yesilikebread Posted August 11, 2019 Posted August 11, 2019 I met this guy over a year ago and I had what I would say a medium sized crush on him. He is a little bit over thirty and I'm in my mid twenties. I don't know how he felt about me but I have my suspicions that he was also interested. His closest friend used to ask me how I felt about him and it was pretty obvious that my guy had sent him to investigate. Well, something pretty life changing thing happened to him and we stopped talking..no he didn't get married or anything like that. I decided to call him like a week ago just to catch up a little bit and probably because I subconsciously still like him. He asked if I wanted to meet up for a drink that evening so we did, and when we met it was a little bit awkward at first. When we were standing by the bar he wanted to buy me a drink but I sort of declined since I prefer buying my own. During conversation he wouldn't hold eye contact with me so I thought our little meet up wasn't going very well. We did speak about why we stopped "seeing each other" and he said that whenever we bumped into each other by accident I acted very uninterested so he assumed I didn't want to speak with him . If he really believed that or if it's an excuse I don't know. Then it was time to go home and he said that we should hang out again sometime... Yes I want to see him again!!, but I don't want to be pushy. I feel like I am the one who initiates conversation most of the time and now I don't know what to think..
schlumpy Posted August 11, 2019 Posted August 11, 2019 He asks you out and then acts like he doesn't want to be there? Before you get in any deeper you need to understand the source of that reluctance and what it means. Other then that, your obvious enthusiasm brings a smile to my face. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted August 11, 2019 Posted August 11, 2019 Did you have a good time with this guy ... eye contact issues and all: did you have a really good time? Do you think he is a great person to date? If so, you can take the initiative and see what happens. At some point, he needs to take more initiative. My sense: you really didn't have that good of a time with him. In that case, leave him alone.
emeraldgreen Posted August 11, 2019 Posted August 11, 2019 he wanted to buy me a drink but I sort of declined since I prefer buying my own. That's a sure-fire way to send the turtle back into his shell. Next time, let him buy it and tell him the next round is yours.
Islander19 Posted August 11, 2019 Posted August 11, 2019 That's a sure-fire way to send the turtle back into his shell. Next time, let him buy it and tell him the next round is yours. Totally agree with this. If I tried to buy a girl a drink and she did that I'd assume the night wasn't going well. There's nothing wrong with the woman taking initiative. In fact, it can be a refreshing change of pace. After constantly having to ask people out and make the plans, it can be really nice to have someone ask YOU out for a change. If you want to see him again just ask him out and this time make it a little more obvious that you're interested in him. If he's shy you might need to be a little more upfron about your intentions. 1
Foxhall Posted August 12, 2019 Posted August 12, 2019 go with the previous poster there perhaps, shy guys can be easily put off.
alphamale Posted August 12, 2019 Posted August 12, 2019 what was the "life changing" event that happened to him? i'm pretty sure he digs you. invite him over for dinner sometime
Author yesilikebread Posted August 12, 2019 Author Posted August 12, 2019 Well, I texted him and asked him if he wanted to meet up this week so not taking my big girl pants off yet, well for him of course..in the future hopefully. Regarding me declining his offer of buying me a drink, well I feel really awkward when men want to buy me drinks. I don't necessarily feel submissive just awkward.
SumGuy Posted August 12, 2019 Posted August 12, 2019 I think it's more that he is shy and insecure. I get the declining the drink. If you think that put him off perhaps you can let him know that you want him to know that you wanted him to know you were there to see him not get a free drink. You could even offer to buy him a drink. Shyness and insecurity can come from a couple sources two common ones I've heard guys talk about are fear of rejection and performance anxiety. The first I used to have when younger. Fear of rejection can be overcome by letting him know you are interested in him, heck you could even make the first move to kiss him. Performance anxiety maybe trickier, as the first move may make him even more anxious depending on how it is done. I have to guess on this one, but perhaps building more the connection that you like him for him, the conversation, his sense of humor, etc. can ease this...and put that first kiss in a low pressure situation.
smackie9 Posted August 12, 2019 Posted August 12, 2019 You are giving him bad signals so he's thinking you are not interested so why should he make any effort. You complain about having to initiate...he took the initiative to buy you are drink, but you shot it down. You are making too many mistakes and that is your demise.There are guys who are very forward and some who are not. He's not.....so you have to throw him a bone. Smile, ask how he is doing, giggle, be flirty and fun, show that you are happy to see him, not avoid him and look away. Get in his space, not walk away. I agree with the other poster, if he offers to buy a drink or pay for dinner ACCEPT like an interested lady should. Let him be a man and take the lead. Next time...if there is a next time...accept graciously, get close to him, face him, good eye contact, smile, laugh, have light fun conversation, touch him lightly, be more girlie, feminine. Sorry to say this but it's a bit of an art form to lure a man, you can't just sit there and do nothing....it may seem old fashioned but it gets results.
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