Author singletotaken Posted August 15, 2019 Author Posted August 15, 2019 OP: Second time asking---Do. These. Women. Know. About. Each. Other? Sorry they don't know each other personally, but the filipino knows im dating other girls and the Indian I told her openly back in 2018 that I'm seeing someone else i.e the filipino surely she hasn't forgotten about this as of today.
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2019 Posted August 15, 2019 I did back in October 2018 say I'm seeing someone else and she hasn't questioned me following that conversation or brought it up. For God's sake, please just stop being a coward and tell the woman where she stands. In Oct 2018 she dumped you for two timing her. I guess she will do the same again, but you want your cake and eat it... 1
kendahke Posted August 15, 2019 Posted August 15, 2019 Sorry they don't know each other personally, but the filipino knows im dating other girls and the Indian I told her openly back in 2018 that I'm seeing someone else i.e the filipino surely she hasn't forgotten about this as of today. Do each of them know your feelings about them and the other? Does La Filipina know you care more for the Indian woman than you do her and you're just marking time with her? It's leading each of them on if you're leading both of them to believe that you're invested with them and not the other--that's called being deceitful. If right is so on your side, you should fear no woman when telling her your truth. If you're too afraid to stand in your truth, you need to drop one (or both) of them till you find some courage to live in the middle of your convictions. 1
BaileyB Posted August 15, 2019 Posted August 15, 2019 You are conflict avoidant. YOU are the one seeing two women, it is up to YOU to inform them of that fact. This is the bottom line... Man up, and tell this woman the truth (again).
BaileyB Posted August 15, 2019 Posted August 15, 2019 So me gifting the pendant, what message does that give to her? When a man gives a woman a jewelry, many women will assume that he really likes her... which usually means, he wants to see her again and perhaps commit to a relationship. A piece of jewelry doesn't usually mean - thanks for the sex, I appreciate you are cool with the fact that I'm having sex with other women... 1
BaileyB Posted August 15, 2019 Posted August 15, 2019 (edited) In Oct 2018 she dumped you for two timing her. I guess she will do the same again, but you want your cake and eat it... Exactly why he doesn't want to tell her the truth, she is likely to dump him again. All the more reason to hide behind... "I was honest with her 2018, it's not my fault if she thinks the situation has changed..." It's a little foolish to have sex with two women and expect that you won't ever have to have the hard conversation and/or you will not have any conflict... As has been previously said, if you are not prepared to stand in your truth and be honest, you shouldn't be dating multiple women at the same time. Edited August 15, 2019 by BaileyB 2
FMW Posted August 15, 2019 Posted August 15, 2019 Is is really cool to refer to these women as "the filipino" and "the Indian"...???? Not to be uptight, but I'm with Elaine. Can we just call one Jane and one Sue? I'm so distracted by it that I'm thinking it kind of indicates a general lack of respect for both of them on your part. I agree with others, that your signals are mixed and confusing. By this posting you indicate your awareness that at least one of them is hoping for more from you. Sure, it's her responsibility to walk away, but your continuing with her isn't something you should feel good about. 1
BaileyB Posted August 15, 2019 Posted August 15, 2019 Not to be uptight, but I'm with Elaine. Can we just call one Jane and one Sue? I'm so distracted by it that I'm thinking it kind of indicates a general lack of respect for both of them on your part. At least he has dropped the MILF from his description of the Filipino. 1
preraph Posted August 15, 2019 Posted August 15, 2019 Well, I mean, if she's got a brain in her head, she digested the information, made the adjustment and is also dating other guys. 1
Watercolors Posted August 15, 2019 Posted August 15, 2019 Well, I mean, if she's got a brain in her head, she digested the information, made the adjustment and is also dating other guys. This whole scenario with woman #2 feels like a case of "the blind leading the blind" then, if she's dating other guys yet constantly refers to exclusivity with the OP and tells him that she loves him knowing he's dating woman #1. Who is dancing around the truth here? Both woman #2 AND the OP? It's like square-dancing for multi-daters with the OP and his women: Pass through, separate and go home Weave the Ring Box the Gnat Wrong Way Grand 1
preraph Posted August 16, 2019 Posted August 16, 2019 ^ That's hilarious! I hope she's dating other guys. If she's not, she's making a wrong turn. 1
Sunlight72 Posted August 16, 2019 Posted August 16, 2019 ...she one time was saying "oh we could get a dog when we buy a house", suggesting future places to visit, and talking about what to name the kids and she combined mine and her name and made it one word lol.That's pretty clear. Either she has accepted that she can share you with other women (seems really unlikely in this case) in which case you can start making plans for an open marriage, or she has let the rumble of the rocks in her head drown out rational thinking and is in denial about the whole situation. To have a clear conscience you do need to tell her you are sleeping with/seeing other women. And I think you know she's kidding herself or you wouldn't have started this topic asking for our thoughts. She's a grown woman and I don't feel she has any claim at being a victim - she obviously heard you before when you told her you were sleeping with someone else since she split up with you. But to play like you expect she knows you're still not exclusive when she's naming your children is playing a hurtful game with her. 2
preraph Posted August 16, 2019 Posted August 16, 2019 ^ Agree. I'm still kind of stuck on that it doesn't sound like she's having sex with him yet and they've been seeing each other since 2017. So she might be naive, or she might be used to it if she's holding out. But I agree he shouldn't be talking about playing house with her at all until and unless he wants to be with her and her alone. That's crazy and, yes, hurtful and deceptive to at least some extent. 1
Author singletotaken Posted August 16, 2019 Author Posted August 16, 2019 ^ But I agree he shouldn't be talking about playing house with her at all until and unless he wants to be with her and her alone. That's crazy and, yes, hurtful and deceptive to at least some extent. The kids things and the house was spoken about in a tongue and cheek romanticism manner, however she could be emotionally picturing it in her mind so is see your point.
Author singletotaken Posted August 16, 2019 Author Posted August 16, 2019 (edited) Also on the off-chance, there could be a possibility she is seeing other guys. I told her openly back then I'm seeing someone else and can't offer an exclusive relationship, she may have thought "screw this let me keep my options open" There is a lot of literature that says and I'm quoting from various sources pick up artists and dating coaches that "women also have options". This is their words not mine. However that is a generalisation and someone you may disagree. Edited August 16, 2019 by singletotaken
Blind-Sided Posted August 16, 2019 Posted August 16, 2019 To me... and from your story... you are not leading anyone on. When she asked, you answered truthfully. SO... she knows that you will answer questions like that, and she knows your stand on playing the field. AND... since she is an adult... if she REALLY wanted to know if you are exclusive... then she would ask again. To me... coming out, and blindly saying... "I'm still seeing someone else" would just cause issues. My 2 cents... take it for what it's worth.
Maggiemay1 Posted August 16, 2019 Posted August 16, 2019 While you like to think you are playing the field, you aren’t. You clearly don’t have many options since you have been seeing one girl for 5 years and another for 2. And no one else. Neither girl has pushed for anything from you so they clearly don’t think you have anything to offer. You are being played it seems.
elaine567 Posted August 16, 2019 Posted August 16, 2019 To me... and from your story... you are not leading anyone on. When she asked, you answered truthfully. SO... she knows that you will answer questions like that, and she knows your stand on playing the field. AND... since she is an adult... if she REALLY wanted to know if you are exclusive... then she would ask again. Which would all make sense if she hadn't dumped him for two timing her before. He is being devious. He knows very well she is assuming he is now only seeing her, but he doesn't want to be honest with her. It is lying by omission and that seems to be well accepted by a whole load of guys on this board who think it is fair game to lead women on ie lie. "Not my fault if she doesn't ask..." SMH. 1
BaileyB Posted August 16, 2019 Posted August 16, 2019 (edited) Also on the off-chance, there could be a possibility she is seeing other guys. I told her openly back then I'm seeing someone else and can't offer an exclusive relationship, she may have thought "screw this let me keep my options open" There is a lot of literature that says and I'm quoting from various sources pick up artists and dating coaches that "women also have options". This is their words not mine. You are just trying to justify the fact that you don’t want to tell her the truth. Stop being so conflict avoidant and just tell this woman the truth. . It’s not rocket science. Edited August 16, 2019 by BaileyB 1
kendahke Posted August 16, 2019 Posted August 16, 2019 The kids things and the house was spoken about in a tongue and cheek romanticism manner To you, perhaps... but you can't speak for what she was thinking or her true motivations because you can't climb into her head and direct the thought traffic. 1
YourCupOfTea Posted August 17, 2019 Posted August 17, 2019 (edited) What is the reason you are not completely transparant to both women? The fact that you are doubting if she is okay with it seems to me all te more reason to be completely open about things. Or are you afraid that she or the other woman is not okay with it and will call it off again and you don't want to lose one of them? This might tell you is your motive not to tell a more selfish one. Just be honest with yourself about your motives, and treat other people the way you would want to be treated. Edited August 17, 2019 by YourCupOfTea
Watercolors Posted August 17, 2019 Posted August 17, 2019 This thread's confused me more than the questions on the GRE I took years ago. I don't understand why multi-daters like the OP aren't transparent with the women they're involved with, b/c not being honest just creates a slew of problems for all involved. 1
SumGuy Posted August 17, 2019 Posted August 17, 2019 This thread's confused me more than the questions on the GRE I took years ago. I don't understand why multi-daters like the OP aren't transparent with the women they're involved with, b/c not being honest just creates a slew of problems for all involved. Because maybe the women they are dating really are not good with it and the multi-daters are really just out for as much sex as they can get and they don't care about the consequences or problems it creates? Just my 2 cents.
elaine567 Posted August 17, 2019 Posted August 17, 2019 Because... the multi-daters are really just out for as much sex as they can get and they don't care about the consequences or problems it creates? Exactly. The OP knows the minute he tells "the Indian" that the other woman is still around, she will be gone again out of his life. He thus makes excuse after excuse as to why he doesn't need to tell her...
Watercolors Posted August 18, 2019 Posted August 18, 2019 Because maybe the women they are dating really are not good with it and the multi-daters are really just out for as much sex as they can get and they don't care about the consequences or problems it creates? Just my 2 cents. Finally an answer that makes total sense! It was only when Sam Malone stopped sleeping around that Diane Chambers gave him her heart. Maybe the OP is scared to give his heart away to one woman. Stop being a Sam Malone, OP. Time to step up to the plate and pitch your heart out to one woman -- not the entire team.
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