babybrowns Posted August 18, 2019 Posted August 18, 2019 (edited) Hello all, this is long but a bit of a complex situation, I would really appreciate some advice. I went on a first date with a guy last week that generally went well, he asked me a lot about myself and shared a lot about himself. He ordered a bottle of prosecco for us to share, I'm not that big of a drinker so I just had 1 glass or so of it and he had a lot, he started to get a little intoxicated towards the second half of the night. There were a few strange things in the date that made me question his motives. He was very flirty and did touch my arm a few times, saying I have 'velvety skin'. Towards the second half of the date he asked if I would mind if he sat on my side of the table with me (I was on the sofa side so he came onto the sofa with me). I politely said yes but made sure to keep a bit of a distance between us which he generally respected. He joked and he said he "hopes I don't take advantage of his drunken state and take him home", which was the only sexual flirtation amidst the other lighter ones. Towards the end of the date, he wanted to take a selfie with me so we did. That same evening as he was walking me to my bus stop he talked about a second date, he said we could do dinner or cinema or tennis since we had those things as common interests. I suggested we do dinner and a movie on a Friday night, he asked me to choose the movie and even the restaurant so I chose the movie and suggested he choose where we eat so that both of us have an input in it. He is going abroad in the middle of this week for a week so we set a date for after he gets back, date was set for about 2 weeks away. He texted me the day after, saying he enjoyed himself and that he might kiss me next time. This was sweet but I told him I'm a girl who tends not to kiss until about the 3rd or 4th date. He said ok let's make plans for the next 3 dates then, he is anxious to get to the fourth and put an emoji. Since we met, he has been texting me every day, sending me pictures of what he has been doing and asked what I'm up to as well, remembering things I had told him about what I would be doing this weekend and asked how they went. This was all very nice. But today, he left a voice message saying that he needs to move our date to the Saturday evening not the Friday since he now has to go into work on ththe Saturday and thus can't stay out too late on the Friday. The Saturday might be a little tricky for me which I told him but in my head I was thinking I could possibly arrange to see him that day. He replied saying he can try to see me early this week instead then, before he goes abroad, by swapping his shift at work with someone, which sounded like he was really interested in spending time with me until he said he "really wants to see that movie with me and fears it won't still be in the cinemas when he gets back from abroad". I replied saying that going to the movies during the week would get late for me since I have to be up early for work. He replied saying he understands and yes he ought to finish packing for his trip that evening anyway, that he's gonna watch another episode now of that series he was telling me about and goodnight. I was hoping that when I said a 'movie would make it too late a night', he would have suggested that we could still meet this week and just do food instead, making it an earlier night, but he didn't. So here's is my concern: is he genuinely interested in spending time with me or does he just want me as a companion to watching a movie? Out of 'food and movie' which I had suggested he seems to be prioritising movie. So we don't have a next date fixed and he has simply gone back to normal conversations which at this point I'm feeling demotivated to give much energy to. I'm not sure what to do next, should I just wait to hear from him again? Or should I take the initiative and suggest a food-only date this week for the evening he had suggested for the movie, even though he said he "has to pack anyway"? Thanks in advance for the advice Edited August 18, 2019 by babybrowns
Lotsgoingon Posted August 18, 2019 Posted August 18, 2019 He likes you ... he's acting like he likes you ... that's clear ... The problem is ... he sounds needy and annoying and socially awkward. He's jumping ahead ... talking about kissing ... He should just let the kiss emerge ... sounds like he's going through the motions without going through the real E-motions of bonding, and rapport and flirting and increasing attraction and so on. He doesn't sound manipulative to me ... just socially inexperienced. If he didn't propose dinner without movie, most likely that was an oversight on his part. He's making it pretty dang clear he wants to see you and is alerting you to microscopic scheduling changes ... and communicating a lot with you (too much I think). And his brain is on overload thinking about you--clearly! ... So don't take offense there. Actually this is a guy you want to go ahead and say, "I would enjoy going to dinner even if we don't go to the movie." He just sounds like in his head, he thinks a good date is dinner AND a movie. So he's not so flexible and quick on his feet. If you're cool with that, keep going. Question: do you like him? If you do ... you might need to tell him to relax and slow down and that things will be OK. 1
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2019 Posted August 18, 2019 He's been working real hard to be flexible, so ya, you need to step up and suggest an alternative for this week that would fit his schedule...but don't leave it too late. 2
Saracena Posted August 18, 2019 Posted August 18, 2019 Sounds very keen to me OP. His actions are making this very clear to me! One thing though-you come across as a bit intense so try to relax and go with the flow a bit more! Also instead of analysing his motives etc etc, flip it a bit and concentrate more on deciding if he's a good match for you. Good luck. 1
Maggiemay1 Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 You complain about him being too much and then complain about him being too little!? When he said do the movie night midweek and you said it would be too late , that was your cue to say , we could do dinner only. A date that involve movie and dinner is predominantly about the movie anyway. Who cares what he is after at this point? You don’t even know if you like him yet , that’s kinda the point of dating!!! To find out! 2
Calmandfocused Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 Why don’t you message/ call him and say something like: “Been thinking and I’d really like to see you too before you go away. I think I have a solution. We could always meet for food and skip the movie until after you come back. What do you think?” Just go for it. You’ve got nothing to lose and clearly you want to see him too. I’m wondering if he’s getting lukewarm vibes from you. In which case show him that you are interested. That’s of course if you are .... 1
Author babybrowns Posted August 19, 2019 Author Posted August 19, 2019 (edited) He's jumping ahead ... talking about kissing ... He should just let the kiss emerge ... sounds like he's going through the motions without going through the real E-motions of bonding, and rapport and flirting and increasing attraction and so on. Thank you all for your replies so far, I'll try to see him soon. Yes Lotsgoingon that's it exactly: I do like him but something that is putting me off is the excessive flirting/touching. He is assuming that it's ok (and normal?) and seems not to read my body language in that I want to keep a bit of a distance. He is not letting me develop attraction naturally and treats me like I'm already his girlfriend (minus the kissing of course). Our date last time went well until he asked to sit on my side of the table next to me at which point I got rather uncomfortable. I am wondering how to make him ease off a little bit? Edited August 19, 2019 by babybrowns
Maggiemay1 Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 Our date last time went well until he asked to sit on my side of the table next to me at which point I got rather uncomfortable. I am wondering how to make him ease off a little bit? He respectfully ASKED could he sit next to you to which I’m assuming you replied yes to. He also did NOT get too physically close and did NOT try kiss you on first date. If you are not attracted to him , then why pursue this? 1
Saracena Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 If you are not attracted to him , then why pursue this? Er yes. It sounds to me you're not actually attracted to him OP. Are you?
Watercolors Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 The fact that he tried to get you drunk with the prosecco -- but got himself drunk -- is really tacky to me. Um, hello, does he not have good manners? To get sloppy drunk on a first date, then attempt to get handsy with you by feeling your arm's skin (which is super pervy to do with someone you are a complete stranger to), calling it a weird name like you were a plush toy or something. I'd run from this one. If I had to grade his first date manners, he'd get an F from me. I mean, he invaded your space whilst getting sloppy drunk so it was as if he was on this date by himself, or FOR himself. He tried -- and failed -- to lovebomb you with that silly arm stroking, space invasion, and the weird compliments about your skin's texture. He JUST met you for god sake. He should have been far more gentlemanly, not got sloppy drunk and try to entice you to be his sober cab home, so that you'd have to drag his heavy butt inside to his place, plop him down on his bed, and conveniently have sex with him (I'm just assuming this was his drunken thought process). Everything he did was uber tacky. I mean, uuuuber tacky. I'd say close the door on this one. I know I"m the only naysayer in this thread but egads, everything he did was a total turn off. You are LUCKY he didn't get to shove his tongue down your throat although considering how drunk he was, he probably would have just licked your face with his tongue instead. Throw this fish back. He's gross.
Maggiemay1 Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 The fact that he tried to get you drunk with the prosecco -- but got himself drunk -- is really tacky to me. I mean, he invaded your space whilst getting sloppy drunk so it was as if he was on this date by himself, or FOR himself. Everything he did was uber tacky. I'd say close the door on this one. I know I"m the only naysayer in this thread but egads, everything he did was a total turn off. You are LUCKY he didn't get to shove his tongue down your throat although considering how drunk he was, he probably would have just licked your face with his tongue instead. Throw this fish back. He's gross. He didn’t try to get her drunk! He bought one bottle of prosecco only!!! She had one glass , perhaps a second poured which meant he had 3 glasses max! Barely enough to get someone beyond legal driving limit if drank over 2 hours!! He made a joke about being under the influence only as a flirtatious move. So what? He NEVER made an inappropriate move on her at all! That’s not because of luck on her part it’s because he remained a gentleman! Wow! I think the younger generation are not going to procreate and this is the beginning of the end of the world lol 3
elaine567 Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 Wow! I think the younger generation are not going to procreate and this is the beginning of the end of the world lol Seems to me Mother Nature has a habit of limiting populations that get out of control, maybe this IS the fate of the human race... 1
Maggiemay1 Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 Seems to me Mother Nature has a habit of limiting populations that get out of control, maybe this IS the fate of the human race... Lol!!! It’s so bizarre to me! I remember meeting a guy for drinks and it was in a bar that had booths. Half way through the date he asked could he sit next to me rather than opposite. It’s definitely more comfortable and less interview like. We did end up in a long term relationship. It’s a natural move when people are attracted to each other. But I don’t think the op is attracted to this guy and paying more attention to dating rules devised by spinsters lol 2
dispatch3d Posted August 20, 2019 Posted August 20, 2019 guy is probably gunna put some bigger moves on you than sitting on the same side of the booth in the future, assuming things go "well". Also this planning, as a guy 1 date in, I'd assume you were trying to ditch. If you like a guy do not move dates and be very flexible at the start, you don't have leeway/a history of good behaviour, you won't get away with it with a lotta guys.
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