My girlfriend is bored when we hangout and now doesn't want to spend time w/ me

[rked]

My girlfriend (24 F) and I (23 F) have been in a long-distance relationship (ldr) for 3 years. We met each other on a dating website and after talking as friends for a couple of months we tried to make things work over the long distance (Canada to USA, no time difference; now Canada to Canada, 1h time difference). We’ve had our issues in the past, but we’ve always managed to work through them. Very rarely do we fight. Early on we realized that communication was really important especially being in a ldr so if anything comes up, we try to talk about it right away. We love each other deeply and have grown so much together. We’ve been each other’s rock through so many ups and downs over the years. She’s my best friend and I love her.

 

So, these last few of months have been increasingly very difficult for us. For some reason she’s lost the desire to hang out with me or talk on discord. It feels like we’ve lost the ability to talk about things for hours on end or just play videogames with each other and be happy in each other’s company—she now feels bored. She has emphasized that she doesn’t think I am boring, but our conversations can be boring… And if you can’t talk in a ldr what else can you do? And we’ve both been bored while hanging out before, but this is different somehow.

 

I’m in grad school and she’s working and going to school so there isn’t much going on in our lives. So, most of the conversation have been, “how was your day? What did you do? What are you eating” and very basic things like that but all of our answers are always the same. We’ve talked about her boredom extensively but have never found a solution to our problem. She even went back on her medication to see if that would help her feelings towards me and our time together (her decision, not mine… I still feel awful about it) but that didn’t change anything. A couple of months ago we even took a week break of no communication to think about our relationship and what we want out of it. Inevitably we got back together but things were the same.

 

I recently went to go visit her for two weeks and our time together was amazing. It felt like my love for her and her love for me really strengthened and it reinforced all the reasons why we love each other. She wasn’t bored with our conversation or our time together. We were happy. But now that we’re apart again all of those bad feelings and boredom have come back. Earlier this week she said she wanted to limit the amount of time we discord from almost every day to every three days and maybe things would be better that way.

 

Do you guys have any advice on what should we do and how we should proceed? We both want to try to make things work but don’t know how to do that. We can’t bridge the distance at least for 4-5 years so that’s not an option.

 

tl;dr: My long distance girlfriend is bored with our hang out sessions and she now struggles with spending time with me. Can we fix our relationship?

[ScaryPanda]

That's how I acted when I finally grew out of this online friendship I had, it lasted for 4 years.

 

I got bored, I got distant. You two are going through a very important phase and have been together for a while, add distance to that and all gets more complicated.

 

Leave her be, I'd say.. If she wants to come back, she will. But sometimes we just grow out of our relationships. Pushing her on it will make her drift further away.

[justwhoiam]

And if you can’t talk in a ldr what else can you do?

Play games, as you said. Watch movies together. Have a date night to eat together through webcam. Karaoke together in duets. Do fun stuff. Use non verbal communication. That's possible too, using a webcam.

 

Do you guys have any advice on what should we do and how we should proceed?

If your lives are as flat as a surfboard, it's hard to bring anything into the relationship. It feels dull, because you seem to have dull lives. It's important to have a social life too. Don't you both have friends of your own? Relatives? Do you go to any event? Party? These are all important to grow as human beings. It looks like there's no fun element in the relationship. Dance for each other on webcam. Do something special. Go see properties while on a Skype session with her, it might be fun. You'll also learn a lot about her tastes, because the idea after all is living together eventually. So you need to make plans and understand what her expectations are: does she like bright colors? Dark colors? A garden? No garden? One floor, two floors? Small apartment or a house?

 

My long distance girlfriend is bored with our hang out sessions and she now struggles with spending time with me. Can we fix our relationship?

Maybe. Make the remote sessions shorter. Sound excited when you talk to her. If she feels your excitement, that might be contagious. Love for life can be contagious. You are both studying. Try to be involved in stuff with other students. Expand your relations.