after three days max.

[dispatch3d]

If it were me, I am way too insecure to be ok with a 7 day vegas trip with 5 single girls going along and 4 girls in a relationship. Nah-ah, could not convince me this is a good idea.

[kendahke]

So yeah it’s gonna be a tough 7 days dealing with the WHAT IFs but just gonna dig deep and see it out i guess.

 

You really have no choice.

 

It’s sad as she has total 100% trust in me and if I was going Vegas she would be ok.

 

From all of your answers, she's not giving you any reason to doubt her character, her devotion to you or her feelings about exclusivity, so why are you intent on inventing a reason to distrust?

 

It probably would be a good idea to research methods of self-soothing when you feel as if you're out of your emotional element/depth. It's a practice that will benefit you in the years to come.

[olivetree]

So sorry about your sister and dad.

I can't imagine how hard that must have been/must be.

 

About your gf, it sounds like she is loyal and has integrity, and runs with the same crowd.

I think you have nothing to worry about.

[fromheart]

Sorry about your loss.

 

My father passed 5 years back, my sister last summer.

All sorts of other troubles since then.

 

Bereavement changed my perspective on things. I agree with what many of the posters here are saying, Id be saying the same 6 years back.

 

In your position now I would probably end it. Or, just have her as a good time girl. I no longer have the patience or time, to wonder what a gf is doing in Vegas. If she didn't cancel her party in Vegas to be around when I was going through something difficult, I wouldn't consider her as relationship material.

 

If she's going on holiday when your going to trial, that may always be the case when life gets challenging. In my experience, people's behavioural traits never change.

[BA_23]

Hi all,

 

Apologies I have been absent for a short while, I was taking some time to clear my thoughts.

 

Yesterday was much better: I went into work and was positive and kept my mind free of worry and was really just being more rational.

 

Last night I saw my girlfriend and it was jokingly bought up by some of the housemates that she looked good enough to get hit on in some of her outfits.

This later led to me saying 'you are extremely attractive and it will likely happen, you being hit on.' She quickly refuted this and got quite defensive. The only thing she was interested in she said is 'looking better than the other girls' which I just kind of chuckled at.

 

She then explained that when I say something like that it comes across to her like I am thinking she will cheat. Implies that she is capable of doing such a thing and it angers her.

 

She said 'just trust me that I won't cheat' before ending it by saying 'you can say boys will hit on me as much as you like, I ain't bothered because I know I won't cheat'.

 

 

Now since I originally posted here that worry had somewhat dissolved in my mind, largely due everyone here offering such honest opinions. That is about affirmative as I can get from her and it was kind of unexpected as well.

 

However, I did apologies as I didn't mean to imply that, I as merely stating I am off the opinion she will get hit on.

 

Anyway - I am feeling in a better head space at least at the moment. I actually feel quite sad for her as she only just looked at the pool parties this week and night swim and she said it's not her scene. So as much I was worried, I wish she was excited about the party side because they look fun.

 

Regarding my sister - we got an update this morning, the offender will be pleading to the most serious charge of death by dangerous driving. Sadly it will likely be a short sentence as the justice system in the UK is crap. So one last court appearance next week and it'll be closed.

 

So yeah that is where I am at, will I be back when Vegas comes? Defiantly, even if there is no worry and it's just a post to let everyone know how it went. At least then this thread may help other's who are browsing for some help in the same situation.

 

Replies still welcome from you fantastic people!

[preraph]

There's plenty to do in Vegas without hooking up. She doesn't sound like she plans on hooking up at all. Of course, you can't trust guys, but if you don't trust your gf, there's bigger problems and they're not about Vegas.

[Art_Critic]

This is all about you and not about her, she doesn't seem to have anything deviant planned and is just going for fun.

 

My wife just got back from spending a week in Puerto Rico with a GF of hers...

I had hoped she was going to have a good time and it seems she did.. but I didn't think she was going to cheat on me.

Did guys hit on her when she was there.. I don't know.. I hope so though as that type of thing is good for their self esteem.

 

You need to learn to stop the movie playing in your head that she is going to be hit on by guys and cheat.

[kendahke]

The bottom line is you don't trust her... and now she knows you don't trust her.

 

That passive aggressive comment you made about guys hitting on her has nothing to do with her--you're making seems like it's her responsibility to control strangers and that's not her job. Her job is to not give them an audience.

 

Learn to self soothe without dragging passive aggressive comments into the mix.

[preraph]

Sorry to hear about your sister.

 

Just remember that if someone wants to cheat, they could do it anytime in their daily routine, at lunch, in the office supply room at work, a quickie on the way home, whatever. Most people who cheat cheat right where they live. They don't bother to go on vacation to do it!

 

She sounds like she has reassured you every way she knows how and truly cares about you. If not, she'd have gotten her back up about even talking about it and used it as an excuse to "take a break" or something, if she was looking to get out. She's not.

 

Be prepared for her not texting you all the time while she's gone. That's natural on vacation. She'll be busy with all those friends and little chance to collect her wits. If she looks like she is having to keep texting you, one or more of them will start thinking you're clingy or something, so just know it probably will not be as often, but be pleased if she at least checks in once a day. Just remember it's annoying when you're with people but can't concentrate on them because someone is texting you even knowing you are busy with people.

[smackie9]

They will be burned out after the second night and go do quieter things like shopping, go see a show, hang by the pool. I bet they will split up and the single ones will do more clubbing, while your gf and a few will walk around and people watch. Don’t sweat it.

[preraph]

^ I think Smackie is right on the nose on that. Some of her group may party hardy, but there's enough of them they're not all going that route.

[Daisy2013]

Just because she is going on a girl trip doesn’t mean she will cheat. I went to out of the country on a trip with my best friend and we did not cheat. Didn’t even think about it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

7 days seems like a long time to be in Vegas.

 

With that said, I go on a girls trip every year, each year somewhere new. Group of 10 of us. About 10 years ago we went to Vegas. Nobody hooked up or cheated on their spouse/boyfriend/SO. The worst thing that happened was one of the girls participated in a wet Tshirt contest at Coyote Ugly and we all "danced on the bar" (a stage next to the bar and if you do it you get a free shot....or you did anyway). It was all very innocent. We went to a lot of shows, danced, and played some slot machines. And none of us are ugly (especially 10 years ago). But, none of us were cheaters. None of us have come close to cheating in the last 17 years we've done an annual girls trip.

 

Sorry if I missed it, but have you been to Vegas? It's really not all debauchery.

[Poutrew]

I say it really depends how raunchy her friends are. If they are decent girls, then nothing will happen. If the 'bad girl' talks the others into going to an off-strip strip club, then anything is possible. Just observe her when she gets back. If she did something to be feeling guilty over, then her behavior will be the tell. She may never say what happened or what she did, but you'll know something happened... Another tell is when it is your turn to go to Rio with the boys for 10 days, and she frets over you cheating on her - it will be a case of transference. She cheated, and assumes you will too... so just keep your eyes open - really it's about all you can do. Overall, I also agree with the ones saying that's a long time to be in Vegas. It isn't the party city it used to be. The Recession (actually near depression) has hit the city hard. Things were better a decade ago. Better shows, better gambling, better food. A decade ago, the best buffet was at the Rio, but now it is just so-so. The best food is now at Caesars, but you will pay for it. $60 and up for buffet depending on the day, and the food at the other places ranges from so-so, to hospital quality. And you will still pay $40 on up for the stuff Payoffs are lousy and the machines are tighter than a virgin's sphincter. I just came back from there a few weeks ago, and either the city will be better in another decade, or a ghost town if things don't improve...

Edited August 23, 2019 by Poutrew

[crispytoast]

If I were traveling to a foreign country with friends, I would want to stay at least a week. If I didn't have a partner to come back to, probably longer than that. It's not like they're driving from Arizona.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

If I were traveling to a foreign country with friends, I would want to stay at least a week. If I didn't have a partner to come back to, probably longer than that. It's not like they're driving from Arizona.

 

Oh, I somehow missed this was an international trip for them.

[BA_23]

Hi all,

 

 

So an update really on how it's been since she landed Tuesday.

 

 

 

First night they went out had a great time and one of the girls had something explicit happen to her on the dancefloor.

 

 

 

Last night they all went out and my gf, her sister and another friend went home early because they were tired and thougt the show they were at was crap.

 

 

 

The friends who stayed out ended up in a penthouse after party - one of them showered and cheated on their bf, while the girl from the first night along with the one who cheated apparently let a substance be used on their breasts.

 

 

 

 

Now my girlfriend has been in contact every day, told me she loves, sent me pictures, facetimed me for two minutes lol. However, it concerns me that she has people like that in her group and how long will it take for the rest of the group to be corrupted to that way of behaviour?

 

 

 

I don't know it just alarms and slightly angers me because before the holiday as you've read my gf was insistent 'nothing will happen with any girl, there not like that.'

 

 

While am also a little worried because when I said if she went back to a party with guys along with the girls i'd be uncomfortable with that and she said 'i would go though because if everyone else did I would not want to be the girl who didnt go, I would not do anything, id just want to go for the party'.'

 

 

So yeah am a little worried right now, because everything I said would happen has and everything she said wouldnt happen, has.

[Lotsgoingon]

Look ... if you can't trust your gf on a trip like this ... this isn't the woman for you.

 

I don't mean this as this worry is your problem, your fault. I'm saying you might have reasons to distrust ... in either case ... this relationship is somehow unstable and not solid.

 

One of the first things to screen for is can I trust some. First thing ... beauty disappears if you can't trust someone.

 

I wouldn't want everyday detailed updates ... Just a hi and a quick note.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You can either be miserable and spend your time obsessing and not trusting her or you can put it out of your mind and trust her. It's your choice.

 

And IF she betrays your trust, well, then you will have found out what kind of person she is. But, just because there is one woman in the group with loose morals doesn't mean everyone is willing to be a cheater.