Alwayscats Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 Hi there I’ve known this guy 2 years. I met him on online dating after I was in a very abusive relationship and to be honest I probably joined up far too soon. This guy really liked me and because I wasn’t ready I suggested we be friends but after I did this I started to fall in love with him and I was honest with him and told him that and he stopped talking to me for months. So I let him have his space and I contacted him again recently but I just want to fall into his arms as soppy as that sounds and for him to love me back :/. I know I can’t force somebody to love me but he’s happy to spend time with me just sex wise if that makes sense so was hoping maybe I had a chance but I don’t know what to do...
Maddie82 Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 He's not romantically interested in you I'm afraid
salparadise Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 ...but he’s happy to spend time with me just sex wise if that makes sense so was hoping maybe I had a chance but I don’t know what to do... So he's using you for sex and you're playing along? This isn't going to work. It's probably going to end up being another abusive situation, at least emotionally. You need to move on if the feelings aren't mutual; you could be stuck in this indefinitely. 2
kendahke Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 he’s happy to spend time with me just sex wise if that makes sense so was hoping maybe I had a chance but I don’t know what to do... You can't sex a man into a relationship he has no intention on being in. You just play yourself out when you do that. Have sex with him because you want to have sex with him and that's it. Do not do it to use as a manipulation tool to shoehorn him into a relationship he doesn't want to be in because that will backfire once he puts two and two together. And he will. 1
Beendaredonedat Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Hi there I’ve known this guy 2 years. In what capacity? Eff buddy? I met him on online dating after I was in a very abusive relationship and to be honest I probably joined up far too soon. So if you know this, why are you wanting to get back with a guy that clearly only wants a casual sexual relationship? Why not stay single, keep busy with friends and family and hobbies and go full no contact withdrawl from your addiction to this guy? This guy really liked me and because I wasn’t ready I suggested we be friends How do you know he "really liked you" and just didn't really like having uncommitted sex with you? but after I did this I started to fall in love with him and I was honest with him and told him that and he stopped talking to me for months. Clearly is actions of ghosting you make it clear to you that he will schlup you, but he doesn't want you falling for him. He was likely very happy that you told him all you wanted to be was friends (Friends with benefits) So I let him have his space and I contacted him again recently So you're looking for another hit of your drug of choice called "I'll do you but thats about it" but I just want to fall into his arms as soppy as that sounds and for him to love me back :/. You don't love him, you're addicted to the oxytocin rush from the sex. Accept he's not wanting you like you want him, go zero contact and rehab from your addiction to him. I know I can’t force somebody to love me but he’s happy to spend time with me just sex wise if that makes sense so was hoping maybe I had a chance but I don’t know what to do...Read above... You need to rehab from your addiction to him. During this "knowing him for two years" just how much time have you spent in his company? Did you ever go out on dates, had you been to his home, met his friends and family or was it strictly a booty call?
RecentChange Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 I saw the headline and thought to myself.... I simply can’t understand loving someone that doesn’t love you back. Infatuation, crush? Sure... But LOVE? To me love includes loving the way someone makes you feel about yourself. Loving the way they treat you, care about you, make you a priority, make you feel special. Make you see yourself in positive ways that you hadn’t before. Love is something that gets built on a give in take.... in my opinion I guess. When I then clicked the thread and read that you had previously been in a abusive relationship, unfortunately it wasn’t much of a surprise. You are once again setting yourself up for hurt, perhaps not the same type of hurt, but hurt none the less. What you feel for him, isn’t what love should be about. The way he treats you isn’t about love. I would really recommend finding someone to talk to, a counselor or someone who can help you drill down on why you are seeking unhealthy relationship dynamics. Otherwise these cycles tend to repeat themselves. 3
BaileyB Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 I know I can’t force somebody to love me but he’s happy to spend time with me just sex wise if that makes sense so was hoping maybe I had a chance... Not likely. If he wanted a relationship with you, he’s had plenty of opportunities to make that happen over the past two years. The fact that he hasn’t done that makes me think he is happy to continue to have sex with you, nothing more. I don’t know what to do... I personally would keep my dignity and love him from afar... RC is right, you should really consider talking with a counsellor to discover why you allow yourself to be used by unavailable men in unhealthy relationships.
mortensorchid Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 I've been there. I realize now I was just mind f****** myself with infatuation. You might be stalking him online and whatnot because it's about you not about him. You might be saying that you want to have some kind of relationship with him, but your actions are saying "You WILL acknowledge me". Watch the movie Fatal Attraction for more insights - it was all about her not about him. I realized I was doing that with someone in the recent past who rejected me. After he did, I erased his number from my phone and never contacted him again, and blocked him on social networking and the like so we will never cross paths. I went to a therapist about it (which I encourage you to do as well) and it felt good to get that out of me. And there is something to be said for holding your head up high, walking away, and never speaking a word to that person again. Because you deserve more than this schnook.
Maddie82 Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Hey OP, I've been reading through your post history and this is quite confusing because in the last few months you posted about different guys. One was about not being over your ex and how you were waiting for him. Then one about meeting guys on plenty of fish that were calling you mental and clingy behind your back. You wrote a recent post about wanting to date your best mate of 5 years but was unsure about it. Then you also recently posted about new guy (who I am assuming is the same guy from this post), who you knew for 2 years from plenty of fish and he actually asked you to be his girlfriend and you accepted but you are paranoid that he won’t meet you. These posts were all in the last few months. I’m curious as to what the actual truth is here and what is really going on. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 OP, have you received any therapy regarding your abusive relationship? If not, I think THAT is where you should focus your time and energy ASAP. You're vulnerable in making some very bad decisions otherwise. 2
amaysngrace Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 I agree with Michelle. How could you love somebody who doesn’t love you back? You need to love yourself instead of giving your love to someone who doesn’t reciprocate. There’s something very wrong if you do that.
HiCrunchy Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Unconditional love is very special. And I do believe u can love someone that doesnt feel the same BUT loving someone doesn't mean u compromise ur boundaries or settle for something less. In this case, I think loving this person for a far is what is best. They cant give u what u need, so u have to love urself enough to give urself a chance to love someone that can do this for u.
stillafool Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 Unrequited love is a painful experience. The best way to get over it is to stay as far away from that person as possible and hear nothing about them. Then hopefully, one day you'll wake up and they won't be the first thing on your mind. 1
smackie9 Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 It's not love, but more like codependency...you are depending on him to have happiness at any cost. It's unhealthy. He likes you sure, and he's not using you if you are willing participant with the present situation....it's just that he is not at the level of emotional connection/attachment that you are at, so this is an imbalance. You can hope all you want but, there is a slim to none chance he will reach that level. You can't make or force someone to be in love with you, no matter what you do for them. So you are best to remove yourself from it before you end up in an emotional tailspin, crashing to bits. I think you have had enough pain/heartbreak for awhile. You should spend more of your time focusing on you, with self improvement, and discover you as a person...build that up and you will be ready to share your life with someone then.
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