Feels like this girl is trying to hurt me on purpose.

[Kellens]

She sounds like a user. I'm a woman and I've been around women like her who always have "problems". They thrive on drama and being the victim. I don't want to doubt her abuse but she doesn't seem trustworthy if she is shouting you out on social media, it's attention seeking behavior. She is hoping a guy friend will respond to her rantings so she can complain about YOU, and then the cycle will continue. Ughhh.. I don't understand why guys fall for this!!

 

 

I know it sucks because you actually thought you guys were friends, but you have to try to take the high road, ignore her and avoid women like her in the future. Good luck.

[BrennaR]

I just need one person to try and tell me if there's a good reason this girl is acting the way she is.

 

-- We have a long history and friendship. Over 10 years. We were never great friends, just casual acquaintences. We didn't become close/romantic until this year though.

 

-- She got out of a verbally and physically abusive relationship about a year ago. The abuser actually ended it with her, though.

 

-- Most of this Spring was spent being very confused by this girl. Hot and cold, actions not matching words, etc. We would hook up and then she would stop talking to me for days/weeks at a time. I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time so it was OK.

 

-- We eventually became very good friends and for about a month there that's all we were. It was nice. There was no romantic pressure. Just two people really enjoying spending time together.

 

-- Due to the new closeness, actual romantic feeling developed between both of us (I think).

 

-- A few weeks ago I finally said that we should get out of the gray area and go out on an actual date. With real intentions. To see how if it felt right or not. She seemed really happy about it and agreed. We scheduled it.

 

-- The next morning I woke up to a text from her saying that she wasn't ready to date, she didn't think she would be for a long time, and she didn't see us as more than friends but she wanted to keep the friendship if possible. She apologized for changing her mind.

 

-- I was bummed but responded nicely, thanking her for her honesty. I knew I needed to take a few weeks of no contact to move forward with the intent of hopefully being able to go back to being just friends without the feelings.

 

-- She was texting me a lot during this time. I responded and was always nice, but I was much more short and took longer to reply than i used to. I felt good about the friendship in the future though.

 

-- Back in the Spring, we had bought tix for a concert this Friday. She texted me on Friday asking how I was, and asking if we were still good to go to the show together. I told her yeah, and that I was looking forward to it.

 

-- I traveled for work over the weekend and through today. Last night (Tuesday) as I was going to bed pretty late (2am), I saw that she had just posted a FB status announcing that she was selling her concert ticket to whomever wanted to buy it. We had not talked since Friday, when she asked me to go, and everything after that seemed normal.

 

-- Shortly after that (2:30am) my friend sent me a screenshot of her Instagram story (I muted her so I wouldn't see her stuff). She posted the words "Good luck to my guy friends who only 'cared' because they wanted a date. #Go****Yourself"

 

-- I was pretty shocked by this. The last time we talked everything seemed fine. It really feels like she's upset that I am not giving her as much attention as I did before she rejected me.

 

-- My plan today was to pretend that I didn't see the posts and text her about the our Friday pre-game plans. She never responded. 6 hours later, I tried calling her and left a voicemail just saying "hey! Call me when you're free, I wanna chat with you."

 

-- Spoiler alert: She never called back either.

 

I have no idea what changed to make her think I only cared about dating her. And no responding to my text calls feels like something she's doing specifically to hurt me. And yes, it's working.

 

I have no idea how to talk to her now. I guess I need to find someone else to go with. But man, this came out of nowhere and I am obsessing about what I could have done to make her feel this way. Worth noting that she deleted the IG story a few hours later, which means she was probably drunk when she posted it.

 

I really feel like she's just mad that I don't text her everyday like I used to, and have been much more casual than romantic with her since she rejected me.

 

I think she trusted you and thought you really were a friend, but then you started pushing your romantic agenda. You really need to take a step back and go back to friendship with this person. You could probably talk to her, if the friendship matters to you. If it doesn't matter you can leave her be. But she is not into you "that" way. Or not enough anyway. You need to take the high road here.

[manfrombelow2]

OP is a perfect example of what is called as an "beta orbiter".

 

Basically, you invited this woman to cause you pain. Sorry but you only have yourself to blame.

[fromheart]

Always walk away from hot/cold behaviour. It never resolves, and always leads to trouble.

 

It seems like whenever she does go cold, your game plan has been to pursue more. Even after that childish instagram post, you choose to ignore it and keep reaching out.

 

I apologise for the honesty, but as someone who used to do the same I have to point out that this is self abuse on your part.

 

If you want a drama free life, you walk away from hot/cold. It's not very enticing behaviour and not worthy of any form of time, money nor emotional investment. Be aware that if you do successfully walk away, they usually reach out. Don't expect them to change. Respond, and the circle will continue.