Dating emotionally guarded/passive person?

[umtro]

Hi,

 

So I made a post earlier this month about a girl I am dating (thank you for your responses, they really helped). To summarize my last post:

 

-I'm 29, she's 27. Met her through a mutual friend, with mutual friend saying she solely wants a long term relationship like me.

-Went on 5 dates. I of course initiated dates and the first kiss. She set up situation for sex on 4th and 5th date, I initiated we ended up having sex on the 5th.

-She is pretty emotionally guarded. Avoided deep conversation, never initiated or showed affection whether verbally or physically, even eye contact. Threw me off and made me uncomfortable as I'm not used to that when dating women.

 

So now we've been dating for almost 2 months and thought I'd update and ask for advice again lol.

 

She is still guarded but not nearly as much as she used to be. She has been inviting me over to her place out of the blue to hang out and initiating more dates. Rather then me asking her out 100% of the time, now I'm maybe 60% and shes' 40%. We're both busy but have been making time for each other. She wanted to get into running so she got up at 5:30am with me to go running before she went to work 5 days in a row. I also had some vacation time this past month and she called in sick one day to spend the whole day together.

 

We have exchanged texts everyday since the first date. I try not to put too much value on texts, we often just write silly things to each other. Sometimes its just a sentence or two but she always texts me or texts me back at some point during the day.

 

We have talked about previous relationships, goals, what each other wants for the future. Basically I've asked the personal questions first, she tells me, and then says "what about you?". She said she's had about 5 relationships but has only ever taken one seriously. They were together for 4 years and he cheated on her and they broke up at the beginning of the year. Perhaps that's why she's so guarded.

 

Her initiating any kind of intimacy has improved as well. She cuddled up to me on her own on the couch a few days ago. She also laid her head on my lap while we watched TV. Otherwise she doesn't kiss me, hug me, touch in anyway without me bringing her in or initiating. When we have sex I make it all about her to make sure she enjoys it, which is all it's been since our first time. Since we started she's kind of been in her own little world squirming and moaning with her eyes closed. I try to take it as a compliment but I only get off maybe 1/3rd of the time. I would like to feel more connected with her but I guess that will happen in time.

 

Anyway, what I am trying to get at is things appear to be going really well but I still don't feel secure in the relationship and I'm not sure if it's more my problem. I would consider myself a fairly confident person, but I feel like I'm putting a great deal of effort in consistently to make her feel secure to have her slowly open up to me. I'm trying to condition her to verbally tell me how she feels more, saying it seems like it's a big deal for her to open up but I really appreciate it when she does and it makes it more special. She has told me (after me telling her these things first) that she really likes me, and that she really likes spending time with me, and that she's not seeing anyone else. Because of this, I brushed on the topic of us becoming exclusive to feel it out and she mentioned that she hasn't really thought about it. I doubt that is true, but that wasn't the answer I was hoping to hear lol.

 

I guess what would make me feel a lot better if she just came out and initiated sex one day, or just told me how she felt on her own, but I don't see that happening yet. This whole situation makes me feel insecure as I feel like I am investing more then she is, and I'm hoping she sees me as someone worth trying for. I feel like I just need a smack upside the head and a pep talk, or some heartfelt advice. I know I'm already in trouble as I'm starting to develop real feelings for her, so really want this to work out.