Hooking up is dangerous for women, why don't some men understand that?

[HiCrunchy]

I always tell guys I dont have a lot of experience.

That I have only been with 1 person, a long time ago. Idk how that translates to casual sex....

I'm really short and thin, so its not like guys are after the boobs or booty either?

 

I'm just confused.

[Tamfana]

But her vetting process isn't working. She keeps ending up on dates with these men who, for whatever reason, expect sex on the first date.

 

Something is off here.

 

You can't have these many similar dates without taking a good look at what YOU'RE doing to attract these types of men.

 

The common denominator in all of this is her.

 

Maybe she's friendly, pretty and has a positive energy that people are attracted to in general. Pretty, slim and happy women receive more messages on OLD in the first place. It's just the way it is. There's nothing wrong with those women. They're just going to attract guys and probably always have.

[PRW]

I've been on so many first dates, and so many men want to have sex the first day we meet.

 

I am meeting these guys online and so many of them r surprised I won't go home with them the day of.

Stay away from online dating. Online dating is "dating sewage" as far as I am concerned. It is full of unbalanced misfits who can't get a date in a face-to-face situation.

 

It is like the dating version of an old Mad Max movie.

Edited July 31, 2019 by PRW

[Michelle ma Belle]

Maybe she's friendly, pretty and has a positive energy that people are attracted to in general. Pretty, slim and happy women receive more messages on OLD in the first place. It's just the way it is. There's nothing wrong with those women. They're just going to attract guys and probably always have.

 

I didn't say there was anything wrong with her or those women. I just said that if there is a pattern taking place, at some point, one needs to do a bit of introspection.

 

Cute and petite and sweet (although no one would know that by just reading a profile), may very well get her inbox overflowing with interested prospects but she is responsible for the vetting process and picking the men she does to go on dates with.

 

Again, I'm not saying she's bad or wrong, just making her realize that she may have a part to plan in some of this.

 

If your game plan isn't working, change your plan.

 

The alternative to all of this is that sometimes you have to kiss a lot frogs until you find your prince. She just might be eyeball deep in the murky pond at the moment.

[stillafool]

Women cannot control men's sex drives or intentions. What you can do to protect yourself is to speak up and tell them you do not have sex unless and until you are in a one on one relationship and then ask them if they still want to date. If he still wants to date you but tries for sex anyway, you simply go home and by no means ever go to his place with him alone.

 

Men get confused if you don't speak up because so many women are into casual sex and want the hook up. Even on LS when we tell a woman not to have sex early they end up doing it. Is this the man's fault because she was horny and wanted sex? No, adults are responsible for their own decisions. You ask don't men realize how dangerous it is for women to hook up, well why don't women understand how dangerous it is for themselves to hook up. It is up to women to protect themselves.

.

Edited July 31, 2019 by stillafool

[Shining One]

It never occurred to me to try to have sex on a first date until after I had sex on a first date.

 

With that being said, I've seen several women's OLD profiles specifically state that they don't get physical early in some form or another. I always obeyed those rules, even times when I shouldn't have. Perhaps you need to make this clear in your profile, OP.

[elaine567]

Cute and petite and sweet.

Plus

I always tell guys I dont have a lot of experience.

That I have only been with 1 person, a long time ago.

^^^I guess is attracting a load of guys who think they can bulldoze her into having sex on the first date.

 

Men like this can recognise a "victim" from a mile off.

[BaileyB]

Men who ARE looking for casual hookups seem to cast a wide net. They must follow Wayne Gretzky’s philosophy, “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take...” So, they put it out there and although they may turn off 99/100 women, if they find one woman who accepts their offer for casual sex - I suppose that is success.

[Shining One]

I guess is attracting a load of guys who think they can bulldoze her into having sex on the first date.

Who she attracts is relatively irrelevant. I doubt she's going on dates with every single man who expresses interest. She's choosing from those men who to go out with. I believe that's the point Michelle is trying to make. Her part of the selection process is failing if this is happening too frequently. For all we know, a high percentage of the men she chose not to go out with would not have pushed for first date sex.

[Els]

If you are meeting the guys online, why not just say in your profile "I don't do hookups" or something similar?

 

 

Perhaps OLD might be a cultural hotspot for this, due to the instant gratification/many fish in the sea mentality that pervades it.

[BaileyB]

Perhaps OLD might be a cultural hotspot for this, due to the instant gratification/many fish in the sea mentality that pervades it.

 

Oh, is THAT why it’s called Plenty of Fish...

 

All fun aside, I agree Elswyth. You may have to be blunt OP, I used to say “I was only interested in finding a serious long term relationship” and that didn’t stop some men from trolling... It seems to be part in parcel with the experience of online dating, perhaps dating period, which is sad.

[elaine567]

Who she attracts is relatively irrelevant.

 

If your bait is attracting trout and you want carp then no matter how much you would prefer to catch carp, you will not be successful until you change the bait...

[elaine567]

... I used to say “I was only interested in finding a serious long term relationship” and that didn’t stop some men from trolling... It seems to be part in parcel with the experience of online dating, perhaps dating period, which is sad.

 

Is it sad or totally expected. I guess some men trolling for sex are not necessarily looking for "easy" NSA women. They know some of these "relationship" women will have first date sex with them too.

Nothing ventured nothing gained. Seems to me many men are quite happy sleeping around but often prefer women who are more discerning...

[stillafool]

For all we know, a high percentage of the men she chose not to go out with would not have pushed for first date sex.

 

This is key. Women don't seem to want the guys who don't push for sex because they usually aren't the hot boys. Some women want fire and when you play with it you get burned.

[BaileyB]

Is it sad or totally expected. Seems to me many men are quite happy sleeping around but often prefer women who are more discerning...

 

Good point.

[Shining One]

If your bait is attracting trout and you want carp then no matter how much you would prefer to catch carp, you will not be successful until you change the bait...

We can't be certain of this. The OP is only commenting on men she had chosen to go on dates with. She did not comment on men who expressed interest. If the OP says she went out with every single man who expressed interest and the majority of them pushed for first date sex, I'll concede this point.

[Tamfana]

If your bait is attracting trout and you want carp then no matter how much you would prefer to catch carp, you will not be successful until you change the bait...

 

Maybe she's attracting both and tossing the trout back and dating the carp.

 

This is confusing the daylights out of me.

 

Do the women here initially attract ONLY guys they want to date or are they liking spoke and not others?

 

When I did OLD I attracted both and chose the ones I wanted. I thought everyone did.

[preraph]

I came from a culture in the late 60s and 70s when pickups (now called hookups) were ordinary and hardly anyone actually dated. If you liked each other, you "hung out" more or whatever. But that was all dating IRL where you met guys in what was usually your own environment or within your own expanded social group. It could certainly still be dangerous and go wrong. But it wasn't as random as doing OLD at least, where the internet just attracts and creates a playground for sexual predators of all types and makes it easy for them.

 

So instead of saying "Don't have sex on the first date," I'm just shifting the focus to "Don't be alone with them someplace where no one is around," which includes in their car. Take your own car and don't go to a cabin in the woods if you are going to hookup, at least.

 

And one final tip: If you are not looking to hookup on the first or second or whatever date -- then for God's sake, don't be going along with sexting or sending nudes or partial nudes (you should never do the latter anyway -- it's so stupid). I'm saying make sure your online habits match your IRL habits. You can't blame a guy for trying who you've been sending cleavage shots to or going along with him talking dirty to you in text. So don't be silly cows and then expect the men to be perfect gentlemen on that date! That's unreasonable. It's called teasing and it's childish and pathetic. You shouldn't need an ego boost that bad to advertise goods you can't deliver.

[Arieswoman]

And one final tip: If you are not looking to hookup on the first or second or whatever date -- then for God's sake, don't be going along with sexting or sending nudes or partial nudes (you should never do the latter anyway -- it's so stupid). I'm saying make sure your online habits match your IRL habits. You can't blame a guy for trying who you've been sending cleavage shots to or going along with him talking dirty to you in text. So don't be silly cows and then expect the men to be perfect gentlemen on that date! That's unreasonable. It's called teasing and it's childish and pathetic. You shouldn't need an ego boost that bad to advertise goods you can't deliver.

 

 

 

 

^^^ sound common sense.

 

 

 

I know I'll probably get flamed for this but IMO woman shouldn't buy into the feminist view that says "women should be allowed to dress as they like, without having to worry about being attacked".

In an ideal world this should be true but we don't live in an ideal world.

 

 

If a woman goes out on the town wearing a crop top, no bra, a skirt right up around her a*** that shows her knickers every time she bends down, a load of 'slap' on her face and 'f*** me' shoes, then she sending out a message about herself that isn't very helpful.

[stillafool]

Is it sad or totally expected. I guess some men trolling for sex are not necessarily looking for "easy" NSA women. They know some of these "relationship" women will have first date sex with them too.

Nothing ventured nothing gained. Seems to me many men are quite happy sleeping around but often prefer women who are more discerning...

 

Of course they are. There's a lot of diseases out there going around. Most women usually start off with "No" and end up saying "ok" anyway.

[preraph]

I would just comment to Arieswoman's post about what you wear that it's important to wear it in context with your surroundings. For example, I ran with a music crowd and so we all dressed crazy. Like I had a vintage leopard mini half-slip I'd wear with black leggings underneath. But this wasn't misunderstood in our crowd. I wouldn't have gone to anyplace except particular music venues in it. If you walked around a lot of places, the biggest threat wouldn't be that you'd be raped but that you'd be thought to be a prostitute and get arrested or pimped out! Keep it in context with what you're doing is all I'm saying. And if you genuinely don't like random attention, you're probably not wearing stuff like that anyway; but if you are, stop it and be who you are.

[spiderowl]

I always tell guys I dont have a lot of experience.

That I have only been with 1 person, a long time ago. Idk how that translates to casual sex....

I'm really short and thin, so its not like guys are after the boobs or booty either?

 

I'm just confused.

 

If you tell them that you don't have a lot of experience, they will think you are naive and will fall for whatever they try to sell you.

 

What happens when you chat to them online or by text? Are they suggestive then? Guys who are sexually suggestive in other communications are likely to be pushing for sex early.

 

Maybe they think they can manipulate you if you are inexperienced. I would not tell them anything about experience, you shouldn't have to anyway. It sounds to me like they have asked that question - how many boyfriends have you had/when did you last have sex/etc., and you answered it. You don't have to answer such questions if you don't want to.

[HiCrunchy]

I go to these dates right after work.

Unless regular office wear is sending a weird message now...

[spiderowl]

I go to these dates right after work.

Unless regular office wear is sending a weird message now...

 

Everything sends a sexual message to a guy who is looking for sex. All the normal things you do will be interpreted in the light of a brain soaked in testosterone.

[AshleyTuong]

Yes I totally agree with yours opinion. That is just like you meet a **** around guys, this is call them in my country. And my country traditional is sex only for after marriage but nowadays young people dont mind about that traditional anymore. But It really so important to think about make love in 1st date that is crazy for me.

☘☘