I’m 33 just recently broke up with my 22 yr old gf

[stillafool]

I mean i should but i don’t have that type of motivation

 

Then get it! If you want to get financially independent you have to work for it. Your "brokeness" should be enough motivation. For God's sake a 22 year old girl is running circles around you. Get to work!

[kendahke]

One of my family members apparently asked her how was I doing financially because I have previously borrowed money from them. But she told more than enough

 

I don't think she was obliged to lie for you just so you could maintain the deception with your family.

 

If you can't afford the house, it's time to sell it. It's unfair to keep leaning on people who took care of their finances, expecting them to keep bailing you out every other month.

 

It’s common courtesy she tried to throw me under the bus and make me look bad. Why do stuff and throw it in the air

 

But if you hadn't lied to keep up a false narrative to dupe/deceive your family, you wouldn't be looking like you look to them right about now.

 

This all starts with you--no matter how far you want to stretch your responsibility to her, it snaps back to you as its genesis.

 

You aren't the victim here--you're the one who set the whole thing in motion by not living within your means and not standing in your truth. It's time for your buttwhippin'--be a man and take it, since you were grown enough to do everything that got you where you find yourself today.

 

I mean i should but i don’t have that type of motivation

 

then you'll get what you get.

 

It's no one's obligation to support a grown 33 year old man.

 

A male who won't do what needs to be done to support himself is called a scrub.

Edited August 2, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[GrateHelx]

But if you hadn't lied to keep up a false narrative to dupe/deceive your family, you wouldn't be looking like you look to them right about now.

 

This all starts with you--no matter how far you want to stretch your responsibility to her, it snaps back to you as its genesis.

 

You aren't the victim here--you're the one who set the whole thing in motion by not living within your means and not standing in your truth. It's time for your buttwhippin'--be a man and take it, since you were grown enough to do everything that got you where you find yourself today.

 

I never said she lied. But my family didn’t need to know everything she could’ve kept somethings to herself she like another poster said wanted to brag and make it seem like she was a hero why else would she do it i didn’t ask for her belp

[normal person]

You may have felt bad when she "betrayed your trust" a little, but she didn't say a word when she, 11 years younger than you, had to pay your bills because you can't be bothered to budget, work harder, or get a better job. It might not be the same as trust but on some level, you're denying her a quality relationship and wasting her time by not living up to an expected base level of obligation and responsibility. You probably got lucky that she was too young to realize that a 33 year old shouldn't have to be taken care of in such a way.

 

 

I mean i should but i don’t have that type of motivation

 

Then get used to asking people for money, and get used to them talking about it. Because you've forfeited control of the situation to them; you're at their mercy. You can't have it both ways.

 

You don't want people to talk about how they give you money? Then get another job so you don't need to borrow it from them. That's the only surefire way to make sure it doesn't continue to happen. You don't want one? Then stop complaining and live with the consequences.

[GrateHelx]

You really don't see just how wrong you are do you! You just sit and whine and feel sorry for yourself. You think you are the victim when you're not. I don't think this is actually about what she said, but what you THINK she did was exactly what you think of yourself, that you do look bad because you are a loser with no motivation to make your life any better or easier for yourself. If you had any human decency in you then you need to pay all that money she gave you for your rent and clothing etc back. Its common courtesy to pay it back.

 

I didn’t ask for that

[ExpatInItaly]

What advice are you actually seeking here, OP?

 

You are already convinced that you did the right thing breaking up with her, and have argued against every opinion to the contrary - so why post this thread?

 

Quoting myself here, because you haven't responded to this OP.

 

What is the point of this thread, exactly?

[GrateHelx]

I wanted advice on did i do the right hung by breaking up with her

Edited August 2, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[Timshel]

I never said she lied. But my family didn’t need to know everything she could’ve kept somethings to herself she like another poster said wanted to brag and make it seem like she was a hero why else would she do it i didn’t ask for her belp

 

She was VENTING. There is a difference between bragging (telling any person who will listen) and venting, when ASKED by a family member. She has weight on her shoulders and look what happened to her when she was honest when asked a question...by a CARING family member.

 

GrateHelx, you two are not together anymore, all of this is mute except the lesson. You are not ready to hear it or you are not sincere.

 

A good rule of thumb moving forward is to not behave in a way that you would be ashamed of yourself, regardless of who may know.

 

You are embarrassed for your own actions and this is not your ex gf's responsibility. It is your own.

 

 

You did the right thing breaking up with her. At this time in your life, a relationship is not good.

[normal person]

I wanted advice on did i do the right hung by breaking up with her

 

Yes, you did her a favor.

[elaine567]

I hope you are going to pay her back the mortgage payments she paid for you.

[ExpatInItaly]

I wanted advice on did i do the right hung by breaking up with her

 

Really?

 

It seems that you were just seeking approval for the decision you already made.

[Versacehottie]

I don't think she was obliged to lie for you just so you could maintain the deception with your family.

 

If you can't afford the house, it's time to sell it. It's unfair to keep leaning on people who took care of their finances, expecting them to keep bailing you out every other month.

 

Totally agree with the bolded. I mean, how much do you expect your significant other to perpetuate an image of yours that is not accurate? At what lengthens does your gf, and your family, have to go to protect your ego?

 

I mean this should be a wake up call. You can't keep doing this or what is a temporary financial setback becomes permanent.

 

That alone is often enough for people to find motivation.

 

TBH, when you say you don't have motivation, i am wondering (with respect) if you are just lazy and expect things to come easily OR if you are depressed? I think figuring out which will help you address this.

 

You can easily solve this overall problem in the future by being the guy that no one needs to be worried about or whispering about behind your back, i.e. your finances and life are sorted out and you actually provide support to others rather than only rely on them.

[Normm]

I wanted advice on did i do the right hung by breaking up with her

 

 

Sounds like she was the best thing that ever happened to you.

 

 

My vote is "no", it was a really bad impulsive decision based on hurt feelings.

[Versacehottie]

I never said she lied. But my family didn’t need to know everything she could’ve kept somethings to herself she like another poster said wanted to brag and make it seem like she was a hero why else would she do it i didn’t ask for her belp

 

Why don't you see her as a hero???

 

I have a hard time believing that she was "bragging" since she has acted fairly selflessly up to this point, the goodwill purchase of clothes was beyond sweet & thoughtful

 

Are you sure you are not being overly sensitive and worried about your image/ego bruised? If they asked her a question, and she did help you out, what was she supposed to say? Maybe also your family member shouldn't have been talking about money/finances? Bottom line this wouldn't have happened at all if you had not borrowed money from anyone and were solvent.

[smackie9]

I think this was a matter of misinterpretation. I believe she was, in her heart, reassuring your family that she was with you for better or for worse. That with the tough times you were going through, she was able to support you/be there for you...proving she was going to stand by her man no matter what and be a good future wife. BUT, She had a little tunnel vision not realizing this would embarrass you, and upset you. I don't think her intention was to throw you under the bus making you look like a dumb dumb. If you had any maturity, you would have quickly pulled her aside, talk to her privately, about how it made you feel and to not to discuss it any further with your family.

 

Now if she kept on doing it when you told her to drop it, then you breaking up with her would be justifiable. I would chalk it up as, her age, and being oblivious to her actions, when her intent was to show she was worthy of this relationship and how much she cares for you.

[MINAKO]

No i am barely making ends meet now

 

That is why you need to get a second job.

 

I mean i should but i don’t have that type of motivation

 

I do not mean to be harsh, but I think this says a lot, OP. You are comfortable with struggling and you are not willing to put in the work to improve your life. With that being said, I am not sure anyone's advice can impact you.

[Maddie82]

I never said she lied. But my family didn’t need to know everything she could’ve kept somethings to herself she like another poster said wanted to brag and make it seem like she was a hero why else would she do it i didn’t ask for her belp

 

Wrong wrong and wrong.

[Maddie82]

I do not mean to be harsh, but I think this says a lot, OP. You are comfortable with struggling and you are not willing to put in the work to improve your life. With that being said, I am not sure anyone's advice can impact you.

 

I agree with this. Nothing anyone says is going to make the OP see sense. It's fixed in his mind that she betrayed him (which she didn't) and nothing is going to change it. I think he needs help.

[GrateHelx]

I hope you are going to pay her back the mortgage payments she paid for you.

 

I can’t i don’t have any money

[GrateHelx]

I think this was a matter of misinterpretation. I believe she was, in her heart, reassuring your family that she was with you for better or for worse. That with the tough times you were going through, she was able to support you/be there for you...proving she was going to stand by her man no matter what and be a good future wife. BUT, She had a little tunnel vision not realizing this would embarrass you, and upset you. I don't think her intention was to throw you under the bus making you look like a dumb dumb. If you had any maturity, you would have quickly pulled her aside, talk to her privately, about how it made you feel and to not to discuss it any further with your family.

 

Now if she kept on doing it when you told her to drop it, then you breaking up with her would be justifiable. I would chalk it up as, her age, and being oblivious to her actions, when her intent was to show she was worthy of this relationship and how much she cares for you.

 

 

I don’t think her age has anything to do with it. She crossed a line and anyone with common sense would know when to stop talking

[GrateHelx]

Totally agree with the bolded. I mean, how much do you expect your significant other to perpetuate an image of yours that is not accurate? At what lengthens does your gf, and your family, have to go to protect your ego?

 

I mean this should be a wake up call. You can't keep doing this or what is a temporary financial setback becomes permanent.

 

That alone is often enough for people to find motivation.

 

TBH, when you say you don't have motivation, i am wondering (with respect) if you are just lazy and expect things to come easily OR if you are depressed? I think figuring out which will help you address this.

 

You can easily solve this overall problem in the future by being the guy that no one needs to be worried about or whispering about behind your back, i.e. your finances and life are sorted out and you actually provide support to others rather than only rely on them.

 

 

Honestly, i dislike my job. So i really don’t like to get up and go. I struggle with getting up and mustering up the motivation because I hate being there

[LurkerXX]

You are not the only one who has to make ends meet by working at a job you hate. If that is all it takes to make you miserable, than you are weak. Pay her back or know forever on the inside that you are a parasite.

[normal person]

She crossed a line and anyone with common sense would know when to stop talking

 

Anyone with common decency would pay your ex girlfriend back for the payments she made. Or would have had the wherewithal to save some money and not be in that position in the first place.

 

She hurt your feelings so you think you now don't have to pay her several thousand dollars? That's absolutely childish. You don't sound like an adult.

[GrateHelx]

Anyone with common decency would pay your ex girlfriend back for the payments she made. Or would have had the wherewithal to save some money and not be in that position in the first place.

 

She hurt your feelings so you think you now don't have to pay her several thousand dollars? That's absolutely childish. You don't sound like an adult.

 

I can’t pay her back i don’t have the money now

[GrateHelx]

Totally agree with the bolded. I mean, how much do you expect your significant other to perpetuate an image of yours that is not accurate? At what lengthens does your gf, and your family, have to go to protect your ego?

 

I mean this should be a wake up call. You can't keep doing this or what is a temporary financial setback becomes permanent.

 

That alone is often enough for people to find motivation.

 

TBH, when you say you don't have motivation, i am wondering (with respect) if you are just lazy and expect things to come easily OR if you are depressed? I think figuring out which will help you address this.

 

You can easily solve this overall problem in the future by being the guy that no one needs to be worried about or whispering about behind your back, i.e. your finances and life are sorted out and you actually provide support to others rather than only rely on them.

 

 

I’m not lazy I just hate my job. I have to give myself a pep talk just to get ready for work. I’ve been working for along time and I get tired of doing everything by myself