Anabell3177 Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 Hello all, I need advice! Met a guy on OLD. Hit it off. We both say in our profiles we want relationships. He moved the talking to texting quite quick and we texted a lot. I actually wondered if he was going to ask me out at all at one point! But he did. (I did later ask him playfully what took him so long and he hinted he doesn’t like rejection) First date we went to a bar for a drink. Lots of chemistry and flirting. He said he’d like to see me again. He mentioned going for a walk the following day (which never happened). He text me after the date saying he had a lovely time. He asked me out again a few days later. We went for food. Lots of kissing at end of date. I then noticed texting from him trailing off a little. I initiated the next date which ended up happening about 10 days after the second. I asked him if he’d like to go for a walk but he suggested Netflix and food at his... I politely declined and said I wasn’t ready for anything sexual but he said he respected that. I went over anyway and he didn’t push for sex. Texting from him picked up a little after that, but we had no next date planned, and two nights in a row he drunk dialled me a LOT asking me to come over which I declined. I started thinking he only wanted me for sex and pulled back a little. He has now gone out of town. He picked up on me pulling away over text and phoned me yesterday. I said I was a little disappointed that we hadn’t seen each other for so long and no date planned (I go on vacation for a few days when he gets back, which he knew, so we now won’t see each other for a while). He said he didn’t plan anything because he wasn’t sure if I was interested. He didn’t say why? My only thought is that maybe he has perceived my declining going to his house as rejection? Anyway. I made very clear on the phone I am interested! Interestingly he didn’t say if he was interested In response? But apologised for not planning anything. I said I’d really like to see him when I’m back and he said great but here we are, still with no date planned. It’s been over a week since I’ve seen him. He returns on Thursday and I go away until a week Wednesday. What do you guys think? I’ll be honest, I am not used to chasing! On the one hand, he’s basically told me he is a bit insecure, he seems to enjoy validation and compliments (but doesn’t give it back?), he initiates texts a lot (75% I’d say), responds to texts very quickly, drunk dials me when out with his friends, is affectionate on dates and shows an interest. On the other hand, our first date was 4 weeks ago, second was a few days after, and he hasn’t initiated any dates since (apart from invites to his late which I’ve interpreted as booty calls). 3rd date was nearly 2 weeks ago and I won’t see him now until next week at least. He has never told me he is actually interested in me. We have no next date planned despite me having asked if he can plan in advance to avoid us missing each other. Should I write this off?
smackie9 Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 He has spent more time trying to get you to spend the night, than not ....it's a no brainer. I would have ditched him a long time ago. He might be one of those guys that wants a test drive before he wastes his energy dating someone. 1
Author Anabell3177 Posted August 19, 2019 Author Posted August 19, 2019 He has spent more time trying to get you to spend the night, than not ....it's a no brainer. I would have ditched him a long time ago. He might be one of those guys that wants a test drive before he wastes his energy dating someone. Wow thank you smackie. Interesting. I absolutely get the impression he likes to test drive based on some things he was telling me about dating on date two! I have been very clear with my boundaries luckily.
Gretchen12 Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 The guys that are just looking for sex also say in their profiles that they want relationships.
PRW Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 He is just another dime-a-dozen needy desperate guy trying to get laid. They are every where, and the younger age range you are in the worse it gets. The 20's range right now is just a total disaster. I spend time on Reddit in "/r/dating" and it is full of people ranging from 16yo through their 20's. I have to come back here to get a break and recharge. 1
Author Anabell3177 Posted August 19, 2019 Author Posted August 19, 2019 The guys that are just looking for sex also say in their profiles that they want relationships. True. I’m not saying he definitely is because he put that in is profile. But I also think that maybe, just maybe, he’s put a lot of effort in since we started speaking 6 weeks ago for someone who just wants sex? I told him I wasn’t down for hook ups before I even met him. Plus when I went to his apartment he didn’t try to initiate it? Maybe I’m being naive.
Author Anabell3177 Posted August 19, 2019 Author Posted August 19, 2019 He is just another dime-a-dozen needy desperate guy trying to get laid. They are every where, and the younger age range you are in the worse it gets. The 20's range right now is just a total disaster. I spend time on Reddit in "/r/dating" and it is full of people ranging from 16yo through their 20's. I have to come back here to get a break and recharge. Oh man, the common consensus here is that he just wants sex. We are both 31 FYI but I find men in their 30’s to be just as bad as those in their 20’s in this respect.
SumGuy Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 ... On the one hand, he’s basically told me he is a bit insecure, he seems to enjoy validation and compliments (but doesn’t give it back?), he initiates texts a lot (75% I’d say), responds to texts very quickly, drunk dials me when out with his friends, is affectionate on dates and shows an interest. Is drunk dialing a good thing? Should I write this off? Yes, for all the reasons given to this point in the thread.
Itsjustme2000 Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 He could be thinking you're using him for dates and possibly attention. Personally I don't do more than three dates because there is a high risk that I could be being used. This is especially true if I then get turned down if I invite you over. On top of that this guy is insecure like myswld, so his guard is up. He was probably hurt like me and now is very cautious about being used which would explain why he hasn't given you another date.
Author Anabell3177 Posted August 19, 2019 Author Posted August 19, 2019 Is drunk dialing a good thing? Not necessarily. I’ve only ever done it to men I like though
Author Anabell3177 Posted August 19, 2019 Author Posted August 19, 2019 He could be thinking you're using him for dates and possibly attention. Personally I don't do more than three dates because there is a high risk that I could be being used. This is especially true if I then get turned down if I invite you over. On top of that this guy is insecure like myswld, so his guard is up. He was probably hurt like me and now is very cautious about being used which would explain why he hasn't given you another date. This is an interesting perspective, and is also my fear that he’s perceived my declining his invites to his in this way. Truth is I’m not asking him to spend money on me, though, hence why I suggested we go for a walk. I just don’t feel I can get to know someone by just going to theirs all the time.
SumGuy Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 Not necessarily. I’ve only ever done it to men I like though Men drunk dial women they want to sleep with. If they have any modicum of manners or self control don't. It is a booty call, pure and simple, especially given you barely know each other. He'd like to sleep with you, he doesn't like you irrespective of your bod, and really has shown no interest in doing so. If he really was in to you he'd be jumping at the chance for a walk together. That is a great way to be with and get to know someone (especially if you are insecure) because it gives you a chance to talk, in private, just the two of you. A walk is a real time waster if you just want to get in someone's pants. 2
SumGuy Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 This is an interesting perspective, and is also my fear that he’s perceived my declining his invites to his in this way. You shouldn't. A walk is a very get to know you kind of thing. Asking you over to chill and watch Netflix on the second date screams I just want to hook up with as little effort as possible. If he is hurt you turned him down for his incredibly romantic offer to come over to his place and sleep with him on date two then you should get away from him even faster. Truth is I’m not asking him to spend money on me, though, hence why I suggested we go for a walk. I just don’t feel I can get to know someone by just going to theirs all the time. If figured from your posts tone and that you really haven't gone out with him this was the case. As you say, you also offered to go on walks, a great inexpensive way to get to know someone and pretty trusting.
stillafool Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 But you didn't turn down his invite to come over to his place you turned down sex before you went. This guy is screaming "Booty Call" to me. You compliment him but he doesn't compliment back. You tell him you like him and he doesn't say it back nor is he trying to set up a date with you. It does seem like you are the one making all the effort and still it's not happening. I would throw this fish back if I were you.
Author Anabell3177 Posted August 19, 2019 Author Posted August 19, 2019 But you didn't turn down his invite to come over to his place you turned down sex before you went. This guy is screaming "Booty Call" to me. You compliment him but he doesn't compliment back. You tell him you like him and he doesn't say it back nor is he trying to set up a date with you. It does seem like you are the one making all the effort and still it's not happening. I would throw this fish back if I were you. This is so true. Not getting anything back from him is the hardest part to deal with.
emeraldgreen Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 He wants and sure thing and he's tired of working for it. An interested guy will never confuse you.
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