Free To Date Others Until She Asks Me To Be The Boyfriend

[Saturn98]

Is it presumed that I have a right to date multiple women until one of them asks me to be the boyfriend? Until she asks me to be the boyfriend then I cannot rightly assume that she wants an exclusive committed relationship. Therefore I can't be rightfully accused of leading her on. She would have to make it abundantly clear and come on heavy to accuse me of leading her on like a player.

[lurker74]

I think that is accurate if it has been communicated that way. Early on, for sure. After that, you can communicate non verbally that you are committed but act in a different way so it's more up front to communicate that, hey, we're not exclusive. I guess what I am saying is that we all know that it's possible to communicate one thing and do another and I don't think it's ethical to know that's happening and hide under the umbrella of, well, we never talked about it.

[smackie9]

IMO if you date someone more than two dates, it would be assumed you are heading towards exclusivity and making them a priority. If you have 4 first dates set up with 4 different people in one week, then go for it.....there is no need to worry about anything. Most women wait for the guy to bring up exclusivity.

[Saturn98]

I think that is accurate if it has been communicated that way. Early on, for sure. After that, you can communicate non verbally that you are committed but act in a different way so it's more up front to communicate that, hey, we're not exclusive. I guess what I am saying is that we all know that it's possible to communicate one thing and do another and I don't think it's ethical to know that's happening and hide under the umbrella of, well, we never talked about it.

 

 

What if I'm ignorant of the nonverbal cues that she is interested in being my girlfriend?

[preraph]

Why are you waiting for the woman to take the lead on this. Of course it's okay to multidate until you both decide you like each other well enough to talk about exclusivity, and there's no reason to think she will ever be the one to bring that up. She might, but probably not. I wouldn't expect her to bring it up if you've still not even had sex, though, and are shying away from her invitations to come inside after a date.

[lurker74]

What if I'm ignorant of the nonverbal cues that she is interested in being my girlfriend?

 

Then you have to use the ol's standby; verbal cues. Answer me this...do you want to be exclusive? If so, tell her. If you do not, communicate to her that you are not looking for a relationship at the moment but open to changing your mind (if you are).

 

Regardless of verbal or non verbal, communicate. It does wonders.

[PRW]

All correct,....

 

 

But I'm not sure what you mean by this....

She would have to make it abundantly clear and come on heavy to accuse me of leading her on like a player.

Women are not going to be direct most of the time. They will beat around the bush. So pick their brain a little to be certain they are asking for exclusivity. If they are and you want to accept, then you are good.

[Saturn98]

Then you have to use the ol's standby; verbal cues. Answer me this...do you want to be exclusive? If so, tell her. If you do not, communicate to her that you are not looking for a relationship at the moment but open to changing your mind (if you are).

 

Regardless of verbal or non verbal, communicate. It does wonders.

 

 

I want exclusivity only when she is ready.

[Kitty Tantrum]

There are two sides to this:

 

1. What you tell yourself so you can sleep well at night.

 

2. How the women you're dating will react to what you're doing.

 

You can presume anything you like for the purposes of #1, but it ain't gonna translate seamlessly over into #2.

 

It's all highly subjective. There is no universal standard. In the context of modern dating/tinder, it does seem like that's about how it goes: free-for-all until someone broaches the topic of commitment and exclusivity.

 

But not every girl is going to be aware of or agree with that subjective modern standard, and at the end of the day, she might be approaching the situation from the opposite direction, with the presumption of sexual exclusivity until/unless discussed otherwise - which is also a valid position, for obvious health and hygiene reasons.

 

It sounds to me like being a player is exactly what you want to do - you're just looking for a legalistic way of cushioning your conscience from the ramifications of your behavior. That's kinda weak. Better to own it and enjoy the company of the women who will legitimately not be hurt by it.

[Saturn98]

The woman's interest level is more important that my own interest level in her. Not every woman who agrees to go out on a date with me wants to be my girlfriend.

Edited August 9, 2019 by Saturn98

[GorillaTheater]

Is it presumed that I have a right to date multiple women until one of them asks me to be the boyfriend?

 

Do you run into this problem fairly often? Because from looking over your various threads I'm thinking that you don't.

[kendahke]

Is it presumed that I have a right to date multiple women until one of them asks me to be the boyfriend?

 

it's not so much a right as it is you determining for yourself what is fit.

 

Until she asks me to be the boyfriend then I cannot rightly assume that she wants an exclusive committed relationship. Therefore I can't be rightfully accused of leading her on. She would have to make it abundantly clear and come on heavy to accuse me of leading her on like a player.

 

Or you could not play games and tell her what your parameters are. There is nothing precluding you from speaking up about your intentions so everyone is on the same page.

 

If it's your aim to multi-date while talking to her, then open your mouth and own that. It's your truth, isn't it? If she doesn't like it, then she can choose to launch you... and that's her determining for herself what is fit.

[Saturn98]

it's not so much a right as it is you determining for yourself what is fit.

 

 

 

Or you could not play games and tell her what your parameters are. There is nothing precluding you from speaking up about your intentions so everyone is on the same page.

 

If it's your aim to multi-date while talking to her, then open your mouth and own that. It's your truth, isn't it? If she doesn't like it, then she can choose to launch you... and that's her determining for herself what is fit.

 

 

 

The 3rd option is I'm willing to stop seeing the other women once one of them asks to see me exclusively and take me off the market. I am flexible. I can tell her I'll stop seeing the others if you want me to.

[smackie9]

Ahhhh I seeeee. So before when you ask for exclusivity, you get dumped....so now instead of being used for all the dinners you buy them, you will take opportunity to date other women until one of the will finally step up. That makes sense.

[kendahke]

The 3rd option is I'm willing to stop seeing the other women once one of them asks to see me exclusively and take me off the market. I am flexible. I can tell her I'll stop seeing the others if you want me to.

 

Then do that.

[JEG88]

I was thinking about this situation the other day, as I've concurrently met a few women recently.

 

One woman, I've had two amazing dates with, but she went on vacation and I won't see her again for at least two weeks. We text a few times daily, exchanging photos, things like that about our days.

 

Another woman, I've had one date with and have already scheduled the second. We had great chemistry as well.

 

Several others I'm chatting with online, thinking of setting up dates to see if there's any chemistry or connection.

 

And wow, just writing that out makes me sound like such a player. But at the same time, I don't feel like I've reached the point of exclusivity with any of them yet.

 

All of this is to say, you can feel free to multi-date. But if you start thinking about one woman more than the others or catch feelings for one, you need to make that decision for yourself and stop seeing everyone else. Don't wait on the woman if you know you already have these feelings, that's not fair to any of the women involved.

[Maggiemay1]

I'm willing to stop seeing the other women once one of them asks to see me exclusively and take me off the market. I am flexible. I can tell her I'll stop seeing the others if you want me to.

 

One of them in particular or any of them?

 

How many women are you dating?

Do you have a favourite but fear you are not her favourite?

 

It seems to me that you are afraid to ask your favourite to be exclusive in case it goes pear shaped and yuu lose your other options?

But your fear might end up with you losing ALL options?

 

You are waiting to see who likes you best and settling for that , rather than pursuing what you want? Right??

[elaine567]

This all sounds a bit like future planning to a formula,

If this happens I will do this, if that happens I will do that...

Have you ever actually been on a date with a woman?

[Blind-Sided]

I want exclusivity only when she is ready.

 

 

 

Ok... I see this as a mistake. It sounds like you want to be exclusive with her. Why destroy that possibility by dating multiple girls? Besides, that a good way to find out. After a few more weeks say something like... "You know, I haven't been seeing any other people." And then judge her reaction.

[Maggiemay1]

It sounds like you want to be exclusive with her. Why destroy that possibility by dating multiple girls? Besides, that a good way to find out. After a few more weeks say something like... "You know, I haven't been seeing any other people." And then judge her reaction.

 

Not sure that he has chosen who he wants to be exclusive with!!

 

I think he wants a girl to choose him?

 

I don’t think it’s wise to encourage him to lie. She / they might already know or yet to know that he has in fact been multi dating.

[basil67]

I have a strong feeling they this is all hypothetical. How many women are you currently dating and how many want you to be their boyfriend? How about worrying about this when it becomes an actual problem?