about to do nc

[newbby]

Hello all,

I am once again going to do nc, because, I am not feeling in any control in this friendship we have. I am having feelings, that I am having to hide and I hate the idea of being transparent in this. Also, I clearly need to regain some strength so that certain things do not effect me.

My question is, how to go about this. We have a friendship and he is unaware of my feelings except that we did sleep together once and I said that I regretted this. I did not say why, only that I wanted nothing more than a friendship. This is true, however, sleeping with him has thrown up all sorts of feelings for me that I do not wish to be having.

I do not have any reason to do nc with him, as far as he knows. He has also been strange with me since then. I have been trying to keep things light, but am finding it increasingly difficult. Should I tell him that I want to terminate our friendship?

[lynnered]

newbby,

i would either terminate friendship or distance myself not being around so much etc then just drop out of his life ,

u have done so good!!

A is already over so have already showed so much strength,doing whats best for U.

does the friendship benefit U?

but since U are having feelings may not be a good idea to continue thats why i wont do that with my MM,

he knows how i feel,our history together,and i know i would always have feelings if he was in my life ,when i dont talk to him or see him ,usaully 3-4 weeks NC my thoughts of him start to fade .

i now think U should terminate because this is dragging U down & not helping Ur healing

goodluck hope i can help U like you have helped me:love:

[newbby]

thanks lynne,

i dont know if i benefit from the friendship or not. i thought i did, but then he was constantly trying to get me to continue the a, so its hard to tell.

i dont know, since we slept together he has not mentioned anything along those lines, i was pushing for just a friendship the whole time before, but now i feel like "why now?, why do you not want to sleep with me now?" and its obvious, cos it was just seeing if he still could. so then i think well was the whole friendship just about that, and is he being friends now just to pacify me?? its wierd, he has also been talking about other girls alot, i'm not sure if it was an attempt to make me jealous. i responded in kind.

nw i feel that i could not just nc, without saying anything. the fading out idea is good but it would be difficult to make that happen. we speak alot and i am trying to contain my emotions alot.

[joodee]

Hi Newwby,

 

Sounds like you are struggling just like me. I haven't been around because I have been doing my best to maintain NC, and those darn boys just are eventually going to, one way or another, try to get an A again. I would say do the NC again, being friends is way too difficult, especially if you have feelings for them, cause they can figure out that you have feelings and therefore kind of have you hanging on a string.

 

I'll check back later, I have to go to class now. FYI being in school full-time and working full-time has for the most part really helped me focus on myself and what I want and not on him and his needy warped ways. It's difficult though, whey they don't leave you alone.

 

Hugs to you!

[joodee]

I think lynnered is right,3 to 4 weeks (about 30 days) is a good goal to maintain NC, then things might change. That's my goal...

[lynnered]

that why i cant do the friend thing,i told MM last night ,i dont feel like Ur friend ,i love U i just cant we would up right back where we started,friends then loers,then he says we were friends 1st ,i didnt tell him but it was 1 sided all about his conveince when he called me ,i didnt have a tn for him i benefited him ,feel in love if i wasnt in love or had feeling whatever i felt:p ,i would not have kept up friendship ,even as a friend i was hidden just sitting in his truck talking or ,a call from his moms house.

whole situation all the way around only benefited him .

newbby if U feel so strong about not just dropping out of his life (i know im the same way even though hes done this to me several times i cannot &never done to MM)why dont U have a talk that friendship not working out ,U dont have to tell him Ur feelings if U dont want to ,but i think it would be best to end it .

U closed the door on the sleeping together ,now the friend part U will be fine U are so strong U have came so far from when U started posting as i hope to soon

PS MAYBE SOMEBODY SHOULD START A THREAD OCTOBER IS GET RID:lmao: OF mm MONTH FOR GOOD:lmao: :lmao:

[joodee]

Let's start October right!!!!!

[OldEurope]

Newby,

 

There is never, ever, ever any such thing as "just being friends".

 

Many say so, most want to believe so, but it doesn't exist.

 

I see it that, you don't so much want to be friends (a pal? shopping on Saturday? And what when he finds another girlfriend--will you give neutral, friendly advice?)..but rather that you simply are afraid of letting go and are willing to accept a further sub-status with him, called "friends".

 

Just run, already.

[newbby]

Newby,

 

There is never, ever, ever any such thing as "just being friends".

 

Many say so, most want to believe so, but it doesn't exist.

 

I see it that, you don't so much want to be friends (a pal? shopping on Saturday? And what when he finds another girlfriend--will you give neutral, friendly advice?)..but rather that you simply are afraid of letting go and are willing to accept a further sub-status with him, called "friends".

 

Just run, already.

 

quite probably.

although i think it was a way to work through my feelings aswell.

 

thankyou all.

lynnered, joodee, old europe,

you are all correct.

october sounds good. i will begin today. there's no point in prolonging anything.

[lynnered]

"quite probably.

although i think it was a way to work through my feelings aswell"

i do believe that ,that was a smart way to do things ,not everything at once ,yet not giving in to his wants.

U stopped the sexual intimacy,so U are over that now,its time for the emotiall issues.

U already ended A ,U sound very ready to be done with friendship .

U are so strong newbby ,U needed to keep him around so it would be easier now U dont need him kick him to the curb:)

[newbby]

Thanks lynnered!! Although I am not so sure about my way being the strong way. I was scared to let go aswell, also although I did end the physical side of it, I still slipped up a few times. I do think though that I worked through alot of things and also let him get to know parts of me that he would not have known without the friendship. It all depends on what you are grieving for, I suppose. I think alot of my pain at first was because I felt that we had alot in common that had only been scratched at during the a, I felt a loss of something that had never been, which was a friendship. I believe that we achieved that friendship, and I am glad that it happened. However, during the friendship I felt very close to him, and probably it made my feelings for him stronger. This is both good and bad, good in that I was able too see him as a person who was actually very nice, and bad in that aswell. All this makes me wonder about throwing the friendship away, but I cant be in a situation that I cant emotionally handle.

[newbby]

Hello all,

Well I have had about 24 hrs of complete nc, it may not seem like much but the first couple of days are always about reflection. One thing I always find is that I am struck by the enormity of it all, the reality and facts of the situation. Objectivity is a strange thing.

[lynnered]

i think the friendship issue hurts me alot as well we were friends for 2years before A,so i do really miss that even though it was more about him ,& things in common so many things,but ive always had romantic feelings for him .

but sometimes people are in our life to serve a purpose maybe get us through a time maybe we were there for them for a purpose ,i told MM that he got mad .

i said maybe i was in Ur life to help U,or to show U things how a loving relationship should be,but for whatever reason that time is up lets not look at it so sadly ,i was so in love with this guy ,i did get to spend some of my life with him(kind of)i have some good & bad memories ,(depends what day U ask me:lmao: )but it happend maybe for a reason maybe not ,but its time for us to go our separte ways .

the misery out weighs the fun times,its not healthy a A,i learned a lesson ,i read somewhere U will keep going through it until U get it right well im getting it right this time!!

i even told him yesturday ,i told U if U went back i was done ,what am i showing U if i keep this up?and U are treating me bad lately .

so those 2 things if i continue to accept this relationship ,I AM TO BLAME.

i love him but he is hurting me,i am hurting me,if i stay it goes on &on,but if stay gone itll pass,i have my moments yes ,but when i dont see him for a time or talk to him ,i think of him less & less.

so we need to commit the first month will be the worst but we will get through it !! :love: