Sami_D Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Dancing bananas... always a good thing I think I must have read every thread on this entire site about NC. I have no idea what the purpose of it is for me, because moving on isn't something I want to do yet. In all honesty, reading the stories, I haven't seen much in the way of positive results from NC. Just a lot of people trying to stick to it and for the most part failing. I'm totally worried about the concept, but totally determined to stick to it, whatever the outcome. Particularly as MM agreed that it's the only way forward. To be honest, I'm wondering about all the other OW in the thread who were there at the beginning of the month. (especially Where is Lynnered?) What is happening to all of them? If you're out there, please post and let us know how you're doing.
foolinlove Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 Day 16....MM moved out of house with W and moved in on his own!! He called me last night to tell me he moved out last night..he brought all his clothes and is ready to end this mess. Although I was very happy to hear this news...I am very cautious for he had moved out for 10 months before...I went back for 2. I told him great....now start working on all the details then get back to me..he became very hurt with that...I told him..."my heart fell for that the last time you moved out...and what did you do? you went back. Its all or nothing this time." I told him I would talk to him occasionally....I feel like he will need my support through some of the tough times he is about to face. I did not give him a timeline in which I want this to happen...but if too much time passes and I don't see results...there will be NC again. I will not sleep with him..only phones calls for support. Keep your head up ladies....things have a way of working themselves out. I do caution that just because he moves doesn't mean he'll end it. How is everyone else doing? I have been reading the posts but didn't have enough to say to add my 2 cents. I WILL be around and wish everyone going through this emotional trauma that I am.....happy days!
newbby Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 foolinlove, good girl, you sound like you are being sensible about this and handling it all correctly. just be careful not to allow the affair to happen again. keep reading old europes original thread and remember lynnereds situation. also i just wonder, he needs to know that life is better outside of his marriage, so i am not completely sure on the best way to handle things. good luck, i really hope it all works out. about myself, i am so glad that things are finally over with mm, as everyone knows i have been getting to know a sg. well i had a few days when i completely panicked about it and worried that it was just a rebound thing. all the feelins for mm came back up and hit me, and i realised that i wasnt over it. since then however, i decided that it is only a rebound situation if i let it be. i am keeping myself in check with that. the sg really likes me and it would be easy for me to take the power in that relationship and use it to feel beter about myself (something that i think tends to happen subconciously in rebounds), but i am not going to. i want to have a nice relationship with somebody nice. i do not want to be hooked on a married a**h***. therefore it is completely my choice to make the relationship with sg work out, and the only way to do that is to make sure i do not use it for an ego boost at a time when i am feeling low. i am keeping alot of space between us and when i feel low i am not speaking to him.
cherrie498 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Ok I am back in NC....starting NOW!!! : ) I could not help it & I am still not sure that NC is my answer, BUT I do know that living day by day, waiting & not being able to plan anything isnt!!! How is everyone doing?? Anyone still in NC from 10/1?!?!?! If so how are you feeling now?? Any pointers?!?!?!
joodee Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Well, hi all, what a failure I have been with NC this month; however, I think I may have, as the month implies, gotten rid of MM for good. He as usual came by the office and put pizza on my desk and left. Then he came back later to say hi, and I wrote out thanks for food. He asked if I could speak, I told him no, actually I was sick. So, he texted me constantly for the rest of the day asking what happened, then dropped off flowers at my front door that evening with a get well card, and I figured, okay, whatever. Saturday came and went without a word from him. Then on Sunday he kept texting me while he was watching football with the guys, then there was nothing. I texted him asking what was going on, this back and forth behaviour. He texted back asking what did I want, I texted saying I thought it was strange not hearing from you Saturday, and I again asked what was going on. He then wrote saying he didn't know he had to contact me on Saturday, I said that wasn't nice to say, that he didn't have to start being mean, he then said he didn't know giving flowers and a card was being mean. I forget what I did next, but I did wind up calling him on the phone saying either work it out or leave me alone. Somehow I wound up asking him what he did on Saturday, he then said "does it matter?" I then told him to f&% off and hung up. He then sent an e-mail the next morning saying that I was creating drama and that I must think I am superior. WELL, you know how one writes a letter saying all the things you want to say, then you rip it up? Well, I wrote a long e-mail saying everything I kept inside, and I sent it. It wasn't a nice one at all, just reiterating what I now thought of him and of all the lies he told, and that I should have left him long ago, that he has lied about other women to me, and that he was right, he was no good and has no morals. He wrote three e-mails after that, which I deleted without reading. No word from him today, I really hope he stays away. Funny, my friends think he will STILL come by later this week acting as if nothing happened. They say that because they believe he'll have it in his head that I was acting like a drama queen. But once the "drama queen" behavior kicks in, it doesn't matter, the relationship will be history anyway. So, that's where I am at on this 18th of October.
civettuolo Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 SOME PEOPLE ARE EMOTIONALLY stronger than others. They can take a lot of stress and strain without falling apart, while others collapse into a whimpering heap at the smallest things. The main difference between an emotionally weak person and an emotionally strong person is what they think when things go wrong. When troubles come along, the weak one is in the habit of thinking: “This is more than I can stand.” A tough one thinks: “I can handle this.” It doesn’t matter what specific words a person puts to the two different kinds of thinking. But the thoughts that make people weak are feeble and impotent: “I can’t take it, it’s too overwhelming, it’s too much to bear, I can’t stand it, I’m not up to this, I’m not emotionally ready for this,” etc. The thoughts that make you strong are capable and resolute: “I can take it, everything is going to work out, I’ll get through it, maybe there’s a lesson in it for me, adversity builds character, I’m tough, people have been through worse, if I try I can find an advantage in all this, when this is over I’ll be wiser,” etc. To become stronger, change your thoughts. It’s as simple and uncomplicated as that. There’s nothing to it but to do it. Start saying something different to yourself during tough times. When you feel stress, coach yourself, “Come on, [your name here], you can handle this. When this is over, you might even be a stronger person because of it.” Think strong thoughts and you will be tougher, braver, and more resilient. Just like that. The stronger thoughts are truer than the weak thoughts. You can take it. Human beings, including you, can withstand a tremendous amount of strain without cracking, as any cursory perusal of war stories, survival accounts, and reports of disasters demonstrate. These kinds of thoughts won’t be habitual at first, of course. The way you think is as much a habit as the way you tie your shoes. But keep deliberately thinking stronger, and after awhile it will become habitual. Eventually, you’ll wonder how you ever thought differently. Would you like to be stronger? Would you like to have more emotional calm during the stressful times? Would you like to stand as a pillar of strength when those about you are crumbling? Sure you would. This is the way. Change your thoughts. Make them stronger. Don’t think you can do it? That’s the first thought to change. Think thoughts that give you strength and make you tough. Author: Adam Khan this is a chapter from the book Self-Help Stuff That Works 1
megabit15 Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 I forget what I did next, but I did wind up calling him on the phone saying either work it out or leave me alone. Somehow I wound up asking him what he did on Saturday, he then said "does it matter?" I then told him to f&% off and hung up. .....Well, I wrote a long e-mail saying everything I kept inside, and I sent it. It wasn't a nice one at all, just reiterating what I now thought of him and of all the lies he told, and that I should have left him long ago, that he has lied about other women to me, and that he was right, he was no good and has no morals. He wrote three e-mails after that, which I deleted without reading. ......So, that's where I am at on this 18th of October. Congratulations Ms. Joodee. Your outsides and insides are catching up.
joodee Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Megabit15, That's a good thing, right? I think that is what you meant.
megabit15 Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Megabit15, That's a good thing, right? I think that is what you meant. Yes Joodee. It's a good thing The head and the heart sound like they're getting closer in agreement
newbby Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 joodee, i did this at the beginning of the end. i expressed my dissatisfaction, lets say, at the way he was treating me. i questioned him. he got mad and cut me off. i knew i had to though, i knew it would be too easy and too hard to carry on. i still miss him, i do. i do however have a sg around who isnt feeding me any lies etc. it feels so much more healthy. i wouldnt say i am completely over mm, although it has taken me a while to realise that. i am glad though, to have him out of my life. you really will feel this too. welcome back to nc cherrie. yes i have been nc since beginning, give or take a few days! doing good, much better than the angst of the relationship anyway. still miss him but not intensly. he has not tried to contact me but i do know he has been out alot meaning he is getting fed up with married life again. i think he will probably be looking for another ow. i admit i have been imagining it is every woman i see anywhere near him!! i admit also i have a fear that he may actually fall in love with and leave home for the next one since i may have been the first step etc... still, i am moving on with my life and trying to make it better in every way i can, which does include not having him in it.
Sunset Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 Hi just checking in - off on holiday for a week with my family tomorrow and REALLY looking forward to the break. Feeling v depressed, doctor has prescribed some ADS, anyone else on them? Got to the point when I really needed help, not many people I can talk to and just basically didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. Had to do something - work full time and have two children so it seemed an option to try - anything to make me feel better. Even packing for hols was getting me down. Good news is I am still in NC so maybe depressed feeling is a part of the grieving and final realisation that I will never see him again. Anyway would love to hear from anyone in the NC brigade who is also on ADS or has been and their thoughts?
NewUser Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 I've actually tried to register -- gone through all the steps, but when I try to log in, it doesn't work. Oh well... I'll have to be NewUser for a while. I'm on Day 10 of NC. If any of you remember, my relationship with my MM ended with angry words and he hasn't contacted me, which is a very good thing. Well... there is a development. A few weeks ago, I logged on to my instant messaging service with a screen name I used when I chatted with MM. I also have other "buddies" that know and use this SN, too. Anyway, after I was logged on for a while, I got a message from the administrator saying that my SN was logged on in two different places... meaning that, someone had logged on as me while I was online! I immediately went to the service provider and canceled that SN and deleted all e-mails, etc. What I didn't realize, is that even though I canceled the SN with the main provider, the SN was still available on the messaging service. I found that out two days ago, when I logged on, once again, with that old SN. Same thing happened: while I was logged on with that SN, someone else, somewhere, logged on as me, too. My thoughts are -- and my friends all agree -- that it has to be the ex MM. He has done mini-stalker things in the past, and I don't think it's too much of a stretch that he was able to somehow obtain my password. Reason I think it's him is a) the past behavior I mentioned and b) no random hacker wants a SN to only use a messaging service. Random hackers only use SNs to send bulk e-mail or otherwise cause trouble online. Obviously, I'm nervous. I don't intend to confront him about it, but in our last e-mail he gave himself away by saying "You are such a liar, you have no idea how much of your bulls*** I've uncovered. Now, I know there is no bullsh!it out there to uncover, but I believe he did give himself away with his "I've uncovered" message. Makes me think he's looking into what I'm doing, at the very least. Anyone out there have any stalker issues? I know Lynnred had some, but in this case, he's pretty good at covering his tracks or enlisting the help of others so proving it's him will be tough. I appreciate any thoughts. As you can imagine, I'm on full watch whenever I step outside. Thanks!
gevoraksix Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 Im not sure if hes stalking (still),but my IM logged me out(i was logged in invisable)&it said you have logged onto another device so youve been logged out !WTF My passcode is my address so he would know it ! dont know how to change it . Havent confronted him still NC. He showed up at my house uninvited AGAIN(before IM thing happend)he laid it on thick i wasnt having it! Then he said i called him a stalker on IM i said yes,then he says what if i am !! HE HAS TOTALLY LOST IT IMO if he keeps it up i will let him know i will contact Mommy i mean W. LR
allaboutchoices Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 I have issues. When you get PM, let me know. -A
gevoraksix Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 As soon as PM is activated i will PM you & tell You what happend!
TheDiva Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 As soon as PM is activated i will PM you & tell You what happend! Girl I was getting worried about you, good to see ya back.
gevoraksix Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 Girl I was getting worried about you, good to see ya back. Ive missed YOu all so much i have been reading but figured to be careful . :love: Was not my choice to be gone!! Only contact ive had with "him "is when he showed up! at my door fresh from getting a tooth pulled !
gevoraksix Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 gevoraksix, you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons: Your user account may not have sufficient privileges to access this page. Are you trying to edit someone else's post, access administrative features or some other privileged system? If you are trying to post, the administrator may have disabled your account, or it may be awaiting activation. this is what i get when i try to PM i did the 50 posts!
TheDiva Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 Maybe there is a time period as well..... It will take me forever to get to the post count, cause I know I will get myself in trouble somehow I always do!
TheDiva Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 Ive missed YOu all so much i have been reading but figured to be careful . :love: Was not my choice to be gone!! Only contact ive had with "him "is when he showed up! at my door fresh from getting a tooth pulled ! somehow I can see this one being a funny story did you at least threaten to pull the rest??
gevoraksix Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 somehow I can see this one being a funny story did you at least threaten to pull the rest?? I did threaten to!! And i "accidently"tapped that cheek .more then once.
gevoraksix Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 He was wanting to be babyed yet i didnt ,i did help him change his gauze . But no massage or anything he was trying to massage meWTF Hes never done that before i smacked at his hands told him i didnt feel comfortable.
gevoraksix Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 Diva U should have PM your profile says U do?
Recommended Posts