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Should I worry about my girlfriend adding guys on facebook/instagram?


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Posted

We're dating for a year and half. We have our fingerprints shared in our phones, and last saturday we were in bed and I saw in her phone that she added some guy on facebook, I asked who is the guy and she said she doesn't know him. I get suspicious and she said sometimes she accepts friends requests from people she doesn't know on social media, what's the big deal? Me: "wtf?"

 

Anyway I say I don't do this, I don't need to add random girls I don't know who they are on facebook or instagram, we had a fight that day. The other day I started to search for "random" girls on facebook but couldn't find any cute girl to add.

 

She said if she wanted to cheat on me doesn't matter if is from social media or whatever, that this doesn't make any sense. Anyway should I worry about this? Because to me this is a red flag! Why she would search for random guys on social media do add? I don't understand! In case she might have a orbiter around if we break up one day?

Posted

In my experience (tossing on the whole stereotyping hat here):

 

1. Women will do this as a pick me up. To gain some attention or even just having the validation of a dude friending her up. A confidence thing. This may be an innocent indulgence or it might be that she's looking over the fence at the green green grass.

 

2. Men will do this to get their jollies by a bunch of pretty women sharing bathing suit selfies on their feeds. Sometimes it is just that, and sometimes it is to stare longingly at the green green grass.

  • Like 1
Posted

IMO you should just breakup with her. She doesn't see it as a problem, you do....she doesn't care what you think, you do. If it doesn't feel right then it's not...time to move on and find someone that's on your wavelength.

Posted
I get suspicious and she said sometimes she accepts friends requests from people she doesn't know on social media, what's the big deal? Me: "wtf?"

 

Yes, she accepts the requests if she likes what she sees. Your radar should up and running.

 

It could be she is laying the groundwork for an exit but she has to catch hold of the next branch first before she lets go of the one you are sitting on.

 

Don't argue with her, just keep your eyes and ears open so you don't get taken by surprise.

 

Best Wishes

Posted
The other day I started to search for "random" girls on facebook but couldn't find any cute girl to add.

 

 

How old are you?

  • Like 2
Posted

Is she seeking out random hot guys to add as friend or are they finding her?

 

 

Personally, I think this could be a problem regardless who's doing the friending.

 

I agree with Mrin about why guys and gals add random strangers to their social media accounts. Sometimes it's 'innocent' (depending on what your definition of innocent is of course) and sometimes it's not.

 

When one person sees it as a problem and the other doesn't, it's not a good sign.

 

Couples should be open and transparent at all times as well as have a frank discussion about boundaries regarding social media etiquette that includes friending, liking, chatting etc.

 

If you can't do that, you might as well forget about it.

  • Like 1
Posted

I agree with Michelle; some boundaries need to be established when it comes to social media. Accepting friend requests from strangers of the opposite sex would be one of those boundaries for me. I can't speak to her intentions but it certainly seems attention seeking to me.

 

 

 

I know people who don't view interactions on social media as a big deal but I certainly do. I've known too many folks in serious relationships/marriages who have had inappropriate contact with people via social media and they see it as harmless because "it's just Facebook." But, it's not harmless; it's not showing respect to the relationship or their significant other.

 

 

 

My ex-wife and I had a mutual married "friend" who would post on her pictures and what-not daily. I didn't think much of it as I had know the guy and his wife for years. After I was divorced, I found out that this guy and wife were also splitting up because he had started complaining about his wife and sexting other women via Facebook.

Posted

Oh dear, no wonder she reacted badly - your reaction was so inflammatory. Instead of having a discussion, you got snarky and patronising. About the only way back from this and to find possibile resolution is to apologise for your jerky response and talk about how it makes you feel. She may listen, though I suspect you already got her back up too far.

  • Like 1
Posted

Because at your age, both males and females are too addicted to social media and do stupid things with it--and are very protective of their social tribe, who they want in it and who they don't.

 

first off, you can't handle her doing this, so instead of playing childish games trying to make her jealous, gather up your stones and dump her. She wants the social attention of strange guys and it doesn't matter what you'd do under the same circumstances--she's not trying to live like you do.

 

If this is a "bottom line-I will walk" issue for you, tie up your shoes and get to steppin'.

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)

I read some of the back posts. Ever since you met this girl you've been worried about what she's doing, who she's doing it with and you've been extremely needy and jealous and questioning just about everything she does. You feel unwanted, she doesn't give you enough attention, she checks out other guys, you always initiate sex she doesn't seem all that into it .. etc etc.

 

At some point you gotta ask if it's worth the self torture for someone with your extremely high level of insecurity to even be in a relationship in the first place.

Edited by Normm
  • Like 1
Posted

Also looking back at your old posts, there's a you're 32 and she's 23. In terms of social media use, there's a generation between the two of you. If you're going to date a 23yo, you need to accept that she will act like a 23yo.

 

If you want someone who acts your age, find someone who is close to you in age.

  • Like 2
Posted

Come on now. This is sexual by nature: will she add girls, old women or old men on FB? if the answer is no, then you have your answer.

 

The very act by itself is betrayal.

Posted
Come on now. This is sexual by nature: will she add girls, old women or old men on FB? if the answer is no, then you have your answer.

 

The very act by itself is betrayal.

 

 

Yup. She's still playing the field.

 

 

You're a temp.

Posted
Also looking back at your old posts, there's a you're 32 and she's 23. In terms of social media use, there's a generation between the two of you. If you're going to date a 23yo, you need to accept that she will act like a 23yo.

 

If you want someone who acts your age, find someone who is close to you in age.

 

 

This just sums it up very well!

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