I’m 33 just recently broke up with my 22 yr old gf

[normal person]

I can’t pay her back i don’t have the money now

 

The sense of obligation that most decent people in your situation would feel seems noticeably absent in your case.

 

If you don't want people to talk about how they lent you money, don't be in a position for them to need to lend you money.

 

If you don't want to be in a position for people to lend you money, do what you need to do make and or save more money.

 

If you want to pay someone back for money you owe them, work extra, sell things you don't need, see if you can do odd jobs here and there -- find a way to make it work.

 

If you're not satisfied with your job, train or go to school for one you do want that will pay the bills more adequately.

 

 

If you aren't willing to do those things, then stop complaining. Someone much younger than you took pity on you and covered your ass because you're not enough of an adult to do it yourself. You should be thankful she did, instead you're apathetic at best. It almost hurts to read it.

[Tamfana]

I can’t pay her back i don’t have the money now

 

You could borrow it from your family.

[GrateHelx]

I’ve already borrowed from someone in my family

Edited August 3, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[normal person]

Apart from all the other problems of this thread, is there any particular reason why you don't save, budget better, or pay people back?

Edited August 3, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[GrateHelx]

I wouldn’t have to borrow if my job gave me hours

Edited August 3, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Normm]

Earlier on the thread you posted that you aren't motivated to get a second job and you aren't even working full time at your main job because you aren't being given full time hours? While borrowing money from everyone you know.

 

 

I think I see the problem here.

[GrateHelx]

Earlier on the thread you posted that you aren't motivated to get a second job and you aren't even working full time at your main job because you aren't being given full time hours? While borrowing money from everyone you know.

 

 

I think I see the problem here.

 

I am working full time but they cut hours sometimes

[Interstellar]

My immediate response was to hurt her back because hearing her say things like that hurt me honestly

 

Your “immediate” response tells me that you made this decision in a highly emotional state.

 

My friend, take it from me who’s made the same stupid mistake several times.

 

Never ever make a decision in a highly emotional state. Before you do something, you should think about it first, you should take a step back, wait one day or two. That goes for texting as well. If someone says something offensive to you in text, don’t reply immediately. Give it one day when you’re CALMER and MORE RATIONAL.

[Maddie82]

I can’t i don’t have any money

 

So you plan on ever paying her back at all? You talk about common courtesy and its common courtesy to pay someone back all the money they shelled out for you.

[smackie9]

I wouldn’t have to borrow if my job gave me hours

Then you find another job or work two jobs. Borrowing money is never a solution...it should be a wakeup call to make some changes.

[GrateHelx]

So you plan on ever paying her back at all? You talk about common courtesy and its common courtesy to pay someone back all the money they shelled out for you.

 

She told me to pay her back once i got myself together. I don’t have myself together

[GrateHelx]

Then you find another job or work two jobs. Borrowing money is never a solution...it should be a wakeup call to make some changes.

 

I’m barely going to my main job i hate being there. I do think about getting a second job but I can’t see myself working that much

[stillafool]

I’m barely going to my main job i hate being there. I do think about getting a second job but I can’t see myself working that much

 

Why? Are you disabled?

[GrateHelx]

Why? Are you disabled?

 

No, I’ve been there for so long that I’m just getting tired of going there. I was thinking about quoting and taking out a 401k loan to pay off my debt and looking for another job

[Maddie82]

She told me to pay her back once i got myself together. I don’t have myself together

 

That wasn't my question. I asked if you actually have any intention on paying her back at all?

[GrateHelx]

That wasn't my question. I asked if you actually have any intention on paying her back at all?

 

Not right now

[Maddie82]

Not right now

 

Why not? You're working and earning. You can pay it back bit by bit each month. But you're not planni g on paying a single penny back ever are you?

[GrateHelx]

Why not? You're working and earning. You can pay it back bit by bit each month. But you're not planni g on paying a single penny back ever are you?

 

First she told me i could do payments then she said i didn’t have to because she knew my situation so i don’t think she wants me to

[Blanco]

I would think she probably feels differently now that you broke up with her.

[Blanco]

Look, I can be a bit empathetic to your situation, as I am about your age and went through some financial hardships the last handful of years. It's emasculating as a man, especially one who's out of the college years age range, to go through tough monetary times. It's easy to become embittered by it all, and it's easy to perceive slights and instances of disrespect because of it.

 

But speaking from experience, I can say that a lot of this is a manifestation in your mind. It was probably borderline humiliating to ask a family member for financial assistance. And so you carry that chip on your shoulder and are more prone to defensiveness in situations that you would probably consider benign if you were in a better place financially and emotionally.

 

The main problem I see in your situation is a lack of gratitude. As humbling as it was to ask a family member for money, feel grateful that you had that option. Many don't. Moreover, you had a woman stand by your side through these difficult times. Do you realize how rare it is to have someone willing to stick by you in such trying periods of life? You two weren't married; she's at an age where she's hypothetically in her prime with a lot of options for potential partners.

 

Instead of feeling gratitude for that, you instead felt she was trying to show you up by giving you nice gifts that you say you "whined" about wanting. I mean, come on, man. The main draw for women of that age dating older guys is that the guys usually have their act together. Did you ask yourself what she was getting out of the relationship through these last several months?

 

It seems like instead of being thankful for her support and presence, you began to resent her because she was willing and able to help you out.

 

Maybe she didn't need to speak about this with family, but again, when you're in a position where you have to borrow money and also get assistance from your partner, you aren't in a position where you dictate what people do and don't know. Respect isn't a given. There's common courtesy, but it seems like you want to maintain a facade of having your act together while admittedly lacking the ambition to do anything to change your current situation that has you leaning on others for money.

[GrateHelx]

I would think she probably feels differently now that you broke up with her.

 

I told her i was seeing someone else i don’t think she wants anything from me

[Noproblem]

I am sorry but yeah i am ok with two people being 10 years apart, but at this level, you are not adding much to this relationship.

 

You better go back to school, get a degree and get a better job.

 

Stop being so dependent on others!

 

She is way better off without you!

 

Have it occurred to you that your gf talked about your situation in front of others to maybe make them help you since you can't help yourelf!

 

If you don't have money, then you don't get to have a gf!

 

You need to go back to school, and improve your financial situation and then maybe ... maybe! you can look for a gf who is closer to your age and better at handling your inadequacy and low self esteem!

[schlumpy]

I told her i was seeing someone else i don’t think she wants anything from me

 

In other words - on to the next victim.

[GrateHelx]

I am sorry but yeah i am ok with two people being 10 years apart, but at this level, you are not adding much to this relationship.

 

You better go back to school, get a degree and get a better job.

 

Stop being so dependent on others!

 

She is way better off without you!

 

Have it occurred to you that your gf talked about your situation in front of others to maybe make them help you since you can't help yourelf!

 

If you don't have money, then you don't get to have a gf!

 

You need to go back to school, and improve your financial situation and then maybe ... maybe! you can look for a gf who is closer to your age and better at handling your inadequacy and low self esteem!

 

 

How do I have low self esteem

[Maddie82]

First she told me i could do payments then she said i didn’t have to because she knew my situation so i don’t think she wants me to

 

Yes she does want you too. Especially now that you have treated her like crap after everything she has done for you. Anyone who lends money always wants it paid back. If you have even the slightest bit of decency in you, you would pay her back. Common courtesy remember..Man up and take responsibility for your own failures. Pay the girl back.