I’m 33 just recently broke up with my 22 yr old gf

[GrateHelx]

My girlfriend and I were together for 3 years. Out of all three years this one has had to be the most stressful.

 

For the last 6 months I’ve been unable to make ends meet. If it’s not one thing it’s another.

 

My situation started Valentine’s Day. My girlfriend purchased me a new pair of Nike Air Maxes and a nice T-shirt I had been whining about and I didn’t have anything to give her but a card and some candy. I felt so embarrassed at the fact she spent $200 on me. She was happy with her gift but deep down inside I felt like she had showed me up. I never told her how I felt about how much she spent on me and I wanted to try and get her another gift but I just didn’t have the funds.

 

Then comes the beginning of March. I had got pneumonia in March and ended up missing numerous work days and had to be hospitalized as well. My ex took off paid leave came and stayed with me the whole week. She made sure I had eaten, she cooed for me, made sure I had medicine in my system.

 

Because of me being terrible sick in March I was unable to pay my mortgage. My girlfriend volunteered to pay the remainder in the terms that I pay her back little by little so that it wouldn’t hinder me on paying my other important bills

 

April comes and I finally get my hospital bill. While also being behind on other bills. Just put stress on me literally. I started getting upset about everything in life.

 

One day in April my girlfriend was over and I started complaining about how I’d had the same pair of pants for 5 years and how every T-shirt that I had started to get stains and holes in it from wearing it too much.

two days after that my girlfriend came over with a bag full of clothes basically replacing things that I had complained about in my closet. She spent $30 from goodwill which isn’t much but she did add more clothes to my closet.

 

 

May comes and I can’t pay my mortgage again. And I had to borrow money from my grandfather to pay my rentals insurance

 

I invited my ex to a family gathering at the end of May. I wanted her to finally meet my fathers side. And It was the worst mistake of my life. My ex humiliated me and made me feel like i wasn’t a great boyfriend.

My ex told my family at a gathering about our relationship struggles and ended up telling them how she took off work when I was sick and how she’s been enabling me and I broke up with her for not only airing our business but throwing me under the bus to people I have to see on a day to day basis.

 

 

I ended it with her because I would never talk about her to a family member and it just showed me how little respect she had for our relationship she betrayed our bond

 

But for some reason I feel like I might’ve made a mistake in dumping her. I need advice

[Springsummer]

Looks like you ex is a very good person.

 

Maybe she just inadvertently revealing the truths? it wasn't her intention to humiliate you and throw you under the bus?

 

You have to look at the intention here.

[GrateHelx]

I broke up with her because not only did she embarrass me I felt as though she was bragging. What other reason would she get out of telling people that’s she’s funding me ? She made me look bad. To others it might seem like I’m using her or that I’m dragging her down

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[OnlyHonesty]

I don't see why she had to tell them any of that information. That was on a need to know basis...and they did not need to know it. Either it was her trying to make her self sound like a hero, or she lacked the tact and maturity to use discretion. After all, she's just 22 years old.

 

The trust has now been broken. and you will always doubt her. You are also likely to question the reasons why she was helping you in the first place.

[GrateHelx]

That’s what I said. It wasn’t their business. I know one of my family members were talking to her about my finances so I think she chimed in on helping me. I’m not sure. I know my Aunt told me how she repeatedly was telling her about how much she loved me and how close we were which I know she does but still

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[Flame Aura]

Do you not feel embarrassed having your girlfriend have to pay for all these things?

 

 

And as a thank you, you break up with her? Very ungrateful.

[GrateHelx]

How is that ungrateful? Because she aired our business to people I hold close

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[Flame Aura]

And that's something you talk to her about, explain how you feel, make her understand why you didn't like that, she apologises and knows not to do it again, and you both move on, like adults.

 

Instead you throw your toys out of the pram about let's be honest a minor issue, after she has been there so much for you, and break up with her?

 

To be honest she probably aired it out as she wants to give you a kick up your backside to sort yourself out as right now she is having to clean up your mess.

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[Versacehottie]

I'm just going to be real. She stuck by you through your whining, complaining and money troubles...oh and your insecurity about being able to be the man. Sorry she sounds really sweet and caring.

 

I 100% get that you find fault and that she made a mistake by airing things with your family. While I do think it was a mistake and not the right thing to do, perhaps you are overly sensitive and it's struck a nerve because deep down you do feel inadequate. Let's be honest, as much as she should have kept private business and her feelings on your current state private (even if the whole or parts of the family generally know), I'm going to guess that nothing she said was untrue, right? You just wish that she had your back more and her actions didn't make you feel bad--like more of present a united front and let that day be about good things such as meeting your family. True and fair. However, I'll just point out that she has stuck by you through all your stuff and you are here whining about this one transgression.

 

Yes, I think you have made a mistake. I think you need to learn how to communicate better, be more understanding and forgiving. It makes more sense to teach a good person that what she did hurt you and keep the good person in your life than to dump a good person.

 

So i think she was wrong but you were more wrong.

[GrateHelx]

My immediate response was to hurt her back because hearing her say things like that hurt me honestly

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[Versacehottie]

Oh I get that is why you did it. You say that you are 33 and she is 22 but to be honest, other than this one thing (which wasn't great but certainly forgivable), she is acting more maturely than you.

 

If you react this way when someone you love hurts you, you probably are going to have continual regrettable situations in love. It doesn't make what she did right but neither was what you did or the general negativity it sounds like she has endured with you (i get that you've been in some bad & stressful life situations however that is not an excuse). Even if you don't get back together with this one, acting out from impulse is something you need to work on, as well as coping better during your difficult times and most definitely appreciating your partner's support & love. If you only get around to seeing that their support and love might have been a good thing after you've broken up with someone or hurt them back, it may be too late.

[rightondude]

maybe she said that stuff because she wanted to show your family she cared about you dude

 

may not have came off the best way but ... actions speak louder than words and she stepped up for your azz when you needed it most.

 

you've been dealt some rough luck but kicking someone to the curb after all she did just because she said the wrong things the first time she met your family (and how exactly did all this come up, surely she didn't bust in the room and intro herself by telling your family she'd paid your bills, etc) ... that just seems a bit harsh from what you have laid out here is all I'm saying.

[GrateHelx]

One of my family members apparently asked her how was I doing financially because I have previously borrowed money from them. But she told more than enough

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[rightondude]

sometimes when you meet someone for the first time, especially a person's family, you don't know quite what to say or when to stop and it's not the smoothest of conversation. Especially when you're freakin' 22 or whatever you said she was (and I'm not sure why you mentioned your ages in the title of this thread as it would seem to be totally irrelevant and also makes this whole episode seem kinda fake and Jerry Springer-ish to be honest).

 

So if all this actually happened, brother I hope you get back on your feet but there's a reason why the phrase "beggars can't be choosers" is a popular one.

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[GrateHelx]

I put her age in the title because I wanted advice on was I wrong for thinking what she did was childish and out of line. And what does that saying mean ?

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[rightondude]

you don't know what beggars can't be choosers means?

[GrateHelx]

I didn’t until just then

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[damni]

You did her a favour. Hopefully she will not forgive you when you come crawling back.

 

Also surely you feel embarrassed having to accept money and hand me downs from your much younger girlfriend?

 

I would rather ask my family for support then go to a partner.

[frus69]

Since your ex was willing to put up with all your whining, stress, money issues, and was willing you help you physically, mentally and financially, I really dont see why she would then intentionally humiliate you and hurt you in front of your families. It just doesnt make sense.

 

 

She was just answering your family's initial questions. Sounds like she was simply telling the truth, rather than complaining and defaming you. Did you tell her you want it to be a secret? I guess no? She wouldnt know you are embarrassed about yourself.

 

Without knowing exactly what she said, Im inclined to believe you were being overly sensitive because of your financial insecurity/lack of financial confidence. It's very common for guys to become neurotic and have a very fragile self esteem when they go under big financial crisis.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

You think your family doesn't already know things are bad? Newsflash.. they do! Asking them for money is a pretty obvious sign. They all care about you, of course it was going to come up.

 

Instead of accepting responsibility and being grateful for the countless support you have received, you deflect the blame on her and toss away a three year relationship because she didn't cover for you. That sounds completely unreasonable.

 

Nothing you have said about her makes her sound less mature than you, quite the opposite in fact. I can see why that may cause some resentment.

 

I think there is a simple rule to follow if you take handouts from other people, you need to be gracious about it and take it on the chin if people question it, because invariably they will.

 

For what it's worth, I think it might be a good thing for you to be single while you figure things out on your own. I just think the excuse you used to end it was an incredibly weak one, that was unnecessarily hurtful. She didn't deserve that.

[chillii]

lt's a shame , she was sounding like a great little lady until the last bit.

God knows why she did that , what did she say ?

At any rate , l don't blame you, got no time for a woman that would turn around and do something like that , especially after giving the way she had been and seemingly being a very good hearted person. To me it's like so why do all that if it's all just bs and deep down she's resenting it and will throw it in my face.

 

l don't care how old she is that's two faced and betraying. My ex w was 22 when we met and genuinely good willed and natured but we did go through a lot of stuff. Yet l've also got a huge family that are enough to rattle anyone yet never in 19yrs did she ever do a flip like that about us to my family or friends.

Edited August 2, 2019 by chillii

[elaine567]

One of my family members apparently asked her how was I doing financially because I have previously borrowed money from them. But she told more than enough

So you wanted her to lie for you...

 

Straight up good people like your gf seems to be, tend not to be devious and concoct stories. When asked, they tell the truth.

Your family knows you are struggling, else why bring finances up at the gathering. Had your gf lied through her teeth to them, then what impression of her would that have given?

 

Lying and hiding do not make financial issues go away, they usually compound them.

Your ex is the real adult here, you need to face up to your issues head on.

 

As a 33 yo man, you were highly embarrassed and ashamed that a 22yo woman was carrying you through, but that is not her fault that is yours...

Time to reassess your financial strategy. If you continually need others to pay your mortgage repayments and cannot even afford to buy clothes, then time to lose the mortgage maybe?

[chillii]

Ahh, no one has to know stuff like that it's not lying there's just no need to even go into it. My BIL is worth 30 million but there's no way they talk about their personal business to family.

[elaine567]

The OP is borrowing/getting money off of all of them... of course it is their business... why wouldn't they want to discuss it...

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[Maddie82]

I think you severely overreacted. She has done nothing but be good to you and that's the thanks she got. The problems were never her, it was always you. She cared for you and helped you at your hardest times and all you do is complain. So she spoke with your family about some difficulties, she wasn't deliberately trying to embarrass you. You just felt resentful of her having more money than you, that's all this is about. IMO she deserves so much better than that.