JEG88 Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 What's the least offensive/least shallow way to ask which photos on a woman's profile are the most recent? I've come across a few women on OLD who have starkly different physiques in their pictures. Up to now I've just assumed that the photos where they're bigger are more recent, but you never know. I usually try to ask something like "When did you do XYZ activity?" to get an idea of timing, but it's not always that easy. I realize the thread itself will probably come across as offensive/shallow to some, and I understand that. But I do believe that everyone has a preference/filter when it comes to certain traits of physical appearance, whether subconsciously or fully aware. 1
chillii Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 (edited) l dunno why guys always feel need to justify why they wanna know such basic things about her and worry about sounding shallow , women are worse , apparently, but we rarely see her justifying why she wants to know what the guy really looks like. Back when when l was on a date site, most of the women even said right on their page no photo no contact, must be recent must be full body and bla bla bla, but funny, half of them didn't even have photos or used something 5 or 10yrs old or 10 face shots and nothing else. Man , l didn't pull any punches what's good for the goose yaknow, l'd just asked them are they recent.If they can't handle that then they ain't gonna get very far. l had women ask me the same . One complained she couldn't see my face clearly yet she only had one photo and that was from about 4mtrs away. Edited August 1, 2019 by chillii 1
LauraXX Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Don't ask. Best thing that could happen: She'd tell you that the biggest picture is actually ancient and she's now in very good shape. But now you'll have a "shallow" label on you and there's no way to recover from that (and rightly so!). Also, I'd guarantee that 99.9% of women wouldn't use old pictures of themselves on their dating profiles if they lost a ton of weight since then. So it's save to assume that the heavier pictures are the most recent ones. I've had guys ask me for additional pictures and it really didn't sit well with me. One of them said: "Could you send me an additional portrait picture with good lighting? You look so different in all of your pictures and I want to get a better impression." Um.... no. My pictures are all very recent and not blurry, I can't complain about the number of matches I get and I wouldn't want to be with a guy anyway, who has to make 100% sure that he hasn't overseen a wrinkle or a birth mark or anything like that. People change, bodies change and I'd be constantly worried that he wouldn't like me anymore if I gained 10 pounds or got a new wrinkle on my forehead. I get it that people have preferences and that's fine. I do as well. But with OLD there's always a risk that the people you meet are not exactly how you pictured them. Just base your decision on what they provide in their profile and if it's not enough... just don't "match" with them. 2
Cersei Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 I think some people really are in denial about their aging and weight gain. I don't have a lot of online dating experience but one guy I did meet up with in the past said his pictures were from a couple years ago but still looks exactly the same. He was highly mistaken! 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 I would just straight up ask. How they react will surely tell you a lot. If they're not hiding anything then they shouldn't react defensively. If someone is going to put up drastically different photos of themselves, as far as I'm concerned, they are subject to questions being asked about them. And I would agree with LauraXX that you should assume the photos of them heavier would be more recent. I don't know of any woman who would upload old photos of themselves with more weight on unless it's a before and after, in which case, I would hope they would identify it as such. It's no secret that OLD can be quite brutal when it comes to women and weight just like men and height. 1
elaine567 Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 If you won't date her "heavy" then just pass, as why try to humiliate the poor girl? If she is one of these people who puts on weight easily, then even if she is actually thin just now, 2 months later she may be "heavy" again. I think weight is not actually equivalent to height. Being picky about weight can be nonsensical. In a matter of weeks a "thin" person can put on a ton of weight, and a "fat" person can lose it... A short man is still a short man, months, years later... 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 If you won't date her "heavy" then just pass, as why try to humiliate the poor girl? If she is one of these people who puts on weight easily, then even if she is actually thin just now, 2 months later she may be "heavy" again. I think weight is not actually equivalent to height. Being picky about weight can be nonsensical. In a matter of weeks a "thin" person can put on a ton of weight, and a "fat" person can lose it... A short man is still a short man, months, years later... Indeed but if you talk to most men, 'short' men (typically 5'8" or shorter) are judged just as harshly as women who are carrying extra weight. When it comes to the corporate world, height matters for men here too. The taller they are the more successful they become. Yes, weight is something you can change unlike your height but that doesn't mean that kind of discrimination doesn't exist.
smackie9 Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Hey you are attracted to what you are attracted to....I hate it when people bust your hump because you are not liking the chunky and the unattractive. It is what it is. 2
elaine567 Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Indeed but if you talk to most men, 'short' men (typically 5'8" or shorter) are judged just as harshly as women who are carrying extra weight. When it comes to the corporate world, height matters for men here too. The taller they are the more successful they become. Yes, weight is something you can change unlike your height but that doesn't mean that kind of discrimination doesn't exist. No-one said short men are not judged, they are at a distinct disadvantage in the Western world, but height is a non variable. Weight is highly variable. The exact same person can be judged as "great" or "dreadful", due to a few pounds here and there.
Curiousroxy86 Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Op if any one of their physique look unappealing just assume that’s where they are at and don’t bother if it’s that important to you I don’t think you can broach the subject without offending that woman If you don’t mind any of the physiques then just wait till you meet in person
PegNosePete Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 (edited) I'd guarantee that 99.9% of women wouldn't use old pictures of themselves on their dating profiles if they lost a ton of weight since then. Right. And those few that do, will make it very clear that the bigger ones are "before" and are posted to show off their achievement. I always used to say, you're only as good as your worst photo, so make sure they are ALL great, and never leave a bad or average one just to pad up the numbers. Edited August 1, 2019 by PegNosePete
Curiousroxy86 Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Hey you are attracted to what you are attracted to....I hate it when people bust your hump because you are not liking the chunky and the unattractive. It is what it is. Nothing wrong with not being attracted to chunky but the classy thing is to just simply pass them on by His hump should get busted if he is trying to find out from the girl who could very well be chunky per the picture she posted “sooo are you still chunky? If not I would like to date you. If so well forget I messaged you”. That’s pretty effed up imo lol. 1
kendahke Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 If you're in question about it, swipe left. Save yourself embarrassment and ill feelings. 2
Happy Lemming Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 What's the least offensive/least shallow way to ask which photos on a woman's profile are the most recent? They could be recent, but photo-shopped. In the brief time I was on "on-line dating", I met one woman who looked nothing like her pictures. When I asked about it, she told me her mother had "touched-up" her photos with photo-shop. Ummm... those pictures weren't "touched-up" they were overhauled and her mother must have been an advanced expert at photo-shop. Yet, another reason I got off OLD and never used it again. Why not try meeting women in "real life" situations. Personally, that is my preferred way to meet women. To answer your question, no I wouldn't ask. I'd just meet them for a "cheap" coffee or ice cream date and see if they pulled the old "switch-a-roo" with their photos or not.
Normm Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 It's a meaningless question. Many or most women are dishonest to some or a very great degree when posting their profile pictures. The dishonest ones aren't going to give you a truthful answer, the honest ones will but you won't know who is who until you meet them. Or- request a videochat first. Don't know why so many are unwilling to do this especially if getting together is any sort of inconvenience.
kendahke Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Or- request a videochat first. Don't know why so many are unwilling to do this especially if getting together is any sort of inconvenience. I'm not giving my phone number out to a stranger to voice chat when he can meet me in person and see for himself. That's why.
Normm Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 I'm not giving my phone number out to a stranger to voice chat when he can meet me in person and see for himself. That's why. There are anonymous chat apps for use with smartphones, as well as for laptops and desktop pcs.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Always assume that they look like their worst picture. If that doesn't suit, move right along. I would block you if you asked me for such details.
Kellens Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 If a woman is going to be that sensitive about her appearance, she shouldn't be dating online. I'm sorry, putting up old pictures is lying if you don't look the same. How many people here would want to start a relationship with someone who lied from the start?? If the OP doesn't want to date anyone who is overweight then it is his right to ask which pictures are more recent. I wouldn't bother though, if you do ask you will be met with radio silence because she will be offended 1
Normm Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 if you do ask you will be met with radio silence because she will be offended Most honest women won't be offended. They know what happens on dating sites with all the deception and they probably have the same question. It's the beasties that are 10+ years older than that skinny pic they posted that are going to get all bent out of shape when their integrity is questioned.
kendahke Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Most men 55+, IME on OLD, post old pictures of themselves back in the '70's... they don't even try for the 5-10 year old photos, they're going back 40 years. It's sad to see how far they've let themselves go... walking advertisements for ill health and nursing duty in the woman's future..
kendahke Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 There are anonymous chat apps for use with smartphones, as well as for laptops and desktop pcs. and he can arse himself to meet in person, unless he's just on OLD to be getting back at his wife...
Author JEG88 Posted August 2, 2019 Author Posted August 2, 2019 I don't have an issue with FaceTiming necessarily, but would prefer to meet up since I feel by the time you would ask to video chat, you're basically ready to meet anyway and should have done enough to weed out the doubts on looks. My mindset was more in the initial messaging regarding the photos, to potentially avoid investing beyond that initial filter and whether they're being truthful.
oldtruck Posted August 2, 2019 Posted August 2, 2019 It is the tip of the iceberg when only a head shot is used. There is way too much body below their neck.
chillii Posted August 2, 2019 Posted August 2, 2019 Most honest women won't be offended. They know what happens on dating sites with all the deception and they probably have the same question. It's the beasties that are 10+ years older than that skinny pic they posted that are going to get all bent out of shape when their integrity is questioned. Yep that's basically what l found here during my very brief old career too. Only one got really pissed off so feeling guilty l thought oh ok to hell with it we'll meet anyway. Ha, she was 30kg heavier than in any pic and about 10yrs min' older. l had women ask me for more pics l mean it's only natural l felt , l had no problems with it. lt's not RL your not standing in front of each other so you need pics.
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