Fleiss Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 (edited) This guy- both living in the same city, him 29 me 36 - contacted me on a gay dating app on Saturday morning. We videochatted a bit and decided to meet at 7 PM at my place. He turned out to be 1 hour late because a bit before the meeting time it dawned on him he had to mail something urgently. Anyway, we met and had sex, which was great. On Monday he suggested meeting in the evening again, but by 4 PM he texted me saying he had forgotten he had arranged to watch a movie with a cousin at 9 PM. (He suggested I joined them. I did. I had watched half of the movie alone, when he showed up. He said he had to take care of some family belongings. I couldn't understand where and when the cousin vanished..) He rescheduled to meet the following day - i.e. yesterday - in the afternoon. Told him my day would be really busy, but we agreed we'd be in touch. At 11:40 am I texted him he could come by 7pm to my place, where we would have dinner as well. He said he was going to attend a workshop at 6pm. "Ok", I replied. I felt I was really low on his list, and deleted his number. Part of me tells me I did the right thing, part of me signals me I shouldn't. Was that a bit hasty? Thanks. Edited July 31, 2019 by Fleiss
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 No, you were not hasty in deleting his number. He sounds married or otherwise committed. A waste of time, in any case. 1
Author Fleiss Posted July 31, 2019 Author Posted July 31, 2019 No, you were not hasty in deleting his number. He sounds married or otherwise committed. A waste of time, in any case. Thanks for the response. He's not married, but maybe wants to consider me as his plan B, even though the chemistry is really high between us. I had told him while chatting on the app that I was seeking friendship, as well, not just sex.
emeraldgreen Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 He sounds shady AF. Maybe he was cheating, or not out. Disorganised doesn't begin to explain it. Glad you ditched the number.
Author Fleiss Posted July 31, 2019 Author Posted July 31, 2019 He sounds shady AF. Maybe he was cheating, or not out. Disorganised doesn't begin to explain it. Glad you ditched the number. Thanks for the input. He told me he's out to his mother. Anyway, I sensed he was untrustworthy when he delayed our first (and only) date. After this it was me initiating contact (on Monday and Tuesday morning), even though he would respond cordially, us exchanging also heart emojis. I guess, in hindsight, I was his plan B, unless he bothers to contact me.. 1
Maddie82 Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 No, you were not hasty in deleting his number. He sounds married or otherwise committed. A waste of time, in any case. This is exactly what i was thinking. Fleiss, how do you know that he isn't married? He is definitely being sketchy and clearly hiding something.
Author Fleiss Posted July 31, 2019 Author Posted July 31, 2019 This is exactly what i was thinking. Fleiss, how do you know that he isn't married? He is definitely being sketchy and clearly hiding something. Because he said he was gay, and had relationship with a man in the past, as well as came out to mom. But he might; I can't be dead sure of him about anything.
Maddie82 Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 Because he said he was gay, and had relationship with a man in the past, as well as came out to mom. But he might; I can't be dead sure of him about anything. There have been plenty of married men that hide their sexuality but come out later. You can't be sure that anything he has told is 100% the truth.
Author Fleiss Posted July 31, 2019 Author Posted July 31, 2019 There have been plenty of married men that hide their sexuality but come out later. You can't be sure that anything he has told is 100% the truth. That's true..Not talking about 100% certainty.
Maddie82 Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 That's true..Not talking about 100% certainty. You deserve better
Author Fleiss Posted July 31, 2019 Author Posted July 31, 2019 Thanks everyone for the valuable and considerate input ☺
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 Shady or not, he wasn't fulfilling your expectations. He simply wasn't making time for you, and there was no quality to those dates. So as I always say, date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. This dude is a dud. You did the right thing. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 Because he said he was gay, and had relationship with a man in the past, as well as came out to mom. But he might; I can't be dead sure of him about anything. I didn't necessarily mean he was married to a woman, OP. He could instead be married to a man, and still be looking for some covert side action. In any event, he was proving to be too much of a hassle to date. Good for you for deleting. It would have been a waste of your time otherwise. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 He's flakey AF. I think though if you want to avoid this in the future maybe don't say you are open to friendship, i.e. FWB. I think the way he was treating you was like you were ok with that & being that it was the first days of knowing each other it was a lot of plans much more like an expected relationship or expectations and obligations -- so that was the opposite of seeking friends probably in his mind. Sometimes it's hard to not get caught up in the excitement if something is fun and has momentum but often leads to this result. In other words, a good pace where a person has to anticipate seeing you because it's spaced out over time often protects the fragility of the beginning of a potential relationship AND your feelings. When you get caught up in the seemingly good momentum, you might not recognize that he isn't or that the pace of things is exactly what is turning him off. It turns what is a fun, exploratory thing into an obligation. Just my take. He could be just straight up flakey but my guess is these things played into it. Also if he is not all the way out, having just told his mom makes me think that or that he's newly out, he might want to really enjoy being single. That makes sense to me. Anything that is too routine or plans a few days in a row, reminds him of the opposite of being single. His excuses were weak AF. I take none of them as true, BTW. Good luck 2
mortensorchid Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 I agree with Fleiss : Shady AF. Unfortunately that's the case with dating websites / apps, double the case with them in the gay world. Just move on. 1
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