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Incresingly evasive and distant during distant holidays appart

Alamo657

By Alamo657
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Alamo657 Established Member

Alamo657

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Hello,

 

Girlfriend is on vacation with her 3 yo son at her mother for 3 weeks (1 week remaining).

 

She has been slowly but increasingly distant (lack of banter and chitchat, unavailable...) Since it started.

 

3 days before we were having great chemistry and sex.

 

My question is : should I tell her I noticed the distant attitude and will allow her alone time, or just not bother her until she decides it's time to talk?

 

I should add that I already made a very light and non-confrontational comment about her attitude and was told not to worry, so she does not seem inclined to acknowledge or talk about it on her own, and further inquiry from me will most likely annoy her (probably already did)

 

Thanks for your insight

Edited by Alamo657
Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

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Bro she's on vacation, let her enjoy it without having to check it all the time. She's with her family.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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What, and ruin her vacation arguing with her? She's on vacation. People who go on vacation often look forward to leaving their daily routine and obligations behind and taking a break.

 

Just chill out. Let her set the pace and she'll see you when she gets back.

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Alamo657 Established Member

Alamo657

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Getting confrontational and arguing is not my goal. I just find it hard to give free banter, morning hello and good night's with minimal service answering me.

 

So I don't know if I should just keep doing what I'm doing (ignoring her cold attitude), reduce my texting to mirror hers, or just talk about it.

 

My natural inclination is reciprocity(ie she texts less I do the same). but in the past it resulted in girls getting angry, or ghosting . Never to acknowledge their attitude and make up for it. so in the end I still have no clue how to react.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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The "rules" are different when somebody is on vacation. The amount of contact decreases. See how she is when she gets back. If she's different, that is your answer. If it all goes back to normal, carry on.

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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How long have you two been dating? Do you think she's cheating on you or something? Do you think she's lost interest in you in a fortnight?

schlumpy Established Member

schlumpy

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Girlfriend is on vacation with her 3 yo son at her mother for 3 weeks (1 week remaining).

 

She has been slowly but increasingly distant (lack of banter and chitchat, unavailable...) Since it started.

 

Everyone is different. When my wife would visit her parents in Germany for six weeks you can be sure I would hear about it if I didn't write once a week and call at least twice.

 

This is only for 3 weeks. How are you noticing that she is getting distant in that short period of time? Usually when people complain about distance from an SO it's because of lack of interpersonal contact at home. Lots of people today hate to write. Unless there are other details in your relationship that are pointing you in this direction I think you have to sit tight, write when she writes and wait and see what develops.

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted
Getting confrontational and arguing is not my goal. I just find it hard to give free banter, morning hello and good night's with minimal service answering me.

 

So I don't know if I should just keep doing what I'm doing (ignoring her cold attitude), reduce my texting to mirror hers, or just talk about it.

 

My natural inclination is reciprocity(ie she texts less I do the same). but in the past it resulted in girls getting angry, or ghosting . Never to acknowledge their attitude and make up for it. so in the end I still have no clue how to react.

 

Decrease the frequency. She's busy having fun and is with family.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Maybe it will help to realize that when you're with family or even friends doing something special, someone being on their phone constantly is annoying and impolite. If someone's boyfriend has them on the phone a lot (whatever THEY consider a lot), she is likely to be chided for letting you interrupt their fun.

 

 

They may be saying things or giving her looks like, Jeez, can't this wait until you get home? Please put your phone away while we're at dinner (or doing any group thing).

 

 

So just decrease the frequency and don't criticize her about it at all.

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hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

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Back off on texting her so much and live your life. You saying anything while she’s on vacation with her family will make you appear super needy and insecure. Very unattractive.

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Alamo657 Established Member

Alamo657

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Hey thanks for the answers.

 

We don't text constantly, the problem I have has to do with the content of our exchange which has gotten significantly less involved on her part.

 

I didn't tell her about frequency , just a light comment about the content of one of her answers which I jokingly called "almost formal".

 

Anyway, I'll just mirror her attitude, can't do much else until she returns.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Her mother or anyone could be sitting there watching her every move.

beentheredonethat77 Established Member

beentheredonethat77

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Back right off, you should text LESS than her for a while... make your texts sweet and not passive aggressive -- but stop with the good morning, good evening and attempts at banter ----- Wait til she texts you first and respond... if she doesn't text you then she doesn't want to talk during her vacation! ...

 

You're going to drive her away if you dont give her some space on vacation.

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Alamo657 Established Member

Alamo657

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Backed off, she called the day after and we laughed together for an hour while planning a weekend after her return.

 

#baseless_anxiety

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fromheart Established Member

fromheart

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Hard to fully acertain your relationship, without more details.

 

Usually though, when the communication goes cold on her part for whatever reason, it signifies the end.

 

A woman in love on holiday without her partner, will usually bombard her partner with 'wish you were here,' 'miss you,' messages. She's on holiday and has loads of free time. Her mum is helping with the child.

 

I always say, you'll find out what you've got when one of you travels. Ive spent years travelling. I've met many women staring at the sea, unsure of their partner back home. They usually sleep with someone, to help them decide (!).

 

If you still want someone when they go cold, just disappear. Complete no communication, unless they reach out. But if that works, they'll always go back to that cold place and you have to disappear again. Then they complain about an emotionally unavailable bf.

 

Its a no win situation, which is why I usually call it a day if I feel she's going distant.

 

Believe me, Ive tried working with cold, distant women. Now I give them a very generous 12 hours to sort it out and call it a day. I might want kids and marriage one day, Im not having a cold woman in my house, messing up my kids heads.

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