Art_Critic Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 and the phone keeps on ringing and ringing...I'm so tempted to pick up, but I know if I do I will regret it, because I want to show him he has no control over me anymore.... Sorry, had to share.... :) .. Keep it up .. and if he does call you at work and get you on the phone.. Do not engage in a conversation with him .. This is what he wants.. If he can talk to you he can try to manipulate you.. Just tell him to never call you again and hang up
legrtova Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Thanks! Luckily I work in customer service, so I can always say: "busy, gotta go!";) Hopefully this stage of my life is over soon!
hooghie Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 I just want to take a minute and let you all know that I have a ton of respect to all of you who are trying this. I have never been in your situation, but I'm not naive enough to think that it couldn't have happened to me. I also know how hard it is to have NC when you love someone and I'm really proud of you guys! good luck and stay strong. It will get easier. You all deserve to have 100% of someone.
foolinlove Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Well ladies...must be something with Day 3 NC that drove our men to call today... Legrtova..I agree you should state your position as simple as possible...I had to do that once again today. I let him say his piece...and asked him please..don't call again....I said you are making this harder on me...I asked him..do you want to make it harder on me? If he loves you..he don't! If he doesn't get the hint after you stating it nicely...get rude..men don't take kindly to being talked down to. Hey..you tried to be nice. I wish I had caller ID at work...cause that is our routine..he calls me a couple times during the day...good time for him..for W is at work. And this is what we have to break ourselves of...routine...for me..instead of waiting for him to stop by on a Monday night..I joined a recreational Volleyball league...anything to change the norm. MM will say and do anything to make you hang on to the HOPE of being with him...I think I'm starting to FINALLY realize...I don't need him. I don't need anyone...(except you all) Keep your chins up ladies...we are almost through day 3...onto Day 4..
legrtova Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Thanks, appreciate your support. You are so right! Half boyfriend is not for us, strong and fine women!
foolinlove Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 I just want to take a minute and let you all know that I have a ton of respect to all of you who are trying this. I have never been in your situation, but I'm not naive enough to think that it couldn't have happened to me. I also know how hard it is to have NC when you love someone and I'm really proud of you guys! good luck and stay strong. It will get easier. You all deserve to have 100% of someone. Thank you hooghie...its sad it has come to this for me...but I found strength in numbers.... I would NEVER recommend getting involved with a MM for ANYTHING...its the worst emotional turmoil I have ever subjected myself to. And worst of all..I did it to myself...I let it go on this long...now I have to be the one to pick up the pieces and move on...good thing i'm young...and have many years to cope!
cherrie498 Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 "this is what we have to break ourselves of...routine" This is so true! Girls I moved from NC to FL ...14 F*ing HOURS!!!!!!!! Thinging I would make me overcome it all....out of sight out of mind DOES NOT WORK!!!! The only way you/we will overcome this is to BANG it into our minds. I am lonley, pissed, aggervated,hurt....the list goes on for miles right now. BUT I do know that I never want to feel this way again! I am never going to feel USED, ABUSED, PATHETIC...ALL & ALL WEAK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!! True I love him. I want what I KNOW in my mind we coulda/woulda/shoulda had......I (WE) can'thave that in the situatios we are in today. Your/my/our feelings are real!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are ONESIDED!!!!! No matter how much he confesses his love, his WANTS, his DESIRES.....WHERE IS HE??????????? I want to fill full filled & not only on the days I feel like "settleing" Dont U?!?!??!
legrtova Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 oops, I messed up...follwing post is the one I meant
legrtova Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 This is what we are going to do: - we ARE coming out of this STRONGER then ever before - we ARE letting them know that they are NOT as powerful as they would like to think they are - we ARE NOT the other women anymore, we ARE W-O-M-E-N again; worth FULL love (not just half) - we ARE NOT going to share his penis with his wife NO MORE - we ARE getting over this and we ARE NOT contacting or reacting to him contacting us - we ARE aware of how GREAT we ARE and how much better we ARE going to be without betrayal, lies and disrespect - we ARE happy, or at least working on it - and for sure we ARE NOT going to give up on life and men - we ARE taking this as a great learning experience ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) Keep up the good work! I know it's hard...I still check my phone, but I also realize that he calls only from payphone (his wife is always on his ass now ) and only when it's convenient for HIM. Started day 4 of NC! Feels good! (guess we will see tomorrow? )
legrtova Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 I suggest you read this. It might be your case, it might not. It fits my Xman perfectly....I honor the great memories I have, but now I also thank my guardian angels for being OUT OF IT! It hurts, but heck, with would be a lot worse later! http://www.gloryb.com/articles/cakeman.html
newbby Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Hello all, Just want to say, you all sound really strong and well done. Keep at it. As for me, I am not annoyed with myself anymore, but I am self aware. I think a part of me wanted to sabbotage any possibility of things continuing because I know that ultimately it is an avoidance. I dont think he used me any more than I used him. I am working on self reliance at the moment.
Sunset Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Sorry for my weaknesses last night, all of a sudden I felt really low and needed to talk to someone - I don't even have PM priveleges - no idea why so could not even try anyone online at the time. Anyway good news is I didn't try to contact, interestingly he hasn't contacted me either but I think he is trying his usual 'wait for her to' for a few days, then he panics when I don't and I get bombarded. Either that or maybe I am not that special to him, that thought hurts though if all it was was empty words to get into my knickers Still going here, usually I would have been on breakdown, must contact mode now so maybe something somewhere has 'clicked'. My OM is a cakeman, a player - the total opposite of my h who absolutely adores me. What is it with me!!! The OM plays the 'poor lost soul' card so well, I think he appeals to my 'I can make it ok for you' side - whether it is helping him, talking or sucking his hmmmmm. But no I am not having it anymore - minor weakness in not changing my phone or email yet - I have to be honest and admit that I am curious to find out if he does contact!
newbby Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 no need to apologise for moments of weakness, my dear! i have been on a constant one. the only way through this is to mentally make it forever. not a temporary tool of empowerment. otherwise we wont truly get over them. accept that if they come back it will only be more of the same, this is not going to change anything and if it does it will only be temporary. they may get panicky, more than likely they will. they will be even more determined. i am not expecting that anytime soon, but i am sure that if he does not find another ow, which he is bound to go hunting for, since i dont see him working on himself or his marriage at all, he will come back to hound me. he has tried working on his marriage, but the fact remains, he is not happy. the best thing that we can do is to get ourselves strong as possible. stop focusing on them and begin focussing on ourselves. sunset, i know you say your husband adores you, but, how do you feel about him? are you happy?
Author lynnered Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 you there newbby? I PMD U if Ur on & need to talk! Sorry guys havent felt talkative ,feeling down Have not contacted him so doing NC still . Its Ok ive been here before itll get better 1st week or 2 always rough,&Ive not backed down , Just have to not do this again so i dont keep this cycle up. last night i cried havent cried much ,for a few minutes it passed .
legrtova Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Hey guys, today is a downer.... Sorry to bug you, but I feel panicky again... I was on NC for four days and felt great...saw him today to say a final goodbye (I knew I shouldn't have), and he was the sweet guy I remember again... I must say he was respectful, he said he understands and agrees. We had a nice goodbye and I know he will not contact me. I wish he did, cuz then I could lose respect for him and laugh at him... So much for having a great day yesterday....I knew this was coming... Starting all over again... WHEN IS THIS GONNA END?!
foolinlove Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 It seems that day 4 is a tough one for everyone....Legrtova...don't feel bad about wanting to say goodbye....closure is a must...my MM too was very understanding about my reasoning for ending things..which made it that much worse. Would be easier for him to be an A$$ and be angry at him. You were very strong for saying goodbye...its step one to saying goodbye to the addictive relationship. Others...cry, scream, do whatever you have to do to get the feeling out you feel...me, I hit the bike for an hour and SWEAT my fustration out. I figured if i'm exhausted...my mind will let me rest for a night...i guess we'll see. And WHY THE HELL can't I get PM? not in my options and its starting to bug me because i want to send some of you messages without EVERYONE..including that critical B$tch who is ripping on OW. Any one else having this problem?
Art_Critic Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 And WHY THE HELL can't I get PM? not in my options and its starting to bug me because i want to send some of you messages without EVERYONE..including that critical B$tch who is ripping on OW. Any one else having this problem? you can't PM until 50 posts.. I think .. I read somewhere that it can be a combo of time and number of posts. Foolinlove.. You'll get thru it .. it can take weeks to get angry.. But when you do you will feel sooooo much better.. Keep up the strength
legrtova Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 I have the same problem. I would love to so much to talk to some people in private, but can't send a message. I guess we are still new? Thanks for your words, it helps to read that. It really does.
Art_Critic Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Thanks for your words, it helps to read that. It really does. legrtova Just keep posting.. if you have the desire to break NC just post instead ..
cherrie498 Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Some get it & some dont I think I have been a member for about a year. Was VERY active in the begining & then I went back to MM & yelp here I am again & I dont have it....so ?!??!?! legrtova it gets easier & then it gets harder. its something that you have to want to do! You know what you want....so get it. BE HAPPY. BELIEVE in U!!! Dont feel so bad about feeling bad....Part of it!!
newbby Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 all those who cant get pm, how about contacting the mods about it? and art critic is right, you need to get angry! i found another forum yesterday, i cant remember the name of it, but it was a forum for ws'es to talk about their feelings post affair etc. well turns out that every single one of them was saying stuff like. she was a drug that made me feel good and afterwards i felt so guilty to my lovely wife. EVERY single poster!!!!! get mad. realise why you are doing this, and get them out of your lives for good!
newbby Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 and another thing. go to the infidelity section, and look at what every discovered ws says about the ow afterwards. imagine, really imagine, him saying all of those things about you. i think i just got a glimpse of that, and i can tell you it shocked me. not because i didnt believe those stories, but just these past few days, seeing the completely different person he has been. he is a cold cold b******. a week or so ago i would have said, he was a really lovely warm person. he was my really close friend and i loved him. he just turned and i am sure, it is exactly what would happen and worse, if he were discovered. get really mad!!!! they are manipulative devious cold and selfish men.
heyitsmichele Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Hi you guys, I am up late reading all of your stories. I'm feeling your pain, and my heart is very heavy. I got involved with a coworker about two years ago, and a year into our relationship he married his girlfriend of 9 yrs. I never thought I would be this woman. In fact, my mother was in a relationship for 7 years where she was the other woman, and I always thought she had no self esteem for staying. Here I am in the same situation, only worse. I have a baby with the MM, and she is 2 months old. I am a 26 yr old single mom. MM has two other kids, ages 9 & 5. I can only imagine what his kids think, and how they feel. We have caused so much pain to so many people. He continues to sabotage his marriage, and keeps me aware of the pain he goes through every single day. This is just a sick cycle. MM and I are not sexually active, but I believe our hearts are still having an affair. I just don't know how to convince my heart to let go of this. My baby is still too little to go to his house, so he has been coming to my place to see her. He comes 4 or 5 times a week. I have family members come over so we are never alone, and he brings his son. Every single chance he gets he stares at me, so that I notice it, and he whispers how beautiful I look. I just feel so trapped in this. I know I don't hide my love for him when i stare back. He calls every single day, and pretends it is about his daughter. I feel we have taken a huge step by not being physically intimate, but this is still breaking me down emotionally. I have always felt so strong, and like I could always get through everything, but this situation is very very hard for me . Any comments are appreciated.
Recommended Posts