amaysngrace Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 I wouldn’t move him in because you already have a dad, although this one sounds more like your child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Something about this "caretaking" is attractive to you or you wouldn't be considering it. I would explore more in therapy why you have the need to enter a relationship with complicated age dynamics. Exactly. I would never consider it. I would have no problem caring for my partner should he become ill, but to chose a man who is older and more likely to become ill/pass away when you are a young woman is another decision entirely. I would also have no problem supporting my partner should he become ill and/or lose his job. But, to chose a man who is not able to meet his financial obligations and provide for him into retirement - No, thank you. I have worked too hard to achieve my own financial assets and independence than to give it away like that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Youth really is wasted on the young. yep I would tend to agree BB Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 (edited) Just a few thoughts on your situation: 1. This is a highly personal decision, especially around the age thing. It matters more to some people than others. I would date someone older if there's something there; sometimes we can't help who we are attracted to. Not everyone is comfortable with it, but that's them (and everyone's different). You just fear being a caretaker again and that's understandable. Realistically, it is highly probable, but no one can predict tomorrow. 2. My advice is to not have him move in yet. Lots of good advice given already. It is odd to me that he is the one suggesting moving in, when the person who has the advantageous position would typically be the one to broach that conversation. In this case, you. You know him and his character better than us, so we can only share what we see as red flags: Just make sure he's not using you for financial benefits. I mean this well, but please don't sell yourself short because you're dealing with some things or that the dating scene is hard in the 30s. Also think about your long term plan with him. Marriage? Long term BF/GF? Just make sure you're like him for him and not the comfort of having someone dependable around, or that he provided a shoulder for you to cry on. Don't just stick with him because you don't think you could do any better. This goes back to selling yourself short. It almost sounds like you like the stability, but do you love him? If you think it could go long term, don't let your previous experience stop you. As someone once said, love doesn't come that easily. Now's a good time to figure out if it's really love or if you're 'settling because it's just easier. And don't feel feel like you have to move in together, like RIGHT NOW. Best of luck. Edited July 31, 2019 by spiritedaway2003 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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