BJP1991 Posted August 5, 2019 Posted August 5, 2019 Hey Everybody, Been seeing a girl for almost a month now, 4 total dates, sex on 3 of them. After our most recent date she left for a week vacation out of state visiting family cabin in an area with no cell service. She already talked about calling me and seeing me when she gets back sometime next week. In situations like this, do you try to get any text communication going when either you or the other is on a vacation, and you already have the conception that you’ll be talking and seeing one another once you/she returns? Overall, we don’t text too much and actually have done more calling than texting in the last month of going out.
Curiousroxy86 Posted August 5, 2019 Posted August 5, 2019 if she have no cell service and said will contact when get back why are you concerned about texting? I would assume I wouldn’t be hearing from her and I wouldn’t bother contacting her if I were you and a girl told me that Now for me personall outside of your situation on vacation when a guy text me I text back when I’m free. I don’t ignore text messages from people I like on purpose. If I don’t text back it’s because I am actually busy or purposely ignoring someone. Guys I have dated that show promise have texted and called. If I miss their call and was free I return the call. The exception for me personally though... if I know I was not going to have cell access then we just won’t be talking that entire time until I get cell access. I’m going on a cruise in a couple of weeks. I am not going to be in contact with any suitors for 7 days because my phone will be in airplane mode the entire time so I don’t get any crazy charges while on water. data will remain shut down while on this cruise. I’m not paying extra.
bckseat Posted August 5, 2019 Posted August 5, 2019 In situations like this, do you try to get any text communication going when either you or the other is on a vacation, and you already have the conception that you’ll be talking and seeing one another once you/she returns? You say cool, and you don't text or call her until she does. You see it's a test, I want to stick that S before the test, as if an S-test, but I think you understand what it's meant by test. A) she is testing you, and B) she don't want you to call or text her. Basically she wants you to not be clingy. What you as a man could do is either date other women meanwhile, or just do your chores and work. Test her right back, don't call her until she gets back. She's out of town for a week? Wait this week out.... She don't call you? Wait another week out... Give her a call, catch her, I thought you was going to hit me up. You gotta have more options than her though, if you did, you wouldn't be asking such questions. It's naive to assume you are her only option, and it's naive to demand that she don't date other men during this vacation with her family as she says. I don't know about you, but I have never gone to a cabin the woods with no service with my family....... Never.... Have you?? I did take girls to a cabin with no cell service.... Because of this simply fact from my life, I would give that girl her space, step back, date other girls, and wait for her to get back to me. Wait until she gets back and calls me, and then if there is no call, give her a call a week later.
Curiousroxy86 Posted August 5, 2019 Posted August 5, 2019 She is staying in a cabin with no cell service how is that a test? 1
PRW Posted August 5, 2019 Posted August 5, 2019 After our most recent date she left for a week vacation out of state visiting family cabin in an area with no cell service. She already talked about calling me and seeing me when she gets back sometime next week. Fine, leave her along till she gets back. Quit being needy. Take her at her word, be congruent, and wait to hear from her.
Author BJP1991 Posted August 5, 2019 Author Posted August 5, 2019 She is staying in a cabin with no cell service how is that a test? Regardless if a test or not, it’s a chance I could prove to her that I’m not needy and will let things progress naturally between us. My plan is to wait til maybe midweek when she returns and if nothing from her by then, I’ll give her a call probably. I think it could be more of a “passive test” which isn’t even a “test” at all, but more like a “moment of truth” in our dynamic, if that makes any sense.
PRW Posted August 5, 2019 Posted August 5, 2019 I think it could be more of a “passive test” which isn’t even a “test” at all, but more like a “moment of truth” in our dynamic, if that makes any sense.Way over thinking it. You sound insecure. Leave her alone till she gets back. 3
kendahke Posted August 5, 2019 Posted August 5, 2019 Hey Everybody, Been seeing a girl for almost a month now, 4 total dates, sex on 3 of them. After our most recent date she left for a week vacation out of state visiting family cabin in an area with no cell service. She already talked about calling me and seeing me when she gets back sometime next week. In situations like this, do you try to get any text communication going when either you or the other is on a vacation, and you already have the conception that you’ll be talking and seeing one another once you/she returns?. In situations where I've been seeing a guy for almost a month, no I don't. I let them enjoy their vacation and when they get back, I'll see how long it takes them to contact me. If they don't, then they're on to something else and I leave it be. If they're interested, as soon as they get good cell phone service, they'll call/text and make it plain that they want to see me.
kendahke Posted August 5, 2019 Posted August 5, 2019 You see it's a test, It's not a test. She doesn't have cell service in the area--how is that possibly a test to anyone but the paranoid? If her lack of a signal is such a problem for you, should have bought her a signal booster before she left town so you can inundate her with texts on her vacation. Then you could have had something to definitively measure if she's "testing" you or if it's just an overactive, hysterical imagination incapable of self-soothing that's at play.
smackie9 Posted August 5, 2019 Posted August 5, 2019 She SAID she will call you when she gets back.....
Author BJP1991 Posted August 5, 2019 Author Posted August 5, 2019 It's not a test. She doesn't have cell service in the area--how is that possibly a test to anyone but the paranoid? If her lack of a signal is such a problem for you, should have bought her a signal booster before she left town so you can inundate her with texts on her vacation. Then you could have had something to definitively measure if she's "testing" you or if it's just an overactive, hysterical imagination incapable of self-soothing that's at play. It isn’t the lack of signal at all. I’m moreso just curious how others handle vacation time during early-stage dating. Even if she did have full signal, I probably would stay the course with what I’m doing now, and just wait it out until she returns. Then if I don’t hear from her by midweek or so after she gets back, I’ll give her a ring. Seems like a no-brainer, but was honestly just searching for opinions on the matter. Personally, I don’t like texting or calling unless it’s to try and setup a date for us to be together in-person. So trying to do that while someone is on vacation seems a bit unnecessary, with the precedent that we will see one another sometime after they return from being out of town. I also know it isn’t a test at all, but was moreso just playing along the idea of that posters reply. It’s all just water under the bridge - we come her to deliberate about dating and this is just another topic for discussion, in my opinion.
Ami1uwant Posted August 6, 2019 Posted August 6, 2019 Regardless if a test or not, it’s a chance I could prove to her that I’m not needy and will let things progress naturally between us. My plan is to wait til maybe midweek when she returns and if nothing from her by then, I’ll give her a call probably. I think it could be more of a “passive test” which isn’t even a “test” at all, but more like a “moment of truth” in our dynamic, if that makes any sense. It’s common for early relations just starting out to fall apart when one goes on vacation. It’s too early to bring you. And it’s too early to have regular conversations with you because you will get Q and A ftom family you don’t want yo talk about with it being too soon. As you said there will be little cell service.. some areas you can have basic phone snd some text. Mid week send a friendly text showing you are thinking about her and hope she is having fun. 1
kendahke Posted August 6, 2019 Posted August 6, 2019 (edited) It isn’t the lack of signal at all. I’m moreso just curious how others handle vacation time during early-stage dating. If I'm the one on vacation, I keep in touch some way (if not texting, whatsapp/IG/facebook) and act like I'm interested in them--but I'm also enjoying my vacation, too. Those are not mutually exclusive to one another. If I don't keep in touch, then clearly there's nothing there with the guy that compels me to want his attention even from afar... especially if it's a new, promising sort of thing. If he doesn't keep in touch, then I assume that nothing is going to blossom and while I'll be disappointed, I used to didn't know him a couple of weeks ago, too, so... I've long stopped erecting artificial constructs of who my imagination wants him to be. I'm here for who exactly he is and he's someone who is avoiding me hoping I get the hint---and that I can do. Edited August 6, 2019 by kendahke
Author BJP1991 Posted August 6, 2019 Author Posted August 6, 2019 If I'm the one on vacation, I keep in touch some way (if not texting, whatsapp/IG/facebook) and act like I'm interested in them--but I'm also enjoying my vacation, too. Those are not mutually exclusive to one another. If I don't keep in touch, then clearly there's nothing there with the guy that compels me to want his attention even from afar... especially if it's a new, promising sort of thing. If he doesn't keep in touch, then I assume that nothing is going to blossom and while I'll be disappointed, I used to didn't know him a couple of weeks ago, too, so... I've long stopped erecting artificial constructs of who my imagination wants him to be. I'm here for who exactly he is and he's someone who is avoiding me hoping I get the hint---and that I can do. Interesting. So if a guy you're dating lets a week pass while you are on a vacation and doesn't initiate, you write him off? What if he gets in touch with you within a week after you return? Seems like an unnecessary "death penalty" rule, especially if the guy ends up touching base with you after your return. Thoughts?
kendahke Posted August 6, 2019 Posted August 6, 2019 (edited) Interesting. So if a guy you're dating lets a week pass while you are on a vacation and doesn't initiate, you write him off? What if he gets in touch with you within a week after you return? Seems like an unnecessary "death penalty" rule, especially if the guy ends up touching base with you after your return. Thoughts? the parameters are laid out in the quote. I'm going to contact him if I'm interested. If I'm not, he won't hear from me. If he doesn't reach out, then my work here is done. You are aware I'm 59 and not 19, right? I don't deal in what if's and what abouts. Edited August 6, 2019 by kendahke
Author BJP1991 Posted August 6, 2019 Author Posted August 6, 2019 the parameters are laid out in the quote. I'm going to contact him if I'm interested. If I'm not, he won't hear from me. If he doesn't reach out, then my work here is done. You are aware I'm 59 and not 19, right? I don't deal in what if's and what abouts. I see, yeah I’m 29 year old male, but appreciate a multitude of perspectives. To be honest I’m just open to learning as much as possible as I navigate the modern dating world. Thing change so fast nowadays, especially with so many online dating apps out there (aka OLD for short). In this case, I don’t really believe communication is important during her trip. I know she is busy and want her to have a good trip. We already talked in person about seeing one another again after her return, as well. If I knew she had good signal and wasnt going to be away from electricity part of the trip (camping trip) I probably would have dropped her a text by now, but even then I’d rather wait and setup a definite date when she’s back!
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