Wrong Reasons Not To Date

[Bill08]

Do you think there's ever a wrong reason to not date or it does not matter what the reason is as long as I think it is right for me? After-all it is not like I'm hurting anybody by choosing to turn down dating opportunities right?

 

My intention is to go out on 1 date with a woman and then just move on after that. Nobody gets hurt because I don't promise these women marriage or any other type of commitment. I am just asking for a 30 minute coffee date and then I move on after that. Besides not every woman that agrees to go out with me is going to be interested in a 2nd date. If they are not interested then it is just as well that I am not calling her again for a 2nd date.

 

Since I am posting to a bunch of strangers here I have nothing to lose by revealing my reasons for giving up on relationships but just sticking to casual dating.

 

I have many reasons but the biggest reason is my health. I have a cancer history and while I am currently in remission there's a chance the cancer will come back. I think about that every day. There's no guarantee I will stay in remission and live out a normal lifespan of 100 years.

 

I also don't give ear to any advice that says don't think about it until it happens. That does not work for me. I do not have to be like you. I am the kind of person who needs a chance to prepare for problems and hardship before it happens. This way it does not become a total shock when it does happen.

 

I don't want to be in a position of a serious relationship and the cancer comes back and then having to make a decision to end a relationship. In a scenario where my cancer does return I wish to live out my last days alone and waiting on myself no matter how weak I get. I don't want anybody else waiting on me. This is not an issue of feeling emasculated if a woman waits on me since I don't even want friends or family around in that situation. I will manage.

[Veronica73]

Do you really enjoy having 30 minute coffee dates with a bunch of different women? Doesn’t sound like much fun to me.

[Bill08]

Yes it is fun for me. I like the anticipation of meeting new people. Don't worry. I pay 100% for these dates and I don't use women for sex. Nobody is getting used or hurt.

[Veronica73]

I don’t see anything wrong with it.

[Gaeta]

What she has to gain in this?

 

 

Why would she go through getting ready, fix her hair and make up, drive somewhere, for a man that won't want to see or talk to her again?

[Bill08]

What she has to gain in this?

 

 

Why would she go through getting ready, fix her hair and make up, drive somewhere, for a man that won't want to see or talk to her again?

 

Just because she agrees to 1 date does not mean she automatically wants to be my girlfriend. Men and women go on a date for all kinds of reasons. It does not assume anything about the future.

[crispytoast]

My friend started dating a guy who is battling cancer. Before they started dating, she mentioned fear that she would fall for him and then he would die on her. In the end, she decided that she didn't care and liked him enough she would risk it. They are now quite happy together and she has been a positive influence on his recovery.

[Bill08]

My friend started dating a guy who is battling cancer. Before they started dating, she mentioned fear that she would fall for him and then he would die on her. In the end, she decided that she didn't care and liked him enough she would risk it. They are now quite happy together and she has been a positive influence on his recovery.

 

I'm glad that it worked out for them.

[smackie9]

OK so you have made up your mind in how you are going to approach this.....what are you asking from us?

[Gaeta]

Just because she agrees to 1 date does not mean she automatically wants to be my girlfriend. Men and women go on a date for all kinds of reasons. It does not assume anything about the future.

 

 

You are not answering my question. What is there in it for her? When a woman goes on a date she doesn't know if they'll be a second date I agree but the 'possibility' is there and that's what brings her there. With you there is NO possibility, so why would she go on a date with a man that 100% won't see her again? Is your intention to not tell women this will only be a 1 time deal?

 

 

 

 

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[Bill08]

You are not answering my question. What is there in it for her? When a woman goes on a date she doesn't know if they'll be a second date I agree but the 'possibility' is there and that's what brings her there. With you there is NO possibility, so why would she go on a date with a man that 100% won't see her again? Is your intention to not tell women this will only be a 1 time deal?

 

 

I don't think I need to worry about telling them that it is only going to be 1 date because I am not that attractive enough anyway for most women to want a 2nd date with. Telling her would come across as presumptous and arrogant on my part. Unless she is coming on heavy about wanting to go out again I don't need to worry about explaining anything.

 

 

And no not everyone dates thinking about a possibility of long term commitment.

[Bill08]

OK so you have made up your mind in how you are going to approach this.....what are you asking from us?

 

I just don't take advice from people who try to make me feel guilty for worrying like it is some deadly sin.

[Gaeta]

I don't think I need to worry about telling them that it is only going to be 1 date because I am not that attractive enough anyway for most women to want a 2nd date with. Telling her would come across as presumptous and arrogant on my part. Unless she is coming on heavy about wanting to go out again I don't need to worry about explaining anything.

 

 

And no not everyone dates thinking about a possibility of long term commitment.

 

 

You may not be aware but for many women getting that first date is a big deal and you'll just be wasting their time and adding to their hardship.

 

 

 

I find your plan insensitive and selfish. Women are not toys you can play with.

 

 

 

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[Bill08]

You may not be aware but for many women getting that first date is a big deal and you'll just be wasting their time and adding to their hardship.

 

 

 

I find your plan insensitive and selfish. Women are not toys you can play with.

 

 

How is this any worse than a friends with benefits arrangement? Going out on 1 date does not mean I have signed a contract agreeing to the possibility of a serious relationship. Any woman who takes it as an unspoken contract of a serious involvement has their own issues.

 

Maybe you can clarify what a reasonable expectation is on a 1st date? Are you suggesting that people who have no intention of a serious commitment shouod not date?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

Maybe you can clarify what a reasonable expectation is on a 1st date?

 

That there's at least a chance there might be a second one.

[Veronica73]

I don't know. He was talking coffee dates. I really don't see the big deal about asking someone to get coffee. I wouldn't spend a hell of a lot of time getting ready and doing my hair etc for a coffee date. Maybe they can develop a friendship. Whatever. Coffee is just coffee as far as I'm concerned. If they expect more that is their own fault. On the other hand, if they met on OLD and the woman made it clear that she is looking for a relationship, then he is just wasting her time.

[NuevoYorko]

IMO it's unethical to date people if you know they are looking for something you are not. If the women are openly looking for relationships, or sex, you're wasting their time. If they are looking for a casual get-together, why not.

[Bill08]

With online dating I would already know to pass by the profiles of women that directly say they are looking for a serious relationship. With online dating these days they give folks many different options of what they expect to get out of their dating experience.

 

Since I would be avoiding those specific profiles then it doesn't even become an opportunity to waste a woman's time since I won't meet her or even contact her online.