Rayce Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 There’s a thing as being too honest and it’s not always looked at kindly. Why is that? 2
OatsAndHall Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Why is that? Unfortunately, the dating world can be a very judgemental place if you're not careful. Many people (myself included) are always on the look out for the negatives in people instead of focusing on the positives. Over the years, I have been amazed at what women have viewed as "red-flags" or signs of incompatibility. A woman once asked if I had kids with my ex-wife. I explained to her that I had three stepsons when I was with her. She asked if I still kept in touch with them and I told her that, yes, I did. I told her I sent birthday and Christmas cards each year and that we chatted over Facebook on occasion. She saw that as a huge red-flag and felt that I was still pining over my ex-wife by having contact with my former step sons. I explained to her that I didn't have any contact with my ex-wife (nor would I ever...) but that I still cared about my former stepsons and always would. Her exact words; "It's strange that you'd grow so attached to kids who aren't even yours." :rolleyes:
Rayce Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 That is so sad... it breaks my heart that people see such compassion and humility as a negative and a sign of weakness. The last thing I want to do on a date is be guarded about what comes out of my mouth. I like talking from my heart and go with the flow of the conversation. 2
amaysngrace Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Why is that? Because people should have the good sense to know when to shut up. 2
OatsAndHall Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 @Rayce Agreed. I enjoy free and open-flowing conversation as well. I don't like having to completely guard what I say especially when conversation is going well. And, I like to be honest about my little, innocuous quirks when I am dating someone. But, there are times when I don't feel like I can be that way, at all. I once told my ex-girlfriend that I am a creature of habit during the school year work week (we're both teachers). I explained to her that, Monday through Thursday nights, I follow a pretty set routine as I'm busy and my routine helps me reduce stress. You can set a clock by said-schedule during those days; get off of work, hit the gym, eat dinner, grade some papers, read, and go to bed. I explained to her that having that routine helps keep me going when things get hectic. She didn't like it at all and it came out when we broke up. She didn't just view it as a sign of incompatibility as she's not a fan of routine. She saw it as a flaw and responded that I was "high stress individual" because I needed such a "tight schedule" to operate. I had to remind her that she's the opposite; she needs a lack of routine during the work week to stay sane.
Rayce Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Because people should have the good sense to know when to shut up. lol... I am not one of those people. 2
normal person Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Why would anyone admit to googling you, for heaven's sake?! That just seems dumb or weird or immature. What a turnoff. Before online dating someone might say to you "why would you agree to meet a total stranger who you know nothing about?" Now all of a sudden that's commonplace and you think it's weird to want to know? I think it's pretty safe to assume prospective dates are googling you even if they don't admit it. It's a pretty common practice these days. With all the time wasters, liars, etc out there, it's not a bad idea. Someone told me she googled me once and that she always does it, and that you're stupid not to. You're ok letting someone buy you dinner but if they want the slightest bit of assurance that you're not some crazed scam artist, all of a sudden they're a creep? C'mon. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Googling somebody is de rigor these days. You are being unreasonable by being this upset. OK fine, it's a little odd that he told you, but you need to assume everyone you meet will Google you. It's just the way the world works. In large trials some lawyers hire people to google the potential jurors. A news story broke recently that some snooty restaurant in NYC Googled potential diners when they called for a reservation -- if they weren't already famous. If the restaurant didn't think you had enough money by what they found, they denied you the right to eat there. They claim they only looked people up to determine food preferences or so they could offer you a regional dish when you came. Sorry but if I'm from Kansas getting to eat in NYC, the last thing I want is BBQ. I want something the destination is known for not what I can get back home, probably made better. navybluegal -- every time you post it's another picky thing that is making you reject the guy. Go back & read your own post history. Then think long & hard about why you are still single. Lighten up & this process gets easier. You are obviously finding a lot of dates so what is it that you always want to find fault? Why are you so afraid to give somebody a chance? 2
vla1120 Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Someone telling me they Googled me wouldn't bother me. The information is public (even if they have to spend $ to get access) and I have nothing to hide. Unfortunately, that is the digital world we live in. Our information is out there, whether we want it to be or not. If he uses it to stalk you, that's another story, but I don't see anything wrong with someone wanting to know more about you before getting involved. You have the same opportunity to Google him, as well. 1
schlumpy Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Her exact words; "It's strange that you'd grow so attached to kids who aren't even yours." :rolleyes: I think it would be strange not to. 1
salparadise Posted August 9, 2019 Posted August 9, 2019 The last person I talked to online and scheduled a meet with asked for my last name. She said it's hard to stalk you with only your first name. So I gave her my last name and said, I've already stalked you, you're easy to find. Neither of us thought anything of it. We assumed that whatever is available online is fair game. So what I'm wondering OP –– did you screen for anatomical giftedness already? If so, I'd say let this small sh*t slide and concentrate on his larger assets. I mean, how many .05 percenters do you come across in a month? And the next one might have a combover. 1
basil67 Posted August 9, 2019 Posted August 9, 2019 navybluegal -- every time you post it's another picky thing that is making you reject the guy. Go back & read your own post history. <snip> Why are you so afraid to give somebody a chance? I wondered the same thing. Is it perhaps you're ruthless in your ditching people so that they can't ditch you? Self protection of some kind perhaps...
spiritedaway2003 Posted August 9, 2019 Posted August 9, 2019 For me, it comes down to this: If it's a guy I like: sure. Google me. I'm flattered. If it's a guy I don't like or know much at all: Yes, it's kind of creepy. You can do it, just don't tell me about it. 1
mortensorchid Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 I think this is just how it is in the 21st century, you Google people whether it's for business or personal reasons or both. I would not admit that I Googled someone, at least not so quickly after meeting someone like you did. But don't be creeped out immediately. After all, you could Google him and find out things about him, right?
JEG88 Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 Other than LinkedIn or other professional information, I'm pretty much a ghost online as far as putting personal information out there. So either way, it doesn't really bother me.
Alamo657 Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 For me, it comes down to this: If it's a guy I like: sure. Google me. I'm flattered. If it's a guy I don't like or know much at all: Yes, it's kind of creepy. You can do it, just don't tell me about it. In a nuthsell, the way most women approach men's behaviour. I call it the 50 shade of gray syndrom : cool handsome billionaire? Sure you can handcuff and slap my buttocks while calling me a *itch. Homeless regular guy doing the same? #metoo #911
basil67 Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 In a nuthsell, the way most women approach men's behaviour. I call it the 50 shade of gray syndrom : cool handsome billionaire? Sure you can handcuff and slap my buttocks while calling me a *itch. Homeless regular guy doing the same? #metoo #911 Poor analogy. The most essential part of kink is consent. And those who are into kink are appalled at fifty shades. Speak about what you know.
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