aj307 Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 Hi, I was just dumped by my gf of three years and i am absolutely devastated. 6 weeks ago we were looking at houses to buy, visiting her parents for the weekend with my our kids 2 of mine and 1 of hers.. everything was going great.. my parents loved her and her mum and step dad apparently adored me. Just seemed perfect..... I noticed over a 2 week period that things seemed a little off, small things but noticeable as they were so not what our 3 year relationship was based off of. Just quiet, very little affection unless it was initiated by me. Our texts were a little more generic, and my ending of a text by typing I love you was responded with by a heart.. We did talk a week prior to the break up, and it was a great conversation... she believed very much in emotional honesty and vulnerability so we continued our journey along those lines and have a deep open conversation that kind of made me think that this was all in my head. As the week progressed her behavior still continued. 2 weeks ago, we went for a walk and sat down and i decided to ask her about this. I started by telling her that i loved her very much and that i still got butterflies every time i saw her. I brought up that i noticed up some changes in her interactions with me and just wanted to share them with her as they are probably in my mind, and also we were big proponents of being open an honest. Her answer stopped me in my tracks... her response was, it's not in my head and you are not going crazy.. i was devastated, i dint understand, how you could continue with wanting me to be emotional vulnerable a week ago, house hunting only 4 weeks prior to that day to saying you are not sure where you are at and how you feel about me.... her mum was just saying not long ago how she was telling her that we were thinking of having kids... i was hurt and angry, my response was to ask her to leave me alone, to not contact me and to stay away from my children. The week progressed and i also work with this person... i stayed professional but tried to keep my distance... she asked me on the Wednesday if i wanted any lunch.. i was a little confused... she explained a little more, again the answers were not making sense... she said her heart was not in it, the way in needed to be.. i cant make someone love me but i did leave it by saying i have a feeling i am missing something as this still was not making sense Fast forward to this weekend. I have been really struggling with this break up as i loved her and my kids loved her very much. I spent time with friends and spoke on the Thursday to one friend and told her what was going on. This past Saturday, i was having a beer on my deck and journaling my thoughts when my phone went off. It was my friend, she was staying over a mutual friend who was very close to my ex. She said, Alastair she is drinking vodka and is an open book. Apparently, her friend told her that my ex never wanted to buy a house with me and felt trapped (this is wrong as the house purchase was for me and my kids and she invited herself into it, even going around one with my parents) and the second bombshell is that she was seriously considering getting back with her ex.... they have been selling a house that they have owned, she lived with me when she did not have her son and then lived at the house when she had her son... never at the same time... this arrangement had been going on for 2 years. She never stayed anywhere else other than with me.. My friend also told me that she has put a hold on the house sale.... I am devastated, i immediately contacted my ex and asked her what the hell was going on. I was minding my own business, i dont need to hear this... she denied it all, said it was never said about the house and that her friend must have misunderstood what she was saying as she never said anything about getting back with her ex.. I am so angry, hurt, confused, feel used... i just dont know what to do, who to believe or how to move forward... i am lost. Advice Help!
Normm Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 Leave her alone and move on with your life, and don't waste any more time and energy trying to figure out why she dumped you. I doubt even she knows for sure. Just be glad it happened before you got any more financially entwined such as purchasing a house together. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 What more is there to say or do? Nothing. I know it's hard to stop loving someone just because they're done with you but in this case, you need to let her go and do your best to move on. You've said your peace as did she. Don't settle for breadcrumbs with this chick either. That will prove to be a serious mind f*ck if you're not careful. You and your kids deserve better. Good luck. 1
Highndry Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 It's the other guy. I guarantee she's sleeping with him. Block and move on. There's nothing more to say.
schlumpy Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 You've handled this very well and you are in a much better position than most ex BFs that I read about. I have to agree with the previous poster in that someone has replaced you in her affection. You will get very little but lies from her now on as she protects the image she has of herself. Your main problem will be if she tries to come back. Do not take her back and forgive her unless you know everything. After all, how can you forgive her if you don't know what you are forgiving her for. Best Wishes 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 (edited) I'm very sorry, OP. This is one of those posts in which I thought "there's another man" before I even reached the bit about the ex. I don't think she's been honest with you for a while. Perhaps she thought she wanted to move forward with you, but I would bet any money she and her ex have been getting closer for some time. She finally reached a point where she couldn't proceed with you, knowing how she felt about him. Keep your distance from her. This won't be easy, and it hurt like hell for a while. Let yourself heal and avoid her as much as possible. She isn't who you thought she was. EDIT: OP, you say this above: "I noticed over a 2 week period that things seemed a little off, small things but noticeable as they were so not what our 3 year relationship was based off of" But your thread in April was about her requesting space, seemingly out of the blue, and not wanting to stay at your house unless her daughter was with her. That was your first big clue something was very wrong. My guess is that this when things were actually sparking up again with her ex, sadly. Edited July 31, 2019 by ExpatInItaly 2
Author aj307 Posted July 31, 2019 Author Posted July 31, 2019 Yes that was from April, and that lasted about a week and we talked it out. Even post that I have dad conversations with her mum, and her mum was so so excited for us. Her mum was saying only 5 weeks ago when we were down there how excited she was that her daughter was talking about the future. How she kept kept sharing the houses we were looking at with her. How she even told her that she wanted to have a child with me. I just don't understand any of it.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2019 Posted July 31, 2019 Yes that was from April, and that lasted about a week and we talked it out. Unfortunately, I don't think it was ever resolved - on her end. She might have led you to believe it was, and maybe she wanted it to be. But she expressed some pretty serious doubts, which in hindsight, seem to be her first big step away from your relationship. She might have been waiting on the ex to give her a clearer signal that he wants to try again too. It seems confusing now, I realize. However, I think if you knew more you would be able to connect the dots. I don't think her request for space in April, this latest break-up, putting her home sale on hold, and confessing she wants to try again with her ex are unrelated. I am quite sure those are parts of the same bigger story, sadly.
Recommended Posts