Rayce Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Ok I totally understand your reasoning but I might now necessarily agree with the approach. Online I use a screen name to chat and set up initial date only. I will provide my real 1st name on a 1st date... then if date goes well I provide my phone number. 1
OnlyHonesty Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 These two have barely even smiled at each other and already she's considering ditching him. This is dating in 2019 in a nutshell! You say it's creepy that he admitted googling you. So no appreciation for honesty. In this day and age, it's wise to do background checks on people. 2
Rayce Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 You say it's creepy that he admitted googling you. … yet she admits to using a fake name most of time. 1
Author Navybluegal Posted August 8, 2019 Author Posted August 8, 2019 These two have barely even smiled at each other and already she's considering ditching him. This is dating in 2019 in a nutshell! You say it's creepy that he admitted googling you. So no appreciation for honesty. In this day and age, it's wise to do background checks on people. He could google me all he wants but admitting to it is a weak game and a sign of desperation, not honesty.
Rayce Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 He could google me all he wants but admitting to it is a weak game and a sign of desperation, not honesty. wow... that just seemed harsh. I have myself have admit to doing this with a date. I wonder if he was put off as much. After this thread I will think twice now about admitting to such an act going forward.
Redhead14 Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 instead of chancing your luck with strangers online. He's doing exactly that! 1
Rayce Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Ok I totally understand your reasoning but I might now necessarily agree with the approach. Online I use a screen name to chat and set up initial date only. I will provide my real 1st name on a 1st date... then if date goes well I provide my phone number. Maybe you didn't see this post but I don't lead guys on. I let them know right up front 1st date who I am. You said you wait for a few dates. I think your just mad at me now and I am sorry to have upset with you. It just seems like a double standard... your upset because he googled you but yet you have no problems using a fake name. 2
amaysngrace Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 I think it’s more weird that he admitted it than it was to look you up. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Why would anyone admit to googling you, for heaven's sake?! That just seems dumb or weird or immature. What a turnoff. I don't think it's dumb, weird or immature at all! I think it's smart! In this day and age I would never spend time with someone I didn't know something about. If I don't know friends of the person then I'm going to google them to be sure they have a life with folks they're accountable to. Could be office they work in, could be type of career or volunteer (charity or something) work, anything to show legit authenticity. So if there's anything at all you don't want your future dates to know about you, don't put it on the internet. To me, that seems to be something common sense would dictate. I'm very private in my personal life so don't put family photos or information on social media at all. But, as far as my career goes, there's plenty on the internet about my work and it's fine by me if folks access it. I don't understand why you'd be secretive about your work. So, it's cushy? So are lots of other people's careers. 1
basil67 Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 He could google me all he wants but admitting to it is a weak game and a sign of desperation, not honesty. How is it a weak game and a sign of desperation? I have to admit that I'm failing to see how this small thing has you so upset at him. 3
Redhead14 Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 There isn't a search engine sophisticated enough to help this guy dodge this particular bullet. 5
Versacehottie Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 I think this issue is at least two fold: *on one hand lots of people google search people they've just met; so there is the privacy part and when you decide to let people in on the facts of your life that you decide to tell them and just how people 'discover' a new person--and it's nicer if it's organic rather than just barging in with an invasive google search--after all, she did only give him her first name, so in theory there is some presumption that she didn't want him to know all about her in one go. However, people do do it. I think the fact that he's announced it is on the creepy side regardless of the fact that lots of people do it. He could have done it and kept his mouth shut, like most people do. Does he want an award for being extra creepy that he was able to find her with only a first name and a couple of texts?? It reflects badly on him really--good on sleuthing skills but bad on him--IMO worse cause he is a guy (sorry); especially worse if he's a guy who sensed or got clues that OP has a cushy life. Opportunist, perhaps. *The second part is that maybe OP would like to date someone who has the EQ and socially adept and good manners to realize he shouldn't say anything to her, even if he has searched her and gone to lengths apparently to search her on google--that's a really important part of why the OP might think he was creepy and invasive IMO. 2
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Do a google search of your first name and see if it comes up. If it comes up with LinkedIn in the first few searches, I guess that's fair enough that he might have seen it. Maybe consider changing your privacy settings. I can accept that someone might be interested in seeing your social media (relationship status etc.) but if he deliberately hunted for your professional information, that's crossing the line. He is virtually a stranger, and to actually tell you what he found about about you is inappropriate. How is that supposed to make you feel? You haven't even given him your full name and know he is telling you he knows where you work. I wouldn't be comfortable with this either.
chillii Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 (edited) l'd find it really creepy to but read of plenty of women on here that do exactly that and google a guy , and fb him, and anything else they can swing, exactly the same as your sitch. Personally l think that crap is like you say and really off. lf l was meeting women and she'd told me she went behind my back and did all that stuff that'd be a def' goodnight from me. Edited August 8, 2019 by chillii
schlumpy Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 I do find it odd that he would admit it. What's to be gained from that? If you feel uncomfortable, how about you take charge of your first two dates by picking the time and the venues so that you feel comfortable and secure. You could keep the dates very public until you get yourself up to speed on who you are dating.
Maggiemay1 Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 He is not a stalker, a stalker would not reveal that he googled you lol. He might be very keen but if you are not then simply say so! If you don’t want to be revealed on a google search , then remove yourself from every platform. He is not the first nor the last to google your name. He is simply the first to admit it! He must have thought you were savvy to current day but perhaps you aren’t? I have googled every person I had a potential date with in the past 10 years lol The only one person I told so was only because with his limited info (very limited) I was able to see pictures of his kids. I only told him to warn him , because that is not good!! 2
elaine567 Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Most likely every guy you dated or spoke to online, Googled you at some point, so if you want stuff kept private then take it all off the internet or lock down your privacy. The guy was honest but you are going to banish him, fair enough. BUT I guess the real dangerous guys are far sneakier, delve deeper and say nothing... 5
basil67 Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Exactly Elaine, I'd always prefer someone who was honest over someone who did things they felt the need to hide. 1
amaysngrace Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Nobody said he was dangerous, just weird for coming out and saying something to her about it. He’s sounds awkward all around. 1
stillafool Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 C'mon women do this all the time. They google, search FB and everywhere else to find out about the men they are interested in why is it so bad that a man did it and was honest enough to admit it? Double standards again. 2
OatsAndHall Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 At this point, I feel uncomfortable going out with a complete stranger who knows so much about me AND has an, er, heightened sense of curiosity about me. Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable? Having had stalkers in the past, this kind of stuff really irks me When I meet people online, I use a fake name and google voice number. In this case I didn't think of giving my fake name as I was caught by surprise when he approached me. Although I would never admit to a woman that I've Googled them, I do my homework BECAUSE I had a stalker. If I had did some digging around before dating the woman, I would have known that she was up on charges for stalking her ex-husband and his girlfriend. I typed in her name, went to the "News" section and saw an article about the crap she'd pulled. I also found out a woman I was scheduled to go out on a date with was married after doing a quick social media search... You have every right to be uncomfortable with the situation but just bear in mind that many of the guys you have dated have done a Google search on you. They just haven't been inept enough to admit it.
Rayce Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 IMO it is sad that being honest and upfront is considered a horrible thing in dating. I think that is all he was trying to do but unfortunately you perceived as being creepy. Before the internet we used the phonebook and asked around to find out about people we were dating. 3
Tamfana Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Exactly Elaine, I'd always prefer someone who was honest over someone who did things they felt the need to hide. Me too. Of course I googled guys I met online. Men who got into a twist about my learning about them seemed shady, to me. I figured they were looking for something short term because if they were looking for a lifetime partner it would all come out eventually. No, I don't think it's creepy. I think it's smart and indicates seriousness. 3
amaysngrace Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 There’s a thing as being too honest and it’s not always looked at kindly. 1
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