newbby Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 hey michelle, i really really feel for you. i assume his wife knows about you then?
Sunset Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Well at least it's not just me who does not have PM! Will have to post loads more then - he he! Well ladies, it's day 5 and I am still on the NC bandwagon, big hugs to all those still on it or chasing after it and for sharing your pain and being honest. Its so nice to feel that others are going through the same and 'feeling part of a gang' is making me stronger, not wanting to let the side down! You are so right in that we all have to appreciate the permanent decision and that it isn't just about seeing if they change. Because let's be honest they always change for a short while, then when the have won you over they will revert back, making you feel like a cheap loser - I am always so angry with myself when that happens for giving in. I feel a permanent low feeling at the moment, hopefully that will pass soon. Not sure who asked, but yes I do love my husband but it got a bit stale, I still feel safe and secure and loved, just the passion seems to have gone - my fault - guess the guilt made me switch off. I know it raises the question 'WTF are you doing messing about then?'. All I can say in answer is that I don't really know, I enjoyed the excitement I suppose.
newbby Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 it was me who asked and it was not a judgement. just because i think its important to fulfil whatever space the mm filled in our lives to help us move on from them. well i think these are the worst days. in a couple of weeks we will all feel so much stronger, and yes it is so much better doing this all together. thats why it is important not to break it now when we have so much support from each other.
TheDiva Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Lynnered I have been laid up sick, and sorry that I couldn't continue to post on your thread. I have read up, (not all the way through:o ) BUt I have to say I am quite proud of you! You are standing firm on NC aside from the slip up and frankly I had to laugh at that:D I know that you will get through this, and come out stronger and way better off without him LOTS OF :love: To all in October NC :love: You are all so strong!
Sunset Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Sorry Newby, I wasn't suggesting you were being judgemental, I was more having a conversation asking myself why I put myself through it! Hope everyone is ok on day 5!
legrtova Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 You are all so strong! I know we will get through this... I am almost done with day 1 (again...hehe). This site is so great! Before I found this forum, I thought we had something 'special' going on. Even though I don't doubt the feelings were real, the assumptions I made throughout our relationship weren't. I read your posts and realize that it's THE SAME with every single MM, exactly the same patterns. It's kinda disappointing, but I can't help but laugh at my self for thinking he would leave his wife and C. Before I met my MM, I was VERY MUCH AGAINST women dating MM and vice versa. Never say never. I appreciate this as a great life lesson. I have learned not to judge, I have learned a lot about men, but most of all I have been learning so much about my self! I still need to convince and force my self to be happy. I have to keep busy (I picked up pool league, volleyball league, go out with friends, go to school, etc). I also remind my self all the time that it's OK to feel like we do. It's good in order to heal properly...and we all know that IT IS GOING TO GET BETTER!! Thanks to you all for your support!!!! This is an amazing network and support group! L;)
TheDiva Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Michele you seem to need some {{{{{HUGS}}}}} NC is pretty much impossible for you isn't it? and it will be so difficult to move on with your life because you have a link to him. I can feel your hurt from your post, and just wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug!
legrtova Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 We are here for you, girl! Obviously your healing process will take much longer then for the those of us who don't have kids with MM. I can't even imagine how heart breaking it must be for you. I hope your child will fullfill your life, and maybe down the road, when you are healed, you will meet a great guy who will be a great daddy to your C, and visits with the father will become much easier. Please don't let him sweet-talk you into something you might regret later, you are doing GREAT! My MM wanted to have a child with me, and I believe it was only to keep me around. I told him that it would be a constant reminder of my deep love for him, and that I would love the child too much to not have a full time daddy there. You have a great baby now! Show that child that life is fun! Can you leave the baby with your relatives and leave when he comes over? Would that be a possibility that you would handle most of the things through your family? Just an idea... Hang in there!!!! Many hugs! L.
Author lynnered Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 ok guys we are DOING IT!!! I am a mess havent slept in 25 hours now ,issues ,issues,i am sad & angry ! but happy we are all doing well my mind is fuzzy i probly will pass out soon! Cant think any wise words so i am borrowing & of course giving credit! "I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today." William Allen White quotes "I certainly don't regret my experiences because without them, I couldn't imagine who or where I would be today. Life is an amazing gift to those who have overcome great obstacles, and attitude is everything!" Sasha Azevedo quotes I have had dreams, and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams." Anonymous quotes I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self." Aristotle quotes
legrtova Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Great quotes! Now get some sleep, it's important to keep your mind 'normal'. You need to cope = you need to sleep!!!! Go get your self some zzzzs:bunny: Sweet dreams, congrats on lucky 5! L.
TheDiva Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 You are all so strong! I know we will get through this... I am almost done with day 1 (again...hehe). This site is so great! Before I found this forum, I thought we had something 'special' going on. Even though I don't doubt the feelings were real, the assumptions I made throughout our relationship weren't. I read your posts and realize that it's THE SAME with every single MM, exactly the same patterns. It's kinda disappointing, but I can't help but laugh at my self for thinking he would leave his wife and C. Before I met my MM, I was VERY MUCH AGAINST women dating MM and vice versa. Never say never. I appreciate this as a great life lesson. I have learned not to judge, I have learned a lot about men, but most of all I have been learning so much about my self! I still need to convince and force my self to be happy. I have to keep busy (I picked up pool league, volleyball league, go out with friends, go to school, etc). I also remind my self all the time that it's OK to feel like we do. It's good in order to heal properly...and we all know that IT IS GOING TO GET BETTER!! Thanks to you all for your support!!!! This is an amazing network and support group! L;) aint it so true! Men really follow the script to the letter, and they don't even realize they are doing it! I think most OW believe it's special bacause they WANT to believe they are special. Don't we all want to believe that. One perfect soul mate and special to that S/O. Then comes the let down when you realize it was all their own selfish needs that pretty much forced them to not take any one else involved into consideration. I do believe that MM's can love their OW just as much as W and g/f, but then you hit the realization that you're not "good enough" {disclaimer- I am not in no way saying OW are not good enough, or special, this is just how it feels time after time when MM don't leave or continually go back.) Letting the MM and the whole relationship eat away at your self esteem. darn MM's In no way are you any less deserving than the best for you! (that is for all of you btw) And MM's are not it! Every one is human and makes mistakes. But when it comes down to time to 's*** or get off the pot!' Ya think a MM has sat on the pot so long his legs are numb and he can't stand on his own two feet? The happiness will come naturally, you have to heal yourself first though. Long process but well worth it. I'm so glad to see that all of you are finding things to fill your time. You are all doing such a great job keep up the good work!
TheDiva Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 ok guys we are DOING IT!!! I am a mess havent slept in 25 hours now ,issues ,issues,i am sad & angry ! but happy we are all doing well my mind is fuzzy i probly will pass out soon Girl get thee to bed! you need some major ZZZ's Congrats on day 5 NC:bunny:
heyitsmichele Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 HI, MM (Gabe) was here this morning to see his daughter, so I decided to go back into my room and shut the door. He knocked. I ignored his knock, so he opened the door and sat on my bed. I told him that I am miserable in this, and he said he is also miserable. We had a long talk about how we were going to work things out for our daughter, and I guess I am just going to have to let her go to his house because niether of us can stand being in the same room alone. So, this friday and saturday my daughter will go to her dad's house. She won't spend the night. I'm not ready for that yet. His wife is well aware of this whole situation. He lied to me about marrying her in the first place. I found out he had married her when she called me at work to tell me how I ruined her life. They eloped in vegas, but before that he had been living with his mother for about a year because they were having problems in their relationship. I guess they decided to work out their problems and elope. I guess getting married is supposed to fix everything. So, she calls me at work. I tell her how sorry I am. Gabe leaves her, and we moved in together. The guilt is too much to live with however. I told him he needed to move out and be on his own, so that he could really make sure it was me he wanted to be with. He moved back in with his mother, and shortly after he moved back in with his wife. They have been together ever since. About two months after he was back with his wife I got pregnant. During my pregnancy we continued to see eachother, and he continues to this day to tell me I am the love of his life, and how we are going to be together one day. I have always agreed with him in the past that we would be together one day, but today I finally had the courage to tell him one day isn't good enough for ME. I also told him that I truly never could see things ever working out for us. We have hurt too many people. I'm sure his kids hate me, and they always will. I deserve that. This whole situation is just so hard. I feel like I can't talk to friends and family because nobody really understands. I so badly just want to be over this.
Author lynnered Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 ok 26hours 5 more minutes i have energy soon as i lay downZZZZZZZZZZZZZz June 24, 2005 Controlling Your Mind Unwanted Thoughts When unwanted dark thoughts are swirling in your head, it can be difficult to concentrate on anything else. You need to take back your attention and to refocus it. Start by shouting out loud or inside your mind something jarring and to the point, such as "Stop!" or "That's enough!" Any word or phrase is fine, as long as it is momentarily shocking. Doing so may be enough, or you may want to try thought stopping. First, take a few deep breaths, relax, and picture a scene in which you feel comfortable, optimistic, and good about yourself. Note every detail, even if the setting isn't a real place. Next time unwanted thoughts occur, yell "Stop!" and then immediately begin imagining your scene, replacing the unwanted thought with something positive. Never try to 'think away' an unwanted thought because you will simply strengthen it. It can be helpful to share your unwanted thought with someone, thereby lessening your mind's preoccupation with it. If you're uncomfortable doing so, simply distract yourself when unwanted thoughts begin cycling. Recite the alphabet, tackle some chores, do a puzzle, exercise (which released hormones that may quell unwanted thoughts), or perform a conscious breathing meditation. It's natural to experience negative thought patterns or even obsess over a memory, but there is no need to let it overwhelm you. It may be difficult at first to replace negative thoughts with positive ones or to concentrate on a puzzle when you can't let go of a thought. Techniques like thought stopping and using other forms of distraction to rid you of unwanted thoughts get easier and easier with time and it really does work found on internet search goodnight well 400 afternoon here
TheDiva Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 STILL GOING! pretty soon you're gonna pass out at the computer and then we will get a message like this "zxcvmfjdkkkkkkkkkkkkcm,vzxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" Whatever you have to do to keep from contacting him, because I know he is still in the foremost of your head.....
cherrie498 Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 I am thinking WAY too much about MM I am still pissed but had the motivation for what 5 days now (10/1) Losing IT!!!!!!!lol So far I have CONVINCED myself that 1. He is having an A with someone new (who?!?!?! SOMEONE ) 2. That he doesnt even realize that we are in NC- fought last time we seen each other, 3. EVERY BLOCKED call to my desk his him....lol Just so I feel like I am moving forward!!! lol pathetic isnt it!!! What I want to know is that he is hurting too, that he goes home the way he use to & flop down on the couch & hate that he was there, wonder where I was, what I was doing,ect I want to know that he misses me. I dont want back... I just wanna know that he WANTS me back... Silly I know but I just want him to contact me so I feel stronger.....
Author lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 STILL GOING! pretty soon you're gonna pass out at the computer and then we will get a message like this "zxcvmfjdkkkkkkkkkkkkcm,vzxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" Whatever you have to do to keep from contacting him, because I know he is still in the foremost of your head..... yes i slept 1 hour , wanted to PM about meds been on them what a month ? was so tired naps everyday in a daze:p well friday i ran out,started dreaming again didnt notice i hadnt been ,still no appetite,low motivation ,its alot to do laundry&dishes. but anyway this stuff they said takes 2-4 weeks to kick in ,i told DR well it should still be in my system he says no its out quick weird. wont get more til tomorrow my pharmacy suxs. im jsut so awake cried a little ,im sure u see my mood in my posts! sorry but BS coming here in a pack ganging up on people gets me worked up&angry,we dont post insults on there forum ! how are U doing with meds ? And everything else?
Author lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 I am thinking WAY too much about MM I am still pissed but had the motivation for what 5 days now (10/1) Losing IT!!!!!!!lol So far I have CONVINCED myself that 1. He is having an A with someone new (who?!?!?! SOMEONE ) 2. That he doesnt even realize that we are in NC- fought last time we seen each other, 3. EVERY BLOCKED call to my desk his him....lol Just so I feel like I am moving forward!!! lol pathetic isnt it!!! What I want to know is that he is hurting too, that he goes home the way he use to & flop down on the couch & hate that he was there, wonder where I was, what I was doing,ect I want to know that he misses me. I dont want back... I just wanna know that he WANTS me back... Silly I know but I just want him to contact me so I feel stronger..... he misses U U dont want him back U know he does! stop thinking of him !! PLEASE you are going well evryone is !! im proud of everyone we have all been doing so well lets keep up the good NC!
Author lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 You need to smoke some we*d! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Author lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 1st of all if other hate U thats there problem let them,best revenge ?living well! U cant let them punish U &U are beating Urself up way to much! Ask for forgiveness if U Must if they are old enough? Then let it go ,not easy of course but if we focus so much on all the negative we get nowhere. and taking care of U & that little angel! What do U want ? what kind of relationship with him as C father only are U planning to create?
TheDiva Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 you didn't sleep long enough Lynnered Well my meds are just Antibiotics but they are very powerful, my dosage is doubled from normal and I can't lay down for an hour after taking them. They have so many side effects too! Once upon a time I was on Zoloft, but I had to stop that, Man was I a Space Case on the Z..... Couldn't remember anything! Made my sleep erratic. And I was hyper on that stuff too, ZOOM everything was done in 1/4 of the time, and I got on everyones nerves, but I dare say at that time I had the cleanest house in the city! maybe if I post my booty off I will have PM soon. that is Weird! most meds stay in the system for a little while at least. Don't worry about the BS's, they just don't have their H/W affair partner in front of them to pick on. I know they are going to get to you though particularly right now. I don't want to do an I told you so, but I was really afraid from the way he was treating u that he was going back. I am sorry that I was right, and I am glad and proud of you for taking your life back. You deserve someone that will be there for you when you need them, and will treat you like you deserve. No one in the triangle deserves the pain that A causes. You live, you learn, then you live better right!
Author lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 you didn't sleep long enough Lynnered Well my meds are just Antibiotics but they are very powerful, my dosage is doubled from normal and I can't lay down for an hour after taking them. They have so many side effects too! Once upon a time I was on Zoloft, but I had to stop that, Man was I a Space Case on the Z..... Couldn't remember anything! Made my sleep erratic. And I was hyper on that stuff too, ZOOM everything was done in 1/4 of the time, and I got on everyones nerves, but I dare say at that time I had the cleanest house in the city! maybe if I post my booty off I will have PM soon. that is Weird! most meds stay in the system for a little while at least. Don't worry about the BS's, they just don't have their H/W affair partner in front of them to pick on. I know they are going to get to you though particularly right now. I don't want to do an I told you so, but I was really afraid from the way he was treating u that he was going back. I am sorry that I was right, and I am glad and proud of you for taking your life back. You deserve someone that will be there for you when you need them, and will treat you like you deserve. No one in the triangle deserves the pain that A causes. You live, you learn, then you live better right! well my meds arent antibotics not happy pills either i am feeling so evil today!!more drugs tomorrow!! they made me calmer i still thought but in a slower way now im so wound up!! i almost cussed out girl who called me !cause she is not a true friend but i have issues letting go (as we can see)funny think ive done NC with her 6 months 9 months a few times over treating me bad so i think if i hold out on him i can do same?shes a friendship but me & him are as well:) i never break NC with her she always does my house is not so clean im hyper from lack of medicine!was on 1month ran out friday.wish i could clean just mean & lazy Yes & Bs it kills me cause when they post im considerate & understanding when they ask questions ,each situation is differnt ,i get so frusrated at them not understanding OW but pretending to forgive MM&take him backWTF U have the person U need to vent at right there!i made no vows to U,i admitt i made/make mistakes but W can say shes perfect & did no wrong OW ruined her M not H not her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes i learned he has typed me this evening I ignored he cant see me i do check IM few times a day as invisable bad i know but it helps me to see him waiting for me! he typed me he saw my car when i was at drs he didnt know where i was!!he said he was looking to say hi? he had to get close to know for sure was my car! i just dont understand this is the 2nd incident this week of this or simular sunday whose car was in ur driveway? i doubt hes following me but its just weird he happens to be "near where i am"when he wasnt that much when we were together? Its like his message is asking where i was ?drs office ,deli ,conveince store then across street apartments,i dont know!still on my mind U see:mad: yes i know I felt he was going back even with all the Bu!!$hit i know he loves me i love him but he cant bring himself to leave ,he is selfish we had good moments i will hurt he will hurt ,im going to hate him ,miss him,mourn ,scream time will pass ill forgive us both as i am accountable as well ,accept my lesson ,it wont be easy but i will be stronger ,more understanding,more careful with me as long as i accept this lesson ,its going to hurt ,it does now!&ive just started i feel when its all over i paid my dues i will have given& recieved my forgiveness ,karma will be paid ,ive suffered more then i caused W does not know,& will never know from me, i accept & embrace this my healing wont be black or white nobodys will but as long as i leave him alone & avoid him &do not give in i will be ok not now but oneday:love: things happen for a reason sometimes maybe i dont even need the reason or all the answers i know this is not the end of me ,it my begining like a rebirth almost lost it, all i believed in now im rebuilding, i see everything so differnt it changes day to day,one day i feel god why did i stay ,today i love him it couldnt work out i cant controll it i did my best ,tomorrow may be a differnt story. but the 1 thing i know 100%no going back:love:
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