Bubbles85 Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Outsiders opinions needed! I need to know if i'm being an unreasonable spoiled brat or if this is legitimately a terrible boyfriend move. I'm going to give my best shot at giving BOTH sides of the story to make sure you see his good intentions as well. We've been together 14 months. My birthday was last week. Over the last year we have gone ALL out for one another, expensive jewelry, personalized gifts, anything we wanted, we have spoiled each other completely. So my birthday comes around & as we had no plans on my actual day, we did have plans for the weekend to go out to dinner, he also sent me flowers to my job which was absolutely sweet. He got off work early, (I worked all day off at 4pm) I had a couple of errands to run after work and then went home. He knew i would be home in the next couple of hours. I texted him around 7:15pm and asked where he was; he replies asking "why, do you not want me there?" Um, hello I wish he was there when I got home! So anyway he comes over, empty handed. Okay fine, he sent me flowers at my job. He says he forgot my card. Then he asks about Sunday, I said yes we are still on for dinner, however I am going to lunch with my mom. He then tried to cancel dinner saying I'll be too full if I go to lunch. He said we'll play it by ear. Side note: my 2 children are home and his 2 children are there playing in their rooms, he goes up to my room (I thought he was going to give me a gift in private) He wanted sex and head. I'm like ummm I'm going downstairs. So he continued to stay upstairs. I'm not a cryer but I was in my living room in a house full of people that loved me, and i was alone! He comes downstairs about 15 minutes later and says "sorry I was watching youtube". He was not sleeping over so I let him know that I'd like to spend time with my children before bed. He got SO offended, he left, didn't bother to talk to me till the next day, and said "something feels off" UM yeah you treated me poorly on my birthday. So i'm like i'm done with all of this. So he then canceled us to to the ball game we had planned because of "my attitude" then didn't contact me for 2 days or even try to make it up (or even try to take me to my Sunday birthday dinner). So what it comes down to is, he walked into my house empty handed, yeah I expect maybe a little something. & how dare him ask me for sex and head! But since we fought, he chose to do nothing. Very conditional love if you ask me. He will only celebrate me if we are on good terms. I'd expect a teeny bit more effort from him. I know what he is capable of! & Not that it matters, but he makes 160k a year so being broke is not an excuse. So now, we are in a really bad place, neither one of us can see eye to eye. Thoughts?!
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 I feel like there is more the story. It seems odd that two people who have always gone over and beyond for birthdays suddenly blows up and goes off the rails in such an epic fashion. What happened the days weeks before your birthday? 1
Author Bubbles85 Posted August 1, 2019 Author Posted August 1, 2019 Things have been fine other than, i don't want to say too much on a public forum, but his head is elsewhere, he recently bought a house (didn't close yet) and i'm his realtor. I know he's excited but that's all he cares about lately. Also, that should say something, we are not buying together. We were going to move in together in February, but he didn't like my attitude. So he bought a house with his brother, go figure. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Things have been fine other than, i don't want to say too much on a public forum, but his head is elsewhere, he recently bought a house (didn't close yet) and i'm his realtor. I know he's excited but that's all he cares about lately. Also, that should say something, we are not buying together. We were going to move in together in February, but he didn't like my attitude. So he bought a house with his brother, go figure. Wait...are you referring to your attitude recently or was there another/other incidents previously where he didn't like your attitude?
elaine567 Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 My guess. You have been demoted. You are no longer the woman he showered with gifts and he was moving in with. You are now not "relationship material" to him, he is buying his house without you. Your relationship took a big backward step. (as soon as he decided you were not moving in together, that was your cue to leave.) Now, you I guess are little more than a FWB. He got away with putting in very little effort for your birthday and compounded it by trying to treat you like an escort while his kids were in the next room... I think as he has not really tried to make amends, he is probably trying to break up with you, if not exactly now, then soon. 2
SophieG Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Personally, I’ve never been one for birthday gift. For me, it’s a day as any other day and I don’t care if I have a present or not. The flowers would have been plenty for me. But his reaction his childish and I would have difficulty dealing with such behaviors.
salparadise Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 It sounds like there is more going on than we are privy to. Backing out on buying the house together is big. You say that it was because he didn't like your attitude, but you didn't say what all of that was about. Were you fighting? Not being there when you got home is not a big deal in and of itself, but you present it as a serious offense, as if he should've know that's what you expected. Not having a gift in hand at that moment isn't necessary a big deal either... he may have been planning on doing something at the dinner. He did send flowers, which isn't nothing, so it's not like you got stiffed altogether. Expectations with regard to gift-giving is tricky. If you have a certain level of expectation then its becomes a matter, not of getting a gift, but whether it was good enough. Ideally one would not have expectations, then whatever is done is purely positive and appreciated... but of course, that's not how it works when there is precedent. It's hard to have zero expectations. Asking for sex... as if it were for him, is biased by the fact that you were already pissed off. It could've been that he was offering sex as a favor to you, rather than taking for himself. Sex is generally for both, not one or the other. Cancelling the ball game and the dinner due to fighting wouldn't be too surprising. Who would want to go through the motions when you're upset with each other? Romantic love is never unconditional, as you implied it should be. It also sounds as if you think he should be the one trying to smooth things over –– "He will only celebrate me if we are on good terms. I'd expect a teeny bit more effort from him." Perhaps he feels that you owe him an apology and that your attitude/behavior is at the root of it all. It's hard for us to know. Bottom line is that he's voting with his feet... withdrawing from negotiations and giving you time to come around. Maybe he's divesting. I wonder how he'd characterize the whole matter? Are you unhappy a lot, and do you give him attitude often?
preraph Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 I'm afraid I agree with Elaine that he is trying to have less of an obligation with you and has decided you are not who he will end up with, so he's not trying anymore, at least not to the degree he was. I can't believe the cheek of asking for head on your birthday. Hello? Have you given him reason to think that's your favorite thing or something?? If so, time to disillusion him. It would be okay if he warned you that because he bought a house, he is too broke to go all out this year and hopes you won't on his either. That didn't happen and it went by you, did it?
Flame Aura Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 When he decided to not buy a house with you that should have been a massive red flag. A man doesn't just drop big plans like that with his girlfriend if he sees a future together. What caused all that to happen? As has been mentioned it sounds like he does not see a long term future with you.
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