TheDiva Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I think you were right when you IMed him! STALKER He is desperate to make sure you don't do NC. but he did the first deal breaker, he went back.And I am still shaking my head at his statements of "NEXT TIME I LEAVE" WTF! I am sorry you have to go through this "alone" but you know you always have LS. Don't let BS's bug ya. don't mean to get religious on ya but think of what Jesus said, "Forgive them father, they know not what they do" The BS's know not where to place the full blame. Though they do know where the blame lies, they just don't want to see it. They will make any OW a scapegoat for their pain, and they will probably find their H's start up a new A, because while they are in here being mean, they aren't attending him. The stages of grief! Aren't they wonderful :sarcasm: 100% no going back! That is the focus, whatever it takes to make sure you stay there or outta there! (well within reason no need going out and getting drunk or doing drugs) Keep strong! Keep posting! He isn't worth the pain he put you through. No one that loves you will put you through that kind of torment!
Author lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 Yes its ok i think of it as a new start out with anything that is dragging me sown i have a toxic friend i mentioned ,MM,not close with family ,lots of issues but i can only save me right now, and build a fresh life,have U ever had a big mess ? U start moving stuff around ,and it looks worst then U get rid of a few things,U find things U dont need or like &toss them,well i am a pack rat:( yes and i feel he is a stalkerish not like him i mentioned his truck to my neighbors cause i havent changed locks yet. I know BS but i feel "she "is being harassing ,she asked me was i drunk out of nowhere WTF pi$$ed me off bad ,i reacted badly:o maybe we are helping each other somehow ,shes getting her hits in at a OW ,maybe she will eventully find an understanding ? I dont expect agreement i dont know,just a little understanding ¬ so much hatefulness?too much 2 ask 4? yes:sarcasm: is fun at times no urges to drink i used to go out once in awhile ,but the smoking my general DR asked if i quit i said no he said if he ups my dose it may help that would be great! and U diva &everyone else has been more understanding ,supportive understanding ,here for me with enough reality in small doses not to drive me off the deep end!!
legrtova Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 You can do this! I can honestly tell you that the best thing I have done so far was to tell him it was OVER for REAL. Never to contact me again. I don't run to the phone no more...I know he won't call....I don't look for his car parked by my work, I don't look if I see him on the road... I have accepted the fact that I will not see him (unless we bump into each other, which is almost impossible unless we want to bump into each other...) I have been feeling so FREE....I almost wonder if I am really moving on, or if I am back in denial. I know there are many good days and many more bad days, but somehow I feel single again. I remember my life before him now, and I think of other things! I've gone hours without thinking of him!!! Is that even possible after only a month?? Did I just want to love him, or do I really love him? I miss him, but somehow I am OK with it. Is this gonna be a downer again tomorrow?! I hope it gets better for you all as well! (I will be probably crying on your shoulders soon...hehe)
Author lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 legrtova, U sound so great !!i am happy for U !! I cant wait 2 1/2 -3 weeks to go !! U will be fine when i hit my 3 weeks -1month mark im usually pretty good .....then a phone call ,IM or bump into at gym or walmart dont worry avoinding those things but if U read my earlier post today hes a little stalkerish this time ,he saw my car somewhere,i was at DRs &he didnt know which building i was in but he had to actully pull off road my car wasnt on road to be sure was mine MM"Was looking for you so i could say hi but did not know where you were" i dont think he was following me but its really odd ,again how many times do i have to give NC speech,U went back ,just want to be left alone . Im not replying to him but im worried he may be more aggressive this time ,why cant he get this ?i get so mad sometimes thinking OK U miss N love me but if U cant treat me good why dont U love me enough to leave me alone if U cant make me happy! sorry still not asleep so would up ate 1x today 1x yesturday,sorry i feel like a failure ,but at least im not contacting or breaking NC right?? Im ok this will only make me stronger , i will probly sleep all day tomorrow i hope i know im depressed guys sorry to vent to much:sick:
legrtova Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Oh, I'm only on my second day of NC, but we broke it off almost a month ago. Did you tell him not to contact you? This man sounds a bit scary....WTF does he want from you? If he wants you so bad, then he should f**** leave his W and work on R with you?! Is he just possesive? Controling? Aren't they all? Isn't it why they started an A?...to control someone in their lives, since their Ws dont' put up with their sh** anymore? You might have to take more drastic actions...like calling his wife to tell him not to follow you? Evil huh.... Keep me posted.. L.
Author lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 Oh, I'm only on my second day of NC, but we broke it off almost a month ago. Did you tell him not to contact you? This man sounds a bit scary....WTF does he want from you? If he wants you so bad, then he should f**** leave his W and work on R with you?! Is he just possesive? Controling? Aren't they all? Isn't it why they started an A?...to control someone in their lives, since their Ws dont' put up with their sh** anymore? You might have to take more drastic actions...like calling his wife to tell him not to follow you? Evil huh.... Keep me posted.. L. he Imd me sunday questioning car in driveway saturday he has no reason up here unless my house rural area no stores ,hes never acted like this before , after my closure on 9/29monday which was a mess he was mean not himself ,i told him NC ,its over if U ever leave totally 1day &are OUT not like this call me but not until then ,then that wednesday he shows up (which he hardly ever does w/o IM or a call)cause he left 2 CDS i restated stay away,love U ,U cant treat me right(when i say that i mean leave W) &i told him if i keep this going i am totally accountable so im not i dont think hes grasaping it hes logged into IM all the time&im only one he talks to he sent me a IM after i typed him" stalker" "he cursed me then typed if i wanted to see or talk IM him. one ear & out the other ! If he keeps up dont want to call W but i would call his dad which would pi$$ him off & get him a lecture for going back ,cause he has told his dad(which surprizes me)how much he loved me &wanted to be with me ,&his dad would make sure he stopped. i think it freaks him out that i was out of house ! sat i went out with girlfriend we parked her car took mine and when he saw my car yesturdayi was 20 mins from home , i usually dont go out alot so i think it has him worried he should worry all he wants i dont need his drama !
legrtova Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Sounds like he just wants to make sure you are as misserable as he is. I don't understand...he probably loves you, but he doesn't know that true love means making sure the loved one is happy. I told my MM that all I wish for him is to be happy...with or without me. I care about him, he is a great man, just a bit immature and messed up I was lucky, he respects me enough to obey my wishes. I am 99% sure he won't call. Like you, I told him to stay away until he is single...and even then who knows. He's hurt once, he will hurt me again. I know I love, and I'm glad I left when love was still there. Maybe you need to become a real b**ch to him? Tough call, I wonder if he is having a hard time dealing with the situation? For him it got out of control....he's lost power over you, and it freaks him out. He is jealous...can you imagine what would happen after you were together? Would he do the same thing after each fight? Would you follow you around on your 'girls night out'? He is insecure...he's cheated and he doesn't trust others they wouldn't do the same. You both would be looking over your shoulder constantly... Gee this sux. HANG IN THERE!!!!!! and get some sleep dangit!!!
heyitsmichele Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Hi, I guess this is just a healing process we all go through. Who ever knew love could hurt so badly, and change us all so much.. I admire everyone for being so strong, and i wish the very best for everyone who is healing. Reading how you guys stay strong really helps me to stay strong. All of you deserve to have a wonderful partner who will love you completely. Its so comforting for me just knowing other people are feeling the same way, and it gives me peace of mind knowing that one day I will not be in love with him anymore.
heyitsmichele Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 MM who cheat don't know what they want. People cheat when there is something missing in a relationship. I just can't understand why these men would put themselves through all this drama to begin with. I think you should call his wife. #$%^ it!! Let it all out in the open. Let her decide wether or not she wants to stay with a dirty cheater. You've listened to him tell you so many times that he would leave her ....how he loves you. Then he never leaves??? and shes at home thinking everything is ok? She has no clue he is stalking you still. There are really 3 of you in this relationship, and I think you need to come clean to his wife. If you are serious about ending it with him then tell his wife what is going on, and that her husband is still pursuing you. Just a thought. I know when my MM told his wife about us I felt a huge weight off of my shoulders, because then if they stayed together I could live with myself because she wasn't in the dark about anything. I got to tell her how I felt. Now that MM and I have a baby together I tell her to watch her husband because he is still after me. Its just another safe guard for me, and maybe it could help you.
Author lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 Yes in the past as soon as he cried im miserable i miss U im sad baby ,i took him back or accepted his call or IM ,i think he knows this it &hes scared . I wished mine happiness&hope of whatever happens ,ive told him in the past & before he left &when he was gone if U want to work out with W id understand ,i would miss him but id feel he would have C &be treated good or in Love with W but not the case ,W when he started to suggest he leave suggested MC he refused told her he was leaving after summer ,i bet hes still catching he!!with "mommy":lmao: And i told him before if/when he does decide to ever leave he has other issues he needs to work out 1st ,he is so angry but i think alot of it has to do with failing leaving etc . anyway sorry still not sleep only had that hour ive tried &ive cried cause i cant sleep im so up mentally but no energy ,wish i had energy for a cleaning spree! "I care about him, he is a great man, just a bit immature and messed up " is that my MM or URs:lmao: yes i love him stll even with all this ,he knows how i feel im a bigger girl then him(not physcially) He doesnt get jealous usually til hes not around as we dont go out together so he doesnt get to see other guys want me ,his dad will adjatate him at times & get him worked up. i worry about him ,im hurt n angry at him i love him, but i can only help me right now so hes on his own &i will not let let his issues and descions drag me down anymore. If he keeps up the stalkerish stuff i will call his dad:lmao:
Author lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 MM who cheat don't know what they want. People cheat when there is something missing in a relationship. I just can't understand why these men would put themselves through all this drama to begin with. I think you should call his wife. #$%^ it!! Let it all out in the open. Let her decide wether or not she wants to stay with a dirty cheater. You've listened to him tell you so many times that he would leave her ....how he loves you. Then he never leaves??? and shes at home thinking everything is ok? She has no clue he is stalking you still. There are really 3 of you in this relationship, and I think you need to come clean to his wife. If you are serious about ending it with him then tell his wife what is going on, and that her husband is still pursuing you. Just a thought. I know when my MM told his wife about us I felt a huge weight off of my shoulders, because then if they stayed together I could live with myself because she wasn't in the dark about anything. I got to tell her how I felt. Now that MM and I have a baby together I tell her to watch her husband because he is still after me. Its just another safe guard for me, and maybe it could help you. Its a good idea but i couldnt ,well until recently he didnt tell her tell her he wanted out,but if she had any sense i would think if U &H dont go out hardly touch ,have nothing in common 2 very differnt people,she is older ETC I believe he is staying for C ,truly feel that above all else&yes he is weak to do this cause even he says why be miserable. But i wont give her amo to ruin his R with C,and she would,And she would probly not kick him out ,she wouldnt get a D,It would just be something else for her to B*** at him about. and as i type this WOW im so worried about him ,sad ,but true. It will do nothing for me to tell her ,if he keeps on i will call his dad then if that doesnt work he would lose his job if it something like this was to come out,harrassment i would IM him &let him know this . I dont want to hurt anyone else ,C is who i mean not W ,sorry just the way i feel C is 5 almost 6& W will argue yell ¬ care C is around . And W is a stalker type so if I told her she would be on of those BS that would harrass me ,so then id have 2 of them
newbby Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 hello everyone, cherrie, no not pathetic, whatever gets you through. well guys, i can honestly say i am over him, but, not over it yet. i still feel guilty etc, cant believe i let myself in that position, cant believe i let him cheat on his wife with me, cant believe i let him use me. i feel sorry for them both and i am trying to face what it is in me that let someone use me like that. it is an awful situation all round. hey its michelle, i know that it must have felt better in many ways that he told her, and she wasnt in the dark anymore. i know it is something that i would not want to happen in my situation. yes, i hope that he sorts himself out so that one way or the other he can work out the marriage with her, but, i do not want him to tell her. i know that if she found out its something i would have to accept because i put myself in that position, i also know that he put me in that position too and i was weak. i believe that many times, the ow and the mm, both feel terrible about themselves for doing it, and they end up seeking refuge in each others arms again to feel better about this. this is a time when i know that we both have to deal with ourselves about this, and not seek the comfort from each other. i wish i could talk to him about that stuff, but, he is in more denial of himself than i am. i think he is less able and strong to face himself than i am. i think it is quite possible that he will seek another ow to make himself feel better, and not face himself. i just want to forget the whole thing, move on, forgive myself.
Sunset Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Downer day for me everyone, sorry to take the sparkle off but I am not coping at all well with this. Just been to MacDonalds and stuffed myself, felt temporarily better, but now just feel fat, full, sick and still miserable. I want to know he is missing me but I am pssed off because he hasn't even been in touch. I know It's childish but I sooooo want him to miss me just so I can say FU and feel better that he is miserable. I don't want him but I want him to realise I am doing NC - does that make sense!!!???? Its like I am doing all this effort with NC and he hasn't even noticed! Maybe that's a bad sign because this is supposed to be about me healing not getting one over. Just feeling sad - you are all in america it seems so everytime I log on no-one is there and I miss out on all the conversations until the next day.
newbby Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 sunset, well i have changed from the positive state i was in earlier and am now feeling very much as you described yourself. i too wish that he would miss me, but, i know he doesnt. at some point though, they will! whatever it was that he spent time with you for, are things that he wanted from you, and he cannot possibly not miss you.
Sunset Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Newbby :) Thank you, yes I did not think of it like that, maybe they aren't missing us at this moment but they will, esp when their other relationship is going through a rough stage, they will look longingly back... And it must 'hit them where it hurts' to not be having the ego boost of the attention from us don't you think? Eating MacDonalds isn't the answer, I need to get fit, my self esteem is at a really low ebb and I am doing myself no favours by stuffing Big Mac and fries, barbecue sauce and Macflurries down my neck washed down with full fat coke and a coffee. Sure felt good though!
newbby Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 well one step at a time. i forced myself to excercise today and feel better for it, but for the past few days i too have been eating junk, smoking too much etc.. of course they will miss us. i always think that too, even if it was just an ego boost, they are still being denied it now. exmm and i were friends and used to talk alot. it was he that messed that all up. he has to miss it, we had great fun talking. damn i miss it! at least we are dealing with missing them, we have taken it into our hands and are going through it right now. i always think it takes men longer to go through things, and they will miss us later, when we are over it!
foolinlove Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Ladies...who are feeling the ups and downs, strong then weak, hopeful then sad....remember these are MANY of the emotions we will go through within the next few weeks, maybe even months (hope not). No it is not childish to wish for him to miss and hurt over you...expecially for those who have given years of your life to this man. Its completely natural....he is wrestling with his ego right now...if he gives in an calls you..then it shows you YOU have the power in all of this, if he don't..he was the one to let you go, even tho you let him go? Men have HUGE egos that need to be filled by who and whatever they can conjure up. My MM called me after 2 days of NC..to let me know he understands why I am doing all of this and that he will try his best for me. Your MM ego may take just a little longer to come to terms that you are hurting and you loved him. Take advantage of the moments you feel up...write down what you are happy about...your feelings...and when you are down...read those things..try to get back to that place. The more time you put between the two of you and easier it will get...read many of the posts from OW...its not til around the 3-4 week marker you start to feel better, less sad. I've gone NC for 2 weeks once...and he moved out for 10 months...remember..there is HOPE..just don't hold your breath for it to happen. Being in social situations and taking in how other men act/react to you is helpful also, it reminds you that you are one hot sexy mama...that any man would be a fool not to fall for you. I'm feeling...hopeful today..why? I don't know! I guess because it is a better feeling to hold onto than sad or angry or longing. I miss him like mad, and know this is what i have to do for me...but someone PLEASE tell my heart all this..cause it own't stop acheing. Keep posting...its therapy
cherrie498 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Sunset MY feeling excatly!!! Just call me so I cant answer!!! I too have been stuffing myself FULL!!! Usually when NC kicks in I lose weight this time I am piling it on like I am getting ready for winter!!! I feel like I need something! I want him to WANT ME!!! to miss me...I am sure he is BUT .....Damn it!!! Let me know! I just feel crappy!!!! I feel like (I'm not) but feel like calling him being nice & inroducing him back to good ol fun, no worries cherrie (our last couple of months have been VERY stressful & we have fought more than anything) & then starting NC... I know that is just putting me into a bigger hole then I am already in. I just want to know that he feels my pain!!!
cherrie498 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 & since he isnt contacting me I dont know why I am putting myself through this when he may not even know what I am doing. What happens when he does?! Do I just call him now & get it all out or do I wait till he calls?!?!? Isnt it better for me to have the control? (well as much of control that I can given the situation) I wanna SCREAM!!! I try to get my mind off it....I cant when I am strong....wheww am I when I am weak ...........I AM WEAK!!!
newbby Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 no, doing nc is showing him that you dont have to put up with his sh*t. it is showing him he doesnt have any power over you, that if he wants you he has to step up and be a man about it, cos you are a woman who knows what she wants.
newbby Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 dont call him cherrie, that tells him that he doesnt have to bother, you will always come running after him.
cherrie498 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I am not....I just WANNA!!!! I feel like throwing a temper tantrum!!!!! lol Just frustrated, pissed!
newbby Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 go for a jog or something. or put on some loud music an dance it out.
Sami_D Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 & since he isnt contacting me I dont know why I am putting myself through this when he may not even know what I am doing. What happens when he does?! cherrie are you doing this for you? Does it matter what he thinks or doesn't think, does or doesn't do? Try and focus on you, and your needs. Try not to think about what he's doing. Wondering about how he's taking things is such a hard habit to break. Also, to everyone doing NC at this time... I just want to say - good for you, keep it up, be as strong as you can be. The rest of us are really behind you and hope you do well, because we might want to have faith in your story one day (... just thinking of myself here... if i need to break it off at some point). Lynne... I hope you're getting some rest x
Author lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 Downer day for me everyone, sorry to take the sparkle off but I am not coping at all well with this. Just been to MacDonalds and stuffed myself, felt temporarily better, but now just feel fat, full, sick and still miserable. I want to know he is missing me but I am pssed off because he hasn't even been in touch. I know It's childish but I sooooo want him to miss me just so I can say FU and feel better that he is miserable. I don't want him but I want him to realise I am doing NC - does that make sense!!!???? Its like I am doing all this effort with NC and he hasn't even noticed! Maybe that's a bad sign because this is supposed to be about me healing not getting one over. Just feeling sad - you are all in america it seems so everytime I log on no-one is there and I miss out on all the conversations until the next day. i may go to mcdonalds as well havent had fast food in a long while!! Im sure he misses U it takes them longer ,usually when u start feeling better from my experience EVERYTIME yes it is about U sunset ,like a watched phone never rings,let go of the hope i want & love him but for me to be happy with me ,him ,anybody i need to heal from this . i love him & want him to miss me & hurt ,cry like ive cried feel Ur body shake from the pain YES i want him to hurt .
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