Author acomic Posted August 8, 2019 Author Posted August 8, 2019 This is abnormal and I guess hypomania/mania due most likely to bipolar. As all these weird behaviours are new for him, he needs checked over asap. Do you have experience with mania or bipolar disorder? The resources I've been looking at online are a bit confusing. He doesn't get lows, as far as I can tell. Just normal baseline and then mania, if this is really what one could call it. He won't get checked out, he thinks it's normal. But depending on how things progress, I'll put my foot down.
stillafool Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 I guess you are not right for each other. In the example you gave about what happened when you reached for a kiss, I did not see it as a problem. Except that you had such a negative reaction, so that makes it a problem, a compatibility issue. This is what I think. You two are just not compatible and after being in the relationship a while it has become clear. He is the type who likes to "banter" and needs someone who can give it right back to him the way he gives it to you. I once dated a guy like that and I gave it back to him but after a while that got tiring as hell. Some people get sexually aroused through banter.
elaine567 Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 He doesn't get lows, as far as I can tell. Just normal baseline and then mania, if this is really what one could call it. He won't get checked out, he thinks it's normal. But depending on how things progress, I'll put my foot down. No-one can formally diagnose from an internet forum but it certainly sounds like a hypomanic/manic episode to me He has little or no "insight" and that is common in mania too. Time to put your foot down, and get to the bottom of it. I have witnessed similar. I used to work with a guy who did this occasionally. He started a "talk" one day with some colleagues and managed to "barricade"them into an office for over an hour, by standing at the doorway and being mildly aggressive but very "assertive" and refusing to let them leave, whilst he "lectured" them. He was their boss so it was very awkward. They eventually managed to signal help and he disappeared for a few weeks afterwards "on leave"...
chillii Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 (edited) l'd call it all a passive aggressive and selfish too, thing myself, and l don't believe the shyt of oh, sorry l didn't realize, or l didn't mean to or whatever. People like this just say that shyt and think it excuses their bs . Ex's would've had of course a different personality to you too so how he was with them doesn't really matter. Not to discount or excuse his crap , but different personalities effect us different ways, especially someone like him. Where as with you guys l think he pokes and prods at you and your stuff because, well not only is he a bit of an AH anyway and he knows he can, but he also needs a different personality , yours is a bit too nice for him , probably a bit too shy'ish quietish. He sounds neurotic and frustrated. Edited August 8, 2019 by chillii
Author acomic Posted August 9, 2019 Author Posted August 9, 2019 (edited) Where as with you guys l think he pokes and prods at you and your stuff because, well not only is he a bit of an AH anyway and he knows he can, but he also needs a different personality , yours is a bit too nice for him , probably a bit too shy'ish quietish. He sounds neurotic and frustrated. Yeah, you're onto something there... we had a fight tonight and that's almost exactly what he said. I'm too nice and shy and he gets frustrated. I asked him why he was with me then in the first place, as I've been this way since he's known me, and he - I kid you not - replied "I don't know, it just happened!" So that's just great. We argued because he disappeared today for no obvious reason, and when I finally reached his phone late at night, he was confused about me calling and told me he'd forgotten he had a girlfriend who'd be waiting to hear from him. So I made it clear that I was disappointed, and he didn't understand why at all, and it kind of snowballed from there because I was just so mad at how little he seemed to care that I wasn't willing to let it go. I still don't know why he's being this way. He used to be the person I trusted most, and he used to care, but I guess now he just doesn't anymore. Nothing to be done. I bet by tomorrow, he'll have completely forgotten that we ever had an argument. Maybe I should take the things he says at face value. Maybe he's really just a jerk and I'm just a friend with benefits to him. Edited August 10, 2019 by acomic
spiderowl Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 How does he make you feel? You have mentioned, awkward, embarassed, uncomfortable. You say he is being mean. He jokes at your expense, finding it amusing when you are embarassed. He might not be a jerk with others, but he is being a jerk with you. I think he is right; he is more relaxed with you and you are seeing the real him. He sounds a bit controlling, playing with your feelings and making you uncomfortable. That is actually not funny. I think you sense that something is amiss here. You have good reason to opt out of a relationship where someone is making you feel unhappy. It might be funny to him but you are the butt of the joke and you don't have to find it amusing. I suspect this can only get worse and that later on you will be writing to ask if this is abuse. It could become so.
elaine567 Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 We argued because he disappeared today for no obvious reason, and when I finally reached his phone late at night, he was confused about me calling and told me he'd forgotten he had a girlfriend who'd be waiting to hear from him. So I made it clear that I was disappointed, and he didn't understand why at all, and it kind of snowballed from there because I was just so mad at how little he seemed to care that I wasn't willing to let it go. That guy I used to work with did that too. Middle of the day, supposed to be working and seeing clients, would disappear completely. Would saunter in oblivious hours later or would be found somewhere else totally engrossed in some other personal project...
Author acomic Posted August 12, 2019 Author Posted August 12, 2019 We're having so many arguments now. The past couple of days have really been eye-opening. I'm not sure in what way though. The focus of the stuff we argue about keeps changing unexpectedly at his whims, and he seems to have lost all empathy under the pretence of - teaching me? Didn't hear from him for more than 24 hours. Finally called him and he picked up, and all he would talk about were sex toys he was not planning to buy, until I told him I had enough of this nonsense. His response: "Finally! I thought you were never going to grow a spine. You gotta learn to stand up for yourself. I'm doing you a favour, you can't stay a blob without a personality forever." And then he went on laughing, until I hung up the phone. He called back immediately, apologized for going too far, and then proceeded to tell me that he was indeed doing me a favour though because I really had no personality and he had to "put a finger in my wounds" so I'd learn how to speak up against his bullying. I told him to get lost. The reason I "have no personality" is that my ex was an abusive prick. He blamed me for everything that went wrong in his life and I had to walk on eggshells all day and cater to his moods, or he'd throw me out of our house. He called me names, controlled my every move, and I was not allowed to voice my needs. My boyfriend knows this. He's been there at the worst time of my life, he's seen me hit rock bottom after getting out of this relationship, and now he thinks bullying me is going to "help" me? What the hell.
Recommended Posts