Not sure how to act in this case

[SlowFlake]

Ok guys, I have been to the forum for few months and i though that i know it all and that i have enough experience to get pass in a lady's pants in social circles primarly, what happened showed me that I still have a lot to learn.

 

I have been doing some courses which are finishing soon, on the courses i met a this girl and below you can read what happened. Before reading, know that i am NOT writing something so long because I have obsession (maybe small sexual oneitis) or something like this,

I just want to make sure that you have all details so you can give me a specific advice, which I am looking for in here. I know that self improvement, developing and spinning-plates is always the answer, yet I want you to ignore this,

and give me an answer to the questions that I have on the bottom, as the situation to me is really confusing.

 

Basically the course started few months ago and it's ending now (we will meet in person maybe 1 more time)

,and I didn't even notice the girl so much, eventually we started going out for smoke, laughs etc, and she seemed interesting person, we were going for drinks on Fridays/Saturdays few times,

and I noticed that she is showing me a lot of IOI, and decided that it will be easy sex for me.

I picked up for a date, everything went smoothly, took her to few place and eventually we ended up at my place, with a lot of heavy kissing, when I tried

to close the evening with a sex,it didn't happen no matter how many push-pulls, LMR and other stuff I did, she wasnt just going for it and we called it a night with me telling her that it's time for her to go.

 

We continued chatting and we went on few more dates, on the second date she told me she can't have sex due to some women's issues for few months - this was when we were in my place for a second time again, with heavy kissing

,to which i ****ed up the reply that (mistake) it might be an issue, we saw each other few more times,

and then she distanced herself and after few attempts from my side to get her on another date ( 3 attempts in 2 weeks, mistake) , she told me she needs to focus on other things in her life. I handled it by replying, "No worries, give me a call if you change your mid".

 

Meanwhile on the course, we were only greeting each other and nothing else, I stopped giving her any other kind of attention, except if something course related came up, she was also cold and distanced.

This was the past few months, with nothing on each side and nobody gave a **** to be honest.

 

We needed to attend a party, where it seemed she was stuck on my side the whole time and started to initiate and continue communications, which I took again as interest signs, where I isolated her from the rest of the guys and hooked up.

We went to the taxi to go home, basically telling her mine place or yours, to which she never agreed and we spent some time in the park, again she couldn't take her tongue out of my mouth, after which we called it a night.

 

After few days, she contacted me offering to meet up for a walk during the day, not even expecting such a thing i accepted it. In the begginig (HUGE MISTAKE - i told her i didnt expect her to come to me and offer me to go out, and that I have

already written her out of any potential) it was laughs and jokes about the party and how drunk we were, she didn't refuse any kissing and

closeness on the walk, i was rubbing her emotions left and right, basically all gingling, laughing, neg hits, everything. After a while she told me

she had a boyfriend for a long time, but didn't want to break up with him, as he was unstable, but it's something that is overdue and she will do it soon.

She straight off told me that she expected me to leave as soon as she told me, when she saw that I stayed and didn't have much of a reaction except of slight dissapointment. (for the lie itself, I dont really care she has a boyfriend)

Few times I asked her why she is even telling me this? (it would have been easier just to ghost each other, or just to go out for drinks and ****) to which her reply was - I don't know, i am not sure.

Me: What do you want to do now? - ANswer - I am not sure, I cant date 2 guys, i will eventually break up with him, but it cant be today but it will not be after a month for sure.

 

After this i straight off told her that I will not be waiting for her on a leash to make her mind, and to give me a call when she sorts out her personal troubles with the boyfriend.

She was dissapointed and wanted to at least continue being friends, to which I told her that I am not looking for a friendship here, and maybe it will be best if we cut off all contact meanwhile. (maybe mistake)

 

It happened about a week ago, with no contact after that, on both sides. We have each other on fb/phone.

 

I dont really care if she is lying about something or not, I gave up looking for reasons in women a long time ago, at this point I just want to **** her and to get your best advice on how is best to proceed,

I see the situation in 2 separate ways and I am not sure which way to go, as both of them have their reasons.

 

1. Ignore her, block number and remove her from my fb account, this is something I told her maybe I will do (mistake), if she is interesting in few weeks maybe she will contact me, and I will have the power to lead from this point

to dates/sex and etc. If she doesn't contact me well... nothing I can do.

(the issue with this is, that she also told me few times that I am a player, and she hinted and straight told me that she is only sure that I want sex from her, which I understand as "I am not gonna **** you, as I am not sure if you are

not gonna dump my ass afterwards")

 

2. Get back on my word (that I will not contact her, and she should reach to me when she figured her stuff out) just to show her that i am not about only the sex, and try to fix the perceived player mentality, and **** her in few dates.

I have this option, as I will not lose anything for trying to get her on a date, if she refuses I wouldn't care, yet it might ruin my future chances if she really wants to sort her boyfriend issues and meet up later.

Yet I also know, that this will lower my value to her eyes, and if she is not perceiving me as player and doesn't have geniune interest, will only think that I am on the hook.

 

 

Now, I am asking you to give me the best route that you think, to have sex with her, nothing else. I know that she might be using me only for validation, back-burner etc, yet I am not sure, as some of my friends/colleagues also perceive me as the

pretty/party boy of the company wherever I go , and thinking more about it, this might have ****ed up my chances. I am split half/half - to just ignore her, or that she really is unsure of what i want from her.

 

I don't know if she is unsure because she perceives me as a "player", or she just wants my validation/attention without investing anything else.

Never had such situation before, where I think that this "player" vibe, which sometimes I am giving might **** me up.

 

Which route will you go? Why? Is there better option? (Goal - **** the girl)

[crispytoast]

So she thinks you are a player and that you will dump her after you sleep with her? And you want to know how to not come off as a player and maintain your value best so that she will sleep with you? And all you want to do is sleep with her and then dump her?

 

Whoa my head is spinning. Time for some popcorn.

[Maggiemay1]

She is on to you and no she won’t be having sex with you for a long time , probably never, but that depends on how desperate you are?

Edited August 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Foxhall]

IOI had me briefly puzzled there (indication of interest I presume)

 

"Can I sleep with you as a friend"- implying no sex,

 

this could be the situation for one or two nights,

 

then chances are once she feels more comfortable, youll get what your looking for the next night:)

[SlowFlake]

IOI had me briefly puzzled there (indication of interest I presume)

 

"Can I sleep with you as a friend"- implying no sex,

 

this could be the situation for one or two nights,

 

then chances are once she feels more comfortable, youll get what your looking for the next night:)

 

Hmm, so you would break NC and contact her? Even after what I told her?

Edited August 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude

[PRW]

You sound like you are just trying to follow some step-by-step PUA material.

 

to close the evening with a sex,it didn't happen no matter how many push-pulls, LMR and other stuff I did,

Women aren't sex robots that if you push the right buttons in the right order,...out pops a gumball.

 

We needed to attend a party, where it seemed she was stuck on my side the whole time and started to initiate and continue communications, which I took again as interest signs, where I isolated her from the rest of the guys and hooked up.

Hook up means "sex". You didn't hook up.

 

After this i straight off told her that I will not be waiting for her on a leash to make her mind,

Stupid thing to say. Sounds like a butt hurt little boy.

 

and to give me a call when she sorts out her personal troubles with the boyfriend.

This is the only thing you should have said.

 

(the issue with this is, that she also told me few times that I am a player, and she hinted and straight told me that she is only sure that I want sex from her, which I understand as "I am not gonna **** you, as I am not sure if you are not gonna dump my ass afterwards")

Good. She is fairly smart, hopefully she gets even smarter.

 

1. I gave up looking for reasons in women a long time ago, at this point I just want to **** her

 

2. ...just to show her that i am not about only the sex,

 

3. Now, I am asking you to give me the best route that you think, to have sex with her, nothing else.

Seriously? You want us to teach you be creative enough in your lies to her to fool her into having sex with you? You are what every woman wants to stay far away from and you are what makes it hard for the rest of us normal people to get dates because they have had so many bad experiences with guys like you. You come across like a narcissist that views other people as just objects for your own personal use and enjoyment.

[smackie9]

You may say "it's just sex you want", but I see one desperate guy because he's in it more than he's willing to admit. I know this because one, you really have invested in her, and two, if you just wanted to f%$#, you would have ditched her after the first night of being rejected and moved on. She really has you over a barrel. She has all the control and has you dancing like a puppet on a string trying to figure out how to get the prize. Sure you could do either option #1 or #2 but won't make much difference when she has all the power in this situation. She has totally sucked you in so bad and she knows this.....and she's lovin the attention. Sure you can cut her off, but she knows you are fumbling around trying to figure things out.

 

She wants to f%$# too for sure, but she ain't vulnerable enough. The only thing I can think of that might work is to wear her down with passion and stop letting her talk about it, and her bf.

[spiderowl]

She's wise to you; she knows you only want sex and are not thinking of a relationship.

 

I'm surprised she spent time with you, given that you were using PUA techniques rather than being yourself.

 

It sounds like you want sex with her because she's not making herself available to you. Is it just the challenge?

 

People get oneitis for a reason - we have a natural instinct to bond with someone and have an emotionally as well as physically intimate relationship. It's probably not advisable to bond with someone who has a boyfriend, so you were right in saying that she needs to resolve that situation first.

 

If you really like her and you think she is likely to finish with her boyfriend, then maintain contact in a fun, caring way. Yes, women like strong guys who can stand up to the world, but they also need to know that strong guy will be different with them.

[Flame Aura]

I can smell your desperation from over here.. it's pretty embarrassing.

 

I think you need to grow up.

[alphamale]

I can smell your desperation from over here.. it's pretty embarrassing.

 

I think you need to grow up.

 

I agree with FA

[spiritedaway2003]

I can smell your desperation from over here.. it's pretty embarrassing.

 

I think you need to grow up.

 

Also agree with FA.

[Mrin]

Sweaty try-hard: dude there are lots of women out there that want to just hook up. Find them. Leave this one alone.