How to Explain Living With Parents When Dating

[JEG88]

So I recently decided to move back in with my parents, will be doing so within the next month or so. Will be renting out my condo, and saving up for another property while I live at home. Likely for at least a year to save a good chunk of money for a down payment, but hoping to do it quickly so I don't end up staying at home too long. The idea is to be able to have a full-on rental income stream for the long-term aside from where I would actually live.

 

I'm about to turn 31 though, so I wonder how that will go over with women in the dating world. Having just gotten back into things, obviously I haven't dated anyone long enough to the point where I have had to explain my living situation in detail, but I can imagine it might scare off some women despite the reasoning. Also the potential awkwardness if she lives with parents as well, in my age bracket I feel like at least one person has to have their own place to not make hanging out awkward, let alone sex.

 

Thoughts/Advice? Thanks in advance.

[Lotsgoingon]

The key here is that YOU have to feel good about living at home. You gave a great reason right here, that you are saving money for another property. Can't get a better reason than that.

 

I know of a woman whose sister was starting a business ... and she moved back home in her late 20s and 30s to get discount (can't remember if free) rent from her parents while she was getting the business off the ground. When I heard this story, my first thought was ..."Oh, wow, sister is serious about starting a business. That's really cool." My thought was not, "OMG, sister is immature living with her parents."

 

So you literally need to talk this out with yourself. Imagine ... and do this ... talk out loud why you're living at home ... until it feels GOOD the way you say.

 

"I'm living a home with my parents temporarily. They're cool. I'm saving to get a new property ... an opportunity came up ... and I'll be able to get this property in X months." That's just off the top of my head.

 

The key point is that on matters like this, YOU have to feel good about this or else you'll go into every encounter with someone in fear of this coming up. BTW: another trick is to get this out there early and confidently.

 

If you feel good and clear, that will reflect in your body language. And btw: the kind of person you want is someone who gets your thought process about temporarily living with your folks. Almost by definition, the people who wouldn't get this are people who don't appreciate your thinking and thus would make disastrous partners. You want someone whose reaction would be, "that's so cool that you are willing to make that sacrifice to acquire a nice property."

 

Good luck. Practice until it feels really good!

[rightondude]

I'd head it off with a sense of humor about it. "Yeah...so, promise me you won't run away screaming, but I'm living my parents at this moment BECAUSE OF THIS SUPER AWESOME PLAN (then explain said plan)."

[Normm]

I'm about to turn 31 though, so I wonder how that will go over with women in the dating world.

 

Not well. It sounds like you're in a tough place financially and couldn't make it on your own. Some might buy the story but most are going to see it as a huge red flag and bolt.

 

You might find it's best to wait on trying to meet someone until you have your own place. Besides, think of the logistics even if you get one on the hook. "We can't go back to my place cause I live with mom and dad, let's go to yours". Most quality women aren't going to go for that.

[smackie9]

I think you should hold off on dating, and focus on making extra money like filling your time with getting a part-time job, or do side work with a buddy.

[JEG88]

It sounds like you're in a tough place financially and couldn't make it on your own.

 

Not sure how you got that from my OP, it's quite the opposite actually. I have a well-paying day job and a side business as extra income already. I'm moving home to speed up the process of saving to buy another property in addition to my condo which I would still own throughout.

 

I live in a major metro area, so you can imagine any housing is expensive even with good income. I want to do this now to take advantage for future assets.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I want to do this now to take advantage for future assets.

 

Then be confident about it and definitely have an end date and clear plan. Should be a non-issue if that's the case.

[alphamale]

just make up some story that your parent(s) are sick and need medical care and someone to help around the house.

[alphamale]

I think you should hold off on dating,

 

smackie I used to work with this guy who lived with his mom. he would make up some lie (like his mom had end-stage cancer, etc..) to the girl in question. he had a new gf every month

[basil67]

I live in one of the world's most expensive cities and what you're doing wouldn't be unusual here. Heaps of young people are still at home till their late 20's

 

The key to making it work is that hanging out at your folks place, including having sex shouldn't be awkward. If your parents are cool with sleepovers and you can have sex quietly, I can't see it being a big problem. However, if your parents are weird with it, then I can't see it working.

[Happy Lemming]

just make up some story that your parent(s) are sick and need medical care and someone to help around the house.

 

I actually think this is the best plan.

 

If you are not willing to make up a story similar to what "alphamale" suggested, then don't date. Otherwise you are wasting time, money & resources, as no woman (worth her salt) is going to want to date you while you are living at home with your parents.

[Normm]

just make up some story that your parent(s) are sick and need medical care and someone to help around the house.

 

 

Depends on what he's looking for. If it's to hookup, date casually, then sure, why not lie, lots of people do. But if you're looking for something serious? A lie is no way to start a relationship. And a lie like that is easily discovered. Of course that's not even the point. Deception is never good, it's not "morally" correct and it's not "fair" to the other person. That much being said, it is a potential strategy for the desperate ones.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think you should hold off on dating, and focus on making extra money like filling your time with getting a part-time job, or do side work with a buddy.

I agree. Instead of dating, get a second job, work and save as much as you can, and get out of there as fast as possible. No offense, but no decent woman in the first world wants to date a guy living with his parents.

 

Also, check out Dave Ramsey. He's the best personal finance guru who lays out a plan for building wealth that anyone can follow. I'm working it myself, loving it.

Edited August 3, 2019 by Ruby Slippers

[Ami1uwant]

Don’t worry about this. I get what you are doing.

 

There isn’t anything to be ashamed of.

 

A question..how old are your parents. How much privacy do you have? Sometimes parents can forget you aren’t still 14 anymore?

 

 

From my personal experience...

 

I had dated briefly awoman who was in her mid 30s who lived at home. She did because of her elderly mom ( her dad died). This was not a factor in dating. We had some big difference in marriage but she was a good person and we were friends.

 

With my job I had worked elsewhere and met someone at the job and we were good friends. She was married. I went to a new job. I knew she would really fit this job when it opened up and she applied and got it.thus was where her parents lived snd she went to high school before going off to college snd jobs for 20 years. The last year she and her husband have lived in the large home of her parents in the basement. They have money fir a home with money ftom selling their home snd their income earned saving up to afford something thry really like. If she was single and I met her for dating I wouldn’t hold it against her given her situation and her parents are 65+.

[jspice]

For me the issue wouldn’t be living with your parents to save for another property.

I’d be more interested in how you’re contributing to your parents ‘ household in this time. Do you pay rent? Buy groceries?

[alphamale]

Depends on what he's looking for. If it's to hookup, date casually, then sure, why not lie, lots of people do. But if you're looking for something serious? A lie is no way to start a relationship. And a lie like that is easily discovered. Of course that's not even the point. Deception is never good, it's not "morally" correct and it's not "fair" to the other person. That much being said, it is a potential strategy for the desperate ones.

 

he's not looking for a wife Normm, he just wants to get laid

[mortensorchid]

I agree that based on your description it would be best to hold off on things like dating and focus on making money. Why? It won't fly too well with others. I do have two stories about this situation:

 

1) Creeper - Years ago I had a date or two with this guy I had met. He was a photographer as his artistic outlet (I forget what he did otherwise now). We went out a few times, he was an okay guy I thought. On our third outing, I came to pick him up and he was waiting for me outside of his house in the middle of winter. He told me later on the phone that he didn't have me come in or even ring the bell because he lived at home with his parents. I said that was nothing to be ashamed of, things are/were economically hard for everyone (he was in his thirties). He said he also lived at home with a sister and his nephew. Years ago after she got divorced she looked up some guy she went to high school with, then got together and she got pregnant and had the baby. She is blackmailing him to support her and their child which is how she makes her living. I decided after hearing that "Okay, maybe he's not trash but we are skirting the garbage can here and it's best for me to close the books and move on." And I did. A few weeks later he showed up at my doorstep at midnight screaming. When the police came he hightailed it out and never came back.

 

2) The Love of My Life - When I met the love of my life, I was 26 and he was 28. I was still living at home and so was he. About six months into the relationship, I moved out and into my own place where I have been ever since. He continued to live a home with his mom. After a while, he said he had no plans to move out. Without going into detail about the break up and other events leading to and from it, I realized later on that he would never leave his mom's house. I told him he was going to wake up on the morning of his 40th birthday living with his mom, and sure enough, he did. He's 46 now, he still lives with his mom. He will never leave her because he wanted to remain Peter Pan and never truly grow up. And, he won't.

 

Granted those are two extreme stories, neither of them has anything to do with your situation, but long story short it doesn't make you look good in the dating world. So take a break from it, make your money, and then see where you stand.

[Blind-Sided]

I tend to lean to mortensorchid. You may want to take a break from dating. But, if you are up front, and totally honest... it could work out.

 

 

good luck.

[smackie9]

Dating costs money...I thought that is your goal here....to speed up your savings so you can gtf out of there. Just look at it this way...the less money you spend the quicker you can leave.

[Gretchen12]

Will be renting out my condo, ... while I live at home.

 

to save a good chunk of money ... hoping to do it quickly so I don't end up staying at home too long.

 

I think the problem here is your mentality and how you define yourself. You call this "living at home". When I left for college at 17, I stopped referring to my parents' house as "my home". My home is where I live, even if it was just a tiny apartment.

 

You naturally called your parents' place "home" because that's where you feel is your home. Change your mentality and you'll have no need to explain anything to anyone.

 

Now I'm much older and in my age bracket, we no longer say "I live with my parents". We say "my parents live with me". It isn't a financial matter. It has to do with being the head of the household. Somewhere between 18 and 50, you make the switch. It's a mentality, it's not about a living arrangement or whose name is on the deed.

[preraph]

if you're trying to save money bad enough that you moved in with your parents then you should be trying to save any money that you're going to waste on dating. just save your money and don't date and get your money saved up and move out sooner. Living with your parents is going to raise the eyebrows of most women.

[snowcones]

There are loan programs that let you put as little as 3.5% down (like for FHA loans).

 

 

Living with your parents is going to raise the eyebrows of most women.

 

 

Because one year turns into two years, and then two years turns into three years, and then three years turns into 4, and then you wake up an realize that he's never moving out of his parents house, despite him saying that he's "just trying to save money for xyz"

 

 

Despite the protests, there are women who will be okay with a grown man living with his parents, so you can get a girlfriend. They are women who also live with their parents, or women who don't have their stuff together and are a complete financial wreck. They are perfectly fine with you living with your parents, and might even move in there with you.

Edited August 3, 2019 by snowcones

[Inflikted]

I can relate to this discussion... I'm 30, and I never moved out (and also never even tried to date). For me, I just never felt like I could afford it. I spent the last 10+ years making between $7-12 per hour, college ambitions didn't pan out into a career... And due to my social "phobias", I could never talk myself into finding some rando roommate on Craigslist to move in with. I'd rather live "comfortably", and my parents don't mind. I do pay something of a "rent", so it's not like I'm getting away with nothing.

 

That said, it's been a dream of mine to have my own home, and I'm hopeful that, by this time next year, I can be looking around at potentially getting a house. I now make $14.50 per hour, which admittedly, still isn't much, but I *think* I could make it work. I have some money saved, but I'm trying to save a little more in the next year.

 

I've been super "lonely", and I've been lamenting over dating on and off for... well, many years. But once I hit my mid-20s, I kinda assumed that I'd never be able to sell "I live with my parents" to anyone, so I figure, why even try?

 

Even now, I wish I was meeting people and attempting to date, but why even bother trying to get out and meet people? What if I actually do meet someone really cool that I like a lot, but can't sell them on the "living with my parents for now" thing? That would be kinda devastating. I dunno. It definitely sucks, and it frustrates the heck out of me. Especially because "saving money" for my future investment is such a passive act. It just feels like I literally have to sit around, twiddling my thumbs, wasting my life away, while I wait for my money to add up. *sigh*

[schlumpy]

[/Quote]Despite the protests, there are women who will be okay with a grown man living with his parents, so you can get a girlfriend. They are women who also live with their parents, or women who don't have their stuff together and are a complete financial wreck. They are perfectly fine with you living with your parents, and might even move in there with you.

 

Absolutely on target. There is someone in this world for everyone. I reminded of it daily.

[basil67]

There are loan programs that let you put as little as 3.5% down (like for FHA loans).

 

Highly risky proposition. If the property market tanks, the owner can be left with negative equity.