OCTOBER IS GET RID OF mm MONTH FOR GOOD

[lynnered]

i usually love october i(i love fall & spring)its not too cold no too hot ,sometimes U go outside & feel that cool crisp breeze,the trees are shedding,daylight i like it when it gets dark earlier,i can even enjoy the hour drive each way to work windows cracked no heat no air on.

long sleeves but no coat ,

a fresh start ,its my fresh start ,scary but refreshing ,learning to live differnt ,letting go even though U dont want to ,finding U again ,going a day or even longer without thinking of him,the hope of make so many positive changes in life changes that will only benefit,not being this insecure woman who feels ugly,unwanted,that if im so wonderful inside & out why didnt he leave her ?

the pumpkins,the start of the holidays,soon wont have to mow grass anymore!

then will come the winter cold yet clean ,that smell of burned wood in the air all bundled up ,hoping my neighbor would be so kind as to snow blow my driveway:lmao:

then the start of spring yes i know by spring i will be me again!

the cool air starts again ,spring cleaning ,open those windows again ,start to see your neighbors & kids playing outside again ,maybe head over to home depot:love: get some plants maybe repaint the porch?

then summer that lawn again:sick: but hey the end result is good &its great exercise ,get a book ,some music ,and lay out for a tan.

so see what october can do ?

this is our start lets commit to us ,ok even like me hope he leaves sticking around hasnt helped any of us ,

if we make the choice to leave if he comes back D ok ,if he doesnt ok ,lets just lose him why is our happiness dependant on his leaving?

sorry MM i need my space ,its hard for U to leave W?

well its hard for me to stay sooooo see ya

lets all start living for us ,i miss him (todays my worst day in a long time)i love him i know he loves me,but i have loved him above myself ,by putting his need of staying until right time ,

there actions affect OW lives it is not our choice to stay M to her HIS ,lets make our choice , lets get it together ,vent ,go to thereapy,cry a little , read a book ,buy a dog,whatever we need to do to find happiness without him!!get over these men

heres the stages of break up:the only real difference then "normal breakup"is it most likely ended because of M both or 1 party still in love ,its hard breaking up with anyone but when only issues was "hes married"it harder

1) Denial

2) Out of control

3) Loneliness & depression

4) The blame phase

5) Anger

6) Accepting the situation

7) Healing and moving on

im going through 3,4,5,6 have 1 on & off ,6 have had very brief moments of .

ok so when involved with MM i had 1,3,4,5,once in awhile6& 7.

where are U at?lets weigh pros & cons i am lonely&depressed being with him as long as he is M, i can be lonley& depressed alone,hurt awhile heal,after time,but if i stay it does not change!except me getting more hurt when something comes up or he goes on vaction with W&family .

so why dont we all do this ?

why ??why U ask ?cause

OCTOBER IS GET RID OF mm MONTH FOR GOOD

[newbby]

lets do it!

[izzybelle]

i agree, it's a good time for a fresh start for everyone!

 

i actually had those thoughts a few days ago. while going through some old emails i found a folder with about 200 emails from exMM in it. yes, it's been longer for me than it has for many of you but it felt sooooo good to just delete and not care about keeping them. but it was funny as i read them, i no longer felt sad and it was nice to go through and select and entire page of email and just hit delete!!!

 

[Art_Critic]

OCTOBER IS GET RID OF mm MONTH FOR GOOD

 

why not make it September .. Then you don't have to set deadlines and be disappointed.

[cherrie498]

OCTOBER SOUNDS GREAT!!!!

We are all so much better than the BS these men put us through!

[foolinlove]

Hell Yeah......it makes me feel stronger knowing there is a group of us going through some of the same emotions at the exact same time of each and everyday. Each one of us will deal...in different ways....and this is what i'm hoping to gain from this forum...support, insight and hope from other people in the same situation.

 

Lynnered...I love your outlook on the seasons....I too have four seasons....brutal winters.....love spring and fall. I hope to be there with you...looking at myself next spring as a new person....with a new outlook on life. Also, I do not have the option for PM.....let me give you a email address....this is a fake...i'll then give you my personal IM when you send me a message. ([email protected])

 

I am feeling down today...spent most of my night thinking about HOW I will do NC....without giving in....I feel anxiety all the time....have appt. next week with Dr. see what she thinks I should do.

 

Be strong ladies....we'll gain our strengh together!!!

[newbby]

so 4 in so far. izzy, has already done the hard work! well done!

[lynnered]

So everybody is in so newbby,me, &izzybelle have NC going on i think ,let me know if i am wrong?

how do we get foolinlove&cherrie498 into NC?

any ideas?

foolinlove,

i am on medicine its helping ,i wont take it forever but this has made my head sooo messed up & other things to so it has made my head a bit clearer

[joodee]

Count me in, I can't handle him lying to me and trying to get me back with all the right words and all the wrong actions (note: I haven't given in, but it still affects me, cause my heart can't seem to really let go). And I can't handle another Friday night wondering if he is with his daughters or really with his wife (why he still lies about it I'll never know.)

 

Actually, please help me out here. I was so mentally good for long, and now I'm not EVEN looking forward to Friday...knowing he'll try to talk to me into seeing him on Saturday while lying to me about Friday....

[lynnered]

joodee too sorry!!!

joodee,

are U NC yet?

[foolinlove]

Count me in...starting Oct 1st at 12:00 a.m....I'm no longer a fool...sadly...I'm still in love!

[cherrie498]

I am in. TIRED OF THE BS!!!!!

DESERVE BETTER & WILL HAVE BETTER!!!!!!!!

[lynnered]

so are those who are still with MM now going to tell them face to face ,email,phone call of just disappear?

just wondering if anybody needed help with starting NC?

[true26]

I am starting to accept that it is over, but I still have my moments when I miss him. Although I am starting to think that it is not him so much that I miss, but how he made me feel during the better times and I can so find that with someone who is actually available to me.

 

I am with you guys. I just want to get to the point where it can be a few days where I don't think of him.

[newbby]

everyone who is about to do nc, i just want to say, there is no right way to begin it, its doing it and sticking to it that counts. i have tried so many different begin nc speeches, and none of them makes me feel like i said the right thing, or started at the right time, after a few days though, you begin to think less about how you started it or what he is thinking, you begin to feel just a little bit of freedom, mixed in with the pain. hang on to that feeling, it is good.

[TiredOfWaiting]

The irony of my situation is that MM's D is today ...

 

We currently have no relationship as he told me to go my separate way on the 17th September, as I have male friends which he has a huge problem with. It has always been a condition of our relationship that I have NO male friends.

 

So I waver between phases 3,4 & 6.

Today is definitely BLAME day, I am feeling so bad for his W, and for him, although he has had every chance to change the course of events.

 

Very odd indeed. Spent 3 1/2 years waiting for him, then he breaks it off with me 2 weeks before his D. Difficult to accept, but doing it by really, really focusing on ME for a change.

 

As you said Lynnered,

 

"lets all start living for us".

[TiredOfWaiting]

Hi Lynnered

 

Just re-read your older thread of "MM left W", and there are so many similarities between your situation and mine.

 

They chased, they hunted, they wanted us, and now that they are available, they don't want us anymore?!!!

They are distant, cold, evasive, mine is sometimes even cruel.

They don't want to talk.

They accuse us of pressuring them.

They accuse us of being "psycho's" or out of control.

 

He says things to me that I could never contemplate saying to him, such as 2 weeks ago when he told me to go on without him (yet today is his D).

 

I hope you have the strength to see this through. I hope I do too.

 

Now that we have virtually NC, and definitely no visual contact (haha), I find that it is a while since I lost control.

 

Do what it takes to make your life a good place to be, and if at some point his fits in with that plan again, then so be it.

 

Good luck.

[Shimmer]

Me too please, would be great to have some support, I am meeting him tonight - treating it like a final, then going to dissapear off the face of the earth - new phone, new email address on 1st october - what do people think - is that cruel, I figure he has let me down so many times already that I don't really feel cruel, more like getting even.

 

Going out tonight looking gorgeous, will avoid any future arrangements to meet then will just dissapear!

 

Thoughts please fellow october ncers

[foolinlove]

To answer Lynnered's question about how I plan to do this NC.....

 

Tomorrow is MM b-day...he and I are taking the day off of work. No plans at this point as to what we will do....ride, lunch, make love? Hes sick with the flu as of today...so may consist of rubbing his back... I don't plan to speak of the NC during our visit..i want my last memeory of us together to be a good one...and the words never seem to come out of my mouth right...so I have decided to write it all out in a letter.

 

The letter will explain once again..my position..my feelings..and my terms...I will allow him to write to me (ONLY). I will say i cannot promise i will return any letters. I will kiss him goodbye..give him my letter..and prolly cry my eyes out once i get home....i have such anxiety over this..but i know its a step in the right direction....either way. It comforting to know there are women going through this with me.

[Shimmer]

i have got a registered name by the way but decided not to use that one, it is my mm's nickname for me and therefore seems a good time to dump it!

 

Also scared this site will be stumbled upon and i would be easily recognised, therefore a fresh start for october.

[newbby]

sounds like a plan

good luck foolinlove

[lynnered]

foolinlove,

sounds like a great plan !

&newbby is right no matter how U do it ,its going to hurt but trust me,it gets easier .

its a mourning process we all need to go through ,but IMO in time it feels better then the waiting ,the missing him,wondering what hes doing when hes on vaction with W& family.

it will be ok & we will help each other .

[lynnered]

im a country girl at heart !

i just heard this ,l wanted to share,love the words,

hope we can all"let ourselves go"

 

 

She Let Herself Go - George Strait

 

Genre/Lang. : Country

 

He wondered how she'd take it when he said goodbye.

Thought she might do some cryin': lose some sleep at night.

But he had no idea, when he hit the road,

That without him in her life, she'd let herself go.

 

Let herself go on a singles cruise,

To Vegas once, then to Honolulu.

Let herself go to New York City:

A week at the Spa; came back knocked-out pretty.

When he said he didn't love her no more,

She let herself go.

 

Instrumental break.

 

She poured her heart an' soul into their three-bedroom ranch.

Spent her days raisin' babies, ironin' his pants.

Came home one day from the grocery store and found his note,

And without him there to stop her, she let herself go.

 

Let herself go on her first blind-date:

Had the time of her life with some friends at the lake.

Let herself go, buy a brand new car,

Drove down to the beach he always said was too far.

Sand sure felt good between her toes:

 

She let herself go on a singles cruise,

To Vegas once, then to Honolulu.

Let herself go to New York City:

A week at the Spa; came back knocked-out pretty.

When he said he didn't love her no more,

She let herself go.

 

To Vegas once: Honolulu, New York City.

Came back knocked-out pretty.

 

To Fade.

[lynnered]

TiredOfWaiting,

i told therapist of my visit monday with MM,she says its an abusive relationship ,i didnt post everything that was said but he was rude ,disrespectful .and has never been like that.

i feel hes angry cause he went back ,he said its worst with W since he went back .

not my fault i didnt make the choice to marry her

i am so tired of putting up with his issues ,i made that mistake i even told him ,he stopped by wednesday like nothing was differnt ,i restated & told him i told U if U went back im done ,reminded him of his treatment of me,& told him if i was to continue i would be to blame for my suffering.

i asked him about saying "i treat U like an a**h*** i would understand if U never want to talk to me again"then why dont U treat me better ?he said,i cant right now ,ok leave me alone until U can:p

is that hard ?

Dr lecured me a bit about responding to him ,& she was right i shouldnt have but i wont again, his loss.

ive let myself down so much for him wont no more ,we are all going to be ok,better then ok it just takes time

[lynnered]

i dont think thats cruel at all.

how long have U been with MM?

let him wonder about U not just being a phone call away,remember all those times U couldnt talk to him or get in touch when U really needed him?

itll be tough at 1st but then i feel better in time then he starts coming around again& the cycle starts again ,not going to this time &him leaving W then going back,without having guts to tell me!!

i didnt hear from him for 3weeks & i ask why ?i dont know he saysWTF

but thats good think about those times hes let U down ,it helps when i feel weak:love: